by Jo Meadows
‘My god,’ said Lynnette. ‘Not exactly the same but similarities, yes. I suppose with Steve’s Dad being a man, things would be a bit different from what I experienced with my Mum. She was never physically abusive to us or to my Dad either but, she had a terrible temper, and in her way she totally dominates everything my Dad does. He doesn’t have friends anymore; he doesn’t even talk to the neighbours as far as I’m aware.’
‘You know you said in the car on the way home that there must be a name for the way your Mum was and the way she made you feel?’
‘Yes, I remember,’ said Lynnette anxiously.
‘Well there is. Steve had been troubled with the way his Dad was for many years, so he did some research online. He says that his Dad is a classic narcissist.’
‘Isn’t that just someone who loves themselves, you know as in Narcissus in Greek mythology, I think it was?’
‘Yes, but apparently, there is a well-known condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. I spent a bit of time this afternoon looking into it; you wouldn’t believe how much information there is out there. I won’t sit here and try to influence you in any way or convince you that your Mum has NPD but, you need to go online and look for yourself with an open mind. It’s incredible, honest, I couldn’t believe it.’
‘You’re scaring me a little. You’re saying my Mum has some kind of mental disorder?’
‘No, I’m not saying that, I’m just saying go online and research Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see what you think. It explained a lot to me.’
‘Okay, you’ve got me interested I must say. It would be nice to know that there was a reason for the way she is. Perhaps we could help her get something done about it if she did have this disorder.’
‘As I say, just go online and have a look. That will answer a lot of questions for you. Mind you, you’ll need plenty of time, there’s an amazing amount of stuff out here.’
***
The following afternoon when Leo came home from work, Lynnette had an excited, yet puzzled look on her face.
‘Go on,’ he said. ‘What is it? You’ve been online haven’t you?’
‘Yes, I have and you’re right, I couldn’t believe what I read on the very first site I went to. Let’s not talk about it now though, like you said yesterday, I’d rather wait until Emily’s gone to bed. We can focus a little better then.’
‘Alright; interesting though isn’t it?’
‘Oh yes, and then some.’
Once again they waited until Emily was in bed and then sat down to discuss what Lynnette had found during her day online. ‘It was exactly like you said, there’s an incredible amount of stuff out there. A lot of it is from the U.S. of course, but it’s all relevant.’
Did you find similarities between what you read and the way your Mum is?’ asked Leo.
‘Yes I did. First of all I looked up general information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and compared what was there, you know traits and symptoms and such, to aspects of the way Mum can be. It’s like you said, it really opened my eyes and answered a whole lot of questions for me.’
‘It’s amazing isn’t it?’
‘I couldn’t believe it. You probably saw but there are a whole lot of blogs out there as well, usually as part of the sites but accessed by links as well. There were several that referred to growing up with a narcissistic mother and also, quite a lot written by, or with posted comments by the victims of narcissists. Most of these were about having had a narcissist partner, but there were a lot that had been the victim of narcissistic parents.’
‘Yes, I saw some of that but I didn’t have that much time yesterday.’
‘What was the most amazing thing about what I saw was how similar the experiences of some of the victims out there are to those of my family. And did you see; there’s no cure for this problem? The only way to deal with it is to adopt a no contact approach in the most extreme cases. I suppose that’s because the narcissist doesn’t even realise or won’t accept that they have a problem.’
‘Yes, I did see that, but I don’t think we’re talking of going to that extreme with your Mum are we? To me she just comes across as a bit of a control freak who likes her own way.’
‘No, of course we can’t have a “no contact” approach as they call it. Some of the cases I read about are absolutely awful though, and I can see why someone would do that, especially with a narcissistic partner. If it is as we think, and Mum has got a touch of this NPD, then in a sense we’re fore-armed and whenever we visit, we’ll make sure that Emily is never left alone with her and we’ll watch what Mum says and does very closely.’
‘Knowing what we do now, it would be good to visit them a bit sooner than planned so we can see what we think about her. Assuming we’re right of course.’
‘I don’t know about that, I’m happy that there’s at least a reason for her being the way she is. Sometimes I thought it was all in my head.’
‘That’s because she can be so subtle about the way she says things or the way she twists things that you get caught out every time,’ said Leo.
‘There was one thing I read that was quite scary,’ said Lynnette. ‘There’s a term called Malignant Narcissist. You may have read, but narcissists don’t have empathy or any kind of feelings for other people and they see them as objects to be used to get what they want. Well, malignant narcissists are people that have got it so bad that they will actually hurt other people to get what they want and will get real pleasure out of doing it. They’re almost like sociopaths or psychopaths.’
‘It’s a good job your Mum’s only a bit cracked then,’ laughed Leo.
‘Hey, it’s not funny,’ said Lynnette smiling. ‘If we’re right, imagine what my poor Dad has gone through all these years.’
‘It couldn’t have been that bad for him or he wouldn’t have stuck around would he?’
‘Back when they got married, you didn’t tend to get divorced just because of a little problem; you just got on with it. Anyway, I’m sure he’s always loved my Mum to bits, so it would have taken an awful lot to have made him walk away, especially when Michael and I were still living at home.’
‘Could this be why Michael hardly ever comes over? How often does he call your Mum and Dad?’
‘He calls about once a month I think. I doubt if this is why he doesn’t come over very often, he’s got his job and the kids. Besides, he didn’t have it as bad as me when we were growing up.’
‘Ah! That’s what you think. But you weren’t around with him all the time were you? It makes you think though, doesn’t it?’
‘You might be right. When I next get to speak to him, I’ll ask a few subtle questions and see what he says.’
‘Well, that’s that then. That’s your Mum all nicely analysed and labelled. Can we have another drink now?’
‘You’re awful, Leo.’
‘I know, but you love me don’t you?’
‘Yes I do, and thanks for having that chat with Steve. This has really opened my eyes as you said it would. Just don’t you go on and turn all “narcissist” on me now will you?’
‘Hey, the crazy one’s on your side of the family, not mine. It’s me that should be keeping an eye on you,’ he laughed.
Chapter 9
Within a couple of days of his fall, David’s face was a rainbow of colour and he looked like one of those victims of assault you sometimes saw on the news. He didn’t have any real pain however and only felt somewhat bruised. Georgina had gone for her daily visit to the local shops and David was sharpening the lawnmower blade in the garage.
‘Hello Dave, how are you these days? I haven’t seen you in what seems like ages’ David looked up at the sound of his neighbour Pete’s voice. When Pete saw his face he said, ‘What on earth have you been up to? You look like you’ve been in a fight.’
‘Yes, it felt like that the other day. No, I’m alright really; I fell over a bird bath the other night in the dark and managed to do a face p
lant on the patio. It would have been funny if it hadn’t hurt so much.’
‘I bet it did,’ said Pete. ‘How did you manage that?’
‘Well, the outside light didn’t come on when I went out and I didn’t see that the bird bath had been moved to just outside the door. It was my own fault really.’
‘Your fault? I’d blame whoever moved the bird bath,’ said Pete, chuckling.
‘No, Georgina moved it and forgot to tell me. I should have been more careful and looked where I was going.’
‘Hey! I’ve got something to put a smile on your face. Do you fancy trying a drop of this?’ said Pete holding up a glass of his homemade wine. ‘It’s a new batch and, if I say so myself, it’s rather good.’
‘Well I shouldn’t really, it’s only 10 o’clock.’
‘All that stuff about suns and yardarms is a load of rubbish you know Dave. Come on, have a glass you know you want to,’ said Pete laughing.
‘Okay, just a small one then, Georgina’s out shopping, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.’
‘That’s my boy, let’s live a little,’ said Pete as he poured Dave a glass from a large container. ‘Try that and tell me what you think.’
David took a sip and said, ‘Hey! That’s a bit of alright Pete. Is this from a kit or all your own doing?’
‘From a kit so I can’t take too much credit, but it’s pretty good isn’t it? The kits you can get these days are brilliant and they don’t cost much either. Have you ever thought about making your own? I know you like a beer now and then. The beer making kits are pretty good as well you know and it works out cheaper than buying the bottles.’
‘No, I don’t think Georgina would be happy with that. She doesn’t go along with drinking these days and only likes me to have a couple of beers on a weekend.’
‘Tell her it’s your new hobby. We all need hobbies and interests as we get older you know, it keeps your mind alive to have an activity to think about.’
At that moment, Georgina came around the corner and saw them talking. It wasn’t until she got quite close that she saw what was in David’s hand. When she realised what it was, her expression changed to one of annoyance.
‘Oh, hello Georgina, you weren’t long today. Did you get everything you needed?’
‘Yes thank you. Hello Peter, what are you doing leading my husband astray at this time of the morning?’
‘Terrible isn’t it? Do you fancy a drop, it’s rather good. Isn’t it Dave?’
‘No thank you Peter, and don’t you go having too much now David,’ she said. ‘I’ll see you inside when you’ve finished.’ Georgina turned and went indoors.
‘Oh well, thanks for that Pete,’ said David, handing him the empty glass. ‘As you say it’s rather good. I’d better get on inside and help Georgina with her shopping. See you later.’
‘Alright, see you later Dave, glad you liked it, I feel quite proud of it actually. And hey, watch where you’re walking, you never know where something might have been left where you’re not expecting it,’ Pete laughed.
‘Yes, I’d better keep my eyes open hadn’t I?’
Inside in the kitchen, Georgina was putting her shopping away as he came in. ‘What do you think you’re doing drinking at this time of the day?’ she said, clearly annoyed with him.
‘I wasn’t really drinking, Pete asked me to try a drop of his latest batch of wine that’s all,’ said David, trying to ignore her annoyance. ‘It’s pretty good you know; I wouldn’t mind giving that a bash myself, as a hobby, what do you think?’
‘Dream on. I can just imagine the state you’d get in if I let you do that. And, it costs money you know. If you want a hobby take up carpentry, I’ve got plenty of ideas for projects you could do.’
‘What do you mean, let me? If I want to take up wine making I will,’ said David, winding her up.
‘Don’t go there David! Don’t go winding me up! You’ll do what I let you and what I tell you and nothing else,’ she snapped.
‘Alright, I was only joking,’ said David, a little worried. ‘I’ve got no intention of actually doing it, take it easy Georgie.’
‘Don’t talk down to me and don’t tell me to take it easy,’ shouted Georgina. ‘And, I want you to have nothing more to do with that Peter. Not after what he’s been saying about us behind our backs. Do you know I keep finding his garden rubbish thrown over our fence?’
‘What do you mean? He doesn’t throw rubbish over our fence, does he? And, what has he been saying?’
‘Never mind what he’s been saying. Just you stay away from him. Anyway, how would you know if he’d been throwing rubbish over or not? You’re never in the garden and you don’t see what I have to put up with,’ said Georgina, sounding a little upset.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realise he’d been doing that. I’ll go and have a word with him.’
‘No, please don’t. You know he can be very rude.’
‘Well, I’m not having him throwing rubbish over the fence, that’s totally out of order.’
‘Leave it David! Just let it be. I’d prefer it if we just had no more to do with him. He’s a nosey old busy-body, just like everyone else around here. He’s not your friend; he’s probably just fishing for gossip about us to spread around. I hate him.’
‘Alright,’ said David quietly. ‘Don’t worry; I’ll ignore him from now on.’
‘Thank you, let’s leave it at that.’
The next morning David was working in the garage preparing a metal garden table for painting. He was just fitting a wire brush attachment into his power drill when Pete came up the path. ‘Hi Pete,’ he called.
‘Oh, Hi Dave,’ replied Pete coming over.
‘Pete, I was hoping to catch you, I wanted a quick word if that’s okay.’
‘Sure, what can I do for you old chap, more wine perhaps?’ laughed Pete.
‘No thanks. Georgina asked me not to say anything so I’ve been hoping to catch you while she was out. She said that some garden rubbish, weeds and stuff I suppose she means, has been finding its way onto our garden over the fence. I thought it was probably just a bit of stuff flicked over from the park when they’ve been grass cutting or something. Do you get anything coming over your fence?’
‘Actually yes we do. I wouldn’t have dreamt of saying anything but as you’ve brought it up, I’m afraid we do get exactly what you’ve described. Trouble is old son; it’s your Georgina that’s doing it.’
‘You’re kidding Pete; she told me it was you throwing stuff over ours! Good god, what is she playing at?’ said David totally flabbergasted.
‘I don’t know, but I saw her with my own eyes. I was going to ask you if she was alright. Oh and by the way, I just passed her in the street and she cut me dead.’
‘What do you mean, cut you dead?’
‘Well, I was on the other side of the road and I shouted hello to her. I swear she was looking straight at me but she just turned and looked the other way and totally ignored me.’
‘I’m sorry, Pete, I don’t know what to say.’
‘Don’t worry Dave; I’ve got a thick skin. No harm done. I’d better go; things to do and all that. Take it easy.’
‘Yes okay, see you Pete.’
David went back into the garage wondering what could be going on with Georgina. She had seemed a bit uptight lately but other than the usual verbal barrage and constant criticism, which he was well and truly used to, everything appeared to be alright and quite normal. Oh well, he thought I’ll keep quiet about my chat with Pete and just keep an eye on her. I hope she’s not ill in some way.
He positioned the table onto the workbench and plugged his drill into the power socket. When he pressed the power switch to on, there was a loud bang and an almighty flash. In reaction, he threw the drill onto the workbench with a cry of surprise. ‘What the hell!’ The drill had short-circuited.
He unplugged it and when he carefully examined it, he found a cut in the insulation near the hand-grip. The cut went thro
ugh the insulation and had gone deep enough to expose bare wires. It was quite clear that the live and the neutral had shorted together. It was then that he noticed that when it had short-circuited the flash had burned his hand slightly; a lucky escape, he thought. That could have been a lot worse. Damn and blast, he thought to himself, how the hell has that happened? I only bought it about eight months or so ago. That damage won’t be covered under guarantee. He put the drill away in its case to repair later and, deciding to wire brush the table manually, he set to work.
That evening, after they’d had tea, Georgina asked David to go to the freezer in the garage and fetch a joint of beef for dinner the following day.
‘Any particular one, or is there only one in there?’ asked David.
‘Any will do, I’m not sure how many there are.’
