His smile was genuine and grateful as he nodded. “I asked him how he found us, but he would not say.” Nicholas raised a skeptical brow. “Were you involved?”
I eyed him from under my wet, grimy eyelashes. “No, not at all. It sounds quite like a miracle to me. How is your mother faring?” I pretended I hadn’t already seen her and the mysterious little boy beside her.
He studied me with suspicion for one more moment before releasing a heavy sigh. “She is comfortable. Not as anxious as she once was. I have seen progress during the warmer months.”
I itched to ask him who the little boy was, but I didn’t want to argue with Nicholas today. I wanted my time spent with him to feel the way it once had—light and safe and comfortable. “I would very much like to see her.”
“Perhaps she will consider receiving visitors soon. She seemed to take well to Dr. Kellaway.” His voice sounded hopeful. “But I still lack the money to repay the specialist in London. I don’t know how I will come by it. And there is also the innkeeper I must pay for looking after my horse.” He rubbed his forehead.
My heart ached for him. “In Craster there is plenty of work for everyone that seeks it. You need not have attended university. My dear friend Charlotte’s husband knows many places you could begin to earn wages. Of course, then your family would be here alone …” I bit my lip.
Nicholas seemed to be thinking deeply about my words. His eyes locked on mine. “I have thought of that before.” His voice was soft.
“What do you mean?”
He gave an audible breath. “The day I met you at the inn … I was traveling to Craster.”
“Craster?” I choked. “Why?” I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm as a shiver spread over my entire body.
Nicholas’s brows drew together with concern. “We need to get you to a warm place.” He offered me his jacket, just as he had the day I fell in the trough in the stables. I wrapped it around my shoulders before changing my mind and handing it back to him. He gave me a confused look.
“I should go alone.”
His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. I couldn’t look at his eyes any longer. They had already weakened me far more than they ever should have.
“Was this another secret meeting?” He was smiling again—I could hear it in his voice.
“An unintentional one, yes.”
“They are becoming a very common occurrence.”
I accidentally looked at him. “We must put an end to it before we are discovered.” He didn’t know that we already had been discovered. My heart beat with dread.
He looked like he was about to say something more, but the words stopped before they escaped, lingering between us like a broken promise.
“I must go. Thank you for saving me from the toad.” I forced a smile so he would know that I didn’t hate him. Just that I was afraid of him breaking my heart.
His smile was faint compared to the usual smiles he gave me.
With a final glance over my shoulder, I traipsed back to the edge of the woods, cringing at the water that dripped down my legs and puddled in my boots. I squeezed the water from my hair, shaking it onto the grass below as I stepped back onto the lawn. I snorted back another bout of laughter as I imagined Nicholas’s face as I fell into the pond. He was my dearest friend. The thought filled me with sorrow. If only I knew if he was genuine, that his feelings for me really had changed. I told myself that I trusted him but maybe I still didn’t. Not completely. If I did trust him, then I would let him have my heart; I wouldn’t be running away. I wouldn’t be so afraid. And now there was an entirely different matter that I hadn’t considered before. Nicholas needed money. He could win any lady of fortune with his charm, I was sure of it. I did not possess the wealth he needed for his family. If he married me, it would be selfish of both of us. And if there was anything I knew about Nicholas, it was that he was quite the opposite.
Lost in my thoughts, I opened the door to the house. For the second time today, I jumped, pressing my hand to my chest in surprise. Mrs. Tattershall stood just to the right of the doorway with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed.
“Good morning,” I squeaked. My stomach tightened with panic as I tried to slide past her.
“Where have you been?” Her voice stopped me in my escape attempt. Every muscle in my body stiffened as I met her accusing eyes. I maintained my stance for a short few seconds before melting into a confession.
“I know I should not have been in the woods alone, but I missed the old pond, and then I fell into it, which was not pleasant, and—”
“But you were not alone in the woods.”
My heart pounded in my ears. “Indeed, I was.”
“Do not lie to me, child.” Every feature of her face was sharp. Her cheekbones could shatter glass. “I saw the Bancroft boy follow you.” Her stare was unwavering.
I shook my head. “You are mistaken.” I couldn’t believe that Mrs. Tattershall had seen us again. It was the third time now. I had been so careful. If she had not seen the kiss she might have been more forgiving this time.
Mrs. Tattershall intertwined her fingers, glancing down at them casually. “Perhaps I might take my questions to him.”
“No! I mean, no. You must not do that, please.”
She leaned her head closer to mine, emphasizing her words through partially clenched teeth. “You are a guest in this house, Lucy Abbot. My brother’s hospitality will only stretch so far, and I can assure you that it does not give place for wanton women begging for scandal. One scandal from my brother is quite enough for this house to endure.” When she finished speaking she clamped her mouth shut, standing up straight and smoothing her hair. She cleared her throat.
Scandal? My thoughts whirled. “I assure you that I will not associate with Nicholas in such circumstances again … but I beg you, do not try to compel him to marry me. If he intends to marry me he will propose. He is an honorable man.”
Mrs. Tattershall scoffed. “You do not possess the wealth he needs. He is desperate for money; the family always has been. He would never choose to marry a woman without a dowry to speak of. I do not respect a man that toys with hearts he has no intention of keeping.” She huffed a breath. “I would very much like to see him suffer at the prospect of marrying you.”
Her words struck my chest with the strength of a physical blow. It was true what she said. Nicholas could easily steal the heart of a wealthy heiress. Why had he not done that already? It would have been so easy, swift, and lawful. Instead he had opted to help a group of highwaymen. It didn’t make sense. Surely the thought of marrying an heiress had crossed his mind so why had he not done it? If he ever set foot in a London ballroom he would be flocked within seconds. No matter that he wasn’t titled. He was handsome, and men as handsome as Nicholas were not a common occurrence.
“Please do not say a word to him. Please.” I begged with my eyes as much as my words.
Mrs. Tattershall hesitated, but shrugged one shoulder. “I cannot give you my promise.”
My eyes stung with tears as she turned her back on me and walked back to the sitting room. I shivered again and crossed my arms, standing alone in the vast hallway. With defeat in my steps, I moved down the hall toward the staircase. All I could do was behave as a proper lady, and hope that she took pity on me. Tearing my gaze away, I made my way up the stairs, eager to change my wet clothing and distance myself from Mrs. Tattershall. I put my face in my hands and tried not to think about any of my problems.
Perhaps if I stayed up here the rest of the day, they would disappear.
The day before the party at Stanton manor, I avoided Mr. Rossington and Mrs. Tattershall as much as possible. Mrs. Tattershall’s warning still hung in my thoughts, filling me with anxiety and restlessness. At breakfast, she had asked me a question that I didn’t hear, and I had failed to give an answer because I was so distracted. After that she had left the house.
Since then, I had been certain she was venturing to the Bancr
ofts’ home to send Nicholas over to me with a proposal. And so I stayed in my bedchamber late into the afternoon.
I wanted to go home. I needed to escape with my heart while I had the chance. Nicholas did not need me here as a distraction, but he needed to find a wealthy heiress to provide for his family’s intense needs and his debts, just as Mrs. Tattershall had told me.
Reminiscent of the previous day, a firm knock sounded at my door. I sat upright from where I had been laying on my bed. I fixed my curls and said, “Come in.” My voice came out raspy.
It was Kitty at the door again. Her eyes were wide enough that I could see white surrounding each iris. Her hands twitched at her skirts with concern. “Nicholas is here to see you.”
Certainly my eyes were wider than hers. “What?” Mr. Parsons yesterday and now Nicholas? “Why is he here?”
She swallowed, shaking her head. “I do not know, but my father will not be particularly delighted at the fact.” She hesitated. “Surely you must know why Nicholas is here.”
“I don’t.” My heart hammered against my ribs. I was not prepared to see Nicholas. I had just spent hours preparing myself to avoid seeing him until the party tomorrow evening. A sick feeling of dread dropped in my stomach. Had Mrs. Tattershall spoken to him? Had they come to an agreement?
I stood on shaking legs, moving toward the door. Kitty put her hand out to stop me. “I can tell him you are ill if you wish.”
I hesitated. “No. I will go.”
Kitty stepped out of my way, pressing herself against the door frame. When I reached the stairs I glanced back at her. She was watching me with a look of worry. I gave her a reassuring smile that I didn’t feel, and walked down the staircase. I gripped the banister with both hands and held my breath until I reached the drawing room. The footman welcomed me inside and closed the door behind me. I waited several seconds before turning around.
“Good afternoon, Nicholas,” I said, trying to sound more calm than I felt. I moved away from the door. “I thought we agreed to put an end to secret meetings of any sort.”
Nicholas stood in front of a red settee, smiling. It was a different smile—a nervous one. The space between us was excruciating and silent, and I heard Nicholas’s shaky inhale before he spoke. His dark hair was neat and his eyes were soft.
“This is not secret, so it does not apply to our agreement.” He walked toward me before saying, “You are a liar.”
I gasped in bewilderment. “I am not.”
He was still moving toward me, so I took a step backward, crashing into a round table, capsizing a stack of books. I straightened them, face burning. When I turned around again, Nicholas was directly in front of me, close enough to touch. I had no place to go except straight into the wall behind me, so I stopped moving. I could smell clean soap and leather and fresh parchment on him. I stared straight ahead at the top button of his waistcoat where I didn’t have to see his eyes.
“Dr. Kellaway and his wife are recent acquaintances of yours, are they not? You sent them to help my mother.”
I choked on a breath and my gaze flew up to his. “How did you know that? I told them not to mention …”
He pressed closer to me until I was against the wall, stopping my words. He searched my eyes, as if looking for permission to kiss me again. I was weak all over. My heart pounded. I couldn’t manage to bring a refusal to my eyes. So he bent his head down, brushing his lips first over my cheek. I couldn’t breathe. Without consulting me, my hand reached up, sliding over his chest and to his neck, pulling him down closer to me. He drew a breath and moved his kiss to my lips, slow and gentle, achingly tender. I touched his cheek, his hair, and Nicholas pressed me closer to the wall. He whispered my name against my lips.
Then he whispered something else.
I pushed hard against his chest, making him stumble back a step. My heart thudded. “What did you say?” I choked.
“I love you.” Only now could I see that his eyes were wet with tears, vulnerable with emotion. “I said I love you.” His voice was hoarse. “I always have, Lucy. Even if I did not realize it before.”
“What do you mean?” I couldn’t believe his words. My heart ached with longing and hope, but I pushed it away.
He raked a hand over his hair before filling the step between us again, touching my cheek. “It means that I wish to marry you. If you will have me.”
I was shaking, fighting the lump that rose quickly in my throat, tightening it with tears. I closed my eyes, warding off the desperation to say yes. “Mrs. Tattershall sent you.” With my words came my tears, flowing out onto Nicholas’s fingers on my cheek. “She saw us t-together multiple times, and sh-she told me she would pressure you into m-marrying me. But it isn’t fair.”
“She did not.” He bent down to look closer in my eyes. “She did not send me. She has not spoken to me at all.”
I shook my head. “I wish it were true.”
“It is true!” His golden brown eyes locked on mine. “I would not lie to you, Lucy. And even if Mrs. Tattershall had spoken to me, it wouldn’t change that I love you and wish to marry you. Since the day I called you Mrs. Bancroft I had longed for a chance to call you that and have it be real.” His voice cracked. “Please trust me.”
I couldn’t speak or breathe. “You would not lie to me? Keeping silent can also be a lie, Nicholas. Why should I believe that you love me if you will not tell me everything? Why should I trust you if you do not trust me with your secrets?” I drew a breath but it came out as a shudder. “You do not wish to marry me. It would be foolish. Your family needs the money a wealthy heiress could provide you in a marriage.” I was proud of how strong my voice sounded, how unwavering. “You must think of your mother and Julia.”
His brow tightened with emotion and he reached for me, but I slid away from the warmth of him, crossing the room where I could see him more fully. He didn’t approach this time. I wiped the remaining moisture from my cheeks and crossed my arms. Silence hung in the air between us for a long moment.
And then Nicholas’s expression hardened, masking the hurt and rejection that had burned there on his face before. His voice was quick. “The day I met you at the inn I was traveling to Craster. I was on what I knew to be my last assignment from the highwaymen, and I planned to leave the next night without their knowledge. I was lost—angry—and the only person I thought could help me was you. And I knew that Craster would provide me with an opportunity to work.” He watched the ground as he spoke, but then he met my eyes.
“But above all, I needed to find you. I needed to apologize and I needed to see how you had grown—if you were still short and little, and how beautiful you had become in my absence. After that I knew I would somehow have the strength to return here to my family and face my burdens again.”
My shoulders shook with quiet sobs and I covered my mouth with one hand. He took one step closer to me, but changed his mind, standing several feet away. His face was serious, determined, and full of hurt. “That is my first secret. The other secret is not entirely mine. As you know, my mother has been ill for several years. What is not commonly known is how the illness of her mind intensified when my father died, showing itself through her grief and sorrow, eating away her emotions until she couldn’t feel anymore. In her unfit state, Mr. Rossington, the boor that he is, took advantage of her.”
Nicholas’s jaw tightened and he crossed his arms. I could see him shaking. “She had always respected Mr. Rossington, and after my father died, his interactions with her became more frequent, more secret, and as her mind deteriorated she convinced herself that he was a good man.” He shook his head in anger. “The one honorable thing he ever did was marry her. The prospect of an illegitimate child drove him to the decision.”
My heart thudded, my stomach lurching in disgust and dread over what I was hearing. My mind raced after each of Nicholas’s words. “He married your mother?”
Nicholas nodded. “After your aunt’s death, he married my mother. But when her ma
dness became too much for him to bear, he annulled the marriage, leaving my mother even more of a social outcast, and leaving Simon as illegitimate as he would have been had he been born outside of marriage. Or never born at all.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Simon?”
“Simon, the son of Mr. Rossington and my mother, is the boy who tossed the pot from the window. He is nearly six years old.” Nicholas’s voice grew solemn, quiet.
The red-haired boy I had seen … it was Mrs. Bancroft’s son. Mr. Rossington’s son. I covered my mouth in shock, shaking my head as if it could dispel the truth of what Nicholas was telling me.
“To his inner circle of acquaintances, Mr. Rossington still claims he is married and that is wife is simply ill and unable to join them, keeping himself free of ridicule. He brought her to social events for the first several months of their marriage, but soon her behavior became too much to bear, and he was pitied and humiliated for it. So he annulled the marriage and shunned my mother and his own son to a house directly beside his. Leaving them to my care—a twenty-year-old, basely educated boy.” Nicholas clenched his jaw and met my eyes. They were wet again, broken and heavy.
“He ruined them. Illegitimate, Simon cannot inherit or show himself in society by the name he was given. Simon Rossington. He is ruined and he is only five years old.”
I was grounded where I stood, my head swimming with disbelief and revulsion. I had never been more appalled, more shocked than I was by what Nicholas had just revealed to me. Anger roiled within me. Mr. Rossington’s wicked ways must have been discovered by Aunt Edith and my own parents that summer we left Rosewood.
My stomach was uneasy, hollow, thoroughly disturbed, and seething with anger. Aunt Edith had died shortly after. How her heart must have been broken. My own heart burned with sorrow and pain for Nicholas, Mrs. Bancroft, and Aunt Edith. For little Simon. I understood why Mama and Papa had refused to return here.
They knew Mr. Rossington for the monstrosity he was.
Road to Rosewood Page 20
