by Nikki Chase
To my disappointment, once he gets me into position, he lifts his hands back up to grip the pool stick, standing close enough behind me for me to feel his breath but not close enough for my to feel his hard chest against my back.
Despite my frustration, I decide to be patient.
Eli helps me hit the nine ball into the side pocket like I said I wanted to.
What’s the matter? Is there another woman? As long as she’s not a girlfriend or a wife, why should it matter? Maybe that’s a callous thing to say, but I won’t even think twice about throwing morals out the window when it concerns Eli.
“Obviously, you’ve had more practice than I have, what with having a table in your basement,” I say as Eli stands back to watch me take aim at another striped ball.
“You could say that.”
“Do you invite your friends here often?” My heart is racing. This is not the main question I want him to answer, but I’m heading there.
I guess I want us to talk, after all. I need to know why he wanted me yesterday and yet he’s treating me like I’m poison today.
“Not really. I don’t have friends.” Eli chuckles.
“You don’t play against yourself, do you?” I play it off as a casual, teasing remark, but it’s killing me to think about him pressed up against some other woman’s backside.
Maybe they even have sex on this very table. The old Eli I remember wouldn’t have thought twice about pushing me down on the green felt and devouring me right here.
“No.” Eli lets out another low chuckle, but it sounds forced this time. And, why isn’t he offering more information? Why doesn’t he tell me who he takes back to this cabin with him?
“Is it a girl, then?” I try to maintain the same breezy tone, but it’s hard. My vision blurs as, unexpectedly, tears prick my eyes.
“Well …” Eli’s sentence hangs cruelly in the air as cracks appear on the surface of my heart. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I square my shoulders and plant the butt of the pool stick on the ground. Staring straight into Eli’s eyes, I ask, “Do you have a girlfriend, Eli? Did you lie to me yesterday?”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk. You just wanted to play,” he says, obviously stalling.
“I’ve changed my mind.” Challenging him with my eyes, I ask, “So …?”
Eli
“So …? Did you change your mind about wanting to talk, as well?” Sophia speaks in that steely voice she uses when she’s upset but she’s trying not to cry.
“Not at all.” I let out a deep sigh. “I wanted us to talk before we got to this point.”
“To what point?” she asks, her eyebrows drawn together.
“The point at which you suspect me of doing something … shady.” I want to go over there and pull her into my arms, but I don’t think that would be a smart decision. I may end up with claw marks all over my skin—and not the good kind.
“I don’t suspect you of anything,” she insists, her fingers wrapped so tightly around the pool stick her knuckles have turned white.
Liar.
“You just asked me if I had a girlfriend,” I remind her.
“It was just a question.” Sophia shrugs.
“It was a pretty loaded question.”
“Are you going to answer it or not?”
I look around the basement. Pointing at the couch in front of the big TV screen, I ask her, “Can we sit down and talk about this?”
“Of course.” As Sophia rests her pool stick on the table, it nudges a few balls and ruins the game.
But, let’s face it, neither one of us cares about the game anymore. Maybe neither one of us ever did. It was just a distraction to keep our attention off the elephant in the room.
I wince as Sophia sits at the end of the long couch, her ass pressing against the armrest.
I take my seat somewhere in the middle of the three-seater.
Sophia says nothing. She doesn’t need to. Her eyes convey her distrust of me clearly enough.
“What I wanted to say was, that wasn’t my mom on the phone.” I speak calmly, hoping she’ll be more likely to hear me out. I attempt a joke. “She is doing well, though. Thanks for asking.”
“So, who was it?” she asks.
“That was Nicole. My niece.”
Sophia furrows her brows and tilts her head in confusion. “You have a niece?”
“Yeah.” There’s so much information I can tell Sophia about Nicole, but I stay quiet, letting her process what I’ve already told her so far.
“You mean … Angela’s daughter?”
“Yes.” I nod.
“But …” Sophia gazes into the distance. “But I saw her in San Francisco. She applied for a job at my workplace. She didn’t mention having a kid.”
So that’s where my sister is. Who cares, though? It’s not like she cares about us.
“I see she still likes to pretend Nicole doesn’t exist.”
“So, this kid … Nicole … She … How old is she?” From the way she knits her brows, I can tell Sophia hasn’t completely digested this new revelation.
“Seven,” I say gently, knowing she’ll do the math and line up the timeline.
Sophia seems pensive. “So, that time when Angela stopped going to school …”
“Yeah. She refused to go to school as soon as her belly started to show. She was too proud to let people know.”
“The kids would’ve been cruel to her.” Sophia nods.
It’s hard to believe that even after everything Angela has done to her, Sophia remains gracious and empathetic.
“What happened after the baby … Nicole … What happened after she was born?” she asks.
“Angela ran away as soon as she got the chance.”
Sophia’s eyebrows shoot up with shock. “She didn’t … Was adoption an option at all?”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t all Angela’s fault. My mom refused to even consider adoption. She said she wasn’t letting go of her own flesh and blood, and if Angela didn’t want to take care of the baby, she would.
“Still, I think she was disappointed when Angela disappeared one morning, along with her backpack, her favorite clothes, and some money from our mom’s purse.”
Sophia nods slowly. “It’s kind of impressive that you could keep a story like that quiet in a town like Ashbourne.”
I huff a small laugh. “My mom’s a midwife, remember? She took care of everything herself and told everybody Nicole was the daughter of one of her patients.”
“Also, my parents are pretty much my only source of information,” Sophia adds. “And they haven’t spoken to your mom since …”
“Since you and Angela were in high school,” I finish her sentence.
“Yeah,” Sophia says.
Even though it’s been a long time, and she’s a successful, sophisticated woman, she still seems to retain some hurt from the way she was treated in high school. Kids can be so cruel.
“So, Nicole lives with your mom, then?” Sophia asks.
“And me.” I take a deep breath. “Despite her stubbornness, my mom can’t actually take care of Nicole on her own. She’s old.” I chuckle. “She’s … not as healthy as she used to be.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Sophia says in her own special way that somehow makes the clichéd expression sound sincere.
“Even back when Nicole was just a baby, she was already getting random joint pains and stuff. There was no way she could’ve handled a baby on her own.” I look into Sophia’s green eyes. “I’m sorry I never told you any of this.”
“Why didn’t you?” she asks softly.
“You were already dealing with so much. You had a lot on your plate.” I take a deep breath as I remember what it was like, all those years ago. “Going to school was a daily struggle for you, despite my best efforts.”
Sophia smiles wryly. “You couldn’t have entered the school grounds, even if you tried. You were too old to pass as a student.”
> “I remember how you told me you could handle it on your own even though you were almost at the point of tears.” My lips curl up at the memory of a younger Sophia arguing with me. She was fiercely independent even back then. “You were sending out college applications and getting accepted all over the place. You were such a smart girl. I knew you were going places.”
Sophia falls silent. Pain and comprehension flash in her big, green, intelligent eyes. “Is that why you told me to leave?”
“I wanted to go with you. You knew that,” I say. “I was planning to move to the city with you, maybe get a job flipping burgers or making coffee or whatever. You know, work my way up the old-fashioned way. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Remember how we even drew up a plan to divide the house chores between the two of us?”
“Yeah.” The edge of Sophia’s mouth quirks up in a sad half-smile. “You were going to wash all the dishes because that was my least favorite chore.”
“And you were going to do the laundry because I didn’t want to ruin all your pretty dresses,” I add.
“You also sucked at folding clothes.”
“I still do.”
Sophia laughs, but soon she falls silent. She gives me a sober look. “That’s why you decided to stay? Because of your niece?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I don’t regret it, though. Not really. She’s a great kid.”
Sophia’s smile widens but her eyes remain sad. “That’s great.”
“That’s not completely true.” I try to find the right words. “Overall, I don’t think I made the wrong decision. Nicole couldn’t have thrived the way she has if I hadn’t stayed here in Ashbourne. But, there is one thing I regret.”
Sophia silently looks up at me from underneath her long, thick lashes.
“I regret losing you,” I say, my heart pounding in my chest.
It feels like something I’ve bottled up for years is finally free to float up to the surface. But, now that I’ve opened the lid, I can’t help but worry what it’ll do. It’s too late to go back now, though. The only way to go is forward.
“Every damn day, I wish I still had you,” I say.
“Do you, still?” she asks, her breath caught in her throat.
“Yes.” I’ve never felt this vulnerable before. And, I haven’t felt alive like this in a long time. Maybe I only really live when she’s around. “I still wish you were mine.”
Sophia remains quiet as she watches me with her big, perceptive eyes. My lungs feel too heavy to take a breath.
There’s something in her stare. She looks so harmless, my Sophia. But, there’s a kind of razor steel in her gaze that threatens to shred me into pieces.
“You didn’t have to lose me,” she says softly, in a voice so laden with pain my heart clenches with hers.
I shake my head. “What would you have done, Sophia?”
“I could’ve stayed here. I could’ve helped you.”
“You’d have forgone college for me?” I shake my head harder. “I couldn’t make you do that. I couldn’t make you sacrifice something that important at such a young age.
“She was Angela’s baby, remember?” I ask her. “I couldn’t ask you to let go of all your dreams for someone who made your life a living hell for years.”
“I … We could’ve … I don’t know … we could’ve talked it out, figure out a solution.” Sophia’s voice grows louder and her speech faster. “We could’ve stayed together while I went to college. I could have visited every holiday. Damn it, I could have visited every weekend.”
“Like I said, I have regrets, Sophia. It wasn’t an ideal solution.” I shrug. “But, I didn’t want to hold you back like that. You were fucking eighteen, for fuck’s sake. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“All these years, I thought you hated me.” Sophia’s voice trembles as tears escape from her eyes. “I thought you’d grown tired of me.”
With her words, she claws into my chest and rips a hole in the middle of my heart. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
“Do you know how many nights I spent just lying awake in bed, thinking about all the horrible reasons for you to hate me?” she cuts me off.
“I’m so sorry. I’ve regretted it every single day since you left,” I say softly.
“You could’ve called,” she says pointedly. “You could’ve told me the truth.”
“I thought that was just going to make it harder for you to get over me. I’m sorry.” If I have to add an apology to every sentence I’ll ever say to Sophia for the rest of my life, I’ll do it. If that will make her feel better, I’ll gladly do it.
I reach out and wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb, but more tears keep coming, falling faster than I can keep up with.
“I never got over you,” she says softly, her glassy eyes looking straight at me, her pain so palpable I wouldn’t be surprised to see bloody cuts on my skin.
“I never got over you either.” With both hands, I try to dam her tears.
“I tried,” she says. “I tried so hard. But, nobody could make me feel the way you do.”
I nod. I’m familiar with the kind of obsession she’s describing. I feel the exact same way.
“At first, I thought it was going to go away with time,” I admit. “Then, by the time I realized it was permanent, years had passed. I thought you were probably happy with your new life in the city. You didn’t need me.”
Sophia nods. “I thought you probably had a wife and kids of your own. You didn’t need me.”
“I was wrong. I’m sorry,” I repeat.
“I … Well, I got the ‘kids’ part right, to an extent.” Sophia smiles through her sobbing.
I chuckle, relieved she can find humor in the situation. “Yeah.”
“What’s she like – Nicole?” she asks.
“She’s … She’s a handful.” I smile. “She’s a cocky know-it-all who speaks her mind. I get called to see the principal way too often.”
“That sounds great.” Sophia laughs. Then, somberly, she says, “My life in the city isn’t as wonderful as you probably think.”
Sophia
“My life in the city isn’t as wonderful as you probably think,” I admit.
“Tell me about it. Tell me all about it,” Eli says, staring at me like he wants to know all there is to know about me, like he wants me to talk about every little thing that has happened in the past seven years.
But, that would take a long time. The way he speaks about his niece—like she’s the best thing that has happened in his life—I can’t just come out with the truth. That could change everything.
And, selfishly, after seven years of waiting, I don’t want to wait anymore. I can’t stand the thought of yet another thing standing in our way.
“I’ll tell you some other time.” I put my hand over his, which is still cupping my wet cheek. I kiss the palm of his calloused hand.
“I’m so sorry, Sophia.” Even if he doesn’t repeatedly apologize, I can see the genuine regret in his eyes, and I know he’s telling the truth.
“I know. I believe you. And, I forgive you.”
It’s crazy how quickly he has regained my trust. But, now that I know the truth, how can I not forgive him even though he has inflicted the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life?
He was only trying to do what he thought was best for me. Just like he always did.
He didn’t change. His circumstances did. He was only trying to insulate me from his problems, not knowing that I wanted his everything—his problems, his flaws, his inconveniences.
“You have no idea how much that means to me,” Eli says. “I promise you, I’ll be honest with you from now on. You can expect nothing but the truth from these lips.”
Ironically, now that Eli has sworn to give me complete honesty, I can’t bear to tell him my truth. Now that the hope of having him back has invaded my being, I can’t bear the thought of losing him again.
“Well, actually, I’m kind of hoping f
or some other things from those lips, too …” A small smile works its way across my face. I lick my lower lip and bite down on it, looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes.
“Again, I was wrong, and you were right, princess.” Eli kisses the back of my hand.
Then, he leans closer and kisses me on the lips—a gentle, slow, emotional kiss. The kind of kiss that makes my heart melt.
“You can expect this, too, from my lips,” he says against my mouth.
“A little bit of this, as well.” Eli drags his mouth down my throat, making my breath catch in my throat.
“What else?” I ask, half-gasping as he pulls my shirt up and kisses the valley between my breasts.
“This …” Eli’s stubble tickles as he travels south, down my stomach.
I let Eli push me back until I’m lying down on the couch.
He pulls my sweatpants and panties down in one smooth move. As he plants kisses on my hips and thighs, he says, “This, too.”
I whimper with need.
“Is that enough?” he asks, smirking as he hovers just over my pussy lips.
I shake my head. “No,” I sigh. “You know that’s nowhere near enough.”
“So demanding,” he says, his hot breath caressing my wet folds. “So damn demanding.”
I moan with need.
“But, princess, you deserve it. You deserve everything I have to give.” He kisses my lower lips lightly, chuckling as I thrust my hips off the couch. “I won’t give you everything you want. But, I’ll give you everything you need … and more.”
“Please do,” I beg.
Eli presses on the hood of my clit and watches me squirm as I push myself against the pad of his thumb.
“Don’t move,” he says.
I whimper in protest, but I give in to his demand. Despite the burning need in my core, I keep my lower body still. My hands grab onto the fabric of the couch,so hard I worry I’ll rip a hole in it.
It doesn’t matter, though. If that happens, it would be entirely Eli’s fault. Besides, I get the feeling I’ll enjoy any punishment he’ll give me.
“Good girl.” Eli presses his mouth against my wet folds and pulls away immediately. As he licks his lips, he smiles. “You taste as sweet as ever, princess.”
My face grows hot under his scrutiny.
