by Lily Cahill
He helped her get into town--where she finally had signal--and waited long enough to make sure she'd gotten in touch with her sister. When he left, he didn't let himself turn around and look at her one last time. It nearly killed him to stay strong, but he did. The woods swallowed him back up, and he told himself it was for the best. It sounded like a lie even in his own head.
Chapter Eight
Ava
Ava looked at her long time lab partner turned date, Brian, sitting across from her in the open air cafe where they'd agreed to meet for coffee. She'd been working in lab with Brian since she was an undergrad. They'd continued to work together through grad school and had both been kept on for post-doc research. Ava and Brian's brains were so linked in the lab, it pained her to turn him down every time he asked her out. Their chemistry in the lab seemed to completely disintegrate once they stepped out of the building, but Ava was determined to finally give him a chance.
She had been home for a week. After the initial shock of Ava turning up safe and sound, Emma had forced Ava to stay with her for a few nights to make sure she was really okay. And after that, life went back to normal. It was jarring how easy it was to go back to the routine she'd shed for those few days out in the cabin with Liam. It didn't feel like she had just been on some vacation and should be able to pick up where she left off. At the time, her days in the woods had felt more significant. But whatever significance they'd had was gone by the time she'd made it back to the city.
The first night she had been back at her own house, she went out onto the deck and laid down, looking at the stars. She found Orion's Belt and the Big Dipper. Dimmer versions of themselves, they looked like sun-bleached signs--what was left after the sun had taken the best and brightest parts for itself. She wondered if Liam was looking up at those same stars and thinking of her. Ava told herself she'd never find out. She got up, went back inside, and slept in her own bed.
In the coffee shop a few days later, Brian reached out and held Ava's hand on top of the table. It felt limp and cold, like one more piece of research to be dissected. His hand was soft and smooth--an academic like her, he had no reason to have the rough calloused hands that Liam did.
"Have you ever been camping?" Ava asked, changing the topic away from the lab and the bees they were studying. That was all she and Brian ever talked about. They'd been working together for years trying to learn more about declining bee populations, and she had finally decided to say yes to a date. He satisfied every parameter on Emma's list with flying colors, but Ava had never felt a spark for him. She was starting to think that she had to choose between a spark and a decent guy.
"Yes."
She perked up, maybe they could go camping and live ruggedly in the woods for the weekend, making their own food and sleeping under the stars.
"I hated it," he said with a grimace. "All that dirt and bugs. And a tent isn't going to keep you safe from a bear if one decided to walk onto your campsite. Not to mention, no bathroom. I prefer my nature in the lab, where I can control it."
Her body slumped, and she pushed strands of wilty lettuce around her plate.
"But I'll go if you want to," Brian said quickly. "I could give it a second chance."
"No, that's okay."
The conversation lulled and Brain pushed his plate aside, taking both of Ava's hands into his. He looked at her with his pale face and starkly black hair.
"I can't tell you how happy I am that you finally agreed to go out with me. The world shines brighter today, Ava."
Ava's stomach twisted and her throat went dry. Could she add something to the rules about guys who were too committed too quickly? Her palms turned clammy and she fidgeted in her seat, desperate to pull her hands away.
"I know this seems fast," Brian said, like he was reading her mind. "But we've known each other for a long time, and I feel like us getting together," he stuttered and pushed his black-framed glasses up his nose, then returned his hand to Ava's. "Now that we're together, we can be really together, you know? Not waste all that time on formalities."
Ava stiffened and finally pulled her hands away. "Brian," she said, her voice soft in a tone that she hoped was comforting.
"Oh no." Brian's face, if possible, turned paler. "Are you breaking up with me?" His forehead wrinkled and his face twisted in pain, like she'd punched him in the gut.
"Brian, this is our first date. We can't break up because we aren't together." There was a tiny edge in her voice that she couldn't stop. If this was what a stable guy looked like, she didn't want any part of it.
"I know that look. You are breaking up with me." His voice cracked, the sentence coming out a squeak.
"We're really good friends and we work great together. Let's hold onto that."
Brian's head fell into his hands. He was crumbling onto the table. Ava rubbed his back and looked around to the other patrons, trying to give them reassuring smiles. They all looked at Brian with pity, their eyes darting daggers at Ava. She knew they were blaming her for breaking a guy's heart in public, but that was not what this was.
She thought of her departure from Liam. He had held her body tightly against his, woven his hands into her hair and kissed her deeply, not stopping until she was utterly breathless. He had turned after that, the convenience store in eyeshot where she could call her sister or a cab for a ride, and left her. No plans to meet up again. No exchange of phone numbers--Liam probably didn't even have a phone. He'd made love to her non-stop for three days, hiked out of the woods with her for two, and left her without a passing glance. She shouldn't still be thinking about him, but he was strong and capable in ways that Brian couldn't even imagine. In ways that made her tremble to think about.
Brian was smart and reliable, but when she looked at him she saw her friend and a science lab. But her loins and her heart screamed for Liam. She'd hoped that going out with Brian would give her some perspective. She wanted to give reliable a chance, but it just wasn't right. She couldn't sit here asking Brian leading questions hoping he would show some inner mountain man. She didn't care if it meant being broken-hearted again, she wanted Liam. She felt like the constellations she'd seen from her deck. She didn't want to live like faded stars when she knew that she could shine brighter.
Chapter Nine
Liam
Liam sulked in the woods for days. Rarely shifting out of his bear form, he stalked the wilderness trying to shake the dark feelings that had come over him since Ava had left.
He'd re-read Walden and tried to find solace in Thoreau's words, but the old, worn pages gave him little comfort. He physically ached with Ava's absence, like he was going without food or water--she had, in his mind, become an essential element for life. He pulled out books on shifter lore and tried to find if it was possible for him to die from being without his mate.
He ran himself out every day, hoping the physical exertion would leave him so spent that there would be room for nothing else. He gardened, set new traps, built a second nightstand for his bedroom, carving and sanding the wood until it was perfectly and unnaturally smooth. He was as busy as he had been when he first came out there, but nothing was working. As he was chopping wood, a Thoreau quote floated through his mind.
It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?
Right now he was busy forgetting about Ava, and he hated it. He felt like he was running from himself, but if he ran to Ava everything that he had been working toward, the self-reliance that he craved, would be gone forever. If he felt this badly after five days with her, there was no way he could live years with her and not completely crumble if he lost her. He was right to try and avoid being fated. The loss of fated love was indescribably painful.
For the first time since he'd decided to leave his life at Bowen Enterprises, abandoning his business and his twin brother, Liam felt truly conflicted.
He started talking to his picture frames, trying to ask Everett for advice. But Everett just smiled back at Lia
m, the face matching his own but not saying anything. He punched a wall in frustration, hating being caught in this mess. Finally he decided to pack and visit the one person in the world who he trusted. The one person who had always been there for him and the only person who made him think twice about living the life of a recluse in his woods. He was going to find his brother.
#
Liam jabbed his hands deep into his pockets and hustled through the city streets.
The noise and congestion of Manhattan assaulted his senses: the yellow cabs, the people crowding the streets and knocking into each other, the smells of urine, hot garbage, and boiled cabbage mingled in the air.
Everett was still living in the same high-rise as he'd been in when Liam left. It was a short distance from Bowen Enterprises, which hadn't moved either. Liam found comfort in the fact that in this fast-paced city, these two things hadn't changed.
Inside the apartment building, Liam rested his head against the cold metal of the elevator wall, closing his eyes and trying to remember why he had come back.
Did Everett hold a grudge against him? Was he going to welcome him with open arms or shut the door in his face? When he'd set out to find his twin, he'd been thinking only of himself. That he needed Everett's advice. He needed someone else to help him get through this problem, but he hadn't called Everett or written in over two years, and now he was just expecting everything to go back to normal. He wasn't sure he would have given Everett such leeway, and he was suddenly nervous that the one relationship he felt secure in would no longer be there for him.
The elevator ride lasted forever--the penthouse seeming to take minutes to get to. The farther up he went, the less sure Liam felt about this decision. Maybe he should have at least called first. He was never the charismatic schmoozer that Everett was, but he was beginning to think that his time in the woods had deteriorated his sense of decent manners.
The elevator pinged and the doors opened to an elaborate foyer. A table with a vase bursting with flowers sat on marble floors. The door to the apartment was a floor to ceiling metal slider that was intimidating on normal circumstances. Liam had been here countless times, but now everything felt foreign. Like he'd been gone for too long to still know the place.
He rang the buzzer, quickly taking a step back from the door as soon as he lifted his finger off the button.
A woman answered the door, her stomach swelling under a light blue maternity top.
"Catie?" Liam asked, not because he didn't recognize her, but because he was flabbergasted to find her here, opening Everett's door. With an impregnated belly.
A crinkled look of bewilderment crossed Catalina Flores' face before a light of recognition burst into her eyes.
"Liam!" She shouted his name and thrust herself at him in a full embrace, the bulge of her stomach hitting him and creating an awkwardness that she didn't seem to notice. "We've missed you so much."
The "we" hit Liam like a jab. She was undoubtedly referring to Everett, but Liam didn't even know they were a "we." How much had he missed these past years, hiding away from everything?
"Come in, come in." Catie ushered him into the apartment, buzzing around him, and fussing to pick up stray sweaters and discarded mail. Liam was still too dazed to say anything. He just followed her blindly, letting her move around the place like she knew it better than Liam did, that she belonged there more than he did. Which was probably true, from the looks of it. The fact of it finally stuck, and Liam felt a mixture of happiness and regret. He loved Catie, she was practically part of the family. She'd been one of Bowen Enterprises' first interns and had been hired on quickly after her internship ended. She'd helped them build the company, working long hours with the brothers and never complaining. She and Everett had always been inseparable. She anticipated his needs, and Everett leaned on Catie, working with her to think out loud and solve business problems that Liam wasn't interested in.
"So you and Everett, huh?" A delayed smile was stretching across his cheeks. Liam knew without having to talk to Everett that Catie made him happy. That this was the best thing that could have happened while he was gone.
"Yeah," Catie blushed. "He should be home any minute. He is going to be so thrilled to see you." She reached out her hand and rubbed his arm, like she could barely believe he was there in the flesh.
"Come have a seat." Catie walked to the couch and patted the space next to her. She reclined her body just a bit, making herself comfortable around her little bump.
"So when did this happen?" Liam pointed down to Catie's stomach.
She rubbed her stomach absent-mindedly and Liam saw a diamond sparkling from her finger. "I'm about six months along."
"Congratulations. On both accounts." Liam tried to smile, but he felt a wave of sadness that he'd missed the wedding. He wondered who Everett had asked to be his best man. It felt wrong that it hadn't been him. He swallowed his feelings. He had no right to expect things to stand still without him. He should have known that Everett would have a mate and a family by now.
"Thank you." Catie looked down for a moment, suddenly shy, a flush of red creeping up her neck. "We tried to call you." Her voice was lower, almost a whisper.
"I haven't exactly made it easy." Liam looked down at his hands, rubbing his thumb against the hardened pad of his palm.
"We eloped," Catie offered it up like an apology. "When the Brotherhood found out, they were pretty pissed. Weddings are a good time to network and build prestige, but Everett didn't care. He didn't want to have a big ceremony without you standing by his side."
The Brotherhood. Liam hadn't thought this through at all. He hadn't thought about anyone but himself since he'd left, and it was becoming painfully obvious to him. Would the Billionaire Bear Brotherhood find out he was in the city? Did he want to be a part of that community again? Would they let him?
He felt the simplicity of forest life slipping through his fingers and his stomach churned, unsure he was ready for this.
Catie and Liam turned their heads in unison as they heard the heavy door sliding open. Everett was home.
Chapter Ten
Liam
Liam stood slowly, not knowing what to expect. He realized now how much he'd missed, how long he hadn't been around for Everett. And now he was just expecting Everett to pick up where they'd left off and pretend like Liam hadn't abandoned him.
Everett ran his hands through his hair and stood at the door, not moving to come in any farther.
Neither brother said anything for a full minute.
"Why don't I go and let you guys talk." Catie grabbed her purse and nudged Everett on her way out. Liam couldn't quite hear what she said, but it looked like she was rooting for him.
"What are you doing here?" Everett finally asked when the door slid shut and it was just the two of them in the apartment. The ten foot ceilings felt small. It was a reminder that Liam wasn't mean for this. For the city, for the indoors, for awkward confrontation.
"I'm not sure, actually." Liam rubbed his palms on the front of his jeans. "It seemed like the right thing to do, but now I'm not so sure."
"It seemed like the right thing to do?" Everett repeated his words, his voice an octave too high, mocking Liam. "It didn't seem like the right thing a year ago, or two, even? It never crossed your mind to leave an address or make a fucking phone call?" His voice was rising and his face was turning red. He still hadn't moved from his spot in the doorway, and Liam couldn't blame him.
"I'm sorry. I felt like it was the only way for me to break free of all of this." Liam gestured around the apartment and toward the windows. Outside, the city was all tall, steele buildings and the bustle of people on the streets below--everyone in a rush to get where they were going no matter where they were headed.
"Well, I hope it was worth it." Everett crossed his arms over his chest.
"Maybe this was a mistake. I'll go." Liam moved toward the door, but Everett took a step to his left, blocking his way.
"No," his voice
was quieter. There was still anger lingering there, but it was giving way. "Stay. You can at least tell me what made you come all the way out here."
Liam shoved his hands back in his pockets, not sure where to begin. They were still standing a distance away from each other, Everett at the door and Liam in the living room--the couch and too much space between them to have a real conversation. Liam had never felt awkward with Everett, and the weirdness of the whole situation was making him wonder why he'd ever thought this was a good idea.
"Come on," Everett said. "Let's get a beer."
#
"There's a place a couple blocks away from here." Everett was walking assuredly, with a purpose. He had an air about him that Liam used to possess too. The determination that said he lived here, he wasn't just a tourist. The fresh air, even if it was contaminated with pockets of strong odors, cleared Liam's head a bit and his body moved in long strides, remembering the walk of a New Yorker.
"So you and Catie?" Liam said, breaking the silence, a small smile creeping onto his face. "I always suspected she was the one for you."
"You did not," Everett boomed back in defense.
"Yes, I did. You talked about her so goddamned much I thought you knew it too and just weren't ready yet. It's a scary thing knowing what the rest of your life looks like."
Everett rolled his eyes. "While you were gone, I spent a long time looking for my mate, and I never considered Catalina. If I had known she was the one from the beginning, I wouldn't have wasted so much time."
They were stopped at a cross walk with a herd of people waiting for a gap in traffic. When one came, they moved in unison over the black top of the street before disbursing a little on the sidewalk.
"I like knowing that Catalina will be there when I get home, that she and I will always be together. I find it comforting to know that she was made for me and I was made for her."
