Peter shuddered.
‘We walked to where we thought the road was but we realized we couldn’t walk along it as it was too dangerous. Well, Alex said it was and we had an argument. Anyway, we made a hideout for ourselves, Alex found a stream and he tested the water first and said it was all right but during the night we got stomach ache from it and we daren’t drink any more – well, we did when we got desperate. Then two nights later we heard Elijah softly singing “The Lord’s My Shepherd”, you know how he loved that hymn? So we crept out to find him. We were so glad to see each other.’
Peter commented, ‘He is a very brave man, is Elijah.’
‘He is. He hadn’t much to give us because he was short of food, too, but Winsome had made some vegetable broth and he brought us some, so we ate half and saved the other half for the next day. Alex asked him to take us home but he daren’t. He said we’d be the first target being white. So he left us water and some bread and said he’d try to get back and not to move from where we were. Then we panicked because we thought maybe you and Mummy had been … killed, you know, if they were killing white people. And we cried.
‘Alex had a stick and made a mark on it each morning with a sharp stone so we knew exactly how many days, were going by. It was only two before Elijah was back with another vegetable broth, but it seemed an age. Before he came the next time … we … you tell, Alex.’ Beth gripped Peter’s hand and couldn’t look at him.
‘It was the soldiers and the rebels passing by, you never knew when, so we were always on the lookout. Sometimes there were only one or two, sometimes ten or twelve. Believe me, Dad, we learned how to keep absolutely still. But then this soldier on his own stopped to have a … pee … not far from us and whether he could smell us or his hearing was so acute he could hear us breathing I don’t know, but he came on closer and closer.’
It was Beth’s turn to shudder.
Alex had beads of sweat on his forehead and he was fidgeting continuously with his hands. ‘He was carrying a gun and had a machete in his belt and a kind of truncheon. I can see him so clearly, even now. There’s a camouflage cap on his head and he’s slinking along as though in fear of his life, just like us. He stops and listens, looks around and must have caught sight of something or seen a slight movement, and he walks straight towards us. We lay there, not speaking, not looking, for an age. I hope he thinks we’re dead but he prods me with his gun and tries to roll me over so then he knows we’re a-a-live.’
His voice broke and Alex had to stop. Peter hadn’t been looking at him while he’d been speaking, hoping he would feel able to speak more freely, but now he turned towards Alex and said, ‘When you’re ready, Alex, take your time.’
Beth was still holding his hand and not looking, but when Alex couldn’t carry on she looked up and said, ‘He asked us for food. You know, pointed to his mouth, but we shook our heads and he was angry so he kicked Alex and then me. Then he kicked me again and I shuffled out of his way, and he shouted but we didn’t know what he said and we didn’t know what to do to pacify him. I just wished we had something to give him, something he could sell, and I thought about my watch, and perhaps it would make him go away, so I took it off and he snatched it and put in his pocket.’
‘But I’ve seen you wearing it.’
‘Yes, I know, Dad,’ said Alex. ‘Then he gestures with his rifle butt telling us to stand up. So we do. He takes one look at Beth and leers, and kind of sneers, really disgusting it was, then he demonstrates he wants her to take her dress off. I shout no, cos she’s got nothing left to wear underneath. I guess what’s coming but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop him, he was pointing his gun at her.’ Alex could feel hysteria mounting inside him.
Peter dwelt on his own daughter facing this; it was more than he could bear. His voice thick with emotion, he comforted Alex. ‘He’d have shot you if you’d tried to stop him, and then where would Beth have been? Left all alone. You did right.’
‘I know. I know.’ For the first time since they’d come home Alex wept.
Beth let go her father’s hand and stood up on the bed to reach the highest shelf. She pulled her sketch pad out from the very bottom of the pile of books. ‘Look. It’s all here. I drew it.’ She watched him as he turned the pages and saw such a shocking expression of horror on her father’s compassionate face. It was too terrifying for a child of his to see. Beth closed her eyes.
Peter needed all his intellect, all his strength, to overcome his suffering and take control of the situation. Between Beth and Alex, who to comfort first? His initial reaction was a need to vomit copiously, right where he was, but he swallowed hard and managed to control the urge.
‘Now … now we’ve got so far you’d better tell me the rest. You’re both here, so you survived. How did you do it?’ Whether he wanted to hear the answer to that question he didn’t know, but he had to hear it, for their sakes if nothing else. It was Alex who answered him.
‘She’s kneeling down, like in her picture, struggling to get her dress off, he puts his gun down so he can … so he can … expose himself, he’s lots of stuff round his waist, you see, so I grab the gun in a flash and swing it like a cricket bat and hit him on the back of his head with all my strength and he falls down half on the ground and half on Beth,’ Alex had to stop then, saying almost apologetically, ‘It all happens so much quicker than I can tell. She screams, I hit him again so he’s definitely unconscious. I push him off Beth, she’s covered in blood, and we wait to see if he moves, but he doesn’t but I keep the gun pointing at him just the same.’
Beth interrupts, ‘He didn’t know what to do to fire it but it felt reassuring. We waited an age and he didn’t move at all so Alex pushed at him with the gun and rolled him over and we realised …’ Tears tippled down her cheeks.
‘We realized we’d killed him.’ Alex began crying again, not like a child, but like a man.
Peter drew in a loud throttling kind of breath, unable to believe that his beloved children had been forced to murder to save their lives. Beth still couldn’t bear to see her father’s face. ‘We’re so sorry, Daddy. So sorry. And so afraid. We didn’t mean to do it, honestly we didn’t. You do believe us, don’t you? Alex only hit him to save me. Shall we get taken back there to go to prison? That’s what we’re so frightened of, and I can’t bear to go back to Africa, just in case they—’
Peter asked, ‘But what then, Alex, what happened to him? Were you sure he was dead? Did you run away?’
‘We couldn’t run. Only Elijah knew where we were.’
‘Ah. Yes. So?’
Alex had to reply because Beth was still choked with her tears.
‘We moved away from our hiding place and found some soft ground. We dug a big hole with some pointy stones and our hands and the end of his gun, then we dragged him by his feet and put him in it and c-c-covered him over.’ Alex shuddered with disgust at himself.
‘What about his gun?’
‘We had that with us and buried it with him. We did think of keeping it, Dad, but then we worked out that if we were caught with it they’d ask where we got it from, and we decided we couldn’t tell how we came by it, because that would have been the worst thing to do.’
‘And Beth’s watch?’
‘We plucked up courage, well, we forced ourselves, to search his pockets for his name and we were going to put it on his grave, and Beth said, “He’s not having my watch” and took it back. But he’d no money, nothing of any value except about five rounds of ammunition, so we buried those as well.’
Peter closed the sketch book laid it aside and put an arm around each of them. ‘Is there anything else you need to tell me before I speak? Any little thing. Or a big thing? Anything?’
‘Nothing. It was a whole week before Elijah felt it safe enough to take us to his village so we lived with the body all that time. When Elijah came at dead of night we thought it was another soldier and we’d buried the only weapon we had to defend ourselves, and we were so fright
ened. Then we heard him whistling his hymn.’
‘Beth. Alex. We’re not going back to sleep until we’ve resolved this. Now listen carefully to what I say. Both of you. Right? You must understand you are not in any way to blame for what has happened. In defence of your sister, Alex, you had absolutely no alternative. Just think how you would have felt if you’d not hit him with the rifle and you’d had to watch …’ Peter had to pause because he was shaking with emotion. ‘That … that would have been ten thousand times worse. But you were brave and put a stop to it just in time. I am eternally grateful for your courage. You will always be a brave man in my eyes.
‘The guilt is all mine, not yours. I am the one who chose to go to Africa. I am the one who wanted us all to go. I am the one who allowed the missionary to bring you home that Friday night. I am the one, the only one, who carries guilt, and if anyone should go back to Africa to do a prison sentence it’s me. You see, you’ve been brought up in a home with the highest of Christian principles and I took you to a country where sometimes those kind of principles are challenged every day by the kind of evil we can only imagine. Here in Turnham Malpas high principles are safe to have; in Africa you met a situation which demanded an entirely different set of rules and for which you were totally, totally unprepared. I exposed you to that, and so I have to beg your forgiveness. I am so grateful that you came through it all.’
He held them both close and kissed each in turn. ‘I am so proud to have such brave children. This doesn’t mean I’m saying you can go round killing people, you understand that, don’t you? You can’t, and I never ever want to hear that my beloved, darling Beth is going about carrying a knife. That is forbidden, you understand that, too, don’t you?’
Using that harsh, venomous voice which had so upset Caroline, Beth said, ‘I just wish I’d had Mummy’s vegetable knife with me when we were there. I could have stuck it in his ribs, straight into his heart. That would have been him sorted.’
Appalled, Peter almost shouted, ‘Beth! Have you not heard a word of what I’ve said?’
Beth looked him straight in the eye, frank and unafraid. ‘Yes, of course I have, but it wasn’t you about to be … you know … it was me. I know I mustn’t carry a knife and I won’t, and I do know what you’ve said, and I love you for being so understanding, and if you’re sure I shan’t be struck dead or something for what we’ve done, then I shall be brave and go to school and out and about, but I’ll never forget what’s happened to Alex and me. I owe my life to him. He was so brave and so clever. It was him kept us alive, not me.’
Alex spoke up. ‘Shut up Beth. You were brave, too.’
‘But it’s true.’
‘I’m only too sorry for what you had to go through, Alex. It was above and beyond what a boy of your age should have to face.’
Alex looked at Peter with eyes like deep pools of anguish. ‘Dad. We don’t want Mum to know we … murdered somebody.’
‘I can understand what you mean, but you couldn’t have a better person as your mother and she’s cared for you all these months I’ve been away and I know she feels hurt you weren’t able to tell her.’
Alex felt he needed to explain. ‘But we didn’t mean to hurt Mum, that was what we were trying to avoid, trying not to cause her pain, but perhaps now we’ve told you … we thought perhaps it might make her not love us any more and we couldn’t bear that, you see … You’ve taken responsibility, though none of it was because of you … But are we free? We can’t be, can we? Free for ever?’
Peter had to admit they couldn’t be free from the memories for ever, but that on the other hand they didn’t intend it, they had very good reasons for what happened and surely that made them innocent, didn’t it? ‘Your bravery isn’t in question, nor your integrity, and you’ve not to allow it to influence the rest of your lives. You, Beth, must promise me faithfully you’ll never carry a knife again. Please.’
She looked him straight in the eye and gave her solemn promise, then promptly asked, ‘Are you going to tell Mummy?’
‘I haven’t decided. If I do, I know she’ll feel, as I do, that you have nothing to fear, that it was done totally in self-defence. We’ll talk again whenever you need to, anytime you want to. Anytime, and I mean that.’
Before Beth got back into bed she put her arms around Peter and clung to him as though she would never let him go. ‘I just knew things would be better when we told you. I love you so much, Daddy. And Mummy, too. I wouldn’t change her for the world. Never, ever. Goodnight, Daddy. Thank you for listening to us. We’ve been waiting for you to get back. Waiting and waiting.’ She tightened her arms round his neck and kissed his cheek. ‘I love you. Now we’ve told you I feel so much better.’
Peter held her close to him, deeply, deeply grateful she was there with him, and he could shield her from at least some of life’s trials. ‘Goodnight, my darling, sleep tight.’
‘I shall, Daddy, now you’re home. No more screaming.’
Alex said, ‘Come and say goodnight to me, will you, Dad?’
‘I most certainly will.’
Peter looked round the attic bedroom and saw how Alex had made the room his own. ‘It is nice up here. You’re quite right, it is a very nice room.’
‘Dad, I’m so worried about Beth. I’ve never been so frightened in my life. Most of the time I tried to convince her I wasn’t frightened, but I was, all the time. It was terrible and I’m not going to go anywhere in the world where that might happen again. I can’t face it.’
‘Being strong when you’re feeling scared, that’s true bravery.’
‘I tried to think what you would do, and I did it as best I could, but Beth, poor Beth … she cried and shrieked that night after we’d buried him. I couldn’t stop her. We were awake all night. She was so frightened he wasn’t really dead and he’d come round and get out of the grave, because it wasn’t all that deep, and he’d come back in the night for her. We’ll have to be so careful for her, Dad, always. This Andy person has brought it all back.’
‘I know, Alex, I know. And we will be careful of her.’
‘Dad … I’m sorry I haven’t been very nice to you. I’m all right now. After what happened in Africa it almost seems a small thing that you did because, as it turned out, it gave Mum us, so good came from bad, didn’t it?’
Peter hesitated for a moment and then agreed with him. ‘Well, there you are, yes, it did. I’ll say goodnight or is it good morning? We’ll sleep in tomorrow, OK?’
‘Goodnight, Dad.’
‘Goodnight, Alex. You’re a brave chap.’
Peter leaned over his son’s bed and planted a kiss on his forehead, ‘Friends again, then?’
Alex nodded.
Caroline, half asleep and waiting for Peter to come back to bed, became conscious that he was kneeling at his side of their bed praying. She opened her eyes to look at him, and saw tears rolling down his face, flooding onto his hands, which were clasped beneath his chin, fingers tightly clenched. Oh, God, what had he learned to make him weep like this? She never interrupted him when she found him praying but tonight her rule had to be ignored. She shuffled across the bed to bring herself closer and gently laid a hand on his.
Softly she whispered, ‘My darling!’ But she got no reply. It was as if she didn’t exist. After a while the tears began to slow, but all he could say was, ‘Mea culpa, mea culpa.’ He took hold of her hand and kissed it and his tears fell upon her hand.
Chapter 18
‘Hello, Jimbo? Anyone at home? It’s Peter from the Rectory.’ Peter closed the front door behind him and listened to the silence in the house, thinking how his life had changed since he’d last stood in this hall.
It was Grandmama who appeared first. ‘Peter, my dear boy!’ She reached up to hug him and then dared to kiss his cheek. ‘The others are all out, so come and talk to me for a while. If you’ve any messages for Jimbo or Harriet I’ll pass them on.’ She ushered him into the sitting room and gestured for him to sit in Jimbo’s big
leather chair, which he fitted into beautifully.
‘Well, now, Peter, you don’t look your usual self, not got that peace which is normally very evident in your face. This Africa business … the children. Are they all right now you’re home?’
‘No, but I’m confident they will be. Eventually.’
‘They’ve been very disturbed, you know. But I expect you know that from Caroline. She’s been worried sick.’
‘I know. The children have finally told me all about what happened and they are beginning to feel better about it.’
‘So what did happen when they were missing?’
Peter shut down immediately and it passed through Grandmama’s mind that he’d aged quite dreadfully. ‘I have their confidence and I’m afraid I can’t tell anyone anything at all. I really came to see Jimbo and ask about the Store closing.’
‘Well, all I can say is he decided to do it and the first Harriet and I knew the notice was up. We were stunned, but there was no persuading him otherwise. He was adamant. His broken ankle was a big factor; he’s never had an injury nor a serious illness which affected him so badly. We all felt so sorry for him but, privately, Harriet and I felt he’d made a bad decision. Nothing would get him to change his mind, however. The damage to the Store was the last straw.’
‘But what about this chap who stalked Beth? Caroline said everyone thought he was to blame, besides apparently murdering his wife.’
‘Well, that was a big factor. It appears he started this feud against Jimbo because of something which happened when their paths crossed years ago at Cambridge. He wasn’t called Andy Moorhouse then, so at first Jimbo couldn’t understand what had caused the feud. Then he recalled his old name, but won’t tell neither Harriet nor me what it was, nor what the feud was about. What really hurt was him badmouthing Jimbo to all the village.’
A Village Feud Page 21
