You were right. I fucked up again.
Because there was something about me, something defective and unlovable. That must be it. Chase always had his cell phone on him, so I wasn’t surprised that he texted me right back. Pregnant?
No asshole. Single. Again.
I couldn’t even celebrate that Vaughan was moving out of the inn. She wouldn’t be, even though Brett had tried to swoop in with his bags of money and pay her off. And remember when you thought he was homeless? I was such a fool.
Chase texted back. Want company? I’m nearby.
I frowned at the phone. What about Jackie?
Meh. Having problems.
Chase is bad for you. Chase is a big, fat, lying, jerk pig. But at least with Chase, I knew what I was getting myself into. We’d been friendly forever and I was over him, and if he was having problems with Jackie, maybe we could talk about our misery together. I texted, I hope you’re going to apologize.
For what?
Comments at party.
OK sorry. Leaving now.
I hesitated before typing back, OK.
He brought some beer and we sat on the couches. I’d opened the windows because a brief rainstorm had cooled off the evening. “I don’t actually want to go into specifics,” I said.
“Me neither.”
So we sat in silence and drank our beers. I took off my shoes and dug my toes into the couch cushions. “What’s wrong with us?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Broken, I guess.”
“That was my guess, too.” I combed my fingers through my hair. “You know, you should really marry Jackie. She loves you, and no matter what you say, I know you love her, too.”
A strange look appeared on his face. “I thought you didn’t approve.”
“I hope that’s not what’s held you back.” I took a pull of my beer and then set it aside on the coffee table. “Look, we always get together and bitch about our exes. I’m kind of tired of it. Like, we have to grow up at some point and realize that we’re part of the problem, too.”
He arched an eyebrow at me and then scratched his shoulder. “In what way?”
“I’m selfish. I’m quick to anger. I’m stubborn.” Chase started laughing. “Shut up.”
“Sorry.”
“I think about myself, like, all the time.” My throat constricted around that. “Even this thing with Brett, I think it’s about me. That he should’ve told me more about himself. That I deserved to know.”
“You were in a relationship with him,” Chase said. “Don’t you think that’s fair?”
“I don’t know. He was so great and now I’ve lost him, so maybe not.” My heart ached. “Okay, your turn. What’s wrong with you?”
But Chase smirked—a sure sign he wasn’t going to take this exercise seriously. “My sex drive is too high. No one woman is enough.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, okay. You know what’s wrong with you, Chase? And I say this as a friend.” I shifted so that we were fully facing each other. “You’re insecure. You put me down. Do you know this? It’s amazing that I still talk to you after the things you’ve said. But I value you as a friend even still. That’s one of the things I’m good at, being a friend. But from now on, I expect you to be better than that.
“And you know what else?” I continued, on a roll. “You’re never satisfied. You’re so focused on closing the next deal that you’re never thinking about what you have right in front of you. And no, I’m not interested,” I added. “To be clear.”
He nodded his head. “Gotcha. Yeah, this is a great exercise. I’m glad we’re doing this.” He took another long pull. Sarcasm was his defense.
“I’m saying this because if you don’t cut the shit and realize what you have with Jackie, you’re going to lose her. I know you two fight sometimes, but you know what, Chase? You’re quick to walk away. You’re being a quitter.”
“And you’re not?”
“No. My boyfriend planned to move to Seattle without telling me. That’s not quitting. That’s having some self-respect.”
“Ah. Got it.” He tore off the label from his beer bottle and rolled the paper into a ball. “I thought you were texting me tonight to, you know. Get some.”
“No, I was definitely not. Wait.” Now I sat up. “You considered it? Chase, you’re engaged.”
“I was going to turn you down.” He scratched at the side of his nose. “It’s complicated.”
“No, it’s not. Jeeeezus.” I had to stand up and leave the room, but my mouth kept going. “Please understand that I would never, ever do that to Jackie. Or to you. If you can’t understand that, we can’t be friends.”
He stared down at his bottle, chastened. “Got it. I was kidding, anyway.”
“Right.” I crossed my arms and leaned one shoulder against the wall. “Look, I want you to be happy. God knows I should never speak to you again after the way you treated me at that party. But when you care about someone, you care about them even when they’re acting horrible. So I forgive you for all of those terrible things you said.”
He swallowed. “I felt really bad about that. I’d been drinking too much and … I was sort of jealous to see you with Brett.”
“I know. You’ve liked the attention I’ve given you. It’s a boost to your self-esteem. But I know you’re better than that. I know you’re better than this. Chase, look at me.” I waited for him to lift his eyes. “Be better. Don’t fuck this one up.”
For a moment, he was still. Then he nodded his head, very slowly. “You sure know how to put a guy in his place. You learn that in teaching school?”
I snorted at that one. “As a matter of fact, yes. I learned it in teaching school.”
Chase never finished his beer. Our conversation had gotten too heavy, but we hugged as he left. “Be better?” he said.
“Be better.”
“You should, too.” Then he patted me on the shoulder and climbed into his car.
CHAPTER 19
MINDY
FOR THE NEXT week, I barely knew what to do with myself. I visited my grandmother and took her for a walk around the garden, all the while trying to remain upbeat. But Nana didn’t miss a thing. “What’s wrong with your face?” she asked when we sat on her favorite bench, next to a small fountain. When I lifted my hand to my cheek, she added, “You look upset about something.”
“Oh. I guess I’m a little sad that the summer is over.”
Nana was going to be discharged the following week, right before I left town again. I worried about her living on her own. “I’m going to miss you, Nana.” I reached over to hold her frail hand in mine. “I’ll miss our bingo-night tradition.”
Her eyes grew watery and she swallowed before saying, “I hope you’ll visit me.”
“Of course I will.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her to my side. “I’ve thought a lot about our summers together. You’ve always been a great grandmother to me and Michael.”
She was quiet. When I pulled back again, I saw that she was crying. Emotion bubbled up from my chest. “Nana. I wanted to tell you that I’ve really tried to take back the inn for you. From Vaughan. I’ve talked to her, I tried to force her out by hosting a Lit Chick boutique.” I laughed and sniffed at the same time. “Nothing has worked. I failed.”
Now it was her turn to comfort me. She patted my knee and said, “Maybe the police will take care of it.”
“I don’t think so. I suspect she’s paying them off.”
“Then we’ll wait out the lease.”
Nana folded her hands in her lap. Some sparrows landed on the fountain, took a drink, and departed again. “What happened with Brett?” she asked softly.
I wasn’t surprised she’d figured out that we had a relationship. Never underestimate Nana. “We broke up. He lied to me.”
“Another woman?”
“What? Nana, no. He hid some parts of himself from me. Like the fact that he’s actually a millionaire who plans to return to the West Coast
in a couple weeks. He never even told me.”
“And you’re angry.”
It was my turn to give her the side eye. “Yes, of course I’m angry.”
In the days since our breakup, I’d realized that I was completely justified in my anger. I deserved better than to be with a man who didn’t trust me. “I should be treated as an equal. No less.”
Nana sighed dramatically. “I liked Brett.”
“Me too.”
We sat in silence. The sun was warm, and there were some butterflies flitting around. I looked at my grandmother. “Are you okay? Is the sun too much?”
“I’m fine.” Her voice was firm. “But I’m worried about you.”
“Why?”
“You care about him and he cares about you. I saw the way he looked at you.”
I broke her gaze. “But if it’s not right, I’m not settling.”
“You’re upset because he’s rich?”
“It sounds strange. But it changes things.”
“How?”
I hesitated. Now that I thought it through, I wondered if Brett was uncomfortable with his wealth, too. He didn’t come from money—at least, that’s what he’d told me. But I didn’t know what to believe. “I loved spending time with him doing simple things. Like eating a lobster roll at Abbott’s, or finding vegetables at the farmer’s market. I’m comfortable with that. This kind of wealth—it actually scares me.”
It changed the power dynamic, too. I’d thought we were equals, or that I was coming into the relationship with the more established career. When Brett had tried to pay off Vaughan to leave without even talking to me about it, I’d been offended. The Bayberry Inn belonged to my family. It was my problem to solve, and he’d tried to throw money at it. “It’s my pride. I guess it’s hard to explain.”
“Don’t spend your time being angry and afraid.” She narrowed her eyes. “You think you have forever. I had forever once, too.” She raised a hand to show me her wrinkled skin. “It passes quickly.”
That’s what I’d spent all summer realizing. It was as if I’d been living in a bubble for thirty years and then it had burst and I’d finally seen my life for what it was. Fleeting. “No, I don’t think I have forever. Not anymore. It’s funny, because when I thought I had all this time, I was fine wasting it on men who didn’t deserve me. But now I am resolved to find The One. My Mr. Right.”
Nana sandwiched my hand between hers. The gesture was so unexpectedly sweet that my chest warmed. “You’re a good egg, Mindy. You remind me of myself when I was younger.”
I leaned my head against hers. “Thanks, Nana.”
Before I left, we made plans for bingo night on Tuesday. I returned to the little cottage to find Sorelle outside on one of the Adirondack chairs, talking with Joss and Bree. Vaughan’s girls had been coming over frequently ever since the Lit Chick boutique and Bible discussion, and I suspected it was because Vaughan was angry with them. I was right.
“She’s been awful,” Joss said, and scratched at her plump arms. “Yelling all the time, telling us that we’re lazy.”
I found a folding chair and joined their small circle. “Tell me, do you actually like working there?”
They exchanged a glance and shrugged. “It’s a job,” Bree said.
Sorelle puffed her cheeks and blew out a breath. “I know what that’s like.”
She’d been souring on being an Internet goat. There were too many trolls, and the negativity was mounting. People were ganging up on her, and some of them were truly vile. “Are you quitting your Internet gig?” I asked.
“I think so. It’s hard to be a justice warrior.” This was said without a trace of irony.
“You should sell Lit Chick clothing,” Bree said. She brought one bare foot up to rest on the seat. “You can make a lot that way.”
“No, you can make a lot that way,” I said.
Bree’s sales at the Lit Chick boutique had been remarkable, truly. Lit Chick headquarters provided us with all kinds of information about what was considered a successful party. Bree blew those numbers away. She was not only fashionable herself, but she had a nice manner that I felt I personally lacked. My first instinct when I saw someone with the wrong dress was to roll my eyes, or scrunch my nose, or laugh. Bree’s first instinct was to redirect that person to something more flattering with effortless diplomacy. I’d given her all of the proceeds from that party. She’d earned them.
“Bree, you’re sitting on a gold mine with this,” I said. “You know that, right?”
She looked down modestly. Such a beautiful, charming girl. Maybe it was the teacher in me and my desire to nurture, but I wanted to set her on this path. I leaned forward. “Bree, I’m going to be leaving soon, so this is kind of an urgent thing. But I have a box of Lit Chick clothing left over from the party. You can have it. I can set you up and get you on your way to becoming a consultant. Wouldn’t that be great, to have your own business?”
“Vaughan wouldn’t let me do that.”
“Vaughan can jump in a lake, then.”
“I don’t want to do it anymore,” Joss said. “Vaughan is being mean. But I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“It’s where we live,” Bree added.
Sorelle pointed to the cottage. “Live here, then.” She looked at me. “Right? Can’t they live here after we move back home?”
How had I not considered this before? Suddenly a plan came into focus. A better plan to drive Vaughan out. No buyouts. No sexy priests. I was going after her girls. “Absolutely,” I said. “You can live here. Nana won’t care, trust me. She hasn’t used this place for anything in years.”
Bree and Joss glanced at each other. “And you really think I could make a living with Lit Chick?” Bree said.
“Hon, you’re going to kill it. And then you’re going to save some money so you can pay your way to FIT. I’ll help you set up an online business so you can work your way through.” I wanted so much for Bree to succeed. “And Joss.” Her sweet face was hopeful, but I didn’t know what else to add. “I’m going to come up with something for you, too. A way for you to pay for nursing school.”
“And Mira?” Joss asked.
“Yes, Mira, too.” I exchanged glances with Sorelle. “You’re the queen of random ways to make money. Help me out here.”
“I can monetize anything,” she replied with the utmost confidence. “Give me some thinking space and I’ll give you a plan.”
“We both will,” I replied. It was a tall order, given that we had about a week to go.
That evening when I climbed into bed, Beau jumped onto it to sit beside me. “Hello, Mr. Jangles.”
He mewed and started kneading the bedclothes with his paws. Sorelle agreed that this evil cat had, for some reason or another, decided to adopt me. “He’s your cat now.” She wasn’t broken up about it.
I reached over to scratch his back, and he arched it to meet my fingers. “You’re hard to please, cat. I’m flattered.” He purred and plopped himself beside me. “Is it because I sage-smudged you? Did I exorcise your demons?” He closed his eyes and curled his front paws beneath him. I took that as a yes.
Every other moment of the day I could fill with busywork and other people. The gardens at the inn had never looked so loved, I was certain. The lawn had never appeared so trim. The cabin was spotless from my endless vacuuming and dusting. Nana would be so proud. Work repelled the loneliness. But I felt it at night, when I had no one to share my day with. I missed looking at Brett’s kind, patient face. He was so good at listening—so good that being with him left me with the feeling that no one had ever heard me before.
I’d spent a lot of time being certain about my feelings. Brett had lied to me and that was wrong, and therefore I was justified in walking away from him. But it occurred to me that he had been correct in believing that his money would change the way I looked at him. It had. I’d thought I was better than to equate his bank account with his personality, but I wasn’t.
&nb
sp; “I miss him so much, Beau.” I rubbed the cat’s cheeks and he purred happily. “I think I’ve made a big mistake.” I wanted to be better. I just didn’t know how.
BRETT
FOR THE next week, I did nothing but work. I didn’t do any people walking—I turned down those requests. Just real work. Conference calls with my team in Seattle. Research. Coding. It felt like falling down a hole, the way it consumed me, but I felt energized again. Or at least distracted.
I had started packing, but I hadn’t gotten too far. If I was leaving for the rest of the year or longer, I needed to make arrangements. Hurricanes could come, and I needed to have someone available to care for the house and board up the windows if necessary. In the winter, I’d need someone to turn on the heat so the pipes wouldn’t burst. As much as I loathed it, I needed to plan.
So in between work jags, I made phone calls and interviewed maintenance companies. By the end of the week, I’d found the right company. Now I can leave.
But then I didn’t. I worked some more, and walked down to the center of town to remove the people-walking flyers. “Closing up shop?” a woman at the general store asked me when she saw me crumple a flyer and shove it into the trash.
“End of the season,” I said simply. “Have a good day.”
And it’s true that it was the end of a season. The end of summer and the end of my experiment in connecting with strangers. The last time we’d spoken, David had thought that human connection was what was missing in our lives. “I stare at a computer screen all day. Or I sit in a conference room and review boxes of documents for discovery. I bill my life in six-minute increments so that I can’t stop to talk with another person unless we’re discussing a case.” His brow stitched while he spoke. “And I keep thinking that connection must be the answer.”
“Technology connects people like never before,” I pointed out. I’d designed a massively successful messaging application, after all. My work mattered.
Losing Mr. Right Page 23
