by E. A. West
“I’m glad you guys had a good time. By the way, you’ll be on your own again tomorrow.”
“Oh?”
“Mateo and I are going to see the church on top of Monserrate. Going by what he said, it could easily become an all-day trip.”
“Carlos and Maria pointed the mountain out to us. You’re really going up there alone with Mateo?”
“Yeah. We were talking at the park and decided to spend the day together.” Kayla sighed, trying hard not to give into the urge to cry. “I’m going to miss him so much when we leave.”
“You’ve really fallen for this guy, haven’t you?” Angie said in a thoughtful tone.
Kayla nodded.
“Have you told him?”
“Not exactly, but he knows I care about him and that I’m going to miss him.”
“Has he asked you to stay here or come back?”
“Not yet, but I wish he would. It might help me figure out what direction my life is going. I have a feeling the comfortable, familiar life I led before coming here won’t be nearly as good when I get back to it. It feels like God’s stirring up my life in preparation for sending me down a different path, but I don’t know where it leads yet. Maybe it’s a career change or a move somewhere. I keep hoping it’s going to lead to a life with Mateo and maybe Claudia, but that’s not looking likely.”
Angie’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “What are you talking about? You and Mateo spend every second together that you can! As for Claudia, isn’t this the same girl who has stuck to you like glue since her brother was killed?”
“Yes, but I’m leaving her here. She’s got abandonment issues out the wazoo. To the point that she thought we might leave her at the park if she didn’t stick by my side. Mateo finally convinced her that we’d still bring her back with us if she went and played with the other children.” Moisture blurred Kayla’s vision. “It was heartbreaking, Angie, to see a little girl that terrified of being abandoned. What’s it going to do to her when I get on that plane and don’t come back for months?”
“She’ll be OK.” Angie scooted over and gave her a hug. “Kids are resilient, and Claudia has Mateo, Carlos, and Maria to take of her and love her.”
“But what about Mateo? He was a street kid, and I’m sure lingering somewhere inside is the fear of people leaving him and never coming back.” Kayla squeezed her eyes shut against the pain in her heart. “How can a relationship between us survive when several thousand miles are between us? I want it work, more than anything, but I don’t know if he’s willing to make it work. Sometimes it seems like he cares about me as much as I care about him, but other times he seems resigned to our relationship ending the minute I’m on the plane. If he’s not willing to fight to make it work between us...I can’t hold the relationship together on my own.”
“He cares about you, Kayla. I might even go so far as to say he loves you. It’s written all over him whenever he sees you.” Angie leaned back and met Kayla’s gaze. “Knowing you’re leaving is sure to be hard on him, too. Unless something drastic happens, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and do what you can to figure out how to make a relationship with him work in the long-term.”
Kayla studied her friend. “I thought you didn’t like him. That you were scared of him.”
“That was true for a while,” Angie said, her cheeks coloring, “but I’d have to be blind and stupid not to see that he’s actually a nice guy with a strong faith. It just took me longer to look past the scary exterior than it did you.”
“He’s had a hard life,” Kayla said, thinking about the photo he’d shown her and what little he’d told her about his past. “I don’t want to become another bad memory for him.”
“So make sure that doesn’t happen. You may rack up a lot of frequent flyer miles and get to know everyone in customs by name, but leaving here Monday doesn’t have to mean you never see him again.”
Would repeated trips to Bogotá be enough to keep a relationship going? And if God intended it to be a permanent relationship, at some point, she or Mateo would have to move, but maybe visiting as often as possible would work for now. She was sure her father could find some excuse for her to come down here on business every few months so her job wouldn’t have to suffer too much. Working for her dad had its advantages, including his willingness to help her with her pursuits, such as coming here in the first place.
Angie patted Kayla’s knee and stood. “You think about it and pray even more. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Kayla stared at her closed computer as Angie left. Her friend was right. She had a lot of praying to do before she saw Mateo in the morning.
8
People clogged the sidewalk. Kayla stuck close to Mateo, holding his hand to keep from getting separated as they went with the crowd toward a gate.
“Is it always this crowded?” she asked, glancing at him.
“Sometimes. Other times, not so much.” He smiled and gave her hand a reassuring pat. “Don’t worry. I will make sure you don’t get lost.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.” She drew in a deep breath and scanned the mass of people, feeling for the first time that she was in a large city with more than eight million citizens. Until now, she’d seen a few streets congested with traffic, but the sidewalks, though bustling with activity, hadn’t been anywhere near this packed.
They turned onto the wide walkway leading through the gate, and Kayla looked up the mountainside, taking in the stone-paved path with shallow steps that would eventually bring them to the top of Monserrate. Suddenly, she doubted the wisdom of walking up the mountain rather than taking the cable car or funicular. Mateo wouldn’t be thrilled, but she had to give him a chance to take the easy way to the top. She’d hate to have him limping in pain for the rest of the day just because he thought she’d enjoy the scenery.
She tugged him to the side of the walkway, out of the way of the stream of people. “Mateo, are you sure you want to hike to the top?”
“I have done it before and will probably do it again.” He stroked her cheek, a knowing smile on his face. “You are worrying about my leg again, aren’t you?”
“A little. I don’t want you to spend the day hurting because of me. We don’t have to walk to the top.” She caught sight of a pair of men in dark green uniforms and safety yellow vests watching from a position nearby.
“Kayla,” Mateo said, bringing her gaze back to him, “I will be fine. If it hurts by the time we reach the top, I will have a limp. But like I have said before, limping is nothing to worry about. It is part of my life, just as having to rely on a prosthetic leg to walk is a part of my life.”
“OK.” She smiled and turned toward the gate once more. “Let’s go, then. I can’t wait to see what there is to see.”
Mateo led her back into the flow of humanity, and they began the hike to the mountaintop church. The people around them seemed more focused on the trek than on the plant life to either side of the trail. Kayla and Mateo kept close to the edge so they didn’t impede anyone’s movements as they walked up the path, discussing the view as they went farther up the mountain.
“Thanks for talking me into walking to the top,” Kayla said when they paused for a moment about halfway up. She looked across the city below to the mountains in the hazy distance. “The view is amazing.”
“Just wait until we get to the top. This is nothing compared to that.” Mateo shifted his weight to his right leg. “You were right about my leg hurting from the climb, but it is worth showing you the beauty of Monserrate.”
Although concerned, she smiled and laid a hand on his arm. “I’ll tell you now that we’re taking the easy way down. I’ll let you choose the method, but walking is out.”
“You have a deal.” He laughed and took her hand as they continued up the path.
By the time Kayla saw the church and the plaza in front of it ahead, Mateo had slowed them to a leisurely pace. As soon as they stepped onto the plaza, he limped over to the stone w
all edging it and sat facing the church steps. Kayla ignored the view behind him and sat next to him, allowing her concern to show.
“You OK?”
“Bruised, but I will be all right.” He put his arm around her and hugged her. “Perhaps walking up here was not my best decision, but I would do it again just so you could experience it.”
“As much as I appreciate it, I don’t want you to suffer for me.” She leaned against him, wishing she could stay there forever.
“This is your last day here. A little suffering is worth the sacrifice to make it as perfect as possible for you.” He gave her a gentle kiss. “I want you to have good memories to take home, and walking along el camino peatonal is something everyone should have opportunity to do.”
“It was a beautiful walk.” Kayla glanced over her shoulder and gasped. “Wow.”
“I told you there is no other view like this in Bogotá,” Mateo said with a chuckle as she turned to get a better look.
The city spread out below them, stretching into the distance. Even from the top of Monserrate, she couldn’t see the entire city. From this height, however, Bogotá looked so peaceful, with no obvious rich or poor. No violence or abject poverty. It was just a sea of buildings stretching to the hazy horizon. The vastness of God’s creation sank in at that moment. Instead of seeing one small piece at a time as she usually did, she was seeing a huge swath that didn’t even reveal the entirety of a city of eight million.
The realization was overwhelming.
She turned toward the church again, taking in the plain façade and the people going inside. So many things seemed to be like that in Bogotá. They appeared plain and ordinary, but if one looked a little further, something wonderful would be found. The street children, the people at the mission, even the house she had helped renovate, all of them held hidden depths that she had only glimpsed. And each little peek past the obvious made her long to see more.
She’d seen more and more of Mateo since the day he picked them up from the airport, but she couldn’t seem to get enough. There was so much depth to the man that she had barely plumbed, and what she’d discovered about him so far only made her want to know more. Unfortunately, time was running out and she had no idea if she would ever see him again after she boarded the plane for the U.S. tomorrow.
****
Mateo tried to focus on Kayla’s wonder as she gazed at the vaulted ceiling and polished wood inside the church, but it was a difficult goal. He still struggled with entering a Catholic church, thanks to four nightmarish years under the command of a marginal Catholic who believed dragging his men to the nearest village priest every now and then would save them from eternal damnation for the violence and kidnappings they perpetrated the rest of the time. The man had even had the audacity to administer last rites to Mateo before abandoning him to die in the jungle.
Shrugging off the weight of the past, Mateo looked up at El Señor Caído above the altar. The sculpture depicting a bloodied and bruised Christ halfway between sitting and lying down had captured Mateo’s attention the first time he entered this church as an angry eighteen-year-old.
He’d lived with Carlos and Maria for nearly a year, and he’d finally admitted his intense dislike for all things Catholic. Carlos, although a Protestant minister, hadn’t been willing to allow a cruel man with no true understanding of salvation color Mateo’s perception of the Catholic Church. He’d coerced Mateo into boarding the funicular to the top of Monserrate and then told him they would only go home again after visiting the church. Since Mateo hadn’t gotten his first prosthetic leg yet, he was unable to walk down the mountain and had to go along with the pastor’s plan.
They’d entered the mostly empty church, and Mateo wanted to leave as soon as he saw the twin rows of pews stretching toward the altar at the far end. Although fancier than many of the churches his commander had forced him to go into, it didn’t prevent the familiar feelings of resentment and anger. At Carlos’s urging, he sat in one of the pews about halfway up. Once he was settled, Carlos wandered off and Mateo’s gaze went to El Señor Caído. Seeing the image of the injured man with a silver crown of thorns ringing his head made something click inside Mateo. The Church wasn’t responsible for everything he’d endured, just as it wasn’t responsible for the suffering Christ had endured. All the things Carlos had been saying about God’s love and mercy started to make sense, and Mateo had wondered if God would heal his broken and battered spirit.
“Mateo?” Kayla’s soft voice broke through his memories, and he glanced over to find her watching him. “Are you OK?”
“Yes. Just remembering the first time I came here.” He guided her into a pew and they sat near the end. Following the prompting of his heart, he spoke quietly as the pews around them began to fill. “This is the church where I accepted Christ as my Savior. Carlos made me come, even though I did not want to, and then he left me sitting alone while he went to find the priest. Something about this place broke through everything I thought I knew, all the hurt I had suffered at the hands of the rebels. By the time Carlos returned with the priest, I was ready to truly listen to what they had to say about God.”
“That’s wonderful, but I don’t understand. Why did Carlos go for the priest when he’s a minister?”
“Because my commander in the FARC had messed up my thinking about the Catholic Church. Carlos knew I would never be able to move past everything that had happened until I saw that what my commander believed was not the way the Catholic Church proclaimed.” Mateo sighed and leaned back in the pew. Kayla took his hand and held it in her warm grasp, giving him the strength to tell her what he had told few others. “My commander forced me to fight, to help with kidnappings and attacks. These were not things I wanted to do, but I had no choice. Then he would take me and the others to whatever church was closest and insist we confess to the priest there so we would be forgiven and saved from burning in hell. Once we left the church, however, he made us continue to do the same things he had just forced us to confess.”
Kayla rubbed his arm with her free hand. “That is really messed up.”
“I know that now, but at the time I just saw us doing things I knew were wrong, and then priests telling us God wouldn’t hold it against us because we confessed. That whole time, I never knew true forgiveness. I only knew that our commander somehow convinced the local priests to absolve us so that if we died during the next raid we wouldn’t be damned for all eternity.” Mateo shook his head, still unable to believe how many of the rebels had fallen for his commander’s warped theology. “I was sure it couldn’t work that way, but seeing priest after priest forgive us for things we would continue to do without a second thought made me think the Catholic Church was based on lies and deceit.”
“But coming here helped you see that’s not the case.”
“Right. Thanks to Carlos, I finally understood that the priests could not judge what was in our hearts, could not assume what we would do in the future. They could only know what we were confessing that day. And even if they suspected, they had to do whatever they could in order to protect their villages. My commander was a cruel man. Who knows what kind of threats he issued.” Dark memories threatened to surface, but he shoved them back with a deep, cleansing breath. “It is still difficult for me to attend Mass because of those memories, but it is good for me to go now and then as a way to remind myself that God loves all Christians, regardless of denomination, and that not everyone who claims to be Christian is a good representative of the faith.”
“True, but I think you’re a good representative of the faith.” Kayla kissed his cheek and settled into her seat as the service began.
He felt unworthy of her confidence in him, thanks to a past still alive and well in his mind. Yes, he was a strong Christian now, but she didn’t know what he’d done that made him desperate for absolution. Although he’d gone to those village priests because his commander forced him to, once alone in the confessional, he admitted to his sins with true remorse.
He had learned to hate himself for what he did and what he watched others do without attempting to stop them. Everything he’d done had been to keep his life, but it hadn’t taken long for him to wonder if it was a life worth saving. Something kept him going, however. Each time he went to confession had been torture because he had to say out loud just how horrible his life was, and no matter how many times he confessed and received forgiveness, his commander still forced him to do the same things again and again.
Mateo forced the depressing thoughts from his mind once more and prayed for God to give him the strength to endure and the comfort he needed in order to focus on the Mass. After all, he couldn’t very well tell Kayla what was said if he didn’t listen, and he planned to keep his promise to her. With one last look at El Señor Caído, Mateo focused his attention on the priest speaking to the congregation.
After Mass ended, Mateo took Kayla’s hand and led her outside. They followed part of the crowd to an area vendors occupied, and he waited for her say something. She’d looked thoughtful through most of the service.
“Mateo, what did the priest preach about?” she asked as they wove through the crowd.
“He spoke about the restorative power of faith and hope. About how keeping our focus on God instead of the world around us will enable us to endure the trials of life much better than if we get distracted from God.”
“Hmm, a good topic.” She gave him a small smile. “It kind of fits our situation, doesn’t it? I mean, with me going home tomorrow and both of us hoping to find a way to make things work between us.”
“Yes, and we must have faith that God will show us what we should do when the time is right.” He wished she hadn’t brought up her departure. For today, he wanted to pretend she would still be here with him a week from now, a year from now. But he couldn’t lie to himself that easily, and knowing she would get on a plane in the morning and go back to her life without him weighed heavily on his mind and his heart.
