He flipped his laptop closed, shoved his chair into the table, and strode out the door.
Well, hells bells. I stared after him, my mouth hanging open. Not like I expected a declaration of love, but certainly a little more than a total brush-off. If he would have let me say something, anything. I realized I wanted him to know, I'd enjoyed our kiss. Maybe hear that he liked it too, or that he had fun being out with me. At least a smile, to acknowledge that moment of passion we'd shared.
Anything other than… nothing.
I took in a deep breath for five counts, held it for eight, then let it out nice and slow for five. A technique that Thea, the Therapist I'd seen, suggested using when I got angry. Supposed to distract the brain from whatever pissed it off and slow down the heart rate. Deep breath in, hold, out. Again.
Calm down. Not a big deal. Nathan didn't want to discuss last night. So what? I opened my laptop to get his email. I suppose this was for the best. Now I knew exactly where he stood. Not anywhere near me.
Fine. I'd play by his rules. He was the boss. I misjudged the situation, clearly. He wanted nothing to do with me. My first thought was right. That last part of our evening had been the result of too much alcohol. Stupid of me to think any different. And now I had this ridiculous make-up on and couldn't let the tears pooling in my eyes escape.
After sending the employee list to the hotel printer, I answered a few of my emails. I had the silly thought Nathan and I would have breakfast together, so I hadn't eaten yet. I wasn't terribly hungry and not sure I could choke food down around the lump in my throat, but I headed to the Water's Edge Café for breakfast anyway, a little crack ripping my heart.
++++
Shadowing the housekeepers turned out to be fun. The women didn't seem to mind my presence and answered my endless questions cheerfully. The job was tough, no doubt about that. And I knew it didn't pay all that well. Sometimes our wage scale in America seemed so unfair. Anyone who worked this hard should make more money, and most of these women really needed it. They weren't just working so they could shop and buy new shoes. They had to pay bills and put food on the table for their families.
I was glad for the activity, glad to be busy and keep my mind off Nathan and last night. When Chris texted me and asked if I wanted to go to lunch, I eagerly agreed. More distraction, and I wanted to get to know her better. Chris appeared ambitious, but fun-loving and relaxed. Maybe it was from living down here, or maybe she had another secret. She also seemed comfortable with her not-so-skinny body, and I for sure wanted to talk to her about that.
She picked me up out front, we drove to a cute place that overlooked the water, and once we got our iced teas, she leaned on the table.
"So, how's it going?"
"Fine. Everyone is really nice, and the employees seem to like their jobs. This place is absolutely beautiful, and I love the suite I've got. Speaking of that, can we stop by a grocery store on the way back? I'd like to eat a few meals in my room. I've got a refrigerator, stove and microwave. Might as well use them."
"Sure. Those executive suites are pretty darn nice. I'm glad to hear work is going well. And are you having a little fun too? Have you been out anywhere in the evening yet?"
"I went out to dinner last night with Nathan."
Something must have shown on my face, hard as I tried to keep it blank, because she cocked her head and gave me a look. "And?"
"And what?"
"What happened at your dinner with Mr. Hot and Yummy?"
"Nothing. It was a business dinner. He wanted to show me around."
"Hmmm." She took a sip of her tea.
I didn't want to lie to Chris, and I sort of wanted her input. Without telling her anything. "Why would you think something might happen? Have you heard any gossip about Nathan, and other women?"
"Nope, not the least bit. But I get the impression, the way he looks at you, he's got a thing for you."
My heart skipped a beat. "A thing? Oh, come on. Guys like him don't mess around with women like me."
"Like you? What, because you're not a billionaire? Rich men date, and even marry, regular women all the time."
"Like me, like large. The Nathans of this world goes out with skinny girls. Haven't you noticed that?"
"Nah. Some of them do. Others, the smart ones, they want a woman with meat on her bones. More to hold onto, softer, when they get doing the…" She made a crude gesture with her fingers and I about spit tea out my nose.
"Chris!"
"It's true. You ask most guys, when it comes down to it, they'd rather be with a real-size woman than a toothpick. One who's healthy and takes care of herself. Like us. There's two dudes over there. Let's ask them if they think we're hot."
"Of course they'll say yes. If there's a chance of getting laid, guys will say anything. But for actual dating, taking out places, marrying, I don't think so."
"Then let's find out."
Oh, no. She wouldn't. Before I could stop her, Chris slid off her stool and wandered over to the next table.
"Hey, help settle an argument my friend and I are having. Do you guys think we're hot? Would you date us if you weren't hooked up with another fine woman?"
"Shit yeah," the first guy said.
"We're not too big? You don't just like model-thin little things?"
OMG. Both men looked my way. I didn't know whether to laugh or slide under the table to hide.
"You're not big. You're just right. I've got some padding myself." He pinched at his waistline. "And I'm single, by the way." He waggled his eyebrows at her.
"Sorry, I'm spoken for. A good-looking guy like you won't be single long, believe me. How about you?" Chris turned to the other man.
"I'm gay, but I don't go for super thin men. It's not healthy." He shook his head. "Those models, uh-uh. They look like malnourished giraffes. Not for me."
"Thanks guys. Behave now."
She sauntered back over and plunked down in her chair. "You see? The masses have spoken. We're perfect."
I didn't know Chris well enough to tell if she was for real. Those guys could be her friends, for all I knew, and they were just having fun with me.
"Men like Nathan though, they've got an image to keep up. Even if they like how larger women look, they'll go with the slim, trim ones when it comes time to go out in public, and for sure when they tie the knot." I took a sip of my tea.
"Hang around down here a while longer. You'll see. Television has warped everyone's perspective. Real men want real women. Trust me. So, you thinking about going after Nathan?"
"Heck no. He's my boss. That would not end well."
"How do you know? You looked into your magic crystal ball? There's no telling what makes for a happily-ever-after. Remember that. Words of wisdom from Chris."
"So what about you? Do you really have a boyfriend or were you fibbing to that guy?"
"I got a dude. Here's our food."
We dug in and Chris said nothing else about that subject, but chattered on about Key Largo and all the things to do in the area. I picked up, she didn't want to talk about her man, but if I got to know her better, I wanted to hear more. She radiated joy, so whoever the guy was, he made her happy. She had a healthy appetite and ate with gusto and was fun to talk to. Lunch ended too soon, and we stopped off at a grocery store, where I picked up fruit, bagels, cream cheese, lunch meats and bread.
And a few frozen dinners. I strongly suspected Nathan wouldn't be taking me out to a restaurant again.
I finished out the afternoon observing the laundry service, writing up my notes, and reading. I enjoyed the sunset from my room this time, then worked on an editing project. Before I climbed into bed, I stepped outside on my little patio. So beautiful! Bright flowers still bloomed and the plants held their green color. I couldn't resist a quick walk around, so I put on my shoes and headed to the water. What would it be like to live here all the time? To be able to stroll down to the bay and stick my toes in whenever I wanted to? To not have the responsibility
of my sister?
My chest tightened, and I froze. How could I think such a thing? It was my fault she was attacked. My fault she climbed into that shell. I should be grateful I made enough money to add to her disability and see that she was taken care of. She wasn't that much trouble. I resumed walking. Other people dealt with more serious obligations. And anyway, I would hire a detective soon and we'd catch the man responsible. I had to focus on that goal.
If I didn't get fired. I wanted so much to call Nathan and talk to him about that kiss. If I could even tell him how nice it was, and that I didn't expect anything from him. Just that I enjoyed it and hoped we'd still be friends. Or at least business associates that got along really well. I missed him today.
But I shouldn't. I should leave it alone. He clearly didn't want to talk about it and if I brought it up again, he might get mad. I didn't know Nathan that well, maybe not even as well as I thought I did.
Wednesday
According to my schedule, I would observe the night shift employees on Wednesday, so I slept in late. I ate in my suite for breakfast, glad I'd bought food. I was technically off duty until later, so I decided to walk around the island on my own and explore. With this perfect weather, I wouldn't get overheated or freeze my butt off.
Key Largo was the largest Key and had many shops, restaurants and things to do. I'd read a lot about the area online and wanted to get to John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park to check out the divers, and maybe even take a tour at the Botanic Gardens at Kona Kai Resort. But I'd need to call Chris for that since they were both some distance away. Another day. There were places I could walk to today.
A funky consignment store kept me occupied for an hour, and after that, I visited a few restaurants to check out the menus. Then, a trip to a shoe store for another pair of flops. I talked with the owner for an hour, chatting about how much she enjoyed living and working in this area. After that, I ate lunch in my suite, then plopped on the bed to nap. My biorhythms would be all thrown off by doing a night shift, but I needed to see what went on during those hours.
I dozed off and by the time nine o'clock rolled around, my energy was restored. I strolled around the exterior of the hotel first, enjoying the quiet. Noise from the road sounded, but not overly loud. Enough lighting made me feel safe, and I noticed the bulb at my suite had been replaced. Guests hung out at Tiki Largo, enjoying an evening drink on the deck.
I picked up my laptop from my room, then I visited the pool, laundry area, and even tiptoed down the hallways of the guest rooms. Nothing going on. I set myself up at the front, where the night desk clerk, David, played games on his phone. I had my editing work I could do and didn't think Nathan would mind.
David and I chatted for a little while. He had a full-time job as a grocery store manager and was happy to have this night-shift work at Bay Paradise to earn extra money.
"Me and the old lady, we take vacation as much as we can. Going to buy us a camper next month, do some sightseeing around here local. Then when we retire, we'll hitch that baby to the back of the truck and take off, for weeks at a time. No schedule, no alarms, no worries."
"Sounds like fun. I'd love to travel."
"Get out while you can. Life is too short. My lady, she had cancer two years ago. Scared the hell out of us. We swore if she made it through, we'd make more time together. Have more fun, worry less about the small stuff. Balance. You know what I mean?"
I nodded. David was right. Life was short. But how did you balance obligations with fun? Responsibility with pleasure? I didn't have a clue. Even before Michelle's attack, I figured my life would be entwined with hers. That I should stay nearby, in case she needed help. We'd always been together.
Thea's voice came back to me, suddenly. Telling me I used my sister as an excuse to avoid relationships. That I needed to explore my feelings about my parents' divorce, about trust and men, and even my thoughts with my body image. And that we'd discuss it more in our next session.
Except there wasn't a next session. I saw her twice, and that was enough, as far as I was concerned. I was too busy to go digging into my past. Yeah, I had bad feelings about Mom and Dad splitting up. Everyone got depressed about divorce. But I didn't let it affect me. That wasn't why I didn't have a man around. I just didn't want a super serious relationship at this point in my life.
My body image? I remember Thea saying that and wanting to grab my purse and stalk out of her office right then. How would she feel if she'd been born a large girl, instead of a skinny little thing? Always being picked as the goalie in high school soccer, always shopping in the big-girl clothing section. Listening to her mom introduce her to people as "my husky daughter." She might have a few issues too.
I got up and went to the bathroom, needing a break to get my thoughts back onto the job and away from those old ghosts. When I returned to the desk, David was playing his games again and I resumed my editing work.
"Hey, I'm going to take a break," David said after two hours. "I usually have to stay here, but I could really use a walk tonight, get some fresh air. Would you mind watching the desk? Nothing much happens this late. Here's my cell number. Call me if it does and I'll come right back."
I agreed, making a note to suggest the night-shift desk person be given some type of relief. Little had happened during this time. A few phone calls, two guests passing by, asking for information about the nearby park. Still, sitting in one spot for hours got tedious.
Since no one was around, I fell into my usual pattern of reading aloud as I edited a story. It helped me get a feel for the rhythm of the words, especially with fiction.
"Help me! My ship has been taken over by an alien crew. I grabbed this communicator and I'm hidden in the air duct system."
"Sounds serious."
I jumped. Nathan stood off to the side of the lobby, watching me with a slight grin.
"Good story or real life?" He strode to the desk and before I could shut my laptop, leaned over to see what I was doing.
"It's, uh, a story. Not mine. I edit work. Other people's work."
He raised an eyebrow. "You're an editor?"
"Part-time. I do freelance work. I already walked the grounds and all around the hotel, and I plan to do it again. I thought it would be okay if I worked on this now."
"It's fine. Where is the front desk person?"
"I'm relieving him. He wanted to stretch his legs. It's tough staying here, at the desk, for a whole shift. The night employee should have back-up. Something we should, I mean, you should consider. It will be in my notes."
David came around the corner. His eyes opened wide but when Nathan greeted him pleasantly, he settled back into the chair I vacated.
"Come on, let's take a walk. Do you need a jacket?"
Not if I was next to his heat. "No, I'm good." I wore my uniform pants, and a long-sleeve top under the uniform shirt. It made for a snug fit, but I didn't think I'd run into anyone who would be looking closely at my body. What the heck was Nathan doing here? I truly didn't expect to see him. We went outside, and the night wrapped around me like a soft blanket. Midnight, the magical hour.
"Use your phone as a flashlight out here. The ground is uneven. Why do you do freelance work?"
"Extra money. I need it for… a project. I don't let it interfere with my work at Cameron, honest."
"I know that. Stop apologizing. I'm sorry I behaved like an ass yesterday."
"You didn't…"
"Yes, I did. We had a special moment, and I acted like nothing happened."
"Um, okay. Apology accepted." What else could I say? He wanted to talk more, apparently, so I shut up and listened.
"I can't get involved with an employee. I did that once. She was sweet and innocent and I destroyed her."
"How?"
He turned to look at me and the pain in his eyes tore at my heart. Why did I ask him that? I didn't want to dredge up unhappy memories.
"I didn't always have money, you know."
"I thought your fam
ily did."
"Lots of people assume that, and I've made sure all records of my past have been erased. As much as I can, anyway. No, we were dirt poor. I went to school, studied hard, made several outstanding investments, met the right people, got lucky. You wonder why I like expensive pens." He pulled one from his pocket.
"I never said anything about your pens." Did I?
"I saw the look in your eyes when you returned the one I left in the Chicago office. It's okay. I know most people would never dream of paying hundreds of dollars for a writing implement." He clicked it a few times.
"They represent success to me. I'd watch the bigshot bankers, sit there in their fancy suits and play with their pens, as they told my dad they wouldn't lend him money. Not even a small loan, to help us keep our house. They couldn't do anything, they said. Then I watched my father slowly be eaten away by anger until he stuck a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I swore I'd be there one day, sitting in a chair with my own pen, signing loans with it, helping people."
He looked straight ahead as we strolled. I wanted to ask him a million questions, but I kept quiet.
"When I met Tanya, I thought she was the perfect woman. She was an office manager in Los Angeles, part of my charitable work division. We liked the same food, the same music; we enjoyed a lot of the same things. She had a huge, loving heart, and we shared a common goal; to help others. When I asked her to marry me, I felt like my life had come together. Tanya quit her job, and we made plans to live together. We bought a new house and she got to work decorating it."
His pace picked up. "But then, she changed. Once she got access to my money, she started buying drugs. I didn't know until it was too late. When I found out, she went to rehab, swore she'd stop. She didn't. She kept using until one day, she ran her shiny new BMW right into a concrete wall. She hung in a coma for a month while her family and I watched her die."
Damn. How horrible. My heart ached for Nathan. "That wasn't your fault."
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