“He has gotten bigger than I realized.” Seeing Marcus’ darkening expression, she added quickly, “It’s not Owen’s fault.”
“Not his fault?” Marcus’ scowl deepened. “The boy deserves a sound whipping for putting himself and you at risk.”
The very idea made her bolt upright against the pillows. From the instant she’d held her firstborn in her arms, she’d vowed that no child of hers would know suffering, not if she could help it. No babe of hers would ever feel unsafe or unwanted or unloved. Spare the rod, spoil the child be damned.
Luckily, for the most part, Marcus deferred to her wishes. He was a stern disciplinarian, but his habit was to lecture and punish by means other than corporal.
“Owen’s been punished enough. I’m sure he feels terribly about it,” she insisted. “He doesn’t need—”
“Devil and damn, woman, will you ever stop defending the little rogues?”
Marcus stalked to the side of the bed, staring down at her, his hands planted on his hips. Judging that he appeared more exasperated than angry, she decided to be honest. “No.”
Her husband scowled. “He’s losing his outdoor privileges for a month.”
That was fair. “All right,” she said softly.
“As for you…” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Damnit, Penny, don’t risk your neck like that again.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I just saw him falling,”—she swallowed, flashing back to the panic, the utter horror of seeing Owen in danger—“and I reacted.”
Marcus said nothing. She couldn’t read his expression, didn’t know if she’d pushed her luck, made him angry again. He surprised her by sitting on the edge of the bed.
“We should talk,” he said.
Apprehension tickled her nape. “Yes?”
“The state of affairs between us. It can’t go on like this,” he said tersely.
Her stomach plunged. Had he come to a decision about their future? God, had he decided to divorce her after all—
“I can’t forgive the past,” he said in flat tones.
She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even manage a nod. Terror paralyzed her.
“Thus, I believe the only solution is to move forward. To put it behind us,” he went on. “For the sake of the children, we must turn over a new leaf and start afresh.”
Slowly, her brain caught up. Sensation pierced her—relief so intense it was akin to pain.
“Would you be willing, Pandora?”
“Yes, Marcus, oh yes,” she whispered.
“There are conditions,” he warned. “First, after today, I don’t want to hear about your past again. Knowing about your indiscretions,”—he bit the word out—“doesn’t put me in a good place. So if there’s anything else you’ve lied to me about, any other lovers, you’d best get it over with and tell me now. Because after today, I want to hear nothing of it.”
There were secrets she hadn’t revealed but not of the sort he was referring to. Not deceptions that she had to feel guilty about. She had the intuition that it was best to keep things simple.
“There’ve been no other indiscretions,” she said quietly.
He gave her a level look. “All right then.” He rose.
“That’s it?” She couldn’t keep the disappointment from her voice. “You’re going?”
“You should rest.”
“I feel fine. Trust me, I’ve taken far worse tumbles…” She trailed off, realizing what she’d inadvertently revealed. In her desire to keep Marcus with her awhile longer, she’d referred to her past. The past that he’d just stated that he wanted to know nothing about.
What in the blazes is the matter with me?
“There’s more to discuss,” she added lamely.
His brows winged, his arms crossing over his broad chest. “Is there?”
“About… us. Our arrangement.” She felt as if she were fumbling in the dark. “We haven’t talked about what it means to start afresh.”
“I believe we just did.”
“Yes, I mean I understand that my past is behind us. But what about the future?” Swallowing, she said, “How are we to… to be… as a married couple, I mean?”
His expression didn’t change. “You’re referring to bedroom matters.”
Blood rushed into her cheeks, but she whispered, “Yes.”
After a moment, he said, “I owe you an apology.”
“For what?” she said, confused.
“For the way I treated you in the bathing room.”
Her cheeks heated further. Wetting her lips, she said, “That was my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” He raked his hair again and then his hands planted on his lean hips. “But I shouldn’t have left you as I did. I let anger get the best of me and treated you badly. It was wrong of me, and I apologize, Pandora.”
“Apology accepted.” Seeing his eyes soften, she blurted, “And it wasn’t, um, bad. Only the way we parted. Before that, it was… wonderful.”
His gaze went from warm to smoldering. “Goddamnit, Pandora.”
“I know I’ve bungled things up, but since we’re starting anew, I want to be a wife to you,” she forged on. “I want to share a bed with you, be with you, because I lo—”
He placed a finger across her lips, stemming the tide of her words.
“Don’t,” he said sternly.
“Don’t what?” she managed to say.
“Don’t rush this. With time and effort, I think we can rebuild our marriage. But that doesn’t mean that things will be as they were.” His measured words tore through her, mangling her insides. “You mustn’t push me on this or anything else. I will do my damnedest not to react badly, but I will not tolerate being manipulated.”
Her heart knocked against her chest. “I’m not trying to manipulate you.”
“For twelve years, you did,” he said.
She had no rejoinder for that. None at all.
Because he was right.
Throat clogging, she said, “When can we… be together again?”
“Let me take the lead. We’ll begin by rebuilding trust and go from there.”
“All right.” There wasn’t anything else to say. Getting a second chance was more than she deserved, and she knew it. She wouldn’t jeopardize the opportunity.
He cupped her jaw, and she leaned into the caress, desperate for the connection. She soaked in the strength and warm solidity of her husband’s touch before his hand dropped away, and he took a step back.
“I’ll send the boys up,” he said. “They’re eager to see you.”
“They’ll worry if they see me still in bed. I’ll get dressed and go down to see them—”
“For God’s sake, you just had a fall. Stay in bed for the day and rest, Penny.”
Any further protests died on her lips. Her chest constricted, and she fought back the heat pushing behind her eyes. She was Penny again. His Penny.
She had that much back at least.
“All right, Marcus,” she whispered.
He hesitated as if he was about to say something more… but instead he gave a curt nod and left the room. She sank back against the pillows and tried not to feel alone. To take comfort in the company of hope.
Chapter Fourteen
The next two weeks passed by in a blur for Penny. She had all the remaining details for the ball to take care of as well as a marriage to get back on track. With the former, she was confident of her progress; with the latter… not so much.
It wasn’t that Marcus hadn’t kept to his word. He didn’t mention her past, and his manner toward her had noticeably thawed. Several nights ago, he’d even teased her at the supper table, asking her if she was trying to fatten him up by having all his favorite foods prepared. She’d wanted to roll her eyes because, unlike her, the man could eat like a bloody horse and not gain a single ounce. But, more to the point, he’d noticed her efforts to please him. This was progress, and it was good.
<
br /> Yet all had not been smooth sailing. In the past, Marcus had been the even-tempered one in their marriage, the anchor to her occasional (or, more accurately, not infrequent) storms. He’d been her safe harbor, and he’d never been prone to moodiness or irritability. This new Marcus did have moods, however, and they were as changeable as the weather.
Whilst he kept his promise to not lash out at her, he would suddenly grow quiet, distant, his thoughts clearly occupying a dark and gloomy space. She hated his brooding, would prefer a full-fledged row over the tension that could set in at any moment like a deadly frost and wipe out their budding reconciliation. She felt as though she were a performer at Astley’s, walking a tightrope no less treacherous than that of Madame Monique le Magnifique.
At the same time, she didn’t dare to confront him. She’d given her word that she wouldn’t push, and with their truce so new, she didn’t want to drive them into conflict once more. Thus, she forced herself to bide her time and to let him dictate the pace of their rapprochement.
Yet a dangerous feeling was taking root inside her: impatience.
Just this morning, she’d received a note from Sister Agatha, a reply to her plea for counsel. Her old friend’s advice had consisted of two words: Be yourself. But surely Agatha didn’t mean Penny’s true self.
Back when Penny had been Pompeia, the ruthless spy, she’d channeled her innate hotheadedness to her advantage. She’d been bold and daring, taking on perilous missions that others had declined. Since she hadn’t had much to lose, she’d had little to fear. She’d thrown herself fully into any character that she was playing, nothing held back, and she’d played to win. Always.
Twelve years of marriage had tempered this part of her. She’d gotten accustomed to being Marcus’ devoted marchioness, a role she’d chosen and, in truth, delighted in. So much so that it hadn’t bothered her to suppress certain aspects of her old self because having Marcus’ love—the love of the best man she’d ever known—was worth any price.
The fact was that she’d gotten so used to being Lady Blackwood that Pompeia had receded to a figure in the background. A dab of paint on a landscape. This had seemed a blessing since, in all honesty, she’d never liked Pompeia all that much anyway.
Yet now, for some inexplicable reason, that shadow of her former self was back and growing more prominent by the moment. ’Twas as if the spilling of her secrets had resurrected the Pompeia of old: a woman who would not be welcomed in any of the ton’s ballrooms. Who would not have the love of a man as decent and honorable as the Marquess of Blackwood.
But you don’t have his blooming love now anyway, do you?
She blocked out the insidious inner voice, the one that had made itself more and more at home in her head. She didn’t understand why now, after all this time, this unwelcome part of herself had come back. Perhaps the Spectre’s reemergence had stirred up this hornet’s nest. Whatever the cause, she vowed not to give into the hot, reckless impulses that Pompeia inevitably brought in her wake.
Pompeia, for instance, didn’t want to abide by Marcus’ dictate that they must take things slowly. That he should take the lead. No, Pompeia wanted to live by the adage, “Let bygones be bygones.” And she wanted to do so by throwing open the door between their adjoining bedchambers, climbing into her lord’s bed, and claiming what was rightfully hers.
So giving Pompeia free rein? Not an option.
To do so would destroy any chance of finding happiness with Marcus again.
Thus, Penny resolved to stick to her original plan. For two full weeks, she continued to behave as the good, properly contrite wife. And whilst Marcus did not visit her bed, he did at least stay home at nights. Pleasant bantering increased between them, some of their former camaraderie returning. They even passed an evening playing chess (in keeping with her penitent role, she let him win).
Now it was the evening of her much anticipated Winter Ball. ’Twas her chance to show Marcus that she was the perfect marchioness for him. And to show the world that the Blackwood Estrangement was over.
Inspecting herself in the cheval glass, she said, “You don’t think the gown is too much, Jenny?”
“It’s perfect,” the maid declared. “Always said Madame Rousseau was the best modiste in all o’ London, and she outdid ’erself this time. You’re a masterpiece, milady: I han’t seen anything ’alf so beautiful in all my life.”
In commissioning her gown for the ball, Penny had told the modiste to spare no expense, and Madame Rousseau, being both an astute businesswoman and an artiste, had taken her at her word. The dress was constructed of pale ice blue silk, the fabric embellished with hand-sewn seed pearls to create the subtle, swirling effect of snow drifts. The bodice left Penny’s shoulders bare, clinging to her bosom and waist, while the fashionably full skirts cascaded to her matching ice blue slippers.
The crowning achievement of the frock, in her opinion, was its element of surprise. From the front, the gown appeared quite modest; the décolletage, trimmed with a wide band of cerise ribbon, showed only the barest hint of her cleavage (no small feat given that she was rather generously endowed in this area). The other side of the garment, however, took a plunge, both literally and figuratively: it bared the smooth line of her spine, the bright red ribbon coming together in a perfect, elegant bow a hairsbreadth above the small of her back.
The dress was delicious… if a tad daring.
Penny straightened her shoulders. With Jenny’s help, she’d cultivated a style of her own. As the Marchioness of Blackwood, she was known for taking risks when it came to fashion, and her bold style had always borne fruit. Marcus, for one, seemed to take special note of her more seductive gowns. Shivering, she couldn’t count the times they had returned from an evening on the Town and barely made it to one of their bedchambers before he had her bodice pushed down to her waist, her skirts tossed up, his touch scorching and possessive…
You’ve tempted me all night, Penny, and now I get my just reward, he’d growl.
Blooming hell, there’d been times when they hadn’t even made it back to the house. It was a private joke between them that Owen’s lively temperament might be attributed to the fact that he’d been conceived during a rather bouncy carriage ride home from the Opera.
The memory of their prior after-party activities raised her hopes and bolstered her resolve. If everything went as planned tonight, she would have a smashing social success on her hands. Surely Marcus would be impressed by that. And maybe, just maybe, he might be inclined to extend the celebration to a private one of their own afterward…
One could always hope.
“The ruby necklace, milady?” Jenny asked.
She nodded, and the maid secured the heavy spangle of jewels around her neck. The collar of large blood-red rubies connected by cool, glittering diamonds had been a present from Marcus. He’d given it to her on the occasion of their tenth wedding anniversary.
For my wife, whose price is above rubies, he’d murmured in her ear.
Her throat thickened, her fingers brushing against the symbol of his esteem. The esteem she would win back, no matter what. She glanced in the mirror one last time and saw the battle light in her eyes.
“I’m ready,” she said, lifting her chin.
If everything went as planned, tonight’s ball would be the beginning of a fresh start.
~~~
Tossing back another glass of champagne, Marcus wished the bloody ball would end.
His gut tightened as he caught sight of Penny surrounded by a circle of admirers, four-fifths of them male. She was laughing, wearing a gown so indecent that it was all he could do not to stalk over and demand that she march upstairs to change. When he’d first watched her descending down the staircase to greet their arriving guests, he’d been struck anew by her loveliness, the juxtaposition of her cool beauty and passionate violet eyes causing his blood to rush.
Then she’d turned around, and his blood had plummeted to one part of his anatomy in particula
r. Lust bled into fury. Bloody hell, her entire backside was exposed.
By then, he couldn’t do anything about it—at least, not without appearing like a jealous, lovesick husband. The very notion made him want to snarl. He wasn’t going to give their damned guests a show, nor was he going to give Pandora the satisfaction of knowing that she could provoke him into acting like a fool.
If she wanted to display her charms in a manner worthy of a harlot, he thought grimly, then so be it. He would have words with her after the party. But if she made one untoward move tonight, if her behavior even edged toward impropriety… His hands balled at his sides.
“That’s twice.”
Carlisle’s grim tones yanked him from his brooding. The viscount was standing next to him, watching dancers whirl by to a Scottish air, looking even less happy than Marcus felt.
“Twice?” Marcus said.
“Wick has danced with that damned chit two times,” Carlisle clarified.
Marcus followed the direction of his friend’s gaze.
Sure enough, Carlisle’s younger brother, Wickham Murray, was cutting a swath through the dance floor. A great favorite of the ladies, Murray was a dashing Adonis type, his tall, muscular form clad in the latest fashion. Marcus recognized his present partner as Miss Violet Kent, younger sister to the Duchess of Strathaven. Murray and Miss Kent made a dashing pair. As Marcus watched, Murray led the dark-haired miss into a particularly energetic spin, their shared laughter eliciting looks from the others around them.
“Is there a problem with him dancing with Miss Kent?” Marcus said.
“Ten thousand of them, to be precise.” Carlisle’s features were set in foreboding lines. “My brother is in debt, and as I’m in no position to get him out of it, for once he’ll have to take care of his own affairs. Which means he ought to be courting an heiress and not some middling class hoyden with aspirations to respectability.”
Marcus noticed the whispers emanating from a gaggle of ladies posted by a nearby potted palm. Their fans beating the air in titillated synchrony, they were clearly taking note of and delighting in Carlisle’s every word.
The Lady Who Came in from the Cold Page 10
