She had no other choice than to be honest with him. “I can’t allow you to be who you want to be in my life.”
He pulled back as if she’d slapped him. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel the way I do.”
She braided her fingers together, unable to deny the truth of his words.
When she didn’t answer, he clasped his hand together. “I think we should get married,” Jordan announced.
She held her breath.
“I know I’m not doing this right. I don’t have a ring to give you right now, but I promise to give you the biggest ring…”
She looked away. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand how I feel about you. That’s all that matters.”
“What about your family?” she asked.
“They’ll love you.”
“Rosa, love me? You need to have your head examined. And what about Malcolm?”
Jordan rose to his feet and moved closer to the lake. He expelled a long, frustrated breath. “Look, I don’t know all the answers.” He looked down at her. “But I do know you can’t ask me to leave here without you.”
She shook her head. “You make everything sound so easy.”
He rushed to her side. “It is easy. Just say yes and leave the rest up to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Christian don’t do this. Don’t turn me away. You know we fell for each other the first night in my parents’ gardens. You can’t deny there’s something stronger than ourselves that binds us together.”
Christian shook her head. She wanted to close her heart to the truth.
“At least tell me why you’re determined to throw our happiness away.” Frustration edged his voice.
She locked gazes with him. “Don’t you know how hard it is for me to let you go?” she shouted. A sob tore from her lips. “But I’d rather do that than to sit and watch fate snatch you away from me.”
He moved toward her.
She stopped him with a firm shake of her head. “Don’t you understand? I’m trying to protect you.”
“I’m not the one that needs protecting. Don’t you get it? I love you. I can’t walk away.”
She stared off into the distance and filled her lungs with the summer’s air.
“Talk to me, Christian.” Jordan’s voice broke into her reverie.
She turned her troubled gaze toward him. “I can’t marry you,” she answered.
He clamped his jaws together. “You love me. I know you do.”
She lowered her gaze. “It doesn’t matter.” She blinked and wiped at the tears that escaped her eyes. “You’ll regret it one day,” she whispered. “We’ll regret it.”
Jordan reached out and took her hands. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I feel like I’ve always known you, always loved you.”
When she didn’t respond, he continued, “If you can tell me that you don’t love me, I’ll walk away.”
Christian’s heart squeezed as she lifted her shimmering gaze back at him. “I don’t love you.”
“Alex, wait.” Malcolm pushed past Sheila and chased after her. His long strides allowed him to catch up with her at the elevator bay. He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around to face him. Her hand hit his face with a resounding slap. His head jerked back, causing him to lose his hold on her.
Alex entered the elevator. Malcolm dashed to catch it, but missed by a few inches. “Damn.”
He pressed the down button for another elevator, then grew impatient and raced toward the staircase.
Alex strode out of the elevator, suppressing a wave of nausea. “Damn him,” she spat, pushing through Opulence’s front door. She should have known better than to trust her heart to him. “A leopard can’t change its spots,” she mumbled. She reached the parking deck and ignored him calling from behind her.
She snatched open her car door and got in.
Malcolm reached her as she revved the car’s engine. “Alex, please wait. It wasn’t what it looked like.”
Her sharp gaze narrowed as it pinned him with contempt. “It never is with you. I hope you rot in hell.” She jammed the gears into reverse.
He nearly fell when the car moved. “Alex!”
She shifted into drive. Her tires screeched as she peeled off. She refused to look into the rearview mirror. “I’ll never look back.” She took a deep breath, cringing at the pain in her heart. “From here on out, I look out for number one,” she promised herself, but a lone tear streaked her face.
Malcolm hung his head in defeat. It wouldn’t do any good to chase after her. She would never believe him. He slid his hands into his pants’ pockets and allowed the pain in his heart to overtake him. “One day,” he vowed. “One day, I’ll win her back.”
Chapter 30
Bobby walked out of the house toward Jordan with her arms stretched wide. “I’m so sorry to see you go. We’re going to miss you around here.”
He shared an amicable smile with her as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m going to miss you all as well.”
“But you’re going to miss my wedding,” Bobby pouted.
He laughed. “So you’re finally going to tie the knot?”
Dylan draped a protective arm around his fiancée. “You bet she is.”
Pete thrust out his hand.
Jordan shook it and as expected Pete applied a considerable amount of pressure to his grip.
“You take care of yourself, city boy.”
Jordan laughed. “I’d hope you would call me by my name.”
“All right. Take care of yourself, Jordan.”
“Thanks, you do the same.” He turned to load the last suitcase into the car, then made a quick glance toward the house. He frowned in disappointment. He’d hoped Christian would come to same goodbye.
Christian lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Tears slid from her eyes as she listened to the group outside her window. Her heart ached at the sound of Jordan’s resonant voice.
With all her heart, she wanted to run downstairs and plead for him not to go. She laughed to herself. What good would it do to stop him now? She wanted more for him than what she could offer. He deserved better.
A door slammed, then an engine roared to life.
She closed her eyes as the tears slid faster down her face. This was for the best, Christian reminded herself. Listening as he drove from the house, she turned her face into the pillow and allowed her tears to rack her body.
Christian remained locked in her room for two days. She ignored Bobby’s coaxing for her to come out of her hiding place. If Christian had her way, she would never leave the comfort of her bed.
Jordan called daily, sometimes twice a day. But each time, she refused to take his call. Time healed all wounds, right?
She climbed out of bed. She had a doctor’s appointment in a few hours.
When she turned off the hot water and stepped out of the shower, she grabbed the towel from the rack and proceeded to dry off. She approached the mirror, mentally prepared to recite her daily affirmations. She wiped the steam from the glass and stared at her reflection.
This time, she paid no attention to the fading scar, or made no mental comparisons to how her body had looked before or after her mastectomy. Instead, she relived images of Jordan wrapping his strong arms around her.
How divine it felt to have his lips nuzzle her neck. Her eyes drifted closed. She could feel his hands roam across his body. She dragged her towel in front of her and clung to it as if it were Jordan.
She imagined his hands roaming lower as her head tilted back. His voice surfaced from within her memory. She loved the way he murmured her name repeatedly in her ear. Her body ached for him.
Her bedroom phone rang. She opened her eyes, unprepared for the crash back to reality and the painful emptiness in her heart. She grabbed her robe and went to answer it.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Chris.”
“Alex. Hey, how are you?” She plopped down
on the bed and looked out the window while she talked.
“Exhausted, I just finished my first shoot here. Work is harder to find than I thought, but I’m making it. How about you?”
Christian sighed. “Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I miss Jordan so much.”
“Why don’t you call him?” Alex suggested.
“And say what? I was wrong? Please come back to me?” Christian shook her head against the phone. “I can’t do that.”
“Pride is a terrible thing.”
Christian frowned. “Enough about me. How are you holding up?”
“I’ve definitely seen better days.” Alex’s voice faded into a dull whisper.
Christian heard the small sniffle over the line and shook her head. “Aren’t we a pair? Why don’t you call Malcolm?”
“I was telling you about pride because I know firsthand, but our situations are different. Jordan is a one-woman man and I think you’re crazy to let him go.”
Trying to blink the tears from her eyes, Christian hated to agree with her best friend. “I’m scared. I wouldn’t know what to say to him now. I don’t know if he’d still want me.”
Alex sniffed again. “I say there is only one way to find out. Call him.”
Christian pursed her lips, wanting to give in to the temptation. “Maybe I will. What about you?”
Alex laughed. “I try to forget anything ever happened between Malcolm and me. When that doesn’t work, I wish I could forget walking into his office and seeing him with Sheila.”
Closing her eyes against the pain she heard in her friend’s voice, Christian responded, “I still don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry he hurt you.”
Alex’s laugh cracked. “That’s all right. The next time I go into a relationship, I’ll do it with my eyes wide open.”
Dr. Murphy entered his office after Nancy prepared Christian for the excisional biopsy. A catheter was placed into a vein in her hand.
“So how are we doing today, Chrissy?”
Christian forced a smile. “I’m ready to get this over with,” she answered honestly.
Murphy grasped her cold hands in his. “Everything is going to be all right. Do you have any questions for me?”
“No. I’ve been through all of this before.”
He nodded. “I understand. I was surprised to see your grandmother didn’t come with you this morning.”
“I—I didn’t tell her about this. I think I’ll wait until we get the pathology report back. If the lump is not malignant, I have no need to worry her.”
Dr. Murphy slid on his glasses. “I understand. In a few minutes your anesthesiologist will be in to talk to you. I’ll see you in the operating room.”
As promised, minutes later, she was wheeled into surgery. Her last thoughts before her anesthesia kicked in were of Jordan.
Chapter 31
Christian woke from her deep sleep to the sound of someone calling her name. She didn’t want to leave the safe haven of her dreams where she and Jordan lived happily ever after.
“We need for you to wake up, Chrissy.”
She recognized Dr. Murphy’s voice and she tried to open her heavy eyelids. Her head lifted when the bed was electronically controlled to place her in a sitting position. A wave of nausea hit her. A tray of some kind appeared immediately beneath her chin.
Pain shot through her head as she emptied the remaining contents of her stomach. When she finished, a cool, wet towel was placed across her forehead.
Tears of misery trickled down her face as her body tried to recover from the anesthesia. Why had she come here alone? Loneliness shuddered throughout her body. She desperately wanted someone to tell her that everything was going to be okay.
She lifted her hand to wipe her tears away. She was tired of trying to be brave, tired of trying to solve her problems on her own. She could have told her grandmother what was going on, but Bobby couldn’t offer her the kind of comfort Christian needed.
Jordan’s image flashed in her mind. Her heart squeezed. She wanted to see him, to be with him. It was time for her to face reality. She loved him more than life itself. Whenever she was in his arms, she felt complete. She felt whole.
An hour later, Nancy appeared and rolled her into the post-anesthesia care unit. Once there, the nurse helped her from the bed into a sort of lounge chair. The sudden movement again had Christian vomiting into a new tray.
Miserable, Christian sipped greedily from the cool cup of water Nancy handed her. The cool drink performed wonders for her parched throat. She leaned back in her chair as her mind clouded.
“She’s just around here.”
Christian recognized Dr. Murphy’s voice and struggled once again to open her eyes.
The curtains of her small cubed area opened and to her utter amazement, Jordan stepped into the room.
The mere sight of him stole her breath.
“I hope by your silence, it means you’re happy to see me.” He smiled down at her, then took the vacant chair beside her.
Fresh tears sprang into her eyes. “How? When?”
Jordan reached over and took her hand in his. “You didn’t think that you would be able to get rid of me that easily, did you?” He leaned over and placed a tender kiss against her temple.
She squeezed his hand. “I was so wrong,” she whispered through her streaming tears. “I do love you.”
His gaze roamed over her. “I love you, too. I told you I couldn’t leave this place without you and I meant it. I’m always going to be with you. And together we’ll face whatever the future tosses our way.”
The love blossoming in her heart filled her with a warm glow.
She licked her lips as she met his gaze. “There’s something I have to ask you,” she said soberly.
Jordan leaned closer. “What is it, sweetheart?”
“Will you marry me?” she asked. Her grip tightened on his hand.
A bright smile caressed his lips. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Epilogue
A week later
Christian finished packing her clothes as the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Chrissy, this is Dr. Murphy. We received the pathology report from the lab.”
She sat up on her bed and took a deep breath.
Jordan immediately appeared at her side. “Who is it?
“And?” she asked unable to say much more.
“The lump was nonmalignant. Everything checked out fine.”
She breathed a sigh of relief as she slumped into Jordan’s arms. “That’s wonderful news, doctor. Thank you so much for calling.”
“You’re welcome. By the way, congratulations on your engagement. I know you and your fiancé will be very happy together.”
“Thank you.” She hung up the phone, then turned to wrap her arms around Jordan’s neck. “The test came back negative!”
Jordan squeezed her body tight. “That’s wonderful. I’m so relieved.”
“Come on.” She jumped up. “We have to go and tell Bobby the good news.”
He pulled her back. “Maybe we should have our own little celebration right here first.”
A bright smile lit her face at the conspiratorial gleam in his eyes. “Oh, really?”
He brushed a light kiss against her lips. “I know I’m in the mood for one.”
“You’re incorrigible,” she teased.
“Are you bragging or complaining?” He pulled her body onto the bed.
“I’m definitely bragging,” she whispered before she covered his mouth in a kiss that sealed their love.
I PROMISE
An Arabesque novel published by Kimani Press/December 2008
First published by BET Publications, LLC in 1999
ISBN: 978-1-4268-2497-5
© 1999 by Adrianne Byrd
All rights reserved. The reproduction, transmission or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other
means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without written permission. For permission please contact Kimani Press, Editorial Office, 233 Broadway, New York, NY 10279 U.S.A.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
® and TM are trademarks. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and/or other countries.
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