“Well—I was sitting in this community garden 18
next to our apartment building, and Adam came in …”
Jaz snorted. “What were you doing in a garden? ”
I felt my cheeks burning. I wasn’t about to tell her how I’d been desperate to see a bit of green. “Just messing around,” I said.
“OK, fine. So Adam came in, and then what?”
Jaz wanted to know.
“Well, he started talking about science, and this clock he’s making … and how he’s really into science fiction, stupid crap like that.”
Jaz took a swig of Coke. She didn’t look impressed. I tried hard to think of something else. “Oh, and he asked what I was doing there. I told him that the voices in my head had told me to go and talk to him … he actually seemed to believe it for a second.”
Jaz almost spat out her drink. “He didn’t!
God, he’s such a weirdo!”
That was when I got my idea.
I don’t know where it came from. It just dropped into my head and it was perfect. And I 19
could tell when I looked over at Jaz that she had come up with the exact same idea.
“It’s perfect!” she said softly and her eyes sparkled.
“What, what?” asked Izzy in a high voice.
Jaz nudged me. “Tell her, Kylie.”
Jaz Parbinder was asking me to tell everyone the plan! I smiled, trying to look as cool and relaxed as Jaz. “It’s easy. I’ll tell Adam that I really do hear voices in my head.” I looked quickly over at Jaz. I was suddenly scared that I had gotten it wrong.
“That’s right!” she grinned. “Yeah, let him think you’re a total psycho. Serve him right, the creep.”
“And then, and then—” I almost jumped up and down in my seat as I grabbed Jaz’s arm. “We can get him to do things! Like, we’ll tell him that the voices in my head will make me hurt myself or something if he doesn’t!”
“Ooh! He’ll have to prove his friendship,”
crooned Jaz. She winked at me. “Good one, girl!”
20
I sat back in my chair with a huge smile on my face. All around me the faces were a mix of excitement and envy. Excitement because of what we were going to do to Adam … and envy because I was Jaz’s new friend.
We spent the rest of the day planning
together. In between classes we swapped ideas and giggled. At last we knew what we were going to make Adam do. And OK, yes, I knew it wasn’t very nice … but it was also extremely funny. I hadn’t laughed so hard in ages. Not since before Mom married Dan.
“OK, listen,” said Jaz. “From now on, we don’t know each other at school, OK? We’ll swap cell numbers, but little Adam can’t guess you’re up to anything with me.” She gave my arm a squeeze.
“Oh, Kylie, this is going to be excellent. I’m so glad you moved here!”
***
Adam looked surprised when I walked up to
talk to him after school that day. “I thought you were hanging out with Jaz Parbinder and that group,” he said.
I shook my head. “No … they’re not very nice, really.” Behind me, I could see Jaz and the 21
others. They’d heard what I’d said and were bent over laughing. Jaz gave me a quick thumbs-up behind Adam’s back.
Adam looked pleased. “It must be really tough, being in a new school.”
“Oh … it’s not too bad.” I couldn’t look him in the eye, or I’d burst out laughing. I tried to sound weird, like I was listening to voices that weren’t there.
Adam made a face. “Really? I think it’s hard enough just going to school, never mind a new one.”
Yeah, I bet, I thought. That’s because you have no friends. “No, it’s not hard,” I said in the same far-away voice. “They tell me what to do.”
Then I blinked like I was just waking up, and tried to look puzzled. “Oh, sorry … what was I saying?”
Adam stared at me. “You said they tell you what to do. Who are they?”
I shook my head quickly. “I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to.”
22
Adam was still frowning at me. I pretended nothing had happened. “Listen, tell me more about this science project you’re doing. The thing with the water clock?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s really interesting …” And then he was off. He talked on and on about this machine he had built. How it had taken him years, and now he was going to enter it in the Science Fair next week …
“Kylie, are you listening?” he broke off suddenly. We were almost back at our
apartment building by then.
I blinked. “Oh, yeah, sorry … what were you saying?”
“What’s wrong?” Adam was starting to look upset.
“Nothing. It just gets kind of … noisy in my head sometimes …” I said.
“Noisy? What do you mean?” Adam didn’t look upset now. He was looking scared.
I had to look away. I thought I might burst out laughing I was feeling so nervous. “I mean it’s noisy with all the voices telling me what to 23
do all the time, inside my head. On and on, they never shut up.”
“Who’s they? That’s the second time you’ve said that!”
“Them. The voices—” I stopped. “No, I can’t tell you. They’d hurt me.”
“Hurt you? What—” Suddenly Adam grabbed my arm. “Come on, we can’t talk here. Let’s go to the gardens.”
He had a key for the gate on his key chain, so we went in and sat on the bench. Nobody else was around. I drew a pattern with my finger on the wooden bench. God, this was almost too easy!
Adam seemed so upset, and I’d hardly even said anything.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Who’s going to hurt you?”
“It’s … really hard to tell you.” I gulped and looked down at my feet.
He touched my arm. “But I’d like to help.”
“It’s just …” I took a deep breath. “Well—
when I met you the other day, I said something about the voices in my head. Remember?”
24
His eyebrows drew together as he nodded.
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, I said it was a joke, but … but it’s not, really. I hear voices in my head, all the time.
Horrible, angry voices, telling me to do things—”
“What things?” whispered Adam. He looked shocked. His eyes were big and round behind his glasses.
“To—to hurt myself.” Like Jaz and I had planned, I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt and showed him a big scratch on my arm. I had got it a few days ago at the shelter, just before we left, when I’d fallen against the sharp edge of a table.
Both of us stared down at the scratch. Adam didn’t say a word for a long time. Then he said,
“Kylie, you’ve got to tell someone!”
“I am, I’m telling you!” I quickly pulled my sleeve down again. I didn’t like looking at the big scratch. The truth was, I had thought about cutting myself a few times, when we were still living with Dan. I never had, but it still scared me to think about it.
“But you need help!” Adam’s voice rose.
25
“You can’t tell anyone!” I grabbed his arm.
“Please, Adam, you can’t! The voices would make me hurt myself, really, really bad if you did. In fact—” I broke off, and put both my hands up to my head.
“What?” he said.
“They—they’re telling me to hurt myself right now. They’re telling me that I’m worthless, and that I don’t have any friends anyway, so why don’t I just end it all …”
All at once, what I was saying felt almost real. My eyes filled up with hot tears and I couldn’t say anything else.
Adam’s face was so pale that it looked like a glass of milk. “I’ll be your friend. Kylie, I really will! Don’t hurt yourself again—”
I shook my head.
“No … no, they say you don’t really mean it. They say nobody would want to be my friend.”
“I do mean it!” he said loudly.
I wiped my eyes. “Well … they say if you really, really mean it, then you’ll have to prove it.
Only—only what they want you to do sounds so 26
stupid! I know you’ll never do it, not in a million years. No one would …”
“I will!” Adam’s face was twisted up with worry. “Just tell me what to do!”
So I did. I told him what I wanted him to do.
Jaz and I had thought of something that would be really funny. For us.
It was as easy as that.
27
Chapter 4
I Am a Haddock
Jaz and I met in the girls’ bathroom the next morning before our first class. “Did you do it?”
she asked.
I grinned. “Yeah, it was easy. He believed every word I said.” I felt bad as I thought about how upset Adam had been. I made myself feel better by telling myself that it was his own fault he believed such a stupid story!
“Excellent!” Jaz said and grinned. “Oh, I am so looking forward to this.”
28
The first bell rang. Jaz winked at me, and went out into the hall. I waited a few seconds and then went out too. That way, no one would think we’d been talking together.
Adam was just coming up the front steps. He looked like a tall, skinny scarecrow. I tried to hide. I waited just behind the lockers. Would Adam really do it? I could see Jaz and the others.
They were waiting for him in a group by the door.
“Hi, Adam!” called Jaz as he came inside. Her dark eyes were sparkling. “How you doing?”
Adam blinked. I could see he didn’t
understand why Jaz was being so nice to him.
Then he took a deep breath, and I saw him stand up tall. My heart thudded. He was really going to do it!
“I am a haddock,” he said to her.
Jaz grinned. The group of people around her started laughing. “You’re a what? ”
“I am a haddock,” Adam said again. His face was as red as his zits now. “Blub, blub,” he added.
Oh my God! Our plan had worked. I felt excited and guilty all at the same time. I pressed 29
my fist up to my mouth so that I wouldn’t giggle.
Adam saw me then. I tried to look as if I was upset, instead of laughing.
He came over to me. “Don’t worry, Kylie,” he whispered. “I’m going to keep saying that. All day long, just like you said. You can tell your voices that. Tell Them you’ve got a friend now.”
He walked off down the hall. I watched him go … and I didn’t really feel like laughing any more.
Jaz and the others came up to me as soon as he’d gone. Jaz gave me a quick hug. She had an enormous smile on her face. Beaming. “This is amazing! Oh, I wish I could be in the nerdy group, just for today!”
I grinned back at her, and told myself to lighten up. He wasn’t going to get hurt or anything. And I was never going to go through that bullying crap again. With Jaz as my friend, no one would bother me.
Adam did what he’d promised. For the rest of the day, when anyone talked to him, he said, “I am a haddock. Blub, blub.” By lunchtime it was all over the school that Adam Hughes had gone crazy.
30
“Where are your gills, Adam?” shouted a boy as everyone was coming into the cafeteria for lunch.
“I am a haddock,” replied Adam, looking straight ahead.
The boy grinned and pushed into him. “A what? A carp? A tuna?”
Adam went on looking straight ahead. Then he said, “I am a haddock. Blub, blub.”
Everyone laughed. I could see Jaz and the others. They were holding onto each other, they were laughing so much. Jaz shot me a quick grin.
Then, as Adam was getting his lunch at the counter, he bumped into a teacher by mistake.
“Watch where you’re going,” said the teacher.
Adam nodded but stayed silent. The teacher said, “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
I saw Adam lick his lips.
“I’m waiting,” said the teacher.
“I am a haddock,” mumbled Adam.
The teacher stared at him. “What was that, Hughes?”
31
“I am a haddock,” Adam said again. His face was so red it looked like a blazing forest fire.
“Blub, blub.”
“Very funny!” snapped the teacher. “Half-hour detention this afternoon.”
I had got my lunch and was sitting at one of the tables by then. Adam sat down beside me.
His face was still fire-engine red, but he gave me a small smile. “How am I doing?”
I could feel Jaz and the others looking at us from across the room. I made myself smile back at him. “Um—thanks. I—I didn’t really think you’d do it.”
He took a deep gulp of his water. “I told you … I’m your friend. So those voices will just have to back off, right?”
I bit my lip. I didn’t say anything.
Adam’s eyes behind his glasses were a light bluish-gray color. “I mean, it’ll be OK after this, right? They’ll go away, and not make you hurt yourself anymore.”
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be OK
after this …”
32
But, deep down, I knew that Jaz wouldn’t just end the game. She was having way too much fun.
And to be honest … so was I.
That night at dinner, Mom looked more
tired than ever. There were dark rings under her eyes, and I could tell that she had a million things on her mind. Even so, she tried to smile at me.
“How was school? Are you making new
friends?”
I looked up. Mom actually seemed to want to know, for a change. She’d always wanted to know about my life before we had to move, but that seemed so long ago now.
I nodded. It felt good that she was asking me to tell her. “Yeah, there’s this girl named Jaz.
Everyone likes her, and—”
The phone rang and I had to stop talking.
Mom stood up to get it. “Hello?”
“I hate my new school,” said Jenna. She looked down at her plate with a frown.
“Hello? ” I could hear Mom say again. I could see her eyes flicker with panic as she waited for 33
a reply. Suddenly she hung up the phone and sat down again.
“Who was that?” I asked.
She shook her head quickly. “Nobody. Just a prank call … what were you saying about school?”
Jenna went very still. “Was it Dad?”
My stomach twisted. Oh, God, it couldn’t have been Dan, could it? He didn’t know where we were! I stared at Mom. I hoped so hard that she would say No, of course not, don’t be silly.
She slowly shook her head. “I … I don’t know,”
she said. “We’ve had a few odd calls, but I don’t know how he could have gotten our number—”
“I want to talk to Dad!” broke in Jenna. Her eyes filled up with tears. “It’s not my fault we had to go. Why shouldn’t I get to talk to him?”
“Because you can’t,” said Mom. Her voice was low and worn out. “And I’ve said before, it’s no one’s fault. You know that. It was just what we had to do.”
She didn’t sound like she meant it. She didn’t even look at me.
34
I started to shake. I pushed my chair back and stood up. “I’m not hungry anymore … can I go and do my homework?”
That night I lay awake and looked up at the ceiling as Jenna snored and sniffled in her bed across the room from me. Was I the only one who was glad that we had left? Jenna was too young to know anything. Anyway, Dan had always treated her as if she was a spoiled little princess.
But what about Mom? She must be glad to have gotten away from Dan, I thought. Things had been so awful! There had been so many times when I had go
ne downstairs and found her crying …
Beep. My cell had a new text. I rolled over in my bed and picked up my phone.
MEET ME IN GIRLS BATHROOM AGAIN 1ST
THING 2MORROW. WE HAVE 2 PLAN WHAT 2 DO
2 ADAM NEXT!!!
35
Chapter 5
More Proof
“The voices want more,” I said to Adam at morning break. “They want more proof.”
Adam looked worried. “More proof? What do they want now?”
I thought about what Jaz and I had planned that morning. It had seemed really funny at the time, but …
Hurry up, I told myself. There was no way I could back out now. Jaz would never be my friend again. I took a deep breath. “They … they said that it was too easy, what you did before.
36
That you weren’t really in any danger. So it wasn’t like you were proving anything.”
For a second, Adam didn’t look as if he believed me. “They want me to be in danger? ”
I put both my hands up to my head again, as if I was hearing loud voices. “Stop it!” I muttered.
“Be quiet! I can’t ask him to do that, I can’t …”
Adam grabbed my arm. “Kylie! What are they saying?”
I made sure that there weren’t any teachers around. Then I put my hand slowly down into my bag. “The voices want me to show you this,”
I whispered. I pulled out the razor that Jaz had given me that morning. I held it flat in my hand.
All of the blood drained from Adam’s face.
“What—Kylie, what—” he said.
“It’s what They make me use to hurt myself,”
I said. “They—they make me carry it around all the time.” I couldn’t look at him as I put the razor back in my bag. I knew Jaz and the others were hidden somewhere near and watching us, probably wetting themselves laughing.
37
Adam looked shocked. “Oh, God! Kylie, give it to me, OK? Tell them I’ll prove I’m your friend, but you have to give me that razor!”
“You’ll really help?” I said.
He nodded. “Just give me the razor!”
I handed it to him, and he shoved it in his bag. “Don’t hurt yourself again, OK? Promise me!”
He really looked scared. I felt awful suddenly.
God, what were we doing?
Then a picture of Dan flashed into my mind.
Them Page 2
