“Yes,” I replied, “but we’re too late. It’s gone.”
“Shit!” He ripped his backpack off his shoulders and threw it on the ground.
I collapsed to my knees, fell forward onto my elbows, and cradled the top of my head in the heels of my gloved hands.
Gone.
“We shouldn’t have come down here,” I quietly said as I rocked back and forth on my knees. “We should have stayed on the hilltop and kept a signal fire going.”
“What…and starve to death?” Seth argued. Then he glared at me with derision and began to pace back and forth like a caged animal. “Don’t try to pin this on me.”
“I’m not pinning anything on anyone,” I replied.
“Yes, you are,” he said. “I can tell. All along you’ve done nothing but ask stupid questions and wait for me to make all the hard decisions. If I didn’t feel so damn responsible for you, I would have done things differently. God knows I wouldn’t be standing here right now.”
My brow pulled together in a frown. “What would you have done differently?” I asked, rising to my feet. “It wasn’t my idea to come down off the ridge. It was yours.”
“We were out of food!” He jabbed a finger into my chest, pushing me backwards.
“And how is that my fault?” I asked.
Seth turned and picked up his pack. “Jesus Christ.” He slung the pack over his shoulders and started walking.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Back to the camp,” he replied, pointing toward the west. “That’s gotta be it over there, just ahead. Our best hope is that the searchers saw the tent. Maybe they’ll keep looking for us. We left a note, didn’t we?”
I took a moment to catch my breath, then I started walking, following Seth toward the mountain pass where the plane had disappeared.
At least we’d found our way out of the woods, I told myself as I trudged through the snow. And we hadn’t been eaten by a giant devil cat. Now my blood was circulating, warming my extremities. That was a good thing.
With any luck, the searchers had spotted the tent from the sky and we’d be rescued by nightfall.
Please Lord, I prayed. Let that be what happens next.
Chapter Eighteen
“I’m sure this is where it was!” Seth shouted when we reached the top of the ridge. He pointed at the ground. “The tent was right here!”
“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” I asked, though I don’t know why I was even asking. Everything looked exactly the same except for the fresh blanket of snow.
How then, could there be no tent? No campsite? Did this mountaintop have a doppelganger? Or did a band of thieves come and steal everything?
I gazed around with concern and managed to identify the familiar rock face and the view of the valley below. We’d spent four days up here. I was certain I knew every inch and cranny.
Seth dropped his pack and began to dig. “It was right here,” he said again. “I’m positive. This is where we hammered the pegs.”
I watched him dig through the snow like a terrier after a bone, fast and frantic. Then he stopped suddenly, paused, fell over and rolled onto his back. For a long time he stared up at the sky.
“No!” he sobbed. “That didn’t happen.”
“What?” I asked.
To my astonishment, Seth curled in a ball and wept for many minutes.
All I could do was wait quietly for him to finish.
At last he sat up and caught his breath. He spoke hoarsely. “The tent tore away from the pegs. It must have blown off in the blizzard last night.” He looked to the horizon. “We shouldn’t have left it.”
My stomach churned with dread. Did this mean there had been no colorful signal for the rescue plane to see? Or was the tent flying somewhere else nearby, like a giant red flag, flapping at the top of a tree?
“We have to find it,” Seth said, rising to his feet. “We can’t survive without it. Last night was hell. I’m not doing that again.”
Maybe he was referring to the lynx, or maybe just the snow falling on us, or our hopeless situation. I had no idea. I didn’t get the chance to ask.
“Where are you going?” I asked as he strode across the ridge with purpose.
“I need to see if it’s out there.”
He began to jog, and I frowned as I watched him.
“Be careful!” I shouted. “Don’t get too close to the edge!”
Thank goodness he stopped when he reached the steep side of the cliff. Carefully he leaned over to peer below, then he turned around to face me.
“I see it!” he called out. “It’s just down there, caught in some trees!”
The breath sailed out of my lungs, and I bowed my head in relief.
Maybe the rescue plane spotted it after all. Maybe there’s still hope.
When I lifted my gaze, Seth was leaning out again, attempting to get a better look.
I didn’t enjoy heights, so I couldn’t understand how he could do that, but he was a seasoned climber. He’d summited Everest five times while the most I’d ever done was reach the top of the Empire State Building—by elevator. Surely he knew what he was doing.
Then something gave way. Or perhaps he just slipped. I’ll never know for sure.
I stared for a long moment in disbelief. The breath sailed out of my lungs as I ran forward.
Chapter Nineteen
“Seth!” I reached the edge and carefully peered over the side.
There he lay, sprawled on his back at the bottom of the ravine, about fifty feet down.
I couldn’t tell if he was conscious or not, then his hand moved and he signaled to me.
“I’ll be right there!”
Quickly, I dashed across the snow to fetch his backpack which contained a first aid kit and ropes and water. Knowing I couldn’t reach him from the steep edge, I skidded down the gentler slope, sliding on my backside for a good part of the way.
When I reached the bottom, I ran hard and fast into the ravine.
o0o
Though I knew it had been an exceedingly bad fall, I was shocked, regardless, to find him so badly injured.
His legs were twisted grotesquely and his face was covered in blood. The scratches inflicted by the lynx the night before now seemed unimportant compared to this.
“I’m here,” I said, dropping to my knees beside him.
His eyes flickered open and he turned his head to look up at me. “That was dumb,” he croaked. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s been a rough day,” I gently replied, working hard to maintain my calm as I glanced down at his broken legs.
“I’m cold,” he said, and began to shiver.
“Take my jacket.” I quickly unzipped it, pulled it off and covered him with it. “Is that better?”
He nodded, then coughed up some blood.
Oh God… Please not this…
I have to be honest. I knew I couldn’t save Seth. There was absolutely nothing I could do. He had tumbled down a steep, rocky incline, broken both his legs and probably his back, and it was obvious he was bleeding internally.
Even if I could fashion some sort of stretcher to move him, where would I take him? There was no hospital nearby. No doctors, no nurses.
Desperately, I glanced up at the sky.
God. Are you there at all? Now would be a good time to send a helicopter. Please, I’m begging you.
Nothing.
I looked back down at Seth. “What can I do?”
“Water?” he asked.
I reached into the bag, withdrew the bottle and fed him some.
He tried to swallow but choked and coughed it up.
I put the water bottle away.
“Sorry about the things I said earlier,” Seth muttered. “I didn’t mean them.”
“It’s nothing,” I replied. “Everything’s fine now.”
He nodded and lay there, blinking up at the sky. “I think I hear the plane,” he said. “They must be coming for u
s.”
I listened but heard nothing. “It shouldn’t be long now,” I said.
Then I removed both our gloves and held his hand.
o0o
Three hours later I stood with my back against the steep rock face, staring blankly at Seth’s lifeless form.
A knot had formed in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t seem to move from my spot, nor could I believe this had happened. That any of this had happened.
Seth was gone and I was alone now—going over and over in my head the significance of his final wishes.
What a quiet day it was. There was not a single breath of wind in the air.
I glanced up to watch a gull soar against the blue. He was white on the bottom and gray on the tops of his wings. Graceful and majestic looking.
Eventually, my mind turned to certain practicalities.
What was I to do with Seth’s body? He had made his wishes clear to me, but I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to carry them out.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t very well leave him for the animals. Nor could I bury him because the ground was frozen solid.
In the end I decided it would be best to do as he asked: burn his remains and save his ashes. If I could, I would fulfill his wishes, or perhaps I would deliver them to his family.
After coming to that decision, my heart began to pound heavily and I felt nauseous. I slid down the wall of rock to sit on the ground, where I wept uncontrollably for a very long time.
Changes
Chapter Twenty
Sharp branches cut my cheeks as I flew through the forest, spear in hand. By this time my hunger had mushroomed into something astronomical, and I knew I could no longer continue to watch the skies and pray to be rescued. Clearly that was not to be my fate. At least not today.
Tomorrow perhaps?
Hah. Call it a gut feeling, but something told me that no one would ever come for me. I was here for the long haul and I had only one choice.
I could lay down and die, or I could live.
If I was going to live, I’d have to learn to take care of myself—to eat, drink and stay warm—and accept the fact that perhaps I was here alone for some reason I could not yet fathom.
Though I prayed it would be clear to me one day.
Or maybe there was no rhyme or reason to it. I was just here, like the birds and the fish. End of story.
But no. This was not to be the end of my story. At least not today. Not if I had any say in the matter. I was starving and weak from hunger, but I was not without intelligence and resourcefulness. I had everything Seth left to me—his compass, wallet, cellphone, a knife, two ice axes, warm clothing, water bottles and camping gear—which included the tent I had retrieved from the bush.
I’d used his knife to carve the spear which I now held in my hand.
Somehow I would find my way in and out of the forest to catch something to eat.
I would catch it, kill it, and cook it.
Which brings me back to my current predicament…
o0o
In pursuit of a white rabbit—or rather a fat Arctic hare—I was growing rather tired.
I’d spotted him on my way to the creek where I’d hoped to spear a fish. The hare caught my attention not long after I entered the woods. The instant I saw him, I threw my spear.
Naturally, I missed. I’ve since learned not to throw the spear. It only works to kill things at close range.
Anyway, he was startled by my presence and hopped into the bush, but I picked up my spear and followed.
I was fast and nimble on my feet at first, and exceedingly motivated. Though I suppose he was, too.
So I ran. Fast and hard, never losing sight of him, not for a single second. It wasn’t easy, either. Those hares can move. By my estimation, he jumped as far as six feet in a single bound and traveled as fast as a car.
By some miracle I caught up to him and threw myself into the air to catch him in my arms. I had him, too. For a few brief, heart-stopping seconds I hugged him to my chest and marveled at the fact that I’d caught a rabbit. But then the slippery little rascal squirmed from my grip and I had to scramble to my feet, get on the run again.
I followed that darn rabbit out of the woods, then found myself in the presence of something quite unconceivable.
An entire herd.
There must have been a hundred of them, out in the open, under the sun, bouncing about, happily.
Imagine what a sight that was for a starving man in my position to behold.
o0o
If someone had been filming me, the footage would probably have gone viral on the Internet within a day.
I can’t even picture what I must have looked like—diving through the air to catch hopping rabbits in a herd, losing one after the other. Diving again.
But I never gave up, not even when one exceptionally belligerent rabbit kicked me repeatedly in the face and gave me a bloody nose.
They can be quite vicious, I discovered.
I was so hungry, however, I felt no pain. The way they fought back only strengthened my resolve and turned me into something equally vicious—a wild man I did not even recognize.
Eventually I got a good grip on the back leg of one of them and didn’t let go.
Within seconds I had snapped its neck.
The rest of the herd quickly scattered.
o0o
For reasons I don’t wish to revisit, I had no matches left, but on my second night alone in the wilderness, I had taught myself how to start a fire without them. Or rather, Seth had explained it to me, the day before he passed.
It took me five hours to get that first fire going, but I stuck with it and succeeded by carving a long notch into a dry, narrow log and running a stick up and down until sparks trickled down into the tinder.
On the night of my Olympic trials with the flash mob of Arctic hares, I had dinner to cook, so there was nothing to keep me from devoting another five hours to the task of making fire.
I am pleased to report that it only took sixty minutes that night. Then it was time, at last, to roast the rabbit.
I swear, no other meal in my life ever tasted so good.
Civilization
Chapter Twenty-one
Carla
I was sitting in my car, waiting outside the ice skating rink when my cell phone vibrated in my purse. I leaned across the seat, saw that it was Gladys calling, and swiped the screen.
“Hello?”
“Carla, is that you?” she asked, sounding panicked.
“Yes, it’s me.”
“Where are you? I just called the apartment.”
“I’m at the rink waiting for Kaleigh to finish her figure skating lesson,” I replied. “She should be out soon. What’s going on? Is there news?”
Long before Gladys had a chance to answer, my stomach twisted into a sickening knot, because something in me knew. I could sense this would not be the call I’d been hoping for.
“They’ve called off the search,” Gladys said with a sob. “How could they do that? It’s only been a week. What if he’s still alive out there?”
I closed my eyes and bowed my head. “I’m so sorry, Gladys.”
Balling my hand into a fist, I pounded it against the upholstered armrest of the car door—though I can’t say I was surprised by Gladys’ news.
For a week they had been searching off the northern coast of Newfoundland—which was where the pilots had last radioed a distress call—but there had been no sign of wreckage anywhere. With each passing day, I’d lost a little more hope because all evidence pointed to the fact that the aircraft had run into trouble somewhere over the ocean. The plane was most likely sitting at the bottom of the ice-cold sea. Case closed.
I was startled when someone knocked on the passenger side window of my car. It was Kaleigh, trying to open the locked door.
Quickly I pushed the button to unlock it and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“Gladys? Kaleigh just got in the car. I’ll have to
call you back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.”
I ended the call.
“What’s going on?” Kaleigh asked.
I told her the news.
This time she cried, and I admit, I was relieved to see her shed some tears.
Then she confessed something to me. “I didn’t want to tell you this,” she said, “but I already knew he was gone.”
“What? How?”
Her tear-glistened eyes met mine. “I dreamed about it.”
Turning in my seat, I looked at her directly. “What did you dream?”
“That he came to say good-bye, and he said he was sorry for not being a good dad. It wasn’t scary or anything. That’s why I didn’t wake you.”
I laid my hand on her knee. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this.”
“I thought it was just a dream,” she replied. “Maybe it was, but I was pretty sure he was going to heaven.”
o0o
That night, I met Audrey for dinner at a popular wild game restaurant downtown. Kaleigh had been invited for a sleepover at her Aunt Nadia’s house.
Audrey was my half-sister-in-law because she’d been married to my half-brother Alex, who I’d only met a few weeks before he was killed on the job as a firefighter.
Audrey and I became close after meeting for the first time—which was almost ten years ago. Her daughter Wendy was like a sister to Kaleigh, and the two of them were sleeping over at her Aunt Nadia’s place, with Nadia’s daughter Ellen.
We often referred to Ellen, Wendy, and Kaleigh as our Three Musketeers.
“How are you holding up?” Audrey asked when the waitress brought our menus.
“It’s been tough,” I replied, keeping my gaze lowered. “I still can’t believe he’s really gone, and yet at the same time I can. Kaleigh had a dream about it. But even so, there’s something in me… It’s hard to describe. I just feel like he’s still out there. That it’s not over.”
I picked up the menu and looked it over, not entirely paying attention to the descriptions. I just needed time to pause, because it was difficult to talk about Seth. The wounds were still so raw.
The Color of Love Page 5
