by Osar Adeyemi
That coldness was still there, encapsulating her heart. It was like protective antibodies developed to give her some level of immunity against men and their wiles but unfortunately, it also swung into place for a seemingly nice and harmless guy like Deji, and she didn't know how to selectively deactivate it.
∞∞∞
The next few days passed by slowly for her. She refused to take Deji's calls and did not reply to his text messages. She knew she was not going to change her mind and blamed herself for not being firm enough with him from the beginning.
But what was more frightening to her was that it was not just Deji—it was about men in general. She did not think she could ever trust any man again, but she was still so young, and life seemed to stretch bleakly in front of her. She had thought success in her business would bring her fulfilment, but she had achieved some measure of success and yet there was still such hollowness within her. An emptiness she could not fill. As she meditated on those thoughts, she found herself depressed again and wishing she had never met Akeem.
By Thursday that week, she felt physically ill. Her head and heart ached, and her insomnia returned with a vengeance. The woman in the mirror confirmed she looked awful. At midday, she handed the affairs of the office over to Ken and left.
She took some painkillers when she got home and dropped onto the sofa. She hoped she would be able to fall asleep. Kufre was away on holiday, and she would have to go pick Aleena up later, but that was a few hours yet.
She was surprised about an hour later to hear her doorbell ring. She ignored the bell, but it kept ringing. Finally, she dragged herself to the door and was surprised to see Sesan on her doorstep.
"Shez," she said wearily. "What are you doing here at this time of the day?"
"I had to see a client in the neighbourhood around your office. I dropped by your office afterwards and was told that you had left early because you were not feeling well. What's wrong with you?"
"I'll be fine, Shez," she said, looking away from his concerned eyes. She raked her fingers through her hair. She knew she looked like a mess and felt like it. "I just need some rest."
"Is that why you've been crying?" he asked gently, looking at her puffy eyes. "I thought we said no more tears?"
"I'm just so tired. I've tried so hard to be happy." Tears started running down her face as she spoke. "But my life is so empty. Just empty and bleak."
"Hush, Yemi, don't speak like that. What or who has upset you?"
She dragged in a shaky breath and told him about Deji. "But am I going to remain like this for the rest of my life?" she asked, trying to wipe her eyes with the handkerchief that Sesan had given her. "I have nightmares where I see myself old, haggard, and all alone. And in some of those nightmares, even Aleena rejects me and blames me for everything that happened between me and Akeem."
"Yemi, those dreams are a playback of what you've been thinking. They're not real," Sesan replied, stroking her hand gently. "I've told you that your thought process has got to change."
"I know that, but I never imagined that my life would be like this."
Sesan continued to stroke her hand as she sobbed. She could hear him praying quietly under his breath until her tears abated.
"Yemi, I know that you may not believe me, but you're going to be okay."
Yemi did not respond and just looked forlornly into space.
"You'll be just fine," Sesan said. "Where's Kufre?"
"She's away on holidays."
He was silent for a moment before speaking again. "Mmmm…you know what? There is a concert taking place at my church tomorrow evening, and I want you to come along."
Yemi shook her head. "I'm not in the mood for a concert, and certainly not in a church."
"I'm really not asking you, I'm telling you," he said firmly and then smiled when he saw her expression. "I am older than you, remember? You've got to respect your elders."
It was an old joke between them. He was one month older than her and never let her hear the end of it, but in her present mood, even that could not elicit a smile from her.
She frowned slightly. Her head still ached. The painkillers did not appear to have worked, or probably it was because she had been crying. "And you think a concert at your church will make me feel better? Forget it, Shez."
"One step at a time, honey," Sesan said, continuing to stroke her hand. "The music is relaxing, and the atmosphere will be soothing for you." He smiled at the expression on her face. "C'mon Yemi, it'll not do you any harm."
"I don't feel like going to any concert."
"Like I said, I'm telling you, not asking you," Sesan replied.
Yemi shook her head. The last concert she had attended was at the London O2. She had gone with Akeem to see Jayzee live. It had been a good show, but she was not in the mood for anything like that at the moment.
"That was just entertainment," Sesan replied when she told him.
She continued to argue with him, but it was obvious that Sesan had made up his mind and was not taking no for an answer. He was even more insistent because he was aware that she was going to be alone in the house the next evening. Aleena would have gone to Akeem's place by then. Yemi finally agreed reluctantly. She was not really looking forward to staying alone, either. Her thoughts were so morbid that she was almost scared of them now.
"Now that we have that settled, what has her ladyship eaten today?" he asked.
"I'm not hungry."
"Really? Then just wait until this chef rustles something up to tempt your taste buds," Sesan said, pulling her up from her seat. "But I need you to sit with me and show me where everything is."
"Don't you need to be back at the office?" Yemi asked, following him into the kitchen.
"Not really." He grinned. "I'm meant to work on my report from home. I'll do that when I get home."
He tried as much as he could to keep Yemi engaged for the period that he was there. Whenever he noticed that she was about to lapse into a moody silence, he would try his best to distract her. He drove her over to Aleena's school to pick Aleena up and then stayed with them until late in the evening.
The following evening, Yemi grudgingly got dressed for the concert at Sesan's church. She had tried to call and cancel during the day, but after trying Sesan's line several times without any success, she knew that he was one step ahead of her. She sent him a text message telling him that she could not make it to the concert. He ignored the contents of her text and sent her a "See you later at six thirty" reply.
"I thought your phone was faulty until I got your text," Yemi said grumpily when he got to her house later that evening.
"And a good evening to you too, Yemi," he said, ignoring her comment. "You look a bit better than you did yesterday. Are you ready?"
"Am I dressed properly?" she asked, still frowning slightly. She had just worn jeans, a cotton top, and a light blazer. "Not sure what you guys wear to functions like this."
"Your outfit is just great."
Yemi was quiet during the drive to the church. Sesan slipped a gospel CD into the CD player, but he was in a quiet mood too and said very little during the drive. They arrived at the church about twenty minutes later. Sesan was obviously well known and liked at the church. He exchanged greetings with so many people right from the parking lot and all the way into the church auditorium that Yemi got tired of smiling politely at them.
She looked around when they finally sat down. She could not believe that she was finally at Sesan's church. He had been inviting her for a long time, but she had always declined.
The programme started soon afterwards. Like Sesan had said, it was all music. Different gospel artistes performed or "ministered," as Sesan called it, and the quality of their music was surprisingly good. After a while, she felt herself relaxing.
There was a particular artiste who gave a testimony about her personal life before she performed. Yemi was touched by the woman's tale of how she had struggled with low self-esteem for many years because
of what she went through growing up in an orphanage. She had been passed up several times for adoption because she was not considered as good-looking as some of the other kids. As she grew older, her constant craving for love and acceptance got her into a wrong relationship with a drug addict, and she became an addict herself.
Yemi listened sympathetically as the woman told the audience how her boyfriend eventually died from an overdose of drugs and she was left all alone again. She had attempted suicide, but she eventually met with Jesus when the doctor who saved her life invited her to his church. She had also discovered her musical talents there, and as of the time she was speaking, she had won several musical awards and was also happily married.
The story was very emotional. Yemi found herself on her feet, and clapping along with other people at the end of it. By the end of the evening, she felt strangely comforted. She could not understand it, but she knew that she did not feel as low as she had felt before the concert.
She found herself accepting, this time with less resistance, Sesan's invitation to attend church service the following Sunday. She would not be missed at her own church anyway; it was quite large, and no one would miss a once-in-a-few-weeks, keep-to-herself attendee.
∞∞∞
Yemi attended Sesan's church with him several times more. She liked it there. Everyone was always so friendly, but what struck her the most was the obvious joy radiating from the faces of the members. They always appeared happy; this was certainly different from what she was used to.
The sermons were also very practical, and Yemi found them comforting. It made God appear closer than she had imagined Him to be. She still had bouts of moodiness, but they were less frequent and further apart.
She was happy to see Lola at her office a few weeks later. She dropped by to say hello and to place an order for a dress. Yemi was initially reserved, not knowing how much Deji had told her. But her doubts were soon put to rest when Lola treated her with just as much affection as before.
"I had so looked forward to you and Deji getting together," she told Yemi. "Deji really liked you, and I knew you would be the sort of person Feyi would have loved as a mother for Tolu and Tope." She shrugged with a regretful expression on her face. "But I guess it didn't work out."
Yemi felt sorry again for ever giving Deji the impression that she could be with him. She hoped he would meet someone else soon, someone who would love and appreciate him for the great guy that he was.
She continued to attend Sesan's church. There were times when she felt guilty and would go back to her former church, but she never felt the same way there, and she finally decided to go where she felt at peace and received strength for everyday life.
One particular Sunday, about three months later, Yemi attended and was initially disappointed when she found out that a guest minister would be preaching that day. She had begun to look forward to hearing Sesan's pastor preach. There was always something useful in his messages that she could apply to her everyday life.
But from the moment the guest minister started speaking, Yemi was captivated by everything the preacher said. Her sermon was simple, but every word seemed to pierce right through Yemi's heart.
She preached on the story of Ruth. Widowed and childless, Ruth did not give up on life or on God. What touched Yemi the most was the strength of character that Ruth had displayed in the face of enormous challenges. She had remained strong through her challenges, even offering to care for an old lady.
Yemi saw the picture of her own life flash before her eyes. She had more to be thankful to God for than Ruth, and yet she was far less grateful. As she meditated on those thoughts, she felt as if God was wrapping His hands around her. He was not condemning her nor judging her, but instead, He was telling her that He loved her and that He was going to be with her. Yemi felt tears well up in her eyes, but they were not tears of hopelessness anymore. All she could whisper over and over again was, "Please help me, Lord. Just come into my life and help me."
After the service, she did not wait to say hello to Sesan but went straight home and just lay on her bed. She rolled from side to side, still whispering the words to God and asking Him to come into her life and take control. After a while, she felt peace and an awesome feeling of cleanliness flooding her. The fears and insecurities that had constantly plagued her appeared to dissolve. They were replaced with an assurance that all would be well.
The next few days were some of the most amazing days she had ever experienced in her life. There was an inner glow and peace within her that she found difficult to comprehend, let alone explain to anyone. She didn't look different. She was still Yemi outside but yet so unlike Yemi inside.
She had always appeared like a confident lady on the outside, but she was the only one who knew that the confident look was just a façade, because within her were deep fears of the unknown and its power to hurt her. That was all gone now, and in its place was true confidence—not in herself, brains, or hard work, but confidence in God's ability to help her and carry her through.
Yemi joined the foundation class at church. Sesan had advised her that it would help her understand more about the change that had taken place in her life. She attended each of the classes regularly and tried to absorb as much as she could.
It was as if she was in a love relationship with Jesus. He was her new lover and friend. She could feel him all round her, so gentle and yet so strong. She knew this lover would never fail her.
She now also understood what Abby and Teju had been trying to tell her all along, and knew that it was possible for someone to attend church all their lives but never experience God.
"I wish I had known you earlier, Lord!" she thought often to herself, but she was determined to make up for lost time.
Chapter 22
Akeem watched as Shona introduced her friend Tanya, to Hasan. They were all at the opening ceremony of Shona's interior decor and furniture shop. Shona and Tanya had attended University College, London, together and had met up again when Tanya came into the country to work for Ka-Tell as an expatriate staff member.
The compere came to the podium again, and they listened to him talk about the different pieces of furniture on display. He then asked the guests to feel free to move around the showroom after the event was declared open.
The furniture were classy and unique, and Akeem liked most of the pieces. He could see that Lois was excited about them as well. Maybe he would ask Shona to do up his house again.
"How're you finding Ka-Tell?" Hasan asked Tanya as they returned to their table some time later for some light refreshments. He looked teasingly towards Akeem "I hope my friend here is treating you well?"
Tanya laughed. "I like it very much, thank you."
"I hope you heard the lady?" Akeem said to Hasan. "We know how to treat people well at Ka-Tell."
"If you're not happy, just let Shona know and I'll fix you up," Hasan said.
"Pretend you didn't even hear that," Akeem said to the laughing Tanya. She was a pretty lady. Smart too. Akeem had been present during a presentation that Tanya had delivered just a few days earlier, and he had been impressed. She had been a bit wobbly in the first couple of minutes, no doubt trying to get over the fact that he was present, but she had regained control and given a very brilliant analysis.
"Are you still going to Grace Tabernacle tomorrow?" Shona asked Tanya when she joined them later. She looked pleased at the success of the event.
"Yes, I am, and I'm looking forward to it."
Akeem looked at her. So she was religious? But well, he should have known that since she was Shona's friend. Shona, Justin, and Fayona were into all that stuff.
"Oh, I've been to Grace Tabernacle a few times," Fayona said. "Very nice place, you'll enjoy it."
"It really is," Shona added. "But if you don't have a flow at Grace Tabernacle tomorrow, you can try mine and see how it goes."
"You'll be fine, Tanya," Lois said in a slightly bored voice. "Church is pretty much the same ever
ywhere."
"Have you told Shona what pieces of furniture you're ordering for your house?" Akeem asked Lois.
"Yes, I jotted down a few samples of what I want," Lois replied. "I'll look through the catalogue and add a few more pieces."
"Let me know when you're done," Akeem said, and Lois smiled at him. He saw Tanya cast a quick look at them, but her face was expressionless. He smiled inwardly. He was sure she knew Lois was not his wife and was probably thinking what terrible sinners they were.
"I absolutely love those burgundy pieces for the sitting room, but I should get a good sister-in-law discount, shouldn't I?" Fayona asked Shona.
"Your husband is a rich guy, so no discounts allowed," Akeem said. He turned to Hasan. "C'mon man, bring that chequebook out." he taunted.
"Thanks, Akeem." Shona laughed as she watched the two men.
Hasan gave Akeem a cool look. "Don't worry about the price, honey," he said to his wife. He signed a blank cheque and gave it to her. "Order whatever you want." He smirked as he turned back to Akeem. "Satisfied?"
Akeem grinned and patted him on the back. "Yeah, way to go, man!"
∞∞∞
Yemi sat listening to the Sunday school teacher, Tomi. She normally enjoyed her classes, but that was not the case today. Tomi was teaching on the topic of forgiveness, and she was saying that there was no wrong that could not be forgiven. The class was interactive. There were lots of tricky questions being asked, but so far either Tomi or someone else had been able to answer them well.
Yemi said nothing. She felt a lot of the things that were being talked about were theoretical. These people had never met anyone like Mrs. Kadiri. How many twenty-five-year-old women had been offered money by their mothers-in-law to go abroad in order to end their marriages? How many women had not just had their hearts broken, but also lost a child through their husband's infidelity? How many women did their in-laws despise so much that they had never bothered to ask about their whereabouts for over two years? No, they certainly didn't know what they were talking about, and she was not even going to bother taking any of it in.
