by J. M. Madden
Shannon called her at one point, commiserating when she realized that Alex was under the weather. Shannon admitted that her morning sickness had kicked in with a vengeance, leaving her snappy and tired all day.
“I hate to say it,” Alex told her, “but sleep and laying down is your friend right now. I’ve been on bed rest for days and I’m sick of sleeping, but I know it’s what made me better.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just really hard, right now. I have so much to do for the nursery, and this darn puppy wants to play all… the… time. Pickle looks down her nose at her, but Gray Cat has actually played a few times. Of course, the puppy thinks she needs to play all the time. Or chew. She has found something to chew in every room in this house.”
“Did you ever come up with a name?”
Shannon sighed, “We did, but we still call her Puppy. Her real name is Carmela, because her coat’s such a pretty caramel color.”
Alex laughed and made appreciative noises, but it was hard to stay upbeat. She rung off and headed back to bed to take yet another nap.
After being off work for four days, she managed to walk a block down the street to get a few essentials from the convenience store. It was all she could do to make it back to her apartment. Throwing back a couple of vitamins, she crawled back to her cursed bed.
By day five she thought she had kicked it. Though her head felt groggy everything else felt fine. Her fever was gone and she didn’t feel like walking across the room took too much out of her. She called her boss at the hospital and promised to be in the next morning for her regular shift. The older woman was thrilled.
“You have no idea how it’s been around here. Are you sure you’re ready?”
Alex appreciated the question. “I think I’m good. Might have to take a breather here and there. But I’ll be back.”
And at six am she headed in to work. The epidemic had lessened but there were several key people missing, so others were pitching in to cover. At one point, Alex just pulled a chair away from the wall and sat down. Unfortunately it was that much harder to get up when she did have to move.
Though she got rid of the sickness itself, it took her another week to get most of her energy back. Then she still felt queasy.
I need to get rid of this damn flu.
* * *
It was kind of a relief to get back to work. If she was focused on a case she wasn’t daydreaming about Duncan.
“Hey, Alex, several of us are getting together at the Depot if you’d like to join us.”
Tall, stunningly handsome Dr. Thomas Frear, a cardiology resident, leaned against the nurse’s counter beside her. The man had women all across the hospital drooling to be noticed by him, but Alex just couldn’t dredge up any excitement.
“I’ll see, Tom. I’m still catching up on a few things at home.”
She wasn’t, actually, but she didn’t want to go out.
Or, at least, she didn’t want to go out with these people. If she had her choice, she would like to hang out at the Frog Dog with the LNF crew. Though she didn’t know them well, she had an idea of the quality of people they were just because Duncan had hired them.
Maybe she could take a few minutes out of her day and call Shannon. Alex missed her, and had looked forward to watching her pregnancy progress. And maybe, peripherally, she could glean some details about Duncan.
An hour later, that’s exactly what she did.
“Lost and Found Investigative Service. How may I help you?”
“Hey, Shannon. It’s Alex.”
“Alex!” Shannon gasped. “How are you? Did you kick that flu?”
“Yeah, finally. I don’t really remember what we talked about when you called,” she laughed. “I remember the puppy.”
“Oh,” Shannon said, laughing. “Well, I had called to commiserate. I was very upset when I learned that you and Duncan had broken up. That just broke my heart when he said that you had left.”
Alex’s throat tightened because she could tell that Shannon’s words were heartfelt. “Honestly, Shannon? Me too.”
She probably shouldn’t have admitted that to her, but she had a feeling the other woman would keep her confession.
“Well,” Shannon whispered, “if it makes you feel any better, not everyone in this office has been hunky-dory either.”
Alex laughed at the vague way she stated that, and understood Shannon had loyalty to Duncan.
“I wish it could have gone in a different direction, but you know how it goes. There must be something better for me coming down the road.”
She highly doubted that, but maybe she could at least reassure Shannon. Not everyone had to be distressed about their breaking up.
“Well, his birthday is next week and he needs to realize what he’s losing out on before he dies a lonely old man.”
Alex blinked. “Duncan’s birthday is next week?”
Damn. That was one thing they didn’t know about each other.
“Yup.” Shannon’s voice dropped to a stage whisper again. “The fifteenth of January. We’ve planned a little shindig with the group. I really wish you could be here.”
The silence stretched for a moment because they both knew that while it could happen, it probably wouldn’t. Throat tight, Alex asked Shannon about her pregnancy. Shannon seemed to understand she needed the subject change. Immediately she had several questions that Alex answered as thoroughly as she could. By the time they hung up twenty minutes later, Alex felt confident in the fact that she’d helped Shannon ease her mind about some things. Twins weren’t easy. She and John were going to have a tough road ahead of them, but they would be stronger for it.
* * *
Duncan didn’t want to look pathetic, but he was dying to know what Alex had said. Shannon hadn’t been quiet when she’d said Alex’s name. Had she mentioned him at all? How did she sound?
Unfortunately, if he went to the cracked door and asked, that would just make him look more pathetic than he already did. Alex was a smart, beautiful woman and he’d broken up with her. What a stupid idiot he’d been.
Shannon leaned her head in his door, her expression tentative. “I just spoke with Alex. She sounds good. She had the flu last week and it really knocked her down.”
Duncan glanced up like he’d been busy, taking his glasses off like his eyes needed a rest. He’d been just staring out the window in a daze, but Shannon didn’t need to know that.
“Oh, yeah?” he asked. His heart thumped at the thought that she’d been sick and alone. If she had called he would have gone out there to care for her, no hesitation.
“Yes. I told her I missed her and that I didn’t think I was the only one in the office who did.”
Duncan lifted a brow at her as she walked all the way into the room, but he didn’t say anything.
Taking a deep breath, Shannon lifted her chin, staring at him with determination. “I’m not going to say you’re wrong, Duncan, but I definitely don’t think you’re right.”
In spite of himself he barked out a laugh, but she held up a hand.
“Alexandra Hartfield is an incredible woman. I’m not sure what the stumbling block is, but I have a feeling it’s you being stubborn more than anything else. Can I take off my receptionist hat and just be your friend?”
In other words, could she yell at him?
“Yeah,” he growled. “Get it over with.”
“Is it her age that bothers you?”
Sighing, he rocked back in his chair. “It did at first. Still does a little, I guess.”
Shannon nodded, hands on her hips. “And does she want kids?”
Jaw firming, he nodded.
“And why is that an issue?”
“Are you serious?” he asked incredulously. “Besides the fact that I’m limping closer to fifty, how fucked up is it to saddle a kid with a crippled father who will only get worse as he ages?”
Shannon’s mouth dropped open and Duncan realized what he’d just said. He pushed to his feet and circle
d the desk, hand raised as if to grab back the words. “Wait, Shannon, that’s not what I meant. You guys are a completely different case.”
She shook her head even as sudden tears filled her eyes. “I can’t believe those words just left your mouth,” she whispered. “You, of all people.”
Not waiting for him to reach her, Shannon turned and left his office, closing the door softly behind herself.
“Fuck!” Duncan hissed.
As if it wasn’t bad enough he’d screwed up his own relationship, now he was annihilating the ones closest to him.
She was right though. Those words should have never left his mouth. Hell, they should never have even entered his mind. He’d seen guys much worse off than him reach greater heights than he ever expected to. John was certainly one of those.
In his heart, he was overjoyed for John’s relationship with Shannon and their impending deliveries. It couldn’t have happened to a better couple. And the same with Chad. That was one relationship that he’d never expected to work, but it had flourished, and they loved Lora’s little girl. Zeke, the most physically disfigured of them all, was about to get married.
How did they all look beyond the way things are now to see what could be?
Maybe he was just too old to change his outlook on life. Rather than seeing the hope, he only saw stress and worry and responsibility. It had been ingrained in him for years and it was hard to let go.
Alexandra was an incredible woman. Was she too incredible to just let go because he was worried about things that might never happen?
Maybe if he tried, really stayed aware of what he was thinking, he could start looking at the positive side of things more easily.
Although that wouldn’t start until after he went groveling to Shannon and begged her to accept his apology.
Two hours later, Duncan tracked Shannon down and pled with her to forgive him. It wasn’t easy to do because John glared daggers at him as he cradled his pregnant fiancée to his chest. Duncan didn’t like the censure he saw in John’s dark eyes, and he worried it had irreparably harmed their relationship.
No, damn it. He reworded the words in his mind. Though John was pissed with him right now, he hoped they could get back to steadier ground. He knew they could.
It felt strange being his own cheerleader, but maybe that’s what he needed to get his brain right.
John tracked him down later that day, as Duncan had expected he would.
“If you ever talk to her like that again, I will flatten you,” he hissed, the veins in his arms pumped and his eyes flat. “I understand you have a lot of shit going on in your life right now but that doesn’t give you the right to dump on her. She loves you, damn it!”
Duncan swallowed hard. “I know. And I love her too. I was speaking from my own insecurities and I wasn’t thinking of anyone else, I swear I wasn’t. The words were directed at me, not you and Shannon.”
John stared at him hard for a long moment before holding out a hand. Duncan circled the desk to shake it, then he leaned down to give him a strong shoulder bump.
“You need to get your head on straight, Wilde. You made her cry. I won’t tolerate that.”
Sighing, he nodded his head, feeling like the lowest of the low. “I know. I’m working on it, I promise.”
Duncan knew that John would never say anything about what happened between them, but the atmosphere in the office changed drastically. Shannon wouldn’t make eye contact and refused to talk to him unless she absolutely had to. She stopped bringing him drinks and she didn’t cook anything that Friday. The men sensed something had happened between them but cared enough for their own safety not to dig.
It took Shannon a solid week to start talking to him again as a friend more than a boss. In desperation, on his own birthday, he sent her a big bunch of flowers with a card that said, ‘I’m an asshole. I’m so sorry. Please smile again’.
He happened to be in the break room when they were delivered to her, and he saw her reluctant smile. She crossed the room and hugged him. “You are an asshole,” she muttered.
Then she smacked him on the shoulder, hard enough to sting.
All of the men in the room laughed as he winced.
They laughed even harder as she ducked into the fridge and pulled out a cake completely covered by icing flowers. There was a small clear area with the words ‘Happy Birthday you Sweet Thing’ scrolled across it. Surrounded by more flowers. Duncan could feel his teeth aching before he even tasted the cake. She knew how much he detested the canned icing taste of commercial cakes.
Rising from the centers of each and every flower stood a forest of tall, slim candles.
“Let me help you with that, buddy,” John said, rolling up beside him. In a blink he lit a hand-held propane torch and started lighting the candles.
“Oh, hell. I guess I deserve this,” Duncan laughed. But he wasn’t insulted by any of it. No, he was too happy being accepted again.
Later on that afternoon, Duncan rocked back in his chair, wondering what he could do to avoid going home. It just wasn’t the same there anymore. Alex had left her mark on everything he looked at. And his bed, hell… in desperation he’d gone to the bedroom she had used during her visit. That had only made things worse. He’d been dogged by dreams where they were making love. He woke hard and frustrated.
Since she’d been gone his body had struggled with withdrawal. As he walked through the house, he would catch her scent floating through the air. The pillow she had used was now his, but the tantalizing fragrance was beginning to fade under his own.
Happy Birthday, Duncan.
In shock, he stared down at the text message flashing on the screen. How had she known he was thinking of her? Picking up the phone he swiped his thumb across the face to acknowledge the message.
Thank you, Alex. I appreciate that.
Then he floundered. What were the parameters for talking to an ex he thought he was still in love with?
Are you doing okay? He tapped out.
Yes, fine, thank you. Did you like your cake? Lol
Relief flowed through him as she threw him a conversational bone.
Yes, were you in on that?
Well, Shannon said she was making it for you.
She took a picture of it when it was lit. I thought we were going to have to call the fire department to put it out.
Lol!
That topic exhausted, he wracked his brain for anything else, but everything he could think of would lead to heartache.
Well, I have to run. Remember, Duncan, you’re only as old as you think you are.
Frowning, he read that line a couple of times before responding.
Bye, Alex. Thank you for the birthday wishes.
Chapter Seventeen
Alex recovered from the flu for the most part, but the bone-aching tiredness persisted. When her boss found her at the nurse’s station dozing off one day, she’d ordered her to get checked out.
And now, staring at Dr. Reynolds, her general practitioner, she was glad she had. There was a very strong reason for her tiredness.
“Nope, you’re not sick. You’re pregnant.”
Alex gaped at him. “What do you mean I’m pregnant? I have an IUD in.”
Dr. Reynolds smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “An IUD doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant, just that it’s highly unlikely. I strongly suggest you take that IUD out now.”
Alex blinked, her mind whirling. “Take it out?” she repeated dumbly.
“Well, you can’t leave it in there. You’re pregnant and if the embryo has any chance of survival, that IUD has to come out. If you leave the IUD in, you’re fifty percent more likely to miscarry. Even if you take it out though,” he cautioned, “you have a twenty-five percent higher chance of miscarrying than the average woman, just because of the trauma to the uterus. Your regular gyno will tell you all this, but I suggest you go see him or her now. Want me to have Deena call them for you and see about getting you in?”
&nbs
p; Alex nodded and gave the smiling nurse the name of her doctor. She left the room, promising to be back as soon as possible.
If Alex hadn’t already been sitting on the paper-covered table, she would have had to sit down somewhere. Her brain started connecting the dots. “So, basically you’re telling me I have a very good chance of losing this pregnancy no matter what?”
Reynolds waffled, his arms crossed. “If you want this to be a viable pregnancy you have a higher success rate by removing the IUD.”
She took a deep breath, thoughts mangled. “Okay.”
Alex dressed and left the room. Deena, the nurse handed her a slip of paper. “If you head over there now they will be able to get you in.”
So, within a two-hour period Alex saw both of her personal doctors. Dr. Tripiti completely agreed with Dr. Reynolds’ assessment. “Give me just a few minutes and I’ll be back.”
Dr. Tripiti had to see a couple more patients before his schedule freed up. Alex sat in the exam room, shivering with cold in the paper gown. Her mind had completely shut down and she gazed at the wall blankly. The thought of ever being pregnant had seemed so far down the road. IUDs were supposed to be as good as getting your tubes tied. Well, apparently not.
Fate, you are such an evil bitch.
It figured this would happen after she’d broken up with Duncan and there was no chance of getting back together with him.
What the hell was she going to do with a baby?
Her lifestyle revolved around her job, her very demanding job. Things were going to have to change. Forcing her brain to slow down, she decided to shelve plans until she knew if the pregnancy would progress.
Dr. Tripiti returned after about an hour, along with a smiling nurse. Alex lay back on the hard table and spread her legs for him to work.
“Cough for me,” he instructed.
