“Mother, please, stop it. I’m doing the best that I can.”
Frustrated, her mother turned her back and swept from the room.
Julie was at the mall one Saturday afternoon when she ran into Luke’s mother. They went to the food court, ordered frozen yogurt, and sat together to eat it. “I don’t get to see much of you anymore,” Nancy said between bites. “If it weren’t for home games, I doubt I’d see you at all.”
“I miss coming over. Blame my dad. He’s so fixated on this season, he practically keeps the team under lock and key. It’s so-o-o frustrating.”
Nancy smiled. “You think you’re frustrated. You should see Luke pacing the floor wishing he could be with you.”
The news thrilled Julie. She liked knowing Luke missed being with her. “He has a lot of pressure on him.”
“That’s true, and I’ve mentioned to him that he shouldn’t be too intense, that the entire fate of the football season doesn’t rest on his shoulders. It looks to me as if he’s losing weight, and I’m afraid he’s worrying too much about the season.”
Julie set down her spoon. “But he’s feeling all right, isn’t he?”
“He says he is.”
Seeing Nancy’s concern upset Julie. “He told me his checkup went fine. It did, didn’t it?”
“I haven’t heard otherwise.”
Ironically, on the day Luke had been scheduled to go into Chicago for testing, Nancy had had an office review by the corporate bigwigs and Julie had been scheduled to take her SAT exams. Luke insisted that he could go through the routine without them and that if there were any problems with his blood work or bone scans, he’d be notified. The day after, the Warriors had played one of their top rivals and Luke had led them to another victory.
Julie picked up her spoon and dug into her frozen dessert. “Well, I’m sure that if anything were wrong, you’d have been notified by Dr. Kessler.”
“You’re right. Luke says I shouldn’t obsess about every little lost pound or sniffle he has.” Nancy smiled wanly. “I know he’s right, but it’s hard for me not to. Last winter and spring were the longest days of my life. I just couldn’t believe Luke was having such problems. He’s always been perfectly healthy.”
“We shouldn’t think about those bad times. The important thing is that he’s fine now and on the way to the rest of his life.” Julie smiled. “And I’m glad to be going along for the ride.”
Nancy laughed. “I don’t know what he’d do without you, Julie. He’s been crazy about you since he was just a little kid.”
“That’s nice of you to say. I’m crazy about him, too.”
The food court tables had filled with the lunch crowd while they’d been talking, and the smells of fast food hung in the air. Nancy glanced nervously from side to side. “Um—I don’t mean to pry, but I am curious about some things.”
“Ask me.”
“You and Luke have discussed marriage, haven’t you?”
Now it was Julie’s turn to cast a nervous glance. “I suppose we have.”
“Don’t be concerned: I’m not against it. But I really do want Luke to go to college.”
“He’ll go,” Julie assured her. “How could he not go with all these college football coaches after him?”
Nancy smiled and relaxed. “How indeed! I’m glad, Julie. I want so many things for Luke, and he’s so close to getting some of them.”
Julie understood, and only wished her own mother could be as flexible as Luke’s. “I won’t take his dreams away,” she said.
“Please don’t think I’m prying or trying to tell you what to do. One of the things he wants—that he’s always wanted—is you. And I won’t interfere with any plans the two of you’ve made.”
“It’s all right,” Julie insisted. “Luke and I plan to have it all.”
Nancy’s round face broke into a broad smile. “And you will. I’m positive of that. With all that the two of you have going for you, you’ll have everything life has to offer.”
Julie basked in Nancy’s approval, only wishing that Luke were there to share it. That night, the Warriors would play their homecoming game, and afterward, there was to be a dance in the gym. Luke would be taking her and there’d be no early curfew, so she could spend hours with him. Snapping out of her reverie, Julie said, “Sit with Solena, Mom, and me at the game tonight.”
“I’d love to,” Luke’s mother responded.
“After all, this one’s against the Trojans, and I think we should all be together when Luke hands them their first loss of the season.”
That night, the air was crisp and cold, perfect for playing football. The middle school stands were packed to overflowing, as the Warriors-Trojans game was one of northwest Indiana’s great rivalries. TV cameras and newspaper photographers had special field passes and crews were set up along one end zone.
In the stands, behind the Warriors’ bench on the fifty-yard line, Julie watched Luke warm up on the field throwing passes as her father paced furiously along the sidelines.
“So where do you think they are?” Solena asked, craning her neck at the crowds sitting behind them.
“Who?”
“The college scouts! Frank said the stands would be crawling with them for tonight’s game.”
Julie’s father had told her the same thing. But Julie wasn’t interested in talking about scouts. She kept her gaze on Luke, who seemed to be having trouble with his passes.
Following her line of vision, Solena said, “I’m sure he’s just nervous. Wait ’til the game starts.”
Yet, when the game started, Luke didn’t improve. Only a clever play by the defense kept the Trojans from going out in front during the second quarter. Julie anxiously twisted the blanket across her lap. Luke couldn’t blow it now. Not with so many important people watching.
She saw her father call Luke to the sidelines and lecture him sternly. Luke had ripped off his helmet and Julie could see that he was grimacing and sweating profusely. “I wish Daddy would get off Luke’s case,” she said to her mother irritably.
“Never tell your father how to coach a game,” her mother said. “One way or another he gets the best from his boys. And Luke’s his pride and joy.”
Her mother’s words didn’t comfort Julie, whose mood only darkened when Luke took a hard hit minutes before the half ended. “Where was his protection?” she shouted, springing to her feet. She glared down at Solena. “Frank’s supposed to cover him!”
“Don’t yell at me,” Solena exclaimed.
Angry and agitated, Julie sat down, only to watch Luke being helped off the field and taken to the locker room. The announcer commented about Luke being shaken up on the play, and Julie’s anger turned to anxiety. She longed to rush off to the gym, but knew she’d never get inside. “He’ll be all right,” she heard Nancy say.
Mercifully, the half ended and Coach Ellis jogged with his team off the field. The roar of the crowd dropped to a lull. “Popcorn?” Patricia Ellis asked.
Julie shook her head and snapped, “How can you ask about popcorn when Luke’s hurt?”
“I’ll go with you,” Nancy said, heading off an argument.
Julie’s mother and Nancy stood, but didn’t leave, because someone called their names. Julie turned to see Brett Carney, one of the new freshmen on the team, hurrying toward them. He was in his uniform, but because he hadn’t played, his jersey was clean and unmarked. “Coach sent me,” Brett said, climbing up the few rows to where they sat.
“What’s wrong with Luke?” Julie asked as her heart thudded rapidly in her chest. “I know something’s wrong. Tell me.”
Brett’s eyes were wide as saucers and his skin looked pale, as if he’d had a great fright. “Luke collapsed in the locker room,” Brett said. “He’s being taken to the hospital.”
“Which one?” Nancy asked.
“Waterton General.”
Julie grabbed for her purse and car keys, but her mother pulled them from her hands, then took both Julie and N
ancy firmly by their elbows and said, “Come on. I’ll drive.”
21
“Why is it taking so long?” Julie paced the floor of the emergency room waiting area like a caged cat.
“I’m sure the doctors have to check him over completely,” her mother said in an attempt to calm her down.
Even Luke’s mother hadn’t been allowed behind the doors to the room where Luke was being examined. She sat tight-lipped on the edge of a chair, clutching her hands nervously in her lap.
“Don’t they know we’re worried? Don’t they know how hard it is to wait and wait?” Julie continued to pace. Her hands felt clammy and cold and her heart raced. “I wish Daddy were here.”
“You know he’ll be here as soon as he can get away from the game.”
“That stupid game is the cause of all this,” Julie cried.
Solena, who’d insisted on coming to offer Julie whatever support she could, said nothing and watched Julie pace.
A doctor emerged from behind the treatment room doors. “Are you with Luke Muldenhower?”
“I want to see my son.” Nancy hurried to the doctor’s side. “What’s wrong with him? How is he?”
“He has a concussion,” the doctor said. “He’s alert, but extremely fatigued, and we want to hold him overnight for observation and keep a check on his vital signs. He’s being moved upstairs to a room. Dr. Portage has been notified and will be here soon to check on your son.”
Julie remembered the doctor who’d first treated Luke for the infection that had become Hodgkin’s. At least he was familiar with Luke, and she was glad that Luke would be with a doctor he knew. “Where’s his room?” she asked.
When they were allowed to see Luke, it was all Julie could do to hold back until after his mother had fussed over him. When it was Julie’s turn, she put her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. “Oh, Luke, I’ve been so scared.”
“I got hit, and then I got dizzy and fell in the locker room. I don’t remember much, except that I was playing lousy.”
Julie thought he looked pale, and in spite of the coolness of the room, he was perspiring. “Just so long as you’re all right.”
“We’re going to lose the game because of me.”
“Forget the game. It doesn’t matter now.”
“It matters to me.”
They stayed with him until her father arrived. He barreled into the room and tore to Luke’s bedside. Julie saw worry lines etched in his brow. “Got here as soon as I could. How’re you doing, son?”
“Did we lose?” was all Luke wanted to know.
“Hey, you win some, you lose some. That’s the way the game goes.”
“So we lost.” Luke turned his head toward the wall.
“Don’t worry about it. We’ll meet them again in the district playoffs and we’ll kick butt.”
Luke didn’t seem mollified. “And how about the scouts? I guess they saw me play the worst game of my career.”
“One game won’t make or break your future, Luke. They’ll be back.”
“They’ll say I blew it when it mattered, when I was under pressure.”
“No they won’t. Stop stewing about it. Get some rest, and as soon as the doctors say you can go back to playing, you will. You might miss one game at the most.”
“I’ll miss more than that,” Luke said enigmatically. His dark eyes looked so unbearably sad that Julie felt cold fingers of fear squeeze her heart.
“Not because of a little bump on the head,” Bud Ellis said. “Wait and see.”
“Sure,” Luke answered. “Whatever you say, Coach.”
“Something’s come up in Luke’s blood work,” Dr. Portage told Luke’s mother the following day when she and Julie had come to visit Luke. He’d caught them just as they were about to go into Luke’s room.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m having his radiologist look over some X rays and test results, and I’ve ordered a bone marrow aspiration.”
Julie felt sick to her stomach, as if someone had punched her. She heard Nancy say, “But he just had that battery of tests at St. Paul’s in Chicago last month.”
“No he didn’t.” Dr. Portage closed the chart he’d been holding and looked at Luke’s mother gravely. “I called and asked for some of his records to be sent over. His last checkup at St. Paul’s was in June.”
Julie reeled at the news. That was before she and Luke had gone to Los Angeles. “But he said he’d been checked,” she blurted. “He told me he’d gone by train and gotten his checkup.”
“Well, he didn’t,” Dr. Portage said. “According to their records, he never went.”
“Why did you lie to me, Luke?”
Julie watched Luke’s face as his mother asked her question. He looked ashamed and pale. Ghostly pale. “I rescheduled my appointment, that’s all. I was feeling good and so I figured I could postpone it for a while. I would have gone as soon as football season was over.”
“Football season! Since when is football more important than your health?”
He looked helplessly at Julie, who struggled to hold back tears. “Everybody was expecting so much from me. I—I didn’t want to let them down.”
“Who would you have let down? Everybody knew you’d been sick. Nobody held you accountable.”
“Mom, please, I’m not up to fighting about this. I feel awful right now.”
Nancy’s expression didn’t soften, but before she could speak, Dr. Portage called her out of the room and Julie found herself alone with Luke. She crossed her arms and dabbed at her eyes. “I would have skipped my SATs and gone with you, if you’d asked,” she told him. “Why didn’t you ask me?”
“I told you, I would have gone later.”
“Did my dad put pressure on you? Because if he did—”
“Julie, stop it. Everybody put pressure on me! Don’t you understand?”
“I didn’t pressure you. I only want you to play football because it means so much to you.”
Luke pulled himself up and hoisted his legs over the side of the bed, grunting in discomfort. He took a few deep breaths and stared at Julie, his dark eyes made darker by the paleness of his skin. He looked miserable. “It’s true you never pressured me to play ball, but you put plenty of pressure on me to be well.”
“How? When? I never did.”
“You tell me all the time, ‘Now that you’re over cancer,’ and, ‘You’re fine … time to get on with your life.’ ”
Stricken by his words, stunned by his accusation, Julie began to recall all the times she’d said such things. “But I was only trying to be positive. I was only trying to encourage you.”
“Don’t you think I want to be well, Julie? Don’t you think I want to be rid of this and be normal? And play ball? And marry you? Don’t you think if being positive would make me well, I would be well?”
Tears spilled down her cheeks as his words fell like blows. “But the tests—”
“I had one good checkup after my radiation treatments. Then I had the best summer of my life, with you, and then I had to face going back for more testing and maybe hearing that I was sick again. And everybody wanted me to be well so much. And I wanted it so much.” He hung his head and took deep breaths before continuing. “So it was easy to put off going for the testing. Maybe I figured what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me.”
She ached for him, for herself. “Oh, Luke …”
“I told myself there’d be time to get checkups after the season was over. After the team went to the state finals. I wanted that so bad, Julie. So, I kept playing, kept ignoring what was happening, even when the symptoms started coming back.”
“You’ve been sick?”
He shrugged, refused to meet her gaze. “First it was the fatigue. Then the night sweats. I washed my sheets so Mom wouldn’t know. I knew I was in trouble, but I kept pushing myself. I didn’t want to let anybody down. I didn’t want to find out the truth.”
“That you’re out of remission
,” she finished flatly. She felt as if someone had pulled a plug on her emotions and drained them all away.
“Yes.”
“Do you know it for sure?”
He looked up and held her blue eyes with the dark pull of his own. “I know how I feel, Julie; I’ve been here before. And in ER, once they read my chart and saw that I’d been treated for Hodgkin’s, they wanted to do a bone marrow. That’s not a routine test for a head injury, you know.”
She looked at her hands, at the promise ring that now seemed to mock her, to ridicule all it had stood for between her and Luke. “I’m sorry if I caused you any harm by insisting that you be well. I didn’t mean to make you skip your testing.”
For the first time since they’d been talking, Luke reached out and touched Julie. He smoothed her hair and ran his fingers tenderly along her cheek. “I’m not blaming you. I would never blame you. It was my choice. Coach always taught us to take responsibility.” He offered a humorless chuckle. “No, I knew the chance I was taking; I knew the consequences. All testing would have done was confirm what I already knew.”
Fresh tears spilled from Julie’s eyes, and slowly Luke took her in his arms, where she sobbed, soaking his hospital shirt. “I love you so much,” she managed between sobs.
“Loving you was all I had to hang on to sometimes. When I’d wake up at night, sweaty and nauseous, I’d remember L.A. and that church, and all the fun. It got me through.”
Julie didn’t know how long she had been clinging to him, but when Nancy and Dr. Portage returned to the room, she was still in Luke’s arms. She pulled away reluctantly.
“Luke, we need to talk,” Dr. Portage said.
The expression on Nancy’s face told Julie what he was going to say before he spoke.
“There are cancer cells in your bone marrow,” he said.
Luke’s emotion could be seen only in a tightening along his jawline. “So where do I go from here?”
“Back to St. Paul’s. They’ll start looking for a compatible donor via computer in the national marrow registry. Unfortunately, the task is complicated because you have a rare blood type.”
True Love Page 12
