I let Julia’s words blossom inside me, filling me with strength. With one final breath of fortitude, I pushed the door open. It slammed against the wall and I cringed. Nicholas stood at a bookshelf, and when he heard my entrance he looked up from his book and glanced over his shoulder. I imagined how I must have appeared, standing in the center of a large, open doorway, cringing at the commotion I had just created. Well done, Lucy.
Nicholas stood up. “Lucy.” He stared at me, waiting for an explanation for my presence there, a greeting, anything. He looked so handsome with the look of surprise on his face. My heart pounded, but I felt my courage returning, drop by drop.
I walked forward until I stood in front of him. He watched every step, a sort of restraint in his expression, defenses built up around his smile. “I’m sorry for coming to your home uninvited, but …” I couldn’t find the words. Nicholas’s eyes searched mine. I stopped, measuring the distance in our heights with my gaze. I could not kiss him if his posture remained firm and straight as it was. I needed to kiss him so he knew my words were earnest. He had kissed me, but I had never kissed him.
I turned toward the bookshelf, removing several thick books. Nicholas’s expression remained guarded as he frowned in confusion. When I was satisfied with my selections, I hefted the books into my arms and moved back to where he stood. I set the books on the ground at his feet, positioning them in a stack.
“What are you doing?” Nicholas finally asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. But he was still quiet, careful.
I grinned at him, unable to hide my smile any longer. When my stack was complete, I placed my hands on Nicholas’s shoulders and stepped on top of the stack of books. My eyes were level with his. He smiled now. I met his gaze again. Before I could lose my nerve, I moved my hands from his shoulders to his face, one hand on each side. His cheeks were slightly rough where he had neglected to shave. His eyes stared back into mine, reserved at first, but then brimming with laughter.
Taking a deep breath, I counted to three in my mind. And then I kissed him, quick and firm. I pulled back, keeping his face between my hands. His eyes were wide with shock. My cheeks were certainly bright pink, but I didn’t care.
“Nicholas. I am sorry. You are correct: I am a liar. When I said my feelings had changed since I was a child, I was lying. When I rejected your proposal I didn’t know the difficulties you had endured—the reasons behind your secrets. But now I know you weren’t lying to me. I—I understand why it was not easy to share such things.” My voice was quick and choked with emotion. “I love you. I have for longer than I can remember. I know it is not fair of me to ask you this, but I must. I ask that you forgive me—that you give me another chance to be your wife because that is all I have ever wanted. I was a fool for hurting you—a—a buffle-headed niddicock.”
I was practically squeezing his face between my hands to emphasize my words. “But I also understand if you would rather marry Mrs. Elkins, because she is wealthy and quite attached to you and—” I shrieked, feeling my stack of books sliding away underneath me. I faltered, but Nicholas caught me, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me off that stack of books before I could fall. I laughed uncontrollably, and he laughed too, holding me against him. Then he kissed me, holding me above the floor and spinning me in a circle. He set me on the floor, keeping me close enough to kiss me a little longer. When he pulled back, he brushed my hair from my eyes, kissing the tip of my nose. We laughed, breathless.
It was his turn to hold my face in his hands, emphasizing his words. “I am only certain that I will not marry Mrs. Elkins if you are certain that you will not marry Mr. Parsons,” he said in a teasing voice.
I gasped. “Do not ever say that again!”
He laughed.
“I am serious, Nicholas. I cannot provide you with the money your family needs. How long will it be before you can no longer afford this house?” Panic spread in my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. Why had I done this? Nicholas needed much more than I could give him. Emotion choked me all over again.
He sighed in exasperation, bending down to kiss my forehead, pressing his thumb to my quivering chin. “We are both intelligent people; surely we can make a plan. I will find work. All will be well. If I cannot marry you, then I will not marry at all. There will never be a woman that makes me laugh as often as you do, or one that is so thoroughly unexpected, breathtaking, and … beautiful.” He wiped a stray tear from my eye and I burst into laughter, sniffing, making an ugly sound. He laughed, gathering me into his arms.
“Are you saying yes?” he asked. His eyes stared into mine, fragile and vulnerable, reflecting my heart back to me, whole and safe. I was breathless, so I nodded. He spun me around again, making me shriek and laugh. He set me down on the floor and took my hand in his, pressing his lips to the top of it.
“May I have this dance, Miss Lucy Abbot?”
Tears were still pouring from my eyes—tears of joy and unexplainable peace. It was not at all how I had always imagined our dance, but I gave my most flourishing curtsy anyway, stepping toward him. He slid his hand around my waist, pressing me close to him. Our hands fit perfectly together just as I had always imagined it. The last time we had danced I had been fourteen, unsure and afraid. Now I was brave and certain. I laughed through my tears, stepping my small feet on top of his boots.
“That is not the proper way to dance.” His brown eyes stared down at mine, his lashes crinkled at the corners with a smile. I grinned, sniffing through my laughter, creating a snorting noise that made Nicholas laugh harder.
Although we had no music, we danced an imperfect and rather broken waltz. But it was perfect to me. My heart soared. Although our future was uncertain, and our plans for a secure living shaky, I believed in Nicholas. I believed in the beauty of this moment, of this dance I had been waiting for my entire life. So I calmed my fears, clung to hope, and tilted my head up to look at my dream.
TWENTY-THREE
Nicholas and I sat in his drawing room with Julia and Mrs. Bancroft, attempting to play a game of whist. Julia assisted her mother, trying to remind her of the rules. Simon had been at Willowbourne with Peter and Charles all morning, and Nicholas and I had just returned from bringing him home. Annette was overjoyed to hear of our engagement, and little Charles was a bit jealous to hear of it.
It had been three days since our engagement, and I had written my father, hoping for his approval of the marriage. He had always thought Nicholas to be a respectable young man, so I had no worry, especially since my father had no knowledge of Nicholas’s past practices. I was also eager to tell my family that we wished to move to Craster where we would get married and where Nicholas would find work with my friend Charlotte’s husband, James. I would assist in the millinery with Mr. Connor. I was confident he would give me work to do. Nicholas and I had discussed the matter for the last several days. I dreaded the gray skies and cold but knew they would be better with Nicholas there too.
Mr. Rossington’s cousin would be moving to Rosewood within the week, so Nicholas and me and his family would be leaving for Craster soon as well. Through the generosity of Dr. Kellaway, we had been lent one of his private coaches that would convey us there.
I heard a banging sound at the door and jumped out of my chair. I exchanged a look with Nicholas. No one ever came knocking here.
Nicholas slid around the card table, and I followed him to the front entry. He swung the door open to reveal Kitty standing on the steps. I gasped in surprise, throwing my arms around her. “Kitty! What brings you here?”
When I stepped back, I noticed the wideness of her eyes and the quickness of her breath. She appeared to have run here with something urgent. She held a stack of papers in her hand. “John insisted that we do some research upon our return home. We spoke to a series of legal men and have discovered something remarkable.” She shook her head, swallowing hard. Nicholas motioned for her to enter. He exchanged a worried look with me before pulling me close to him. Kitty
opened her mouth to speak, but paused when she saw Nicholas’s arm around me. “You two have resolved everything, then?” She squealed. “Are you engaged yet?”
“Kitty!” I laughed, but nodded.
She clapped her hands together, crumpling the papers she held. After offering her congratulations, she seemed to remember her purpose in coming here.
“Oh, yes.” She cleared her throat. She breathed in, long and slow. “They discovered that my father … well, he was not entirely honest.”
“Not entirely?”
She swallowed and looked at Nicholas. “Although he owned a large amount of land, he was not among the gentry, therefore he could not annul a marriage legally and remain unscathed by society. So he didn’t.”
My jaw dropped. I tried to make sense of her words. Nicholas stepped forward, crossing his arms. “What do you mean?” His voice was careful.
“The day he died just weeks ago, he was still married to your mother. His circle of acquaintances was small and very local. They did not even know of his second marriage. To those of us that knew him well, he claimed an annulment. He knew that should it be discovered by society that he had annulled his marriage that he would be scorned. I did not know all these years that the annulment was falsified.”
My heart raced and my eyes shot to Nicholas. His jaw was tight, his expression flooding with disbelief.
“The marriage has stood all along, which means …”
“Simon is heir,” Nicholas said.
I covered my mouth, flicking my gaze between Nicholas and Kitty. Simon was heir to Rosewood. The marriage was never annulled, all this time. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Simon,” Kitty breathed. “Another secret my father has kept. I did not know I had a brother. He was born after my father sent your mother back to this house.”
Nicholas stepped toward Kitty, taking the papers from her hands, studying them. After several minutes of waiting, he stepped back, rubbing the side of his face. He exhaled fast, a sound between a sigh and a laugh. My eyes were wide, waiting for him to confirm it. He nodded slowly, turning to face me. “Simon is heir to Rosewood.”
“The staff is prepared for Simon and his mother and any others that wish to move there.” Kitty’s voice was soft as she turned to Nicholas again. “He will need a suitable guardian.” She smiled, and her eyes blinked back tears. “I should very much like to become acquainted with my brother.”
I nodded and hugged her, still reeling with astonishment. “Simon is here in the drawing room if you wish to see him now.”
Her eyes widened. “Yes, I would.”
I squeezed her arm before she stepped around me and rounded the corner that led to the drawing room. I brought my hands to my head, circling to face Nicholas. He shook his head in bewilderment and wrapped his arms around me. How had our fortune turned so quickly? I couldn’t comprehend it. We laughed in disbelief.
“Perhaps my family will travel here for our wedding instead?” I questioned as Nicholas set me on the floor again. With Simon heir to Rosewood, and with Nicholas as his guardian, we could live there together until Simon grew old enough to manage the home on his own.
Nicholas kissed the top of my head. “I am certain they will.”
“I always dreamed that I would be married here.”
Nicholas took my hands in his, giving me a smile that fluttered my heart and stole my breath. “Did you always dream that you would marry me?”
I laughed, nodding my head in embarrassment. “Do you remember the box of dirty pearls you gave to me? You told me they were magical wishes and dreams.”
His lips twisted in a grin. “Did you believe me?”
“Of course! And I used them all on you. Surely that is the only reason you love me at all.”
He threw his head back with a laugh. “Are you comparing my heart to a box of dirty pearls?”
I nodded, shrieking as he pulled me closer and kissed me again.
When I finally pulled myself from his arms, we walked to the drawing room hand-in-hand, where the tiny, red-haired heir to Rosewood sat, meeting his sister for the first time. Everything broken was aligned, every injustice was resolved. Happiness soared in every inch of me, every beat of my heart. It was difficult to believe that just weeks ago, I had been sitting in our drawing room in Craster, dreaming of things I never thought I’d have. But here it was in front of me. Fate had sent me to Rosewood that day.
Nicholas smiled down at me as we observed Kitty and Simon, and I smiled back.
EPILOGUE
Mama smiled at me in the mirror as I tried on my wedding gown for the third time that day. I spun, admiring the many frills of lace and strands of pearl that covered it.
“I love it, Mama!” My smile reached my ears as I threw my arms around her.
Rachel stood in the corner of the room, eyeing me with a suppressed grin. “The gown I wore at my wedding was much simpler, and I preferred it that way. But I daresay this one suits you quite nicely.” She crossed the room to me and patted the oversized sleeve, erupting into laughter the same moment I did.
It had taken several weeks to dispel the forlorn feeling in the air at Rosewood, but with the prospect of my wedding and with my family coming to visit, Rosewood was becoming the place I had always remembered it to be.
The Bancrofts had adjusted well to their new home. I had seen Julia smile for the first time in years, and Mrs. Bancroft appeared at peace, calm and relaxed. It warmed my heart to see her in the early hours of the morning, stroking Simon’s hair and smiling as she watched him read simple stories to her in the library. Kitty came to visit often, and Simon looked forward to each visit. The two of them had grown close in the last several weeks, and Simon quite enjoyed that he had another sister. Nicholas and I had taken to tutoring him in our free hours, and I had coached Julia in fashion. She did not seem to apply my advice to her own wardrobe. As I stared in the mirror at my extravagant wedding gown, I couldn’t imagine why.
Nicholas did not know it, but I had prepared an early wedding gift for him. Our wedding was tomorrow, but I planned to surprise him with my gift today. So after changing from my gown into a ordinary morning dress, I thanked my family for their assistance and skipped out the door with my cloak. The weather had turned slightly cold, but it was warm compared to the autumn chill in Craster. I hurried across the grass, enjoying the brisk winds that blew leaves all around me. I had instructed Nicholas to meet me by the stables at precisely twelve, and as I approached I found him there, smiling in greeting.
“You’re late,” he called as I crossed the grass toward him.
I stopped in front of him, planting my hands on my hips with a grin. “I am not! It is precisely twelve. You were simply anxious for the surprise.”
He wore a simple waistcoat and jacket today, in a pale blue. His eyes sparked with amusement and he took a step closer. “I was anxious to see you.”
“I can assure you, the surprise will be much more exciting.”
He laughed, lifting his hand to my hair to pull a leaf from my curls. How did that get there? He ducked his head to kiss my cheek. “I don’t believe that.”
I pressed my lips together to stop my squeal of excitement. Then I took his hand. “First you must close your eyes.”
He obeyed, dropping his head with a chuckle. Nicholas went riding most mornings on the many fine horses at Rosewood. I accompanied him on his rides some mornings, but on the days I did not, we met at the stables afterward. Today was much like any other day, but he did not know that my surprise was now waiting inside.
After affirming that his eyes were closed, I pulled him by the hand through the doors. I glanced over my shoulder every few steps to ensure that he was not looking. His smile was wide as he followed behind me. When we reached the stall I was searching for, I turned my face up to him. “You may open your eyes now.”
I watched carefully as his lashes twitched and his eyes opened to the sight before him. His eyes immediately widened. “Jack!” He st
epped toward his sleek black horse, stroking its muzzle and head, laughing in disbelief. He turned back to me, his expression bright with surprise. “Lucy, how did you ever retrieve him?”
“In my letter to my family I asked that they make a stop at the inn where we left your horse to return him here to you. We have been hiding him for two days.” I stifled a laugh before reaching forward and patting Jack’s head.
Nicholas shook his head, his smile stretching wide. “I should have known you would be so thoughtful.” He tipped his head down and my cheeks warmed under his praise. “I do not know how to thank you.”
“You may begin by marrying me tomorrow.” I shrugged.
He chuckled, bending down and kissing me with so much fervor that my heart skipped. He pulled back, tracing a line on my cheek with his thumb.
“And you may kiss me like that every day of my life,” I said through a laugh. Nicholas pulled me close once again before opening the stall and saddling his newfound horse. Outside, he helped me mount before he mounted in front of me on the saddle. The last time we had ridden this horse together, I had been convinced Nicholas was a thieving scoundrel, much less the good, kind man that I loved. Now, instead of trying to push him from the horse, I wrapped my arms around him, safe, secure, and free.
Without warning, we raced across the grass. I screeched before melting into laughter. I felt the rumble of Nicholas’s laughter against me as we rode across the grass toward Rosewood.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This story wasn’t easy to write, but there were several amazing people that made it easier. Big thanks to my family, as always, for your love and support. I needed your encouragement. Big thanks to my roommates, for your support as well, especially Eliza, my own personal reminder every day to “finish my words!” Believe it or not, my procrastination would have been even worse without you keeping me on track. Thanks to Mom, Joanna, Johanna, Sally, Heather, and Anna for helping me brainstorm titles. Anna, my buddy, thank you for letting me talk through the plot with you when it could hardly be considered a plot, and for your helpful feedback.
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