So here was another secret coming to light, exactly as she’d expected. It had just never occurred to her it would be her own.
Joy took a deep breath and opened the envelope.
Thursday, 17 July
Sydney Street
Rachel had just put the phone down after confirming a breakfast meeting the following morning, with a bespoke curtain tie-back company she was very close to signing up for the agency, when it rang again.
‘Rachel?’ said Tessa’s voice, sounding like she was down a well. ‘Is that you?’
‘Yes,’ said Rachel. ‘Where the hell are you?’
‘I’m in the laundry,’ said Tessa, whispering, ‘I can’t talk any louder …’
‘What’s going on?’ asked Rachel.
‘Natasha’s here,’ she said.
‘Oh, that’s great,’ said Rachel, ‘I didn’t know we were expecting her today, did …’
Tessa cut her off.
‘She didn’t let us know, she just turned up half an hour ago in a taxi – all the way from Heathrow. She’s in a bit of a state again, Rachel.’
‘Again? But she’s already told us the big secret.’
‘That’s all part of it,’ said Tessa. ‘Can you possibly come down? Mum and I are doing our best, but we need you, Rachel. You understand all the business stuff and we keep saying the wrong things.’
‘The business stuff?’
‘They’ve cancelled her range, Rachel,’ said Tessa. ‘It’s awful. She’s in bits.’
‘They’ve cancelled it because she’s gay?’ said Rachel. ‘There are laws against that and I know she had some kind of big-shot lawyer negotiate the deal, so surely they couldn’t pull that on her.’
‘Well, it seems to be more complicated than that. They don’t seem to mind her being gay, but she’s had a big row with them over something else to do with it and they’ve cancelled the whole thing and she’s in a terrible state. She’s not really making a lot of sense and we need you, Rachel. You’ll be able to get it out of her.’
‘I’ll be there as soon as I can,’ said Rachel.
She sat back in her chair, her head spinning. Natasha had lost her deal? It was so dreadful, she couldn’t process it. She had to get down there straight away – but what about the girls?
She knew she couldn’t ask any of the mothers at the school. She’d noticed groups of them talking together would go quiet when she arrived at the school gate. She clearly already had a reputation as a user mum. And she couldn’t ask Michael, because she knew he was away for business.
Her brain whirled as she threw things into her handbag, then closed down her computer. She’d have to come back up to town later, even if she could find someone to look after the girls, because she had that meeting with Passementerie de Paris in the morning, when she was fairly certain they were going to sign up. The contract documents were printed out already and she was glad she’d thought of it, grabbing them off her desk and putting them in her bag.
There was nothing for it, she’d just have to get the girls out of school again – they’d only been there an hour, she’d have to cite forgotten dental appointments – and take them with her, but first she’d have to ask Simon yet another favour. A whole day off. That was pushing it.
He wasn’t in his office, but as she paused outside wondering what to do she caught the scent of his cologne on the air and followed it like a bloodhound. She found him downstairs, just opening the front door onto the street.
‘Simon!’ she called out. ‘Can I have a quick word before you leave?’
‘Sure,’ he said, ‘I was just going back to my car, I left something in it.’
‘I’ll walk with you,’ she said.
‘Is everything OK?’ he asked, noticing she looked unusually flustered.
‘Yes, no,’ she said, ‘this is so embarrassing, but I’ve got another family drama childcare nightmare going on.’
‘Tell me,’ he said.
Rachel stopped and turned to him.
‘My sister Natasha …’ my newly out lesbian sister, how much should she tell him? ‘Natasha has come back from New York unexpectedly. Tessa just rang to tell me that she’s turned up at her house in a taxi all the way from Heathrow in a terrible state, because – you know she was doing her own range with OM?’
Simon nodded.
‘Well, it’s been cancelled.’
Something about the way he was looking at her made her want to tell him the whole story. If she had more time, she’d suggest they went back to that café. She could imagine telling him everything in there and she’d love to know what he’d say in response.
‘Shall we go and get coffee and talk about this?’ said Simon.
Rachel smiled despite her anxiety.
‘I’d love to, Simon, but I don’t think I’ve got time now.’
‘Just tell me what you need,’ he said, ‘and then we’ll take it from there.’
‘I need the day off, so I can go down there and help comfort Natasha – just today because I’ve got a breakfast meeting with Passementerie de Paris tomorrow. I’ve got the contract in my bag all ready for them to sign and I’m not missing it, but I’ve got to go and collect the girls from school first.’
‘Hang on a minute,’ said Simon, ‘you’re going to take the girls down to Tessa’s with you? Take them out of school?’
‘Yes, like I told you yesterday, I have no au pair and there’s no one left for me to ask for after-school care favours, so I’ll just have to take them with me. There’s nothing else for it.’
Simon thought for a moment, biting his lip.
‘I’ll look after them,’ he said.
Rachel looked at him, blinking, assuming she’d heard him wrong.
‘What?’ she asked, stupidly. She couldn’t have heard that right.
‘I said, I’ll collect the girls from school and stay with them until you get back. Just text me the name and address of their school – and the name of whoever I need to convince I’m not a kidnapper – the time they need to be collected, and I’ll do it. And give me your house keys, so I can take them home.’
‘Are you serious?’ said Rachel. ‘Will you know what to do with them?’
‘No,’ said Simon, ‘but from what I’ve seen of Daisy, I’m sure she’ll tell me.’
‘You are seriously going to collect my daughters from school? You know you’ll have to leave work at three-fifteen latest, take them home, feed them etc.?’
‘It can’t be rocket science,’ said Simon. ‘I manage to do those things for myself.’
‘Well, if you’re sure, that would be wonderful – I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you. I’ll ring the school to let them know a strange man in a sinister car is picking them up today, but I must admit I’m amazed.’
‘I have a vested interest in keeping you happy at work,’ said Simon. More than one, actually. ‘And I don’t want you to miss that meeting tomorrow either. That new business would be more welcome than you know.’
‘Really?’ said Rachel, looking at him with an eyebrow raised. ‘When I’m over this crisis, you’ll have to tell me more about that.’
‘Yes,’ said Simon, realising he did want to tell her. She was the only person in the world he wanted to tell. ‘And that we will do in the café.’
Our café, he thought.
Our café, thought Rachel. Crikey. Then she realised she was standing on the corner of Sydney Street staring up at him like a gawping fish. She glanced at her watch.
‘If I go now, I might make the eleven-fifteen …’ she groped in her bag. ‘Here are my keys. I’ll text you the school address stuff and ring them from the train.’
‘OK,’ he said, nodding with his kind face again.
Rachel touched his hand very lightly with hers.
‘Thank you, Simbo,’ she said quietly, and set off for South Kensington station at a run, feeling a funny little quiver in her stomach.
Cranbrook
Rachel caught the train with only second
s to spare, leaping into the back carriage just before the whistle blew, so when it pulled into Staplehurst, she had a long walk along the platform to the exit.
As she reached the door into the station building, she passed a woman looking a bit lost. Rachel turned round to ask her if she needed help and realised she knew her.
Rachel never forgot a face. It was a skill she’d worked hard at developing, because it was crucial for her job. She couldn’t remember her name, but she knew she’d met her before.
‘Hi,’ she said, going up to the woman, who clearly recognised her, too. Then Rachel remembered who she was. It was the make-up artist from the Lawn & Stone shoot, the nice Aussie woman who Natasha had got on so well with …
Rachel could almost hear the clang as the penny dropped in her own head. Duh! She hated making stereotypical assumptions, but the two of them were like brunette and blonde versions of each other, the short hair, the tattoos, although Natasha was much taller and this woman had a more classically pretty face. She was like an adorable kitten with a short back and sides.
‘I’m Rachel,’ she continued, ‘we met at my sister Tessa’s house on that shoot for You mag.’
‘Mattie,’ she said, putting out her hand and shaking Rachel’s. ‘Good to see you again.’
‘We were on the same train and didn’t know, that’s so annoying,’ said Rachel. ‘We could have chatted. Do you need a hand getting somewhere?’
‘I’m actually going to Tessa’s house, Rachel,’ said Mattie. ‘I’m going to see Natasha. I assume that’s where you’re going?’
Rachel nodded slowly. ‘So you know what’s happened?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ said Mattie.
‘It’s so shocking,’ said Rachel. ‘I’m bewildered, but let’s get ourselves over there so we can find out more. I told them I’d get a taxi – or are they meeting you?’
‘Natasha doesn’t know I’m coming,’ said Mattie, smiling shyly. ‘I just came down on a hunch …’
Rachel thought for a moment. As there was clearly something else going on here apart from the outrage perpetrated by OM against her sister, it would be helpful to know what it was before she saw Natasha.
‘Shall we have a quick coffee before we go to Tessa’s?’ she asked.
Mattie nodded, looking grateful.
They collected their drinks from the counter but the station café was so small, Rachel suggested they take them outside. She didn’t need to say why, it was obvious – so they could talk more freely. The moment they were settled on a bench, she got straight into it.
‘Natasha has told us she’s gay, Mattie,’ she said, ‘and we all just wish she’d told us years ago. So many things make sense now.’
‘I know,’ said Mattie, ‘I told her you’d all be cool about it. I knew how lovely you all were after meeting the whole family at the shoot, but she was just so scared because of her work. She thought she’d lose all her big clients – and now look what’s happened? She was right.’
‘But Tessa said it’s not because she’s come out,’ said Rachel, ‘it’s some other reason. Do you know what happened?’
‘It’s complicated,’ said Mattie. ‘They didn’t cancel it because she’s gay, but because she won’t be gay they want her to be gay.’
‘OK …’ said Rachel, not feeling any wiser.
Mattie sighed deeply.
‘They saw us together,’ said Mattie. ‘One of the executives from OM saw us holding hands on the street in New York and dobbed her in to the big boss and that was it, they called Natasha into the office the next day and …’
‘Just because they saw you holding hands?’ said Rachel, incredulous.
‘Well, it’s more complicated than that, they carried on as though they had known she was gay all along and that was fine, they were totally cool with it, but then they wanted to use Natasha’s sexuality – and our relationship – as a kind of novelty marketing thing. They wanted to do a big shoot at her Long Island house for Vogue, with us doing make-up on each other … You know, her up close painting my lips, that kind of thing.’
‘A bit of soft-focus girl-on-girl action?’ asked Rachel.
Mattie smiled, clearly relieved Rachel got it without any more explanation being necessary.
‘They even suggested “Girl on Girl” as a cover line,’ she said.
Rachel laughed in appalled astonishment.
‘Are you kidding me? Hot lesbo make-up session … Lipstick lezzers get their gloss on … Oh, that’s just awful, no wonder Natasha’s upset.’
Mattie laughed too. ‘I’m so glad you understand,’ she said.
‘Well,’ said Rachel, ‘I’ve never seen Charlotte Tilbury or Bobbi Brown fellating a lipstick to advertise their make-up brands – or Tom Ford for that matter.’
‘You totally get it,’ said Mattie, but she sighed and looked regretful as she spoke. ‘But unfortunately, I didn’t.’
Rachel studied Mattie’s face intently, but didn’t say anything.
‘When she came back and told me what they’d said at that meeting, and tried to talk all her confusion about it over with me, I wouldn’t listen,’ Mattie continued. ‘All I could say was that if she wasn’t prepared to come out and be totally at ease with it and everything involved in that then she couldn’t really love me. I told her she was a weekend lesbian and then I stormed out telling her never to contact me again and went to stay with a friend until it was time for me to fly back to London. She had no idea where I was.’
Rachel reached over and squeezed Mattie’s hand. She could see she was close to tears.
‘And even when she rang me,’ Mattie continued, ‘and left a message telling me she’d come out to you guys and it was all great and she was going to tell her agent and lawyer next and she was really happy she’d done it, I still wouldn’t speak to her. I just couldn’t get over the fact that she hadn’t been happy and relieved that the people at OM didn’t mind her being gay. Still having doubts after that seemed like a betrayal.’
Rachel thought for a moment before she spoke. It was complicated. Very complicated.
‘I think it was a normal reaction to a very weird situation to be shocked and hurt,’ she said. ‘And I think I can understand why you were disappointed in her initial reaction. You would’ve expected her to be thrilled that they didn’t have a problem with it – and that clouded the other issues for you.’
Mattie nodded and smiled. ‘Thanks, Rachel,’ she said, ‘I think you understand it better than I do.’
‘Had you been together long?’ asked Rachel.
‘Since we met on that shoot down here,’ said Mattie.
That made sense, thought Rachel. She remembered something Daisy had said about ‘Natasha’s new best friend Mattie’. Children always picked up on these things.
‘So when did Natasha let you know she was coming here?’ said Rachel.
‘She didn’t,’ said Mattie. ‘I rang her in New York yesterday, the moment I heard the news about her range being cancelled – things get around our industry pretty quickly. Then when she didn’t get back to me, I rang her agent who told me she’d gone to London and I guessed she might have come down here. I thought it was worth a try.’
‘Wow,’ said Rachel. ‘So you haven’t actually spoken to her since you had the row after that awful meeting? You’re really putting yourself on the line, I’m impressed, Mattie – and I’ve got your back. If Natasha isn’t too pleased to see you at first, I’ll be there for you, to help bring her round. Now, let’s go and find a taxi.’
Mattie and Rachel needn’t have worried. The expression on Natasha’s face when the two of them walked into the library, where she was sitting on Joy’s bed hunched over a mug of tea, turning from misery, to surprise, to joy was like watching time-lapse photography. Tentative at first, not quite sure she was seeing right and then the full realisation that Mattie really was there and smiling at her.
She sprang up from the bed and the two women locked together in an embrace.
‘Oh Mattie,’ Natasha sobbed, ‘you’re here. You came and found me …’
‘I’m sorry,’ Mattie was saying at the same time, ‘I’m so sorry I stormed out on you and ignored your calls. I was wrong.’
Catching a hard stare from Joy, who had climbed off the bed with remarkable speed for someone still recovering from hip surgery, Tessa and Rachel headed off to the kitchen with her on the pretext of making tea.
Keeping her voice down, Rachel filled them in about her and Mattie getting off the same train at Staplehurst, what Mattie had told her about their relationship, and why Natasha had the big falling out with OM. Joy was smiling happily to herself, holding tight to one of her crystals.
‘Synchronicity,’ she said, ‘you two being on the same train. Very good news.’
‘Mattie’s very good news all around, as far as I can tell,’ said Rachel. ‘Fancy them meeting here, eh, Tessa? What an emotionally charged day that was. Natasha seeing the potential for Branko being the next Kate Moss and meeting Mattie all on the same afternoon.’
And Simon playing skittles so adorably with the girls, she thought.
Tessa made sure she didn’t catch Joy’s eye. Emotionally charged indeed.
Joy was still smiling, eyes closed, now holding three crystals. Off to Planet Neenar, thought Rachel.
‘This house must be on some powerful ley lines, eh, Mum?’ she said, winking at Tessa, who shook her head, smiling indulgently.
‘Something like that, darling,’ said Joy, her eyes still tight shut, praying hard that the positive energies in the house would help her welcome another family member into it.
‘Are you going to stay over, Rachie?’ asked Tessa.
‘I can’t,’ she said, ‘I’ve got to go back for the girls. Michael’s away and now that Pilar’s done a runner on me, it’s a bit hard getting people to help out with childcare. I didn’t tell you that, did I? The new nanny left the other day without any warning … just a note on the kitchen table. Found it when I got back from here last Sunday. Heinous, but I don’t want to talk about it in front of Natasha and make her feel bad about it. She’s got enough to deal with.’
Secret Keeping for Beginners Page 36
