by Noelle Adams
Scott sighed. He was the smartest of the three brothers, but he’d always known how to laugh. Sometime in college he’d turned into a player. He wasn’t usually serious like this—any more than Phil was. “Yes. I know. To tell you the truth, I’m kind of tired of the whole wretched mess. Look what it did to Dad and Holiday.”
Phil flinched slightly. “The fight wasn’t what killed them.”
The two men had been killed in a fluke, a random accident. They’d been at a town council meeting—arguing like normal at the front of the room—and a trucker who’d been driving through town had fallen asleep and plowed right into the building, killing both men instantly.
It had been horrible. Shocking. But they hadn’t been killed because they were fighting. It couldn’t be explained away that way.
“I know,” Scott said, sounding more tired than ever. “But they took the fucking fight to their graves, and I’m not sure I want to do that. If you want to get over it, I’m not going to blame you.”
Phil relaxed slightly, relieved that at least one of his brothers wasn’t going to resent his attempt at reconciliation. “Have you talked to any of the Holidays lately? Weren’t you in the same class as Olivia?”
“Yeah. Olivia doesn’t like me. At all. She’s not like Rebecca. She doesn’t want to be my friend.” Scott sounded almost amused, so obviously he wasn’t unduly concerned by this state of affairs. “But Rebecca was always into you. I bet she still is.”
Phil wasn’t as convinced as his brother, but he had hope for the first time. He said as he finished his coffee, “I sure hope so.”
Thirteen
REBECCA SLEPT IN UNTIL almost eight, and she didn’t even feel guilty about it.
She’d stayed up late the evening before, baking cupcakes to sell in the coffee shop. She’d had a good time, and they’d come out really well. So she was proud of the cupcakes and hoped they’d sell on the pastry trays in the shop. But she was tired when she woke up at seven, so she stayed in bed an extra hour.
She showered and dressed in capris and a casual top, and then she went downstairs to see what was going on.
Laura was working in the office, and Tommy was “helping” Chuck and Ed inspect some trees. Olivia was in town playing nice to a local vendor. Penny was at a craft show in Asheville. And evidently Russ was coming in late today.
Since everything was quiet, Rebecca had to look around for something to do. When she saw that several boxes had arrived yesterday and hadn’t yet been unpacked, she opened them, delighted when she discovered that they were filled with handmade ornaments by a pair of her favorite craftspeople.
The Mikhelsons lived in a mountain county in southwest Virginia, and Holiday Acres had been stocking their ornaments for more than ten years now. Rebecca gushed over every piece she pulled out of the boxes. Beautifully carved and painted figures of men and women with quaint hand-sewn clothes and accessories.
Last year, they’d sold out of the Mikhelsons’ ornaments in October, so they’d ordered twice as many this year.
Olivia came into the storeroom while Rebecca was opening the last box.
“Oh!” Olivia said. “The Mikhelsons’ stuff came?”
“Yes. You should see them this year. They’re exquisite.”
Olivia was probably the prettiest of the four Holiday sisters, and she certainly put the most effort into her appearance. Her hair was golden brown and shiny and perfectly cut to swing around her shoulders. Her eyes were blue, her skin was fresh and clear, and her makeup always perfectly done. Today she wore a pair of stylish trousers and a sleeveless top that showed off her long slim arms and neck. She also wore designer heels and pretty gold jewelry.
Rebecca occasionally felt not quite dressed in the presence of her sister, but she didn’t let it worry her the way she had when she was younger.
“Look at these,” she said, holding up a lovely bride-and-groom set of ornaments, complete with boutonniere in the groom’s lapel.
“I love them!”
They oohed and aahed over the ornaments for a few minutes until the final box was unpacked.
Then Olivia asked, “So how are you doing today?”
“I’m fine.”
“Really?”
“Yes. And honestly I’m a little tired of everyone asking me that.”
“Well, we’re worried about you. You can’t blame us. We thought the vacation would be good for you.”
“It was good for me.”
“But you came home with a broken heart.”
Rebecca swallowed over a lump in her throat and managed to smile. “It’s not the end of the world.”
“I could just strangle Phil. I really could.”
“Don’t be that way.”
“I will be that way. Every one of the Matheson boys is an asshole. It’s amazing the family couldn’t turn up with one decent man.”
“Russ is decent.”
Olivia nodded, her shiny hair swinging over her shoulders. “Well, yeah. Russ is okay—or he would be if he wasn’t always sarcastic. But the sons...” She shook her head. “I see Scott out with a different woman every weekend. Talk about an asshole.”
“There’s nothing wrong with dating a lot, as long as you’re honest with the—”
“You really think all those girls want to just be the flavor of the week for him?”
“No. I’m sure they’re hoping they’ll be the one to tame him at last.” Rebecca sighed. “But Phil was never really like that. He was always...”
“An asshole.”
“He’s not an asshole. Not really.”
“You’re seriously defending him to me? After what he did to you?”
“He didn’t do anything that bad. He just wouldn’t commit. He’s still into me. I know he is. But not enough to get over all the mess from the past and trust me enough to make a real commitment. He didn’t do it on purpose to hurt me.”
“But he hurt you anyway, and I’m not okay with that.” Olivia made an exaggerated pouting face, which made Rebecca giggle. “I guess he’s probably a little better than Scott. But not much.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not likely to ever see him again.”
Olivia reached over and put a hand over Rebecca’s, and the silent gesture made Rebecca’s eyes burn.
Then she straightened her shoulders and gave her sister a wobbly smile. “I’m fine. I really am. I’m going to be fine.”
“I know you will be. And you definitely don’t want a guy who’d expect you to make all the sacrifices when he wasn’t willing to make any himself. You would have had to move!”
“I’d have been willing to move. Really, I would. It wasn’t because I have to stay here for the rest of my life. That’s not what it was about.”
“I know. You need it to be equal.”
“Exactly.” Rebecca blew out a breath and forced herself not to dwell on might-have-beens. “Anyway, I might be moving after all. For a short time.”
“Really? Why?”
“I applied to that cooking school in Richmond. I did it after all.”
Olivia squealed in excitement and leaned over to hug Rebecca, and both of them were grinning as they pulled apart. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve wanted to do it forever and never would.”
“I didn’t think there would be enough of a payoff for the time and effort. But I’ve been thinking a lot, and I do have a habit of denying myself things I really want to do. I can take care of other people and still take care of myself. So I’m going to try to get more of a balance on that. I want to do this cooking school, so I will.”
“You definitely should. You’ll have so much fun. And I can’t wait for you to cook something for me when you come back.”
Rebecca was genuinely excited about the possibility. It gave her something to look forward to, other than day after day without Phil.
It still ached. Still felt brutally wrong that he hadn’t even given them a chance.
But her life was still important, and she was going to keep working on
it—with or without him.
She hoped he was okay.
She was about to reply to Olivia when her phone chimed with text.
It was Laura. Need you out here.
Rebecca frowned and showed the text to Olivia.
“That’s weird,” Olivia said, standing up and brushing off her trousers.
“I know. I better see what she wants.”
Olivia came with her as she left the storeroom and walked down the hall to the offices. Rebecca pulled to an abrupt stop when she stepped into the reception area and saw who was leaning against the wall in the entryway.
Phil.
Wearing a fish T-shirt and his cargo shorts. Lean and tanned and tired-looking.
He straightened up as she arrived, and his eyes scanned her face urgently, almost hungrily.
Rebecca was frozen. Her mind couldn’t process it. She just stared, her lips parted slightly.
Laura was standing near the desk with her arms crossed over her chest. She didn’t look at all welcoming, and she didn’t sound it either as she said, “I’ll send him away if you want.”
Rebecca turned back to Phil, and a pressure in her chest threatened to suffocate her. She still couldn’t say anything.
“Rebecca?” Laura prompted. “If he’s just going to make things worse, it’ll be better if I send him away.”
“I’m not going to make things worse.” Phil sounded earnest, sincere, rather than defensive. “I want to make things better if I can.”
Rebecca’s hands were shaking, so she tightened them into fists at her side.
“Can we talk?” Phil asked more softly, holding her gaze.
She gave a jerky nod. Then she turned to Laura, who was looking at her questioningly. She nodded again, and Laura relaxed just slightly. “Olivia and I will be right here. Come find us if you need us.”
Olivia gave Rebecca’s arm a quick squeeze as she walked by, her expression a lot more excited than Laura’s.
Rebecca stood where she was until Phil stepped over to her. “Is there somewhere we can talk?” he asked.
She nodded again since that was the only way she seemed to be able to communicate at the moment. Then she gestured up the stairs.
She and Phil walked up to a cozy sitting room in their private residence upstairs, complete with a fireplace and huge windows looking down onto the field of trees.
Rebecca lowered herself to perch on the edge of a wingback chair and folded her trembling hands on her lap. “What are you doing here?” she asked, amazed that her voice was still capable of working.
“I wanted to see you.” He sat down on the chair next to her, leaning forward.
“But why?”
“Because...” His voice caught in his throat, and he glanced away. Then met her eyes again as he said, “Because I was wrong.”
“You were wrong?”
“I was wrong. Selfish. Expecting too much from you when I wasn’t willing to give you anything. I was wrong. And I’m really sorry, Rebecca.”
Now she was shaking all over. It was rather embarrassing. “You are?”
His eyes were very soft, very sober. “I am. And whatever I need to do to have a chance with you again, I’ll do.”
A squeaky sound came out of her throat.
“I know I don’t deserve a second chance with you,” Phil went on, his voice still hoarse but also urgent, passionate. “It’s twice now I walked away from what I could have had with you, and that’s two times too many. But I’m not going to do it again. So I’m wondering if there’s any way I could... I could have one more try.”
“I-I don’t know.” She wrapped her arms across her belly to try to stop herself from shaking, but it didn’t work. It felt like her head, her chest, her soul was about to explode with feeling, but there were too many feelings at once.
They were scaring her.
She wasn’t sure she was able to handle them.
“I know I don’t deserve it.”
“It’s not—it’s not that. It’s that I was... I’ve been trying to start my life again, trying to be better... for myself. And I don’t know if I can go back.”
“We don’t have to go back. We can go forward.”
“Can we?”
“I-I hope so.” His mouth twisted just briefly. “You don’t want to go forward with me anymore?”
“I do. But... I’m scared. Worried.”
“That’s okay.”
“I don’t want to just jump into something again and then have the same thing happen again. I-I can’t do that to myself. Not again.”
“I know you can’t. You shouldn’t. I can wait. We can go slow. We can just talk. Maybe. Nothing more. Until you feel more comfortable.” He was trying very hard to sound calm and gentle, but she could see deep feeling barely contained in his eyes. Like the slightest push would unleash it.
It was terrifying and thrilling at once.
She sucked in a ragged breath and clung to the safety net he’d offered. She needed it. She needed something. It felt like the top of her head would explode with all the emotions churning through her. “That would be okay with you? If we just... talk. For a while. If we go really slow?”
“Of course it would be okay.” He had to clear his throat since it was breaking on each word. He leaned forward and took both her hands in his, holding them tightly. “Rebecca, so you think that would be okay? If we just talk, keep in touch? See if you can... trust me again?”
She managed to nod, her face contorting as she tried to control her emotions. “I’d like to. Nothing... definite. But I’d like to try.”
He made a choked sound and lowered his head, his whole upper body. For just a moment his forehead was touching their clasped hands. She thought he muttered, “Oh thank God” before he straightened up again.
When he did, he was smiling. “We can go as slow as you want. I know you have no reason to trust that I’m ready to commit. But I am. I want to let go of all the anger and bitterness of the past. I want to move forward. I want to... I want to get out of the shallows. I want to swim. I think I’m ready.”
A tear slipped out of one eye, but she was smiling at him too. “I’m so glad, Phil. No matter what else happens, I’m so glad.”
He was breathing heavily, his eyes devouring her face. “Is it all right if I hug you?”
She nodded at him stupidly.
He reached out and pulled her against him, slightly awkward since they were both sitting on the edges of different chairs, but Rebecca had no complaints. His body was warm and strong and familiar, and his arms held her close.
“I can’t believe you finally came home,” she said as they finally pulled apart.
“I know. I can’t believe it myself. But the funny thing is it wasn’t as traumatic as I always assumed it would be. It’s been... kind of nice. It’s smaller than I remember. Not as... bleak.”
“So you think you could come visit again?”
His eyes were still smiling even though his mouth was sober again. “Of course I will. If you want me to, I’ll come as often as I can.”
“And I can come visit you too. Sometimes.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. I like it there. It will be nice. And we can... go slow.”
“As slow as you want. I won’t even kiss you until you’re ready.”
“I think that’s probably best. I’m not trying to make you suffer or anything, but I’m not... I’m not totally sure of this yet. I don’t want to... jump into the deep end until I’m sure... It’s just that I’ve spent so long doing things for other people without doing what’s best for me. And so I want—”
“Rebecca,” Phil broke in, reaching out for one of her hands. “You don’t have to explain it to me. I understand. And I’m not disappointed. At all.”
“You’re not?”
“Look at me.”
She did. She looked at him closely, taking in his flushed cheeks and his tense posture and the way his mouth kept twitching up at the corners and the bla
ze of excitement, of joy, of awe in his eyes.
He wasn’t disappointed.
He was thrilled.
And so she could be thrilled too.
“Okay,” she said, lowering her lashes as her skin warmed with pleasure. Then she raised her eyes and said in a different tone, “I applied for cooking school.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. The one in Richmond. If I get in, I’m going to do it.”
He reached out to hug her again, and she felt so proud as well as happy.
Like sharing it with him was as good as doing it in the first place.
She knew for sure she’d done the right thing.
PHIL STAYED FOR LUNCH—WHICH wasn’t as bad as it could have been, considering they ate with Laura, Olivia, Russ, and Tommy. Rebecca knew her sisters were less likely to trust Phil than she was, but no one argued and everyone made an effort to be congenial.
Overall, it was good, and then Rebecca showed Phil all around Holiday Acres, and then they went to visit their fathers’ graves—in different corners of the same cemetery.
He talked about his father a little. Not a lot but it was a start.
He was trying.
It meant something to her.
She wanted to jump in with him all the way, but it still felt too ephemeral. She needed confirmation that this was real, that it was forever, and she hadn’t gotten it yet.
Phil had taken the day off from work, but he did need to get back before tomorrow since Saturdays were his busiest day. So they said goodbye at about three in the afternoon before she left to take Tommy into town to buy some new shoes.
She was happy and excited when she returned home with Tommy an hour later. Phil was gone, of course, but he’d promised to call that evening.
They could talk a lot. They could see each other a couple of times a month since the three-hour drive between them wasn’t really very long.
They could go slow.
Rebecca suspected it wouldn’t take her very long to know for sure that Phil was ready to commit, but she wasn’t going to go all in until she was positive.
She wasn’t going to do that to herself again.
When she parked her car, Tommy ran off to watch Ed on a tractor, leaving Rebecca to take his shoes inside.
