Search for the term bondage furniture in your search engine of choice to find out more.
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Bondage items.
Collars come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, from vanilla day collars worn by people to signify their status to their Dominant partner (sometimes a ring, necklace, bracelet or earring), all the way to formal posture collars that force the wearer’s chin up. Collars come in locking and non-locking versions. Some people wear chain collars that resemble dog collars. Collars can be functional or just for looks or both. Ditto leashes.
A note on collaring: Some people view giving or wearing a collar akin to giving or wearing a wedding ring. In fact, it might mean more to them than a wedding ring. Some people wear collars as a fashion statement. Some Dominants use training collars to signify something meaningful to them, some don’t. There is no set standard. It is not uncommon for couples in a twenty-four/seven Master/slave relationship to have some sort of day collar and a formal collar, depending on the situation.
Leather wrist cuffs, sometimes padded, sometimes not, are frequently used for bondage. They come with normal buckles or you can order them with buckles made to use with padlocks, like luggage locks. They are usually plain leather or PVC or padded, can be simple or intricate. I’ve seen metal wrist cuffs, like you’ve seen in old movies where the hero is in a dungeon or jail cell, but those are not comfortable for practical use long-term and are best left for fashion statements.
For long-term upright or suspension bondage, specially made suspension cuffs are used. Especially if the top anticipates the bottom will be pulling a lot on the cuffs, or will have to support a lot of their weight with their arms. These cuffs include additional support for the wrist, usually including a type of bar or handle inside the cuff that the person wearing them can hold on to. Suspension doesn’t have to mean the person’s feet are off the ground, but it can mean that.
Handcuffs are never used for suspension work. Never. Never. NEVER. Handcuffs are good for restraining someone in a situation where they won’t be pulling or yanking on them, like a little bedroom fun and games that don’t last long. Even fur-lined handcuffs can injure. Otherwise, the metal will seriously bruise and chafe the wrists. For suspension, they would break someone’s wrists if they were pulled off their feet.
If someone is a regular player, they most likely have a set of basic leather wrist cuffs, at the very least. They are much more comfortable for longer scenes, and you can usually get them starting around $30 or so for a basic pair.
It’s not uncommon for people to use ankle cuffs as well as wrist cuffs.
Harnesses in every possible configuration are also used by some players, sometimes as fetish attire, sometimes as restraint gear.
Arm binders are either harnesses or “bags” that capture the arms and hold them behind the person.
Straightjackets are sometimes used, both medical type and fetish-gear non-medical ones.
Chastity devices differ for men and women, but they range from belts and harnesses to plastic and metal devices that lock over the male genitals. There are also locking harnesses (for men and women) that include holders for dildoes and/or butt plugs, and for men built-in cock rings.
Speaking of cock rings, if you have a male character using a silicone cock ring, make sure he’s shaved or at least trimmed. Otherwise, in real life, he’d be trying to cut the thing off later after it got tangled in his pubic hair. (Ow!)
Nipple clamps come in a variety of shapes and styles. Men and women wear them. There are also clit clamps (obviously for women) and there are devices of various shapes and sizes for capturing the cock and balls. Cock and ball torture (CBT) is common in BDSM.
Leash clips, especially double-ended ones, are commonly used for bondage. Panic snaps, like what are used for horse tack, are frequently used for weight-bearing situations, because they’ll still release under pressure. Carbiners used for mountain climbing and rappelling are frequently seen in use with rope suspension and bondage.
There are different kinds of rope bondage, usually called shibari (also called kinbaku, although some argue there are distinct differences in the styles of traditional Japanese rope bondage) which are artistic as well as functional, to just plain bondage used to hog tie someone.
SAFETY NOTE: Someone restrained in bondage is NEVER left alone. Especially if they are suspended. People who do rope work frequently carry paramedic scissors or a Leatherman tool on them so they can quickly cut away rope if there is an emergency. Rope used for bondage is not your garden-variety rope you can pick up cheaply at the hardware store. It must be smooth and run little risk of abrading the skin. Do. Your. Research.
SAFETY NOTE 2: Neck ties, normal rope, silk scarves and other items are not usually used for serious bondage. They can chafe, burn, and cut into skin. If you’re writing a serious bondage scene, do your research and don’t just have the person tied up with neckties (unless they’re not struggling and it’s just a short game).
SAFETY NOTE 3: If you are not trained in suspension work, NEVER attempt it! Besides the obvious safety risks of accidentally choking someone or dropping them on their head, you can do serious nerve damage if you suspend someone improperly.
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Impact play.
Impact play usually refers to activities involving…impact. Getting hit. Whether it’s a whip, crop, cane, or bare hand, whatever.
Whips come in various flavors, from buggy whips to signal whips, bullwhips, and more. Singletail usually refers to a single-tailed whip. There are different styles of singletails, different qualities and material and lengths. A whip too long is difficult to throw accurately, and can easily snag in a ceiling fan or hit a bystander who’s too close. Some whips have falls and poppers, the material, along with how it’s handled, can determine if it can cut skin or not.
Dominants who use them (Dominants who are safety minded, that is) never use them on a real person without practicing their skills to perfection on inanimate objects first. (This was a process I detailed in The Reluctant Dom.) A skilled Dom can literally brush the bottom’s skin while still making the whip crack. Sometimes, the psychological impact of the sound of the whip is the point, not making contact with the skin. Or, you don’t always have to make it crack.
An improperly thrown whip can not only hurt, it can seriously injure someone, especially if the tail wraps around the person and cuts into them.
Canes come in a variety of materials and varieties from whippy rattan canes to heavy Plexiglas rods. They can be plain or have adorned handles. They can be punishment canes or heavy schoolmaster-style canes. You can literally slice skin open or cause internal injuries if you misuse a cane. You can also use one to give someone a pleasurable feeling, almost like a massage. It’s all in how you use it.
Floggers can range from made of strips of fur (for sensual play) to knotted cord (for pain) and everything in between. How a flogger is constructed and how it’s used determines how it feels to the sub. Some subs want stingy, some want thuddy. Soft, wide leather strips (sometimes called mop floggers) can produce a pleasant sensation similar to a massage. Sometimes only one is used at a time, sometimes the top will use two at a time. Sometimes the top simply uses the flogger, sometimes they use very practiced, almost choreographed movements.
Riding crops, yes, like what you use on a horse, can produce different sensations depending on how and where they’re used. They can be used to cause pain or to tickle. I saw one creative female Dominant tickle her male submissive’s balls with the flapper on her crop, and she tickled him until he was practically dancing. Depending on the shape and size of the flapper, it can slap or sting (narrow tends to sting more than wide ones).
Paddles come in a wide variety of materials and configurations, depending on how they’re meant to be used.
SAFETY ISSUES: NEVER use a paddle, or most other implements, around the spine, kidneys, face, chest, belly, or genitals. Hard strikes with implements like paddles, canes, and crops should
vary location around the buttocks and thighs (avoiding the tailbone) to prevent hitting too often on the same spot. Softer implements can be used around the shoulders, arms, and legs if done with care. Caveat, if you’re going for genitals, be VERY careful how you do it so you don’t injure someone. Hurting them, and hurting them in a BAD way, are two different things! Also, if a person has nipple or genital piercings, you must be careful not to snag those with an implement.
Chapter Four: Let’s Play
As I mentioned before, it’s impossible for me to cover every aspect of WIITWD in this book. But here are a few more things you might run across while researching the BDSM world. Also remember that these things are not exclusive. Someone can be involved in only one aspect, or multiple aspects, no matter how contradictory that might seem. Welcome to the irony inherent in the lifestyle.
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1. Dom/me and sub. (D/s) Whether a straight or gay couple, whether they live it full time or not, as I mentioned before the variety can span the full spectrum from nearly-vanilla to off-the-charts kinky. Outside of play, they may have a totally “vanilla” relationship, or one that doesn’t involve any sort of power exchange. They might not engage in any type of pain or bondage play. A woman whose submissive might take your nuts off if you try to lay a hand on her if she’s not into that kind of play.
2. Master/Mistress and slave. (M/s) Again, straight or gay, how this tends to differ from a D/s relationship is there usually is some flavor of TPE involved. They might engage in it full-time, or only in play, but generally if a couple labels themselves M/s they tend to range closer to the full-time end of the scale. There might be no “play” involved other than the actual M/s dynamic in their lives, or they might be hard-core sceners, or anything in between.
3. Top/bottom. As I mentioned before, a Top can be anyone who’s taking the dominant role in the scene. A bottom is the person being topped. These terms are also used frequently in m/m fiction where the one being fucked (or giving a blow job) is “bottoming” and the one doing the fucking is the “top.”
4. Scene. This might be elaborately staged and negotiated in advanced, or it might simply be one person going up to another and saying, “Hey, you want to play?” and the other says, “Sure.” It depends on the players and how well they know each other. A scene can be in private or in public.
5. Pain slut/pain pig. The terms are interchangeable, and basically means someone who gets off on pain and wants an intense level of play.
6. Impact play. I covered this earlier, it means getting smacked.
7. Bondage. Tying someone up or otherwise restraining them, sometimes just to leave them like that for a while, sometimes to do other things to them while they are immobile. Note that some people just enjoy being tied up and unable to move, and that is their kink.
8. Electro play. There are various devices (USE WITH CARE ONLY AFTER PROPER INSTRUCTION!) that use electricity to produce sensations. One popular device is called the Violet Wand and produces a sensation similar to a static shock.
9. Wax play. Just what it means, having hot wax applied and removed, and we’re not talking about a Brazilian, either. You can’t just use any candle, you need one that doesn’t melt at a high temperature to prevent burning the subject. Also, be careful about open flames. Do not attempt this until you’ve taken a class in it.
10. Fire play. Just what it means, playing with fire. Again, be very careful, and DO NOT ATTEMPT unless you’ve taken a class in it. Think fire eaters taken to the nth degree and doing things you probably never dreamed of. You can seriously injure or kill someone if you attempt this without proper training and equipment.
11. Needle play. This is acupuncture taken up a few notches. Again, do not attempt this unless trained. Not to mention the biohazard aspect of preventing infection and injury, as well as preventing the spread of communicable blood-borne agents.
12. Knife play. As stated. Sometimes used in conjunction with wax play (to remove the hardened wax from the subject’s skin). Sometimes to draw blood, sometimes not. DO NOT ATTEMPT unless you’ve been trained and have taken all appropriate precautions.
13. Cupping. This isn’t just a kinky thing, it’s been around for thousands of years. There are a few variations, but basically it’s an ancient Chinese practice using cups (sometimes in conjunction with fire) to suck the air out of the cup so it adheres to the skin. I had this done to me once, on my shoulder. In my case, I bruised like crazy, but they disappeared in a few days. The effect was similar to a really deep tissue massage, and combined with the heat (the Dom who cupped my shoulder used fire cupping) it felt sooo good. To prevent injury, you should receive training in this technique before you attempt it.
14. Breath play. DO NOT ATTEMPT. This is a type of erotic asphyxiation, a version of “the choking game” kids are playing. If done improperly, you can easily kill (or die).
15. Gun play. DO NOT ATTEMPT. Yes, people use real guns. Presumably unloaded, but a recent case in Maine, in April of 2009, where a man died during a gunplay scene proves that no matter how many precautions you take, tragic accidents can happen.
16. Mindfuck. Just what it means. Some sadist prefer mental to physical sadism. Some sadists who are into inflicting physical pain also use mindfucks to intensify the sub’s experience. This could be anything from threatening to do something to them, to humiliation, or anything else that tortures the psyche instead of the body.
17. Sensual sadist. When someone is referred to as being one of these, they tend more toward the softer side of the play scale, or enjoy doing things like forced orgasm scenes rather than inflicting pain.
18. Service-oriented sub/obedience-oriented sub. It’s not uncommon for a submissive to simply want to serve, not be involved in bondage or other kinds of play. Whether acting as a household servant or rubbing feet or serving as a footstool or other piece of furniture, they simply want to be of service. An obedience-oriented sub might take other kinds of play if ordered by their Dominant, but it’s the act of submitting to that play, not the play itself, that gets the sub’s rocks off.
19. Homoflexible, heteroflexible, gay for you, straight for you, gender fluid. These are terms that basically differ from bisexuality in that people who are bisexual find themselves readily attracted to people of both genders without feeling locked into one particular orientation. People who consider themselves flexible generally associate with one sexual orientation or the other, but in limited cases they might find themselves attracted enough to a person that they would switch teams for that person. Gay for you and straight for you generally refer to a person only feeling an attraction for one specific person opposite of their normal orientation, or that one person has some special quality or attraction that they would be willing to do them.
Gender fluid is a person who doesn’t box themselves into one particular gender, but it doesn’t just refer to sexual orientation. For example, a straight man might consider himself gender fluid and ignore certain societal norms. This is a very grey area, and if someone labels themselves as gender fluid, they would be the best person to tell you what that means to them.
20. Sissification, sissy maid. It’s not uncommon for a straight male to be in a relationship where his female Dominant literally dresses him up like a girl. This is different from cross-dressing in that he’s doing it under her orders and direction. He might enjoy it or the humiliation aspect of it might be a turn-on for him. This is a perfect place to remind you that cross-dressers might or might not be gay. Many are straight.
21. Fisting. Just what it says, someone takes their fist and…um…inserts it. If it’s a male bottom (literally) you know exactly where that fist is going. If it’s a woman bottom, it could be anal or vaginal.
22. Animal play. I covered this already. It does NOT involve real animals, just people dressing up and acting as animals. Puppy, pony, and cat/kitten play are the most common, but I’ve heard of rabbits and others.
23. Queening. Someone, usually a guy, has their face sat upon.
Sometimes simply to give oral pleasure to the (usually) woman on top, sometimes as part of watersports/scat play.
24. Pegging. The woman wears a strap-on and fucks the guy. There are plenty of straight guys who enjoy this. The prostate, when properly stimulated, is almost like hitting the G-spot on a woman.
25. Mummification. Sometimes with plastic wrap or specially made Latex vacuum sacks, this basically means being rendered unable to move.
26. Clubs, playspaces. Remember when writing that if a club is open to the public, most likely there are public nudity and indecency laws that must be adhered to, especially if they serve alcohol. Meaning, usually, women’s nipples must be covered and genitals (men and women) must not be exposed. Sexual contact like intercourse and oral sex is usually prohibited, although touching (as long as genitals are not exposed) can be flexible in some cases.
Private clubs, usually membership only, or private dungeons in commercial locations, are frequently set up in commercial warehouse districts where zoning laws won’t conflict much with their activities. There might or might not be sexual contact allowed, but they might prohibit exchanges of bodily fluid (meaning no unsafe sex). Rules vary from place to place depending on local laws. Private clubs set up in private locations, or play at a private home, can vary depending on house rules. Some allow anything goes as long as it’s consensual, some have rules that must be followed. So before you write a public sex scene, remember to keep your location and applicable laws in mind if you’re going for accuracy. For an example of this, in Love Slave for Two: Beginnings I have two scenes where one takes place in a public club with one level of play, and another takes place in a private club with a broader variety of play. Both scenes were based on real-life places, although the people were totally fiction.
Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex Page 4
