by Loretta Lost
“The anesthesiologist will be back at any moment,” I warn him nervously. “Don’t be careless. We can make out later.”
“She’s cool,” Liam says, sliding his hand over my body in a way that makes me squirm and breathe a little faster. “We only really have to worry about the nurses. Some of them are really fond of me, and they might decide to try and kill you in your sleep if they realize you’re standing in the way.”
“Liam!” I whisper, smacking his arm. “Jesus. That is not what a girl wants to hear minutes before getting knocked unconscious.”
“I’m just kidding. Don’t worry,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed and squeezing my arm. “I’m going to watch you like a hawk. I won’t let anyone do anything to you that isn’t perfect and precise and intended only to heal you. This is going to be great. I promise. You’ll see! Yes, pun intended.”
“That was terrible,” I tell him, suppressing a smile. I sigh and reach out to touch his leg. “I wish this surgery wasn’t today. I just wanted to stay in bed with you for as long as possible.”
“You did,” he tells me with a chuckle. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to try any of the pizza I ordered—but I couldn’t let you have any food or drink after midnight.”
“It’s your fault for distracting me until midnight,” I say teasingly. “But I suppose I did need the distraction.” I shift uncomfortably on the hospital bed. “Liam, do you think surgery is really necessary at this point? I’ve been like this for so long that I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me. Maybe I should just be content with who I am? I’m anxious. I don’t feel... ready.”
“Just leave it all to me,” he says gently. “You said you trust me, remember? I’ll be right here when you wake up. There are almost no risks to your health other than infection—but you’ve been taking the antibiotic eye drops, and I’ll make sure we’re extra careful. Let’s consider this a gamble with a high probability of success. You’re actually very healthy and much stronger than you think. I discovered that last night when you were able to completely exhaust me.”
I laugh lightly in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. You’re addictive. I couldn’t seem to get enough.”
“Neither could I,” he says, placing a kiss against the palm of my hand. “We’ll pick up right where we left off when we get home tonight—if you’re up for it. If you’re in too much pain, we can wait a few days.”
“Days? I can barely wait a few minutes,” I tell him shyly.
Liam gently brushes his hand through my hair, and he seems like he is about to speak when he gets interrupted.
“Hey!” shouts a familiar voice, and I look up in realization that Owen has entered the room. I hear a loud snap as he pulls a rubber glove down over his wrist. “Liam, get your hands off the patient! We’ll have none of that hanky-panky in my operating room.”
“Your operating room?” Liam says in amusement.
“Winter, don’t worry about a thing,” Owen assures me. “I’ll be watching this one to make sure he does a good job and doesn’t get distracted by your body. If his hands start shaking because he gets too turned on, I’ll take over.”
“Owen, I resent that,” Liam says in a low tone. “You know I would never let my emotional state interfere with my work.”
“Hey, it could happen. I’ve seen some interesting videos lately about eyeball fetishes in Japan. I have no idea what kinky stuff you’re into, man. All I know is that Winter has really pretty eyeballs, and I need to look out for her best interests.” Owen claps Liam on the back affectionately. “Just try not to lose your marbles while we’re working on her marbles.”
“Buddy,” Liam says in an annoyed tone. “If you keep implying that I’m a bad doctor in front of my girlfriend who I’m about to operate on, you’re going to be the one in danger of losing two very important marbles. If you know what I mean.”
Owen gulps loudly, and I can only imagine the death glare that Liam is giving him. I laugh at their boyish threats.
“I know you guys will do a great job,” I tell them sincerely. “Even if it doesn’t work on me, thanks for trying.”
“It will work,” Owen says confidently. “We’re essentially just giving your eyes a little push so that they can heal themselves. We’ll be inserting the viral vector containing healthy copies of the RPE65 gene just under your retina...”
“I’ve gone over this with her dozens of times,” Liam assures Owen. “She knows how the gene therapy works.”
“Oh,” Owen says in disappointment. “Fine. I get it. Less talking, more action.”
The clinking of feminine shoes alerts me to the return of the anesthesiologist. I hear the sound of her fiddling with an apparatus in the room. “Have these boys been bothering you?” she asks me. “Don’t worry. I know they sound like idiots, but they’re brilliant.”
“It’s okay. I trust them,” I tell the anesthesiologist. “I’m a little stressed out, and listening to their bad jokes relaxes me a bit.”
“Honey, I’ve got just the thing to relax you,” she says, placing a plastic mask over my face. “Just breathe normally for a minute or two. I’m going to put some oxygen through here first, but in a moment you’re going to encounter a sweet smell and find yourself drifting off to sleep.”
“Okay,” I mumble into the gas mask. The scent of plastic assails my nostrils, and I wrinkle my nose up slightly.
“I’ll be right here when you wake up,” Liam assures me. “I want to be the first thing you see, once you can see.”
“Like a mother duck?” Owen asks him.
“Duck?” I respond in confusion.
“You know,” Owen says, “how slightly after hatching...”
While he is in the process of responding, his voice seems to get further and further away until I can’t hear anything at all. This bothers me, because I was very curious to hear what he had to say about the mother duck.
“The surgery went very well. I promise you, sir.”
Silence.
“Yes, she should start to see improvements within a few days. We’ll be doing a lot of tests over the next little while to monitor the improvements. If she needs a stronger dose, after a few weeks we’ll go back in and try again.”
Silence.
“Absolutely. Thank you so much for the opportunity, sir. I really appreciate your support. It’s been a pleasure to perform these clinical trials, and I’m so glad you chose me. Take care.”
The voice stops speaking, and I feel someone sit on the bed beside me. I feel a bit groggy and confused when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Liam?” I manage to croak out. My mouth is very dry, and my throat feels rather hoarse. I try to move, but my body feels like lead. “Could you please get me some water?”
“I can’t give you water right away, but let’s start with some ice chips,” Liam says. He moves away slightly and returns with a small piece of ice that he runs back and forth over my lips. “How’s that?”
I sigh gratefully at the refreshing sensation as the ice melts over my lips and gently drizzles onto my tongue. I thirstily savor every droplet. I never imagined that waking up from surgery would feel like I’d been lying in the hot desert sun and baking for hours. No one ever mentioned that part to me. “More, please,” I whisper.
He moves away immediately, with a small chuckle. “It’s quite easy to get you to beg for more, isn’t it?”
Only then do I snap fully awake as I try to open my eyes and glare at him. I am surprised to discover that there are soft patches covering both my eyes, and that there is a growing ache in each eyeball. The more I think about the area, the more it seems to hurt. When Liam returns with more ice chips, I try to focus on them instead.
“Were you on the phone with someone?” I ask him in a slight daze. “Before I woke up?”
“That was my boss,” Liam explains as he runs the ice over my lips. “He usually supervises these surgeries, but he couldn’t make it today since we moved the dates.”
“Oh,” I mumble, using
my teeth to steal a piece of ice from his fingers and gently push it around in my very dry mouth. “So, how long until we figure out if it worked?”
“It’s different for everyone,” Liam explains. “Some people see a tiny improvement almost immediately, but it can take a few days for your eyes to be healed enough...”
“So I could be able to see right now?” I ask him. The idea finally sends a true pang of excitement through me. The muscles in my arms tighten and twitch with the urge to rip off the eye patches. “I want to try.”
“It’s only been a few hours since your surgery,” he warns me. “You might need more time...”
“I don’t care,” I tell him, pushing myself into a sitting position. I immediately feel lightheaded and woozy, and regret moving so quickly. I clutch the sides of the bed as Liam helps arrange the pillows to prop me up a bit. I breathe and lean back. After a moment, I stop feeling like I’m going to fall over and I reach out to squeeze his shoulder. “Come on, Doctor. Show me how good you are at your job. Impress me.”
Liam laughs lightly. “You know, I had a feeling you’d say that. Here, I’m going to remove these shields. But if you feel too much pain when you try to open your eyes, we’ll replace them and try again later, okay?”
I nod eagerly. I am determined not to feel any pain, or to ignore it if I do. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of this moment for so many years. Now, here it is, and I don’t know what to do with myself. Tears begin to gather in my eyes, and they sting and burn a little.
“Wait!” I tell Liam, as he begins pulling off one of the eye patches. I grab his wrists and hold them in my lap. “I just need a second.” I try to compose myself before he reveals my eyes and sees my tears.
“Winter, it’s okay,” he tells me gently, holding both of my hands. “I’ve helped so many people to see for the first time, and it’s a very emotional thing. I know what you’re going through.”
“It’s not that,” I say with a sniffle. “I’m just worried that you’ll be hideously ugly.” I try to swallow my emotion. “What if I don’t find you attractive? We’ll have to break up so I can go find a hotter boyfriend.”
Liam laughs and runs his thumbs over my wrists. “That’s just the drugs talking. Trust me, Winter. You’re going to find me very attractive. I have absolutely no concerns about that.”
“Well, aren’t you cocky!” I say with a scoff, but I also smile a little. “Fine. Take off my eye patches.” I take a deep breath to prepare myself.
“Just relax,” he says in a soothing tone. “The worst part is over. It only gets better from now on.”
As he removes the shields, I find that I’m frozen with apprehension. What if it doesn’t work? What if everything remains the same?
“Winter,” he coaxes, placing a hand on my stomach. “You need to open your eyes in order to see.”
“Okay,” I say nervously. When I finally allow my eyelids to flutter open slightly, I am assailed by the bright light in the room. I reflexively shut my eyes again to protect them, but a little gasp escapes my throat. “Oh my god,” I whisper. “Oh my god.” I try again, peeking through a tiny slit in my eyelids. My eyes begin to throb with the unbelievable brightness of almost everything. I look around in wonder. Everything is blurry, and I can’t seem to make out any aspect of the world around me, but it is no longer completely dark.
“Liam,” I whisper, grabbing his hand so that I can squeeze it again. “Is this a dream? Am I going to wake up?”
“No. It’s real. What do you see?”
“I don’t know. It’s just... not like before. It’s not nothing.”
“Look directly at me,” Liam says, returning the pressure on my hand. “Can you see my face?”
I follow his instructions, and it takes me a moment to focus on him. I see a shadowy spot surrounded by light. I see an outline surrounding what must be the shape of a man. “I can’t see you,” I tell him, “but I can see all the light around you. I can see... a silhouette, I suppose.”
“That’s good. Just take a moment to look at me. Let your eyes adjust. You should be able to see a little more after a few seconds.”
“This must be a dream,” I whisper again. “Sometimes when I was younger, I used to dream that I wasn’t blind. Sometimes I could see people or landscapes for a fleeting second, the way I imagine they might look. But then I’d always wake up to darkness. Is this one of those dreams?”
“Unless our entire existence is part of one very large computer-generated illusion and we’re all actually in some alternate reality,” Liam says, “you’re not dreaming.”
His face is becoming clearer to me, even though it still feels like I am looking through a hazy film. I can see the color of his hair contrasting against his skin. I can see the shape of his eyes and nose and lips. I reach out to run my hands over his face to try and make sure that what I’m seeing correlates with what I’m used to feeling. I find myself squinting slightly and trying to see more.
“Take it easy,” he says with warning. “Just close your eyes if it gets too painful, and I’ll put the shields back on.”
“You’re beautiful,” I tell him as I run my fingers over his chiseled cheekbones. I feel the warmth of emotion brimming in my chest. “You’re more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. No wonder the nurses are crazy about you. And your slutty neighbor across the hall. You must be one of the most beautiful men on the planet.”
“Whoa, Winter,” he says with a laugh. “Slow down! At least give yourself a chance to see other people so that you can compare.”
“I don’t need to see anyone else,” I insist with a big smile. “If you’re the only man I ever see for the rest of my life, I’ll be perfectly happy. You’re so handsome.” I sigh in contentment.
“While my ego appreciates the compliment, I can assure you that I’m quite average. If I were really as handsome as you think I am, I would have just become a male underwear model or an actor and not have to work so damn hard.”
“Oh!” I say as my vision becomes a bit sharper and I can make out the details of my hands moving on his face. “Oh my god... Is that what a hand looks like? Is this my hand?” I bring my hand close to my face to try to examine it more closely. “It’s so wrinkled. There are so many lines.” My eyes begin to hurt, but I can’t stop staring. I don’t even want to blink. I want to see everything. My eyes have been closed for too long, and I never want them to shut again. I wiggle my fingers wondrously. “Wow,” I say in awe.
“You know, Winter—when people wake up from surgery, they usually have their families there to greet them. Wouldn’t you like me to call your dad and sister? Wouldn’t you like to see them for the first time?”
I shake my head. “No, please. I just want you. I can’t deal with anyone else right now.”
“Okay,” he says gently. Then his face breaks out into a smile. I can tell by the little flash of teeth visible between his lips; I think that must be the color white. “That reminds me. Owen said that I should call him once you wake up, but I think there’s someone else you need to meet first.”
“Who?” I ask curiously. “Do I have to? I don’t really like people.”
“You’ll like this person.” Liam leans forward and reaches on the bedside table for a small oval-shaped object with a handle. He offers it to me, holding it up so I can stare into it. “Winter Rose, I’d like to introduce you to yourself.”
For a moment, I simply stare. Then I gingerly reach out and allow my hands to encircle the handle of the antique mirror. I bring it close to my face and angle it properly so that I can examine every inch of myself. “Wow,” I whisper. “Wow. This is me? Oh my god! I can see my lips moving when I speak.”
Liam laughs at this and I feel a little silly. I don’t care. My hair is lovely in the way that it frames my face, and I love the structure and placement of my eyes and nose and mouth. If I tilt my head to the side, I can even see my ears. I run my hands over my face and gently tug on my earlobe.
“Wow,” I
say again. I laugh lightly and I immediately decide that I look adorable when I laugh.
“What do you think?” he asks.
“I’m a babe,” I say with a sigh as I run my fingers over the mirror. “Wow. I’m definitely the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
“You’re the only girl you’ve ever seen,” he reminds me.
“Quit ruining my buzz,” I tell him teasingly. “I’m so lovely. I’m like a princess.”
“You are,” he agrees. “I tried to tell you that when we met, but you didn’t believe me!”
“You saved me,” I tell him suddenly, staring at him with renewed awe. I don’t care if the anesthesia is making me loopy. “I ran away from my castle and got trapped in a tower, guarded by evil trolls. You were my knight in shining armor; you rode your horse across the land to come and rescue me.”
Liam begins to chuckle. “I think you should probably get a bit more rest, Winter.”
“No, I’m fine! I was just stunned by the exquisiteness of my own face.” I nod decisively. “In fact, I think I’m much better looking than you.”
“Hey, let’s not get too carried away now,” he says with a grin.
I tilt the mirror around so that I can get more light. “I’m serious. I could look at me all day!”
Liam laughs. “I could, too.” Looking toward the door to ensure our privacy, he leans forward to put his lips close to my ear. “You think this is great? You should see the rest of you,” he whispers in a low voice.
“Can I?” I ask him curiously. “Oh! I guess I’d need a bigger mirror for that.”
“Do you think you can walk?” he asks me.
“I don’t know. Maybe, with a little help.”
Liam takes the small mirror out of my hand and places it on the bedside table. He detaches the heart monitor from my finger before sliding his arms under my body to easily lift me from the hospital bed. I feel extremely dizzy, and the world visibly spins around me as he carries me to the small adjoining bathroom. Once we are positioned in front of the large bathroom mirror, he gently places my feet on the ground. I might have fallen over if not for him standing behind me and wrapping his strong arms around my waist.
