“Numb, as if things don’t matter?” Philip asked. “That’s because being with the circus and having your routine, food, and exercise helps to manage depression.”
“Oh.”
“Gavin told me you were having weird dreams; why didn’t he know they were this bad?”
Shrugging, I started twisting my ring watching the light sparkle on the dark blue surface. “I told him about them.”
“Yes, I know, he mentioned them too, but he didn’t seem worried. What questions did he ask you?” Philip asked.
“He asked if I found out any information which might help, and he asked if I threw-up.”
“Why throwing-up?”
“I used to vomit after every dream involving Cartazonon.”
“Sapphire, look at me,” Philip said. “When was the last time that happened?”
“After Avalon and the dream of the water nymphs on the plane.”
“That was back in December. So you’ve been having horrific dreams for three months and no one knew how bad they’d become?”
I sat up. “What does that matter? The information, what they are planning, that’s what matters. Who cares how many beings I’ve watched him kill?”
“How many?” Philip asked his voice soft.
“I don’t …”
“Do not lie to me, you know exactly how many. Tell me, how many beings have you watched die?”
“Seven!” I yelled tears running down my cheeks. “Seven of them. And they screamed in pain, and some of them begged me to join Cartazonon to end their suffering.”
“Shit,” Philip looked down.
“What are you doing?”
“Texting Michael.”
“What! No, this is a private conversation. You have no right telling him anything.”
“First, if I think you’re in danger in any way I will tell anyone I think will keep you safe. Second, I’m not telling him anything about what you said. Just asking him to do something I can’t.” Philip’s phone chirped. “Good he’ll be there in a few minutes. Two things: first, I want to talk to you again in a few days. Send me your schedule and I’ll check it against mine and text you a good time.”
“Okay,” I said still wondering what Philip had said in his text.
“Second, I want you to start a gratitude journal. Every day I want you to write five things that you are grateful for that happened that day.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Some stupid school counselor wanted me to do that once.”
“Well, now a stupid circus manager wants you to do it.” Philip smiled at me. “The goal is to start having your thoughts focus on the positive things in your life.”
“Fine,” I sighed.
“Sapphire,” Michael called, knocking on the shoji door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure.” I wiped at my face wishing my eyes didn’t get all red and puffy every time I cried.
“Okay, I’m going to go now,” Philip said. “If you need me, call or text okay?”
“’Kay.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“I’ve got her,” Michael said sitting next to me.
“Thanks. See ya,” Philip said. The screen froze as the call ended.
“So, Philip says you need a hug.”
I tipped over and leaned against Michael. His arms wrapped around my shoulders. My chin wobbled. He squeezed me tight. Tears began to flow. I buried my face in his shoulder as a wailing sob broke free. One after another came, until my throat was sore and my body was shaking. Michael held me, rocking and humming deep in his chest. I closed my eyes, my tears slowing as my sobs turned to rough slow breaths.
“I have you, it’s okay,” Michael said as I drifted into sleep.
* * *
I twisted my hair into a bun so no one could mess with me tonight. After my talk with Philip and breakdown with Michael, I felt raw. I didn’t want to freak out and ruin Hiroshi’s party. Miu had texted us. Hiroshi had metallic gold flecks in his eyes now, a gift from Shamash. They weren’t sure what his Phoenix gift was yet, but his grandparents were very happy. His mom and dad hoped his gift would be something useful in the “real world”.
“Sapphire, are you ready?” Sasha asked as he knocked.
“Almost. Come on in.”
“Oh, yes. We are the dark duo,” Sasha said, then chuckled.
I blushed. I had hoped Sasha remembered. I’d put on a pair of black skinny jeans Miu had talked me into buying and a black tunic style blouse with black and silver beading at the hem and cuffs. My hair pulled into a bun made me appear harsher and then I added dark smoky eye shadow and a dark red lipstick. “Do I look okay?”
Sasha stood behind me in tight black jeans and a clinging black cashmere sweater. “Good enough to be seen with me. Hey, can I borrow your eyeliner?” He lined his gray eyes in black making them look lighter and bigger, then checked his perfectly tousled red-streaked wheat blond hair.
I grabbed my jacket, purse, and black combat boots. “Ready?”
Sasha flung an arm over my shoulder. “Oh, yes. Let’s go party.”
His arm stayed around me as we rode in the cab to the karaoke bar. The street was bright as day from the billboards and signs hanging in the shop windows. We made our way through the crowded sidewalk. Miu frowned at us for a second when we arrived. We hugged Hiroshi together and gave him our gift. We sat in the corner watching Hiroshi and his friends sing a pop song in a mix of Korean and English. Hiroshi had a nice voice, the others … uummmm, enthusiastic. The private room was simple, long couches and coffee tables covered in drinks and finger foods. A TV hung from the far corner of the room and displayed the lyrics. A box of microphones and a tablet sat on the table so you can set up the song you wanted to sing.
Everyone had dressed nice. Miu and her friends were in cute pastel colored dresses trimmed in lace and bows. The guys in skinny jeans, dress shirts and an array of accessories: hats, scarves, vests, and jewelry.
“Let’s dance,” said Emiko who peeled herself off of Taliesin’s side and stood in front of the stage. Her long hair hung loose and flowing around her as she danced in her tight, short white dress. Miu and her other friends joined her as did Shin. Apparently, there's a routine that goes with this song, because they all fell right into the choreography.
Kayin smiled brightly at his boyfriend.
“He looks good,” I said. Shin’s fitted black slacks and cream shirt showed off his figure.
Kayin crossed his legs, his dark gray slacks stretching over his muscles. “Yeah, he loves K-pop. He’s tried to teach me a few of the dances, but I don’t know this one.”
Reaching out I touched Kayin’s dark purple silk shirt. “You look very nice also. Are you going to sing?” I asked.
“Sure, aren’t you?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t sing. What song did you choose?”
“I’m thinking of doing I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You.”
“That is so sweet,” I said.
Kayin blushed. “Sasha, have you picked a song?”
“I’m Not Here For Your Entertainment, for my first song,” he answering with a wink.
Of course Sasha picked a song about sex and domination.
Two hours later my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
“Taliesin is good,” Sasha said. “Even if he doesn’t have help from Phoenix DNA.”
“His mom put him in musical theater classes,” I said. Hiroshi and his friends watched Taliesin with wide eyes. His white hair flowed over his pale blue sweater which clung to his chest and arms, the muscles in his legs shifting under the cream dress pants he wore.
“Sapphire,” Shin said crawling over Kayin and half laying on me. “Sing a song with me.”
“What? No, I don’t sing.”
“But you’re a bird, you have to sing. Come on it’ll be fun.” Shin looked at me through blue-streaked black bangs his lower lip stuck out in a pout. “Please, please, please, please, please, please.”
�
��Maybe. What song?” I laughed.
“Bring Me To Life. Please, please, please, please, please.”
“Stop. Stop. Fine. Kayin, can’t you control your boyfriend?” I pushed Shin off of me, laughing as he let himself flop onto Kayin’s lap.
Kayin shook his head, smiling. “Not really, no. And I think he’s tipsy.”
“I’m a little buzzed. Don’t worry, I won’t drink anymore.” Shin kissed Kayin on the cheek. “I’ll go add us to the list.”
“Sasha, will you do me a favor?” I asked.
“Sure, what?”
“Have my jacket and purse ready in case I have to run out of here.”
“Your singing won’t be that bad,” Sasha said.
“I don’t even sing in the shower. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be bad.”
“We’re next,” Shin called out.
Sasha grabbed my jacket and purse setting them on his lap. “Just in case, but remember you’re part of the dark duo, so go out there and own this.”
Rolling my eyes, I walked over to Shin, who held out a microphone for me. I should have listened to this song at least once before agreeing to sing it so I remembered how it went. My hands shook. Yes, I was used to much larger audiences, but this felt more personal and intimate. Also, I trained to do statue. I couldn’t sing.
I stumbled over the first few lines, my voice cracking as I tried to hit notes and remember lyrics. Then Shin sang. No, he belted out his line. His energy wrapped around me. Smiling, I got into the song. My necklace warmed. I looked at Shin, he wasn’t singing but acted out the song. I began to sing to him, our energy flowing and building. Ignoring the others watching us I danced, sliding my body along Shin’s.
When it ended Shin’s eyes were a bit glossy. He moved in and kissed me. What the hell! I pushed him away. Looking around the room I saw all Hiroshi’s and Miu’s friends staring at me. Their eyes glossy and entranced. “What is going on?”
Emiko sneered at me. “Don’t you know your own powers?” She linked her fingers with Taliesin’s. “You’re so irresponsible.”
“You should have known what was going to happen,” Taliesin said. “Miu asked you not to come. Maybe next time you’ll listen.”
Kayin walked over and grabbed Shin’s arm guiding him back to the table.
“Kayin, I had no idea.”
“I know,” he said but he wouldn’t look at me. His feelings of betrayal cut into my shield, cold and sharp.
I grabbed my stuff from Sasha’s lap.
“Don’t go.” Their non-magical friends stood and came towards me.
“Get home,” Sasha said standing. “I’ll keep everyone in here until they calm down.”
“Hiroshi pick a song, maybe a new voice will snap them out of this,” Miu said. “This is exactly why I don’t want you to traveling with us, Hiroshi. Stuff like this happens all the time.”
A hand grabbed my arm. The girl said something in Japanese.
“Sapphire, ignore them and go.” Sasha stepped between us. “There should be a cab right out front. Go straight to the hotel.”
I ran out of the room, down the hallway, and out into the cold night. Hearing yelling from inside I turned and saw one of Hiroshi’s friend's looking for me. I ran towards a cab and gave him the address to the ryokan. How long was I going to keep doing things like this? How can I be a good leader when I make silly mistakes? I should have known. I should have stayed aware and focused on what was happening. What a major fuck-up. I should have stayed in tonight.
* * *
Whimpering, I tried to breathe but something heavy lay on top of me. Opening my eyes, I saw bits of the Technicolor sky as snakes slid over my face.
“I have you now,” a man’s voice said. “You won’t escape me this time.”
I pulled in energy from Akasha. My necklace began to warm.
The snakes tightened their hold on me, hissing. Then fangs struck me. My legs, arms, stomach, neck and face were attacked. My body convulsed under the snakes, hot poison burning into my body. I opened my mouth to scream, but a snake made itself into a gag, tightening around my head. My eyes swam with tears. An old man walked closer, two younger men flanking him. All of them had burns on their arms and faces.
“Not this time,” the old man said. His long salt and pepper braids fell over a dirty jean jacket. “This time I win. Maybe another round to make sure the potion takes.”
One of the younger men said something and rattlesnakes shook their tails.
Oh, God. Wake up. Please wake up, I thought. I tried to still my shaking body to make myself invisible.
A brown scaled head came into view. Its small black eyes looked into mine. It opened its mouth, a drop of venom running down its fang.
No, no, no. Please no.
The snake arched, its fang sliding into my eyes. Sharp heat burned through my eye and into my brain. I screamed, the snake gagging me tightening its body even more. Other snakes struck me again, my body convulsing.
* * *
Ice. Some cruel person put ice on my forehead. Whimpering, I tried to move away.
“Hush,” Nyota said. “I need to bring your fever down.”
“Cold.”
“Yes, I know. Dad, I think we need to take her to the hospital.”
“Sapphire,” Michael said, his big rough hand holding mine. “Do you know what happened? It looks like you’re covered in bites.”
“Snakes,” I muttered, my tongue thick and dry. “Snakes bit me in my dream.”
“Take a sip.” Nyota placed a straw against my lips.
The water cooled and soothed my throat. I relaxed a little, then heat flared and my body began to convulse.
“Dad.”
“Keep her from hurting herself.”
I arched my body fighting against the potion. I relaxed as darkness took over.
“I will confess when my little Zuni witch said he had managed to get me into your dreams, I didn’t believe him at first. But here you are.” Cartazonon walked out of the darkness and looked right into my eyes.
We stood in utter blackness.
“I’m not being a very good host, am I?” Cartazonon closed his eyes and one of his offices appeared. Big dark wood desk, large black leather chair, deep red Oriental rug, and huge windows looking out over New York City, the lights glowing. It should have been beautiful, but knowing that he had dragged me to New York increased my fear.
“Now we can talk. Come sit.” He waved his hand at a black leather couch and sat. His pale skin glowed against the black leather. His long face and his hawk-like nose should have made him unattractive, but the power and strength emanating from him made his features striking. He ran long pale fingers through his short black hair. “I think we should get to know each other.”
“I don’t want to get to know you,” I said staying on the other side of the room.
Cartazonon laughed.
Shivering, I took a step back.
“My dear, you’re not going to have much of a choice. I’m in charge of these dreams. We’re connected now. You can’t escape me.”
I shook my head. He had to be wrong. I could find a way out of this.
“So, have you thought over my offer?” He picked up a cup of tea and sipped it. “Ah, perfect. But then it would be since I created it. Anyway, of course you’ve thought over my offer. Every time you’ve been trapped in a dream, you see how I fuel my empire. Every time my people hurt yours. Every time you realize that you have yet again failed to protect those counting on you. You think of my offer.”
He took another sip and sighed. “A life of luxury. You may pick any of my homes to stay in. You would want for nothing. Every now and then you’d need to open a portal for me so I can take some energy from Akasha. That doesn’t sound so bad now, does it? Your friends will be able to go home and lead normal lives. They wouldn’t be in danger any more. I would stop hunting magical beings. How could that be a bad thing?”
I didn’t say anything.
“You
do realize not talking to me is silly foolishness?” Something beeped. “Oh, dear. That’s me. I have to go. Think about what I’ve said. You have the power to end this all and keep everyone alive.”
He got up, straightening his suit jacket and walked out the door. The dream faded and trapped me in darkness.
Chapter Eleven
Everything hurt. I rolled onto my side, and my head felt like it might burst open. I opened my eyes, shutting them again as the sunlight created an explosion of pain.
The swoosh of the shoji screen doors closing made me brave enough to try again. My eyes watered in the muted light but I was able to keep them open. My arms trembled as I pushed up. Sitting shouldn’t be this difficult.
Miu’s aunt knelt by me and held out a cup of tea. I managed to not spill too much as I drank it. The sweet warmth made me feel better, as the liquid soothed my dry mouth and throat.
“Better?” she asked.
“Yes, thank you.” I wanted more, but the way my stomach clenched told me I should wait a bit. “Where is everyone?”
“They had a show.”
In the day time? That would be a matinee. Was it the weekend?
“How long?” I asked.
“Three days.” She stood and held out her hands. “Bathroom?”
“Yes, please.” Holding up my arms I saw bright red blisters where the snakes had bitten me. “And a shower.”
“Hai.”
They must have gotten water into me somehow, because I have never peed that much in my entire life. Washing my hands, I glanced in the mirror and gasped. My right eye was swollen and red. Not the eyelid, or the area surrounding it, the eye. My iris looked brown underneath.
Mrs. Muto waited for me and carried my bag of toiletries and a fresh set of pajamas, as she guided me down the stairs to the showers.
I was panting once we got there and sat on one of the benches, my body shaking.
Mrs. Muto moved a small bench under a shower. “Come,” she helped me and then helped undressed me. I flushed but didn’t stop her. I was in no condition to help myself.
Sitting under the water I groaned, and the sweat and sick began to wash away. My muscles relaxed under the warmth of the shower. Maybe I could just sit here? I would get clean enough right?
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