by J. H. Croix
I glared at him and plunked down in a chair at the kitchen table. “I’m not bloody moping.”
Alex shoved off the doorframe and sat down across from me, drumming his fingers on the table. “Aye, you are. Haven’t see you crack a smile in days. Thought you went to find Daisy for a reason.”
I swallowed against the tight feeling in my chest and rolled my head side to side, trying to ease the tension knotted there.
“Daisy wasn’t much help,” I mumbled and ran a hand through my hair.
“What did she say?”
“She told me to go big or go home. Whatever the fuck that means.” I shook my head slowly and sighed.
Alex eyed me. “What do you need? A point by point diagram, I suppose. Bollocks. You know what go big or go home means. If you’re too dodgy to face Olivia, it’s on you mate.”
I threw another glare in his direction, though my gut turned with a sick feeling. I’d been frantic to see and talk to Olivia, but she’d blocked every avenue—not answering my texts, ignoring my knocking when I stopped by her apartment and conveniently being busy anytime I happened by the clinic. In desperation, I’d gone to see Daisy who hadn’t exactly been helpful. She’d told me Olivia didn’t let many people close after her parents died. Not a shocker. Then, she’d gone on to show me the stupid photo online of Millie with me.
I’d hardly been paying attention while I was waiting outside the stadium with a few teammates. Millie, per usual, had pranced about us. Just as I’d told Olivia, Millie hadn’t been with me. Ever. But she’d done a damn good job of leading the British gossip rags around by the nose with scintillating hints. She’d taken every opportunity she had to drape herself all over me when we happened to be in the same place at the same time. While I’d be the first to admit I’d been happy to enjoy the women who threw themselves at me, I’d never had the slightest interest in Millie. She was too opportunistic, too greedy and too shallow for me.
I had to give Daisy credit for admitting she maybe should’ve taken a look at the next few pics online with Millie flirting with half the team. Daisy had looked appropriately chagrined, but it didn’t change anything. “Look,” she’d told me “maybe this set Olivia off, but this isn’t easy for her. She’s pretty well set in keeping her life calm. If you want to get her back, you’re going to have to shake her up. If you want her to believe you love her and it’s worth fighting for, you’re gonna have to go big, or take your ball and go home.”
Recalling Daisy’s words, I looked over at Alex and fought the urge to squirm. His way too perceptive gaze held mine. “I’m not being dodgy,” I mumbled.
“Well then, do something about it.” He gave me a hard stare and shook his head. “You’re due to play soon. Don’t let this get in your head. Make it right.”
At that, he shoved his chair back and stood, leaving me to stew in my own thoughts while he got ready for practice. I didn’t like thinking about it, but I was worried I was letting this get my all mixed up in my head. I might not have the tidy, calm life Olivia did, but I hadn’t had much experience with falling in love. Scratch that, I hadn’t had any experience. I had to force myself to drag my arse off the chair and follow him.
I spent the afternoon trying to keep my head on straight and spinning over what the hell to do that would be big enough to knock through Olivia’s barriers.
Chapter 28
Olivia
There was a soft knock at my exam room door before it opened. I looked over to see Dr. Monroe, the team doctor for the Seattle Stars stepping through the door with a patient. The patient in question was Mack Dawson, one of the American players on the team, a true-blue Seattle boy and handsome as all get out. Mack had a body to die for, shaggy blondish-brown hair and twinkling hazel eyes with a roguish smile. I looked at him with hope in my heart, hoping against all reason he’d elicit even a flicker of the attraction I felt toward Liam. Nothing, I felt nothing. I looked at Mack with a clinical eye, purely objective with not the slightest bit interest. I’d developed this disconcerting habit of thinking I was going to look up and find Liam. Today was worse than usual because I’d known Dr. Monroe was coming along with Mack and couldn’t help but wonder if Liam would take the opportunity to stop by.
No Liam. Only Dr. Monroe and Mack. I swallowed my disappointment and smiled politely at Mack. “Hello Mack, I understand your elbow had a nasty collision with the ground.”
Mack threw that roguish grin my way and even added a wink. Clearly, the man was an incorrigible flirt. I couldn’t help but remember the first time Liam had been in this room with me, just as flirtatious and naughty. Just thinking about the kiss he laid on me before he left sent a jolt of heat through me. I hadn’t heard from Liam in over a week. He’d even given up on texting me. I’d thought I wanted the very thing he was doing, yet I hated it. I missed him so much it ached, and I was getting restless and needy with desire. I’d never been restless and needy in my life. I’d woken several times deep in the night with the sheets damp and my panties wet from dreams about Liam.
Focus, Olivia. Focus. Liam did what you asked. Move on.
I adjusted my glasses and glanced between Mack and Dr. Monroe. “I had a few minutes to review the scan you sent over, but let me look again,” I said, picking up my computer tablet and clicking to the screen. “It looks like an ulnar shaft fracture. I see they’ve already iced you and stabilized it temporarily.” I set my tablet down and nodded toward Mack’s arm.
Mack nodded. “It was like a bad dance. I got tangled up with a defender. He fell, I fell and my elbow got twisted.”
“How much pain are you in?” I asked, fighting to keep from grinning. Mack might not do a thing for me in terms of attraction, but he was impossible not to like. He had an amusing, jovial way of talking and seemed entirely unbothered by the situation.
Mack shrugged again. “Not too much. I mean, it hurts, but I wanted to keep playing. Coach dragged me off.”
I looked to Dr. Monroe. The injury was minor by any standard and certainly didn’t require my expertise. I started to say as such, but Mack cut in.
“I know it’s not much, but I want you to take care of it. After seeing how Liam’s doing, I don’t want to bother with anyone but the best,” Mack said firmly.
The mere mention of Liam’s name sent my pulse skittering wildly and flutters twirling in my belly. I swallowed and batted Liam out of my mind. I slid my gaze to Dr. Monroe who was standing slightly behind where Mack was leaning against the exam table. Dr. Monroe shrugged and threw me a slight grin.
It wasn’t that I didn’t take minor cases like this, but it was rare. I knew, however, the clinic would want me to take any case requested by the Seattle Stars. I looked back to Mack and nodded. “I’d be happy to cast your elbow, although you must know your injury won’t require surgery and your rehab will be brief.”
Mack grinned again. “Sounds good to me, Doc.”
The conversation quickly turned to planning with Mack departing the exam room for an x-ray in order for me to set the bone this afternoon.
After Mack left the room, Dr. Monroe sent me spinning inside again by mentioning Liam. “Liam is due to play again next week. He started practice this week and hasn’t missed a beat. We can’t thank you enough for such a good outcome,” Dr. Monroe said.
I adjusted my glasses and managed a nod, scrambling to keep my wits about me. “I’m glad to hear it.” Questions tumbled through my mind, all of them entirely inappropriate to ask Dr. Monroe. I was relieved when my pager beeped. I checked the number and returned the call quickly.
I managed to skirt the topic of Liam through the remainder of the appointment, quickly casting Mack’s forearm and sending him off to schedule with the rehab team. I hated the fact that anything that had a passing connection to Liam sent my mind racing along the loop dedicated solely to him in my brain. I walked home in the falling darkness, the evening absent of rain, which almost annoyed me because a rainy, gray day would’ve suited my mood better.
What would usually be a routine of comfort—making hot chocolate with a generous dash of Irish cream liqueur, settling down on the couch with a blanket draped over my legs, and the TV rumbling in the background while I finished up charting—felt lonely. I washed my single mug and plate from stale leftover pizza and set them in the dish rack before bursting into tears at the sight. Single everything. Single mug, single plate, single me. Liam had done just as I asked, and it hurt so badly I could hardly breathe at moments.
Chapter 29
Liam
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I walked beside Alex. He’d dragged me down to the harbor, insisting I needed to go somewhere other than the flat and the stadium. I hadn’t the heart for much else since Olivia had shut me out. I’d rejoined the team for practices in the lead up to a game next week and was doing my bloody best to keep my head in the game. Alex loved the ocean and was wont to drag me to the sea when we used to live back in London. Back there, we had to drive out of London to reach the sea. Our flat here was mere blocks away. We were presently walking along the docks at a harbor. Even at this early hour, the area bustled with energy with gulls swooping and calling, fishermen readying boats to leave, voices carrying across the water as the day began, and the low rumble of engines in the water.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see my dad’s number flashing on the screen. “I’ll take this,” I said to Alex. He merely nodded, hands in his pockets as he stared out over the harbor.
Before I got a word out when I answered, my dad spoke. “Good day, Liam!” he said, a cheery tone to his voice.
Given that he’d had the roughest few months of us all since mum died, my heart clenched. “Good day to you, Dad. How are you?”
“Fine thanks, and you? How’s the knee?”
“Much better,” I said, my mind instantly cartwheeling to Olivia.
“Truly?” he asked.
I could hear the hopefulness in his voice and knew he’d been worried about me. He’d called a few times since my injury. While I’d been worried about him, he’d likely been just as concerned for me. “Truly, Dad. I’m back practicing with the team, and I’ll be playing in our game next week.”
Alex started walking ahead, so I followed behind at a slower pace. “How are things for you? Really?” I asked. I couldn’t quite bring myself to state the painfully obvious, that mum had been gone going on months now. My parents had been lucky and loved each other to the end.
“I’m okay, Liam. I miss your mum, and I always will. I’m getting used to being dragged out and about by half the world between your brothers and our friends. But I’m okay. Truly.”
My throat tightened as I imagined my father being dragged out of the house just to cheer him up. It was odd to think about mum just now. I hadn’t realized it, but I’d gradually begun to adjust to her absence, which was a shift because I’d felt like kicking and screaming at first. Much as I’d had mixed feelings about signing with the Seattle Stars at first, I supposed the abrupt change of locale might’ve actually helped me. Hearing dad’s voice and thinking of my mum just now sent a sharp stab of grief straight to the heart.
I cleared my throat. “I’m glad. Tell me how Carter and Leo are?”
My dad chuckled. “Carter’s got ‘imself a new girl who’s a bit too busy for my taste. She’ll be gone before we know it. Leo’s working like a dog as usual. Tell me how you are. You don’t sound quite right.”
I took a deep breath, savoring the briny ocean air. Alex had turned along another dock, so I followed at a distance. My dad was too perceptive. I wasn’t certain if I didn’t sound quite right because the call with him brought up mum in my mind, or the ever-present pang of missing Olivia. Dad was one of the few people I’d turn to for advice. He rarely interfered, but he was clear and perceptive. “I don’t?” I hedged at first.
“You don’t. I’ve been reading the Seattle papers though and saw that silly Millie was in town.”
Dad knew I hated the churning British gossips and had been beyond annoyed by Millie’s machinations last year. Before I managed to reply, he continued. “And who is the woman you took to dinner? It’d do you good to find a nice girl,” he said gruffly.
Leave it to my father to find a way to keep tabs on me. He was quite protective and had been known to chase off reporters if they tried to pump my family for info. His question about Olivia sent a pang through me. I’d yet to sort out what to do, and Alex had made his displeasure clear. He thought I was a coward, and I supposed I was. It was just that I was floundering with this. The challenge of Olivia had given me something to chase. Yet, I hadn’t counted on love factoring into the equation, which had thrown me off.
“Liam? You still with me?” my father asked.
“I’m here, Dad. Millie’s a bloody pain in the arse. I’ll ignore her just as I did before. I’m certain she’s getting paid to attend the game next week, some bullshit publicity stunt.”
“Right. Tell me something I don’t know though. Millie’s antics aren’t what’s got you sounding so down.”
I cleared my throat and gulped in air again. Alex walked beyond the end of the docks and aimed back toward downtown with a glance over his shoulder to see if I was still behind him. I gave a wave and thought about how to explain Olivia to my dad. “You’re right. Millie’s nothing to me. I met a girl, and I don’t know what to do about her,” I said bluntly.
“Ah. Is that it then?”
“Yes, Dad. I just said as such,” I said, a hint of irritation threading my tone.
“Tell me about her.”
“She’s the surgeon who operated on my knee. She, uh…” I ran out of words. How to describe Olivia? She was lovely with her wild dark curls, her bright green eyes, her creamy complexion, and her sweet curves. I pictured her that first day I saw her, adjusting her glasses with her hair pulled back and a few curls merrily escaping her bun. In truth, the powerful desire she elicited was only scraping the surface of all she’d become to me. Her warmth, her brilliance, her strength of conviction, the fact she didn’t even care about what so many others did as far as my status as a footballer, and just her. I missed her so, and I desperately needed to find a way to win her back…to go big.
“She means something to you,” my dad said, his words interrupting my reverie.
“Yes. She does,” I said simply. “I mucked it up though, and I don’t know how to fix things with her.”
“Do you love her?” my dad asked, his question simple and direct like the man he was.
I kept walking, my eyes on Alex ahead of me. We were away from the harbor now, walking along the busy street that led to our flat. My heart gave a hard kick at my dad’s question, as if nudging me to face the truth. With my heart banging a swift staccato, I managed a breath and let it out slowly.
“I do. I love her,” I finally said.
“What’s her name?”
“Olivia.” Saying her name sent a pang of longing through me.
“If you love Olivia, then you make it right,” my dad said.
“I don’t know how.”
“Liam, you do know how. If you love her, you just need to think on it. You will find the right way. I’ll say this though. You’re my oldest boy and you’ve always had a good heart. Your mum was worried about you because she fussed your career would get in the way and send women like Millie after you. If you’re not sure what to do, think on it and it will come to you.”
I swallowed against the tightness in my throat and nodded, realizing as I did my dad couldn’t see me. “Dad, I haven’t done this before. How would I…?”
“Liam, none of us knew how to do love until we did it. I don’t know your Olivia, but I know you. You’ve a big heart and there’s room to figure this out. Don’t think too hard.”
“Okay,” I said, my voice sounding distant to me.
“Love you, son. I’ll be watching the game. I’ll fly to visit soon to meet your Olivia. Okay?”
“Okay. Love you, Dad. I’ll sort this out.
I will,” I said, my voice sounding stronger than I felt.
The line clicked off, and I slowly slipped my phone back into my pocket. Glancing ahead, I saw Alex had stopped at the intersection before our flat and was leaning against a sign pole, his hands in his pockets as he stared up at the sky. With nothing other than Olivia on my mind, I jogged to meet him. One thing I loved about Alex was quiet came easy with him. He simply inclined his head and arched a brow when I reached him. The light changed, and we crossed the intersection.
The team had interviews this evening, prearranged months ago by management. If there was one thing I didn’t enjoy about football, it was the media circus that went along with it. I’d had this fleeting hope it would be less so in America because here they couldn’t keep the sport straight, but with the Seattle Stars an up and coming team in the international ranks along with a few other American teams, the media attention was rising. With Olivia filling my brain, for once I didn’t care about the interviews. I’d get through the bother and sort out what to do.
Chapter 30
Olivia
I was home with rain falling in sheets outside, glittering on the windows as it rolled down the glass. My day at work had been longer than usual with an emergency surgery thrown in the mix. I’d walked home in the rain, and unlike a few weeks ago, Liam hadn’t surprised me at the door even though I’d been wishing he had. My quiet evenings were chafing for me now. What had once been comfortable held an echoing emptiness. It was my life, the very life I’d had and been perfectly content to continue before I met Liam. In such a short span of time, he’d turned my world upside down. I wondered if I’d keep wishing not to be so lonely until I met someone else. Yet, I doubted anyone could fill the Liam-shaped hole in my heart. No one else would do. Daisy had declared I should go to Liam myself since it was obvious I was so miserable. However, the fact that he’d heeded my request to leave me alone spoke volumes. That and the underlying truth of how different our worlds were reminded me it was best if I moved on and found a way to let go.
