“Hi Amanda. Tommy.”
“Do you mind if we talk for a minute? I talked to Maggie and I think you and I should have a conversation.”
“Why the hell not. I’ve already talked to everyone else. Why not her best friend. Let me guess, you think I’m an idiot?”
“No. Not at all. In fact, I might even agree with you.”
That shocked the hell out of me. I never would have guessed Amanda would agree with me about anything, let alone something so important.
“Look, I don’t want to see her go either but if she stays in this crappy town, I’m worried what could become of her. She needs to break completely free from her mom. It isn’t healthy to constantly worry if you’re going to run into the woman who instilled fear in you everyday until you left. I think her going off to college is the best thing for her.”
“I’m surprised you see it from my perspective.”
“The only thing I think is ludicrous about this whole situation is why you won’t go with her.”
“I just can’t, Amanda.”
“I think if you tried hard enough, you could find a way.”
“There isn’t one. And now that Maggie is determined to stay in Milford if we’re together, I don’t think that leaves me with any other options.”
“I agree that she needs to go but not like this. Not with you hurting her. Can’t you find another way?”
“I wish I could. But you know that once she gets something in her head, there’s no way to change her mind.”
“Sadly, you’re right.”
*****
I give it a couple more days to test the state of my own being living without Maggie. I’ve loaded myself down with work. But I can’t wait any longer. I know I’m hurting her by staying away. Tonight is the night I break both our hearts. I texted her earlier to see if we could talk. She agreed. Now I’m standing on her doorstep, waiting for the door to open.
The minute I see her, I want to change my mind. I want to take it all back and hold her tight in my arms. But I don’t. I walk right past her and sit down at her tiny kitchen table. I’m being extremely cold because I can’t break down for even one second or I’ll change my mind completely. After a gut-wrenching conversation, we’re done. She’s just asked me to leave. I knew she was going to end it. Even though I tried to offer the long distance thing, she refused. I’d already hurt her too deeply.
I drive back to my place feeling lost without her. I barely make it through the front door before collapsing to the ground in a pile of tears. Amanda leaves to check on Maggie and Tommy somehow manages to get me over to the couch. He tries to calm me down but there is nothing that can be done to help ease this pain. I just sit and cry over the woman I love.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It’s the beginning of August. Almost two months since I last saw Maggie. The first week was spent in bed, wallowing in my own self-pity. Then I let work take over. That’s all I do now. I just work. From sunrise to sunset, hoping I can find a few minutes in the day to not think about Maggie. I’m headed over to my mom’s house now for our weekly dinner. Tommy is meeting us there with Amanda. Somehow she’s become a part of our family without me even knowing it.
She refuses to talk about Maggie. She won’t give me any updates. I’ve begged my mother over and over but Maggie isn’t taking her calls. I can’t say I blame her. She doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with me. I walk in the front door, passing the living room and head straight for the kitchen to say hi to my mom.
“Hi Mijo.”
“Hey, Mom.”
“You look terrible.”
“Gee, thanks. Aren’t mothers supposed to love their children unconditionally?”
“I do but that doesn’t mean I can’t speak my mind. Sit down.”
She says it firmly, which means I don’t have a choice and I better not argue with her.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Enough of this, Vincent. You walk around here like a zombie. All you do is work. When you are around, you barely talk to anyone. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile since Maggie left. It’s time to snap out of it.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know. Something. Anything. If you think you made the right decision, then move on. If you think you made a mistake, then fight for her.”
“How? I don’t even know where to begin.”
“I can’t answer that for you, Mijo. You need to find the answer for yourself.”
My mother gave me a lot to think about. She’s right. I haven’t been the same since Maggie left. I’ve just been existing. Living my life day to day. But how do I fight for her when I know she won’t even see me. Besides, nothing has really changed. I’m still stuck in Milford and she’s in Michigan. Exactly where I want her to be. Pursuing her dreams. I can’t take that away from her. That’s the whole point to all this pain in the first place.
Then it hits me. I should go to school. If I start here at the community college, I can still run my business with Tommy’s help and be here for my mom and Joey. Maybe if I can commit myself to college, she’ll see that I’m serious about making this work. Maybe she’ll give me another chance. If my memory serves me right, school starts at the end of the month. I’m sure I have a ton to do before then so I can enroll for fall semester. I don’t know the first thing about going to college. That’s when I decide to enlist the help of Amanda. She’s supposed to start at the end of August as well. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to help me. She loves to feel important.
The next couple of weeks consist of me taking test after test. They call them placement tests to figure out where I belong and which classes I should take. Since I didn’t finish high school, they only require a copy of my GED. I also applied for financial aid but didn’t get it completed in time for this semester. It’s a good thing community college is so cheap. All my hard work over the past two months is paying off. I’m able to pay cash for my first semester.
The counselor at the school helps me fill out courses for the next year based on a four-year degree in business. I’m not really sure if I’ll even make it past my first class, let alone make it to a university. But this isn’t about where I’ll end up. It’s just about making a change. Getting started on a path that will hopefully lead me back to Maggie.
After getting everything in order, it’s time for my first day of class. I loaded up with as many courses as I could while still running my business. I have some classes first thing in the morning and some late at night. I have to give myself as much time during the day as possible to work. Tommy has been super supportive, taking on more and more of the business responsibilities. My whole family seems to think this is a great idea.
I walk into English class nervous as ever. This was never one of my strong subjects to begin with. Add that to the fact that I haven’t been inside a classroom since junior year of high school and it’s a pretty stressful situation. For the first time in a long time, I’m actually happy to see Amanda.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself. You ready for this?”
“Not really. Umm…you haven’t mentioned any of this to Maggie, have you?”
“No. I’m not allowed to talk about you. Why?” That throws me a little off guard. I guess it makes sense. I can’t blame her for not wanting to know what’s going on here. I just wish I could find out how things are going for her.
“I just don’t want her to know. I might not even get past the first day. I don’t want to get her hopes up.”
“I understand. By the way, I think what you’re doing is incredibly brave.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate that.”
“Anytime.”
The next few weeks go on about the same. I get familiar with all my classes, homework assignments and professors. I’m a little surprised by how at ease I feel. Nothing so far has been out of my level of understanding. For the most part, it’s all going well. Of course Maggie would have to be right about this too. I miss her so muc
h. I hope I made the right choice. I hope she’s happy and liking college as much as me. My focus is to accomplish something. To move past this time in my life and be together again. I’m just not sure when or how.
It’s Friday night and for the first time in a long time, it’s just my mom and me for dinner. Tommy and Amanda actually went out on a date and Joey is at Keri’s house. We sit down at the table to enchiladas and tacos with rice and beans. Some of my favorites. And Maggie’s too.
“What’s wrong, Mijo?”
“Nothing. Just thinking about Maggie. Pretty much everything reminds of her.”
“I know. I debated telling you this but it might be just what you need.”
“What?”
“Maggie finally took my call today.”
Excitement rushes through me at the thought of hearing something, anything about how she’s doing. I hold my breath waiting for more information. I give my mom my big, brown puppy dog eyes begging her for more.
“She sounds…good.”
“What does that mean? Good how?”
“Well, she seems to like her classes. She isn’t working this semester because of all her classes but she seemed…I don’t know if I should share this.”
“Please, mom. I need to know.”
“She seems sad. She tried really hard to amp up her voice and sound cheerful but she failed miserably.”
“Did she ask about me?”
“No. In fact, that was her one rule. We aren’t allowed to talk about you. I’m sorry it’s not better news but remember she’s hurting and I think blocking you out entirely is her only way of coping. Just give it time.”
“I will. I know I hurt her.”
“So what exactly is this plan of yours anyway?”
“I really don’t know at this point. I’m just trying to figure things out myself. School just seemed like the best step for now.”
“Listen to me, son. Joey and I are doing fine. I don’t need the money you sneak into the cookie jar anymore. I might have at one time but not anymore. I’ve even got a little put away in savings in case of an emergency. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t go off to college if that’s what you really want. You have done more for this family than I ever would have expected. Find out what you want and go for it.”
“Thanks mom. Now I just have to figure out what that is.”
“I know it’s hard but follow your heart.”
“I will. I love you. I hope I don’t take you for granted.”
“You don’t, Vincent. You’re a good son.
*****
It’s the end of my first semester in college. All I want to do is call Maggie and tell her about all my classes and how I passed everything with mostly A’s and a few B’s. But she still refuses to even mention my name to Amanda or my mom, so I know she isn’t ready to hear from me. Amanda is at the house celebrating the fact that we survived our classes. I have to give the girl credit, she helped me study when I didn’t want to. Tommy seems relieved to have a break from all the homework even though he isn’t even in school. We’re sitting around enjoying pizza and soda, about to watch a movie.
“So what’s next, Moreno?” Amanda asks from across the table.
“What do you mean?”
“Like, what’s your next step in winning Maggie back? This can’t be all you got.”
“I’m already enrolled for next semester. I really don’t know what else I can do. She won’t even let you mention my name, let alone talk about me.”
“Look, you and I both know how insanely stubborn our girl is, I think you need to think bigger.”
“Bigger how?”
“Michigan bigger.”
“What are you talking about? I can’t move to Michigan. I’m not even a student there.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. You need to apply there, move there and start taking classes. The only way Maggie will ever forgive you is if you’re there with her. Trust me. I know her better than anyone.”
“How would that even be possible? I have a business to run and I sure as hell can’t afford a school like that.”
“Stop being so pessimistic. You have good grades. Do that again for another semester and then apply. People transfer from community colleges all the time. And there are like a zillion scholarships out there. Tommy and I have been talking and…”
“Co-conspirators. Go on.” I give Tommy a look that says I’m not too pleased they’ve been talking about me behind my back.
“Anyway, he thinks he can run the business while you’re at school if you can be home for summers to help when it’s the busiest. He might have to hire one or two people but he thinks he can make it work. Just work your ass off for the next six months to a year so you can save as much as possible. Plus, I’m here to help if he needs it.”
“Why are you doing this? Why are you suggesting all of this? I thought you were on her side with the whole hating me thing.”
“I’m not on anyone’s side. Well, that’s not true. I’m on Maggie’s side and I’ve never seen her happier than when she’s with you. She would kill me if she knew what I was about to tell you but she would have to drive like five hours to do it so I’m going to say I’m pretty safe. She is absolutely, positively miserable. She misses you. She’s just too damn stubborn to admit it. Look, her mom messed her up bad. The girl’s got issues. But I know if you could prove to her you did what you thought was best and how you’ve changed your mind about being at school with her and that you would do anything for her then maybe, just maybe she could forgive you.”
“That’s a huge maybe.”
“But isn’t it worth the risk? You’ve been miserable without her. You guys deserve a second chance.”
“It’s unquestionably worth it. She’s worth it. But where would I even begin?”
“I can help with everything. Schedule an appointment with your adviser right after break. They can help too.”
I’ve haven’t seen Amanda this excited since we planned Maggie’s eighteenth birthday party. I can’t believe she just convinced me to move away from my family, leave my business and go after Maggie all the way in Michigan. All the while, Tommy just sat there with a smug look on his face. Bastard. I bet they’ve been talking about this for a while. Probably ever since I decided to go to school in the first place. That girl is diabolical. I can’t blame her. She wants what I want which is for Maggie to be happy.
Over the winter break from school, I work as much as possible. I save every dime I get my hands on outside of paying for basic necessities. Amanda helps me research scholarships both through the university and outside based on ethnicity, academic ability and any other criteria I might meet. Once school is back in session, I meet with my adviser. She’s an older lady with short, gray hair and glasses. She reminds me of a grandma but she seems to know what she’s talking about.
“Mr. Moreno, I understand you want to attend the University of Michigan.”
“I do.”
“Well, it won’t be easy because your high school transcripts are abysmal and you’ve only got one semester under your belt. My advice would be to apply at the end of the school year when you’ve had a chance to complete another semester. This will show the school that you’re serious about your education.”
“Yes ma’am. Any other suggestions?”
“Include as much information on your business as possible. You are applying to the business school and starting your own business is impressive. Have you found information about scholarships yet?”
“Yes ma’am. I’ve already started applying.”
“Good for you. It’s never too early. I don’t want to get your hopes up. You might not get in for the Fall semester. If the school has too many applicants, you could get wait listed and be forced to delay until Spring semester which begins mid January.”
“I understand. Thank you for your time and help.”
“Just doing my job. Good luck Mr. Moreno.”
“Thanks again.”
&nbs
p; That wasn’t nearly as bad as I pictured it. At least she made it sound like I have a chance. For the first time in months, I actually have hope that this could work.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Amanda, Tommy and I are sitting around the living room as I hold up the letter from the University of Michigan. I did exactly what my adviser told me to do. I completed another semester at the community college, getting all A’s and B’s again and then I submitted all of my transcripts, application and an essay to the university. It’s the end of July and I finally got a response.
“Will you open it already! You’ve killing me over here.”
“No kidding. Just rip it open and read it. You aren’t going to know if it’s good news until you look inside.” Tommy says with a little more patience than Amanda.
“Fine.” I tear the envelope, open the folded piece of paper and being reading. My face drops slightly because they’ve asked me to attend one more semester of community college to bring my GPA up. It also says they don’t have room until Spring semester, even if my grades were good enough. I share the news with Tommy and Amanda.
“That isn’t the worst news. They didn’t say no. You’ll just have to get all A’s next semester.”
“Thanks Amanda. It just feels like an eternity since I’ve seen her.”
“You’ve waited this long, you can wait another six months.”
“I know. I just wish I didn’t have too. I know I’m not supposed to ask but did she come home this summer?”
“Just for a little bit at the beginning. But she refused to come back to Milford. I hung out at her grandpa’s with her. She’s working at some coffee shop near the school trying to save some money. She said she’ll come back at the end of summer for another week.”
“So do I still have a chance? I’m not asking if she’s seeing anyone, just if I still have a chance to win her back?”
“I wouldn’t still be encouraging you if I didn’t believe it.”
“Thanks Amanda. For everything.”
“What about me?” Tommy asks with a gloomy face.
“What about you?”
“Hey man! I’ve helped you study and been supportive this whole time!”
Sublime Forgiveness (Sublime Series Book 3) Page 15
