by Lucy Hawkins
Nodding, Daniel turned and walked out, pulling the door closed behind him.
“Are you serious right now, Alex? He has nothing. Nothing at all. And here you’re… wanting to see his bank statements? That’s not a hunch. That’s paranoia.”
“So now I’m paranoid, am I?” Alex snapped. He shook his head, letting out a cruel laugh. “It’s always going to be like this. You’re always going to take his side. No matter what. You won’t hear a bad word against him.”
“Not when it’s unfounded!”
“My suspicions about Grant cheating on me were unfounded, according to him, but he was.”
“Oh my God, Alex, are you ever going to get over that?”
He jolted, as though Hank had slapped him across the cheek. “Get over it?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Hank said quietly. “I told you, we should stop—”
“No. No. Go on. Say what you mean. I can take it. I’m a big boy.”
Hank sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. “You don’t trust anyone. You refuse to let them in. Not even me.”
“You’re taking his side!”
“I’m not on anyone’s side, Alex. I want my brother and my boyfriend to be happy, and do you know how fucking hard it is, being in the middle of you two?”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have to be.” The words sounded distant in his ears, as though he were standing outside the room, listening through the door. “I think I should go back home for a few days so we can both just… take some time and cool off.”
It’s only temporary. It isn’t permanent. This isn’t like Grant.
No, it wasn’t like Grant. Because unlike the situation with Grant, Alex wasn’t going to play the fool this time. He wasn’t going to let it get to the day of the wedding. As much as he wanted Hank, as much as he could see himself spending the rest of his life with him, it wasn’t enough. The worst part was, he didn’t even know what it would take to be enough.
Hank stared at the wall behind Alex’s head. His eyes were overly bright, but he was doing a pretty good job of keeping his face impassive. “I think that might be a good idea. I um… I hope you know, I—”
“Don’t.” He wouldn’t let this be the first time Hank said it. Not when they were fighting. “If you mean it, wait until I come back. Give me time. Please.”
Reluctantly, Hank nodded.
Alex pushed back from behind the desk and stood, walking around to press a kiss to Hank’s cheek. It felt final. Like a goodbye. Every step he took toward his bedroom felt wrong. Sharp pain like cat’s claws shredded his lungs, every breath agonizing as he did his best not to let the tears fall.
But it was necessary. He couldn’t be with someone who didn’t back him up. Someone who wouldn’t listen to him or trust him.
Worst of all, he still hadn’t found the check. He was starting to get a little desperate. If it came to it, April and Cynthia could always put a stop payment on the check, but that would involve admitting he’d lost it in the first place. That wouldn’t only be humiliating, but potentially damaging to his reputation.
He threw a week’s worth of clothes into his suitcase, making sure to grab any dirty clothes he saw. Doing laundry at an inn was a pain in the ass, and he was absolutely going to take advantage of being back at his mother’s house for a while.
His mother’s house. Not his. An ache nearly made him double over. He hadn’t realized he’d come to think of the inn as his home, but it was. It was where his business was, where his passion was. Where the love of his life was. And he had to leave it. For the first time in almost a year, he felt well and truly homeless.
A sock peeked out from underneath his nightstand, so he grabbed for it, his fingers brushing something else. Something paper. He pulled the sock free, and with it, the mystery paper.
The check.
His stomach lurched so hard he nearly retched. Oh, dear God. Daniel hadn’t stolen it after all. It had been here the entire time, in his bedroom. He had to make this right. Had to apologize.
He zipped up the suitcase and tucked the check safely in his wallet before heading downstairs. Hank was in the kitchen from the sound of it, so he pushed through the swinging door.
“I need to talk to Daniel.”
Hank turned away from the sink to face him. “Seriously? Haven’t you interrogated him enough?”
“I’m not going to interrogate him. I fucked up.” His cheeks were hot, and he felt more than a little lightheaded. This was bad. No, bad was missing a meeting with a client. This was unforgiveable.
Rather than answering, Hank pressed his lips into a firm line and pulled out his phone, tapping away. A few minutes later, the door to the outside garden opened and Daniel entered, sweaty and more than a little out of breath.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, looking between Alex and Hank.
“No,” Alex said. “I mean, it is for you. I made a mistake. I accused you of stealing from me, and you didn’t.”
“No shit,” Hank muttered.
He didn’t even look Hank’s way. That was deserved. He’d behaved like an asshole. “I found the check. It had slipped underneath my nightstand. I just… thought I would let you know and tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that.”
Daniel stared, and Alex felt all of three inches tall. “You found the check,” he repeated.
Alex nodded.
“I see. I’m glad you found it. Are you going somewhere?” he asked, gesturing to Alex’s bag.
“I, um, thought it would be for the best if I spent some time with my mom. Things got heated today, and some stuff was said, and I just need to make sense of it all.”
“Oh. Gotcha. Well, uh, for what it’s worth, I hope you don’t stay away for too long.”
The optimism in Daniel’s voice brought fresh tears to Alex’s eyes, but he did his best to blink them back. “Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely. “Me too.”
Twenty-Seven
Hank
“Hey Hank, I’m going to make a supply run again. We’re down to the last few rolls of toilet paper, and we could use some more Scrubbing Bubbles. Is there anything else we need?” Rhiannon asked.
Hank didn’t turn away from the cake he was in the middle of icing. Instead, he just shrugged. “Get whatever you think we’re running low on.”
“Is everything okay?” The apprehension was clear in her voice even though he couldn’t see her.
“I’m fine.”
“It’s just… You seem a little down in the dumps, and I haven’t seen you like this since, well… since Norma passed.”
Passed. What a stupid way to say died. He gripped the icing bag a bit tighter, forcing his breath to come evenly. She didn’t know. It wasn’t her fault. She’d been out with Eva for the past week.
“I said I’m fine.” Even to his own ears, he sounded anything but.
“Okay, um, have you seen Alex? He was supposed to meet me today to teach me a little bit about flower arranging. It’s just a hobby,” she said, far too quickly to be telling the truth.
More than likely, it was another one of Alex’s great schemes. If he could teach someone on staff how to do floral arrangements, they wouldn’t have to outsource it and they could cut out the middle man. It seemed exactly like the kind of thing he would do.
“No,” he said shortly. “I haven’t seen him. He’s not here.”
“Not here?” God, he could hear the frown. “Where is he?”
“What am I, his keeper?” Hank snapped. “He’s not here. He’s gone.”
“Well when is he coming back?”
“I don’t fucking know!”
Chocolate buttercream spurted out of the tip of the icing bag, ruining the intricate design he’d been going for. An hour’s work ruined, all because Rhiannon couldn’t stop asking questions. He threw down the icing bag and turned to face her.
“Alex has temporarily moved back to his mother’s house,” he said stiffly. “You can find him there.”
/>
Jerking his apron off, he threw it onto the bar and retreated from the kitchen, slamming the door to his office hard enough it shook on its hinges. God, he needed to pull it the fuck together. He had an inn to run, and he couldn’t do it by berating the help staff, especially since the only help staff he had was the only person outside of Daniel and Alex he could call a friend.
Sliding into his chair, he ran both his hands through his hair. The absence of Alex felt like the withdrawal of a drug, but it was necessary. Otherwise, they would have said things they couldn’t take back. Things that might have broken their relationship beyond repair. He groaned and leaned over the desk, resting his head on his forearms. It was just temporary. Alex would come back. And then everything would be okay again.
“—and the McAlisters called to confirm their reservation, so it looks like we’re fully booked again this weekend. Hank? Hank!”
A hand waved in front of Hank’s face and he blinked, looking up at Daniel. “Yes?”
“Have you heard a word I said?”
Um… “We’re fully booked for the weekend.”
“And before that?”
Something about the menu maybe? Or the grounds. Possibly the grounds. The lawnmower had gone out on them a couple of days earlier, and they’d need to replace it soon before the weeds started growing up.
“Seriously?” Daniel said, folding his arms across his chest. “You’re spacing out, you’re messing up in the kitchen, Rhiannon said you nearly bit her head off when she tried to talk to you this morning.”
“Sorry. I just haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Three guesses why.”
Hank raised an eyebrow in a silent question.
“Dude, you went from having someone sharing your bed every single night to sleeping by yourself for the past three days. It’s going to take a bit longer than that to get used to it again.”
That was the problem. Hank didn’t want to get used to it. He wanted Alex back at the inn. So far, Alex had only come back once, for his meeting with April and Cynthia. He’d played the part of the enthusiastic wedding planner to a tee, only letting the mask slip when they were safely back in their cars on the road to Manhattan. He wasn’t even sure if Alex knew he’d seen the change in expression. One minute, he was animatedly chatting away about themes and bridesmaid’s dresses, and the next, his face had fallen. He looked like he’d aged ten years in the three days he’d been gone. Dark purple patches bloomed under his eyes. Seemed like he wasn’t the only one not sleeping well.
“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “I want him here, but he was so adamant that he take a few days and clear his head.”
“Clear his head from what?”
Problem number two: Hank had no idea why Alex had left. At first, he’d thought it was because of their fight about the check. He was angry with Hank for taking Daniel’s side. But then the check had been found, and still Alex had decided to leave.
“I don’t know. I feel like I should, though. He’s my boyfriend. I’m supposed to know him better than anyone except his family, or maybe Hazel. But I feel like there’s something I’m missing.”
Daniel took a seat on the opposite side of the desk. “Have you thought about maybe asking his family?”
Hank shook his head. “Not really. His sister wouldn’t know. They don’t get along really well. And I don’t want to talk about our issues with his mother.”
That prospect didn’t sit well with him. No, whatever it was, he was going to have to figure it out on his own.
“You could always ask Alex himself,” Daniel said.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it. He missed talking to Alex. Missed the easy way they were with each other, the playful back and forth they had. Alex had managed to worm his way inside Hank, and now that he was gone, it felt as though someone had scooped part of him out leaving him hollow.
“No,” he said quietly. “I promised I’d give him space. He deserves that much.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t blame him for accusing me.”
“Really? I thought you’d be furious.”
Daniel shrugged. “Look at what he knows about me: I grew up troubled, stole for a living, spent a few years in prison, finally got my life turned around, and stabbed my little brother in the back when he gave me a second chance.”
“He didn’t even try to get to know you,” Hank protested.
“No, he didn’t. I wish he had, but I couldn’t force it. It’s like you said. He has trust issues. Ones that need serious work. But he’s not a bad guy. In fact, I kind of like him.”
“You do?”
“Well, yeah. He’s been good for you.”
In more ways than one. Alex had come crashing back into his life with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. But instead of breaking priceless serving dishes, he’d broken down barriers Hank hadn’t even realized he’d put up. Hank had become more certain of himself with Alex there cheering him on, encouraging him no matter what direction he took.
And he’d been good for Alex too. When Hank had first reconnected with him, Alex had been so mistrustful. He’d masked it well with his flair for the dramatic and his high-strung nature, but he’d been broken. Questioning everything he’d believed in. They’d built something together. Not just a business, but a life. And one thing was certain—Hank wasn’t ready to let that go yet.
“What do I do?” he asked. “I haven’t… this isn’t exactly my strong suit.”
His hookups in Florida had never been this serious. He’d never needed to know how to win back a lover.
“Give him some time. I think he was right about needing to cool off. But I think it’s more than that,” Daniel said. “Try to look at it from his perspective. In his last relationship, his fiancé spent years gaslighting him, telling him the things he was seeing weren’t real. That he was just being overdramatic. And now he comes to you with a legitimate concern, given the information he had, and what did you do?”
Hank frowned. “I told him you didn’t take the check. Are you saying I shouldn’t have? I wasn’t just going to let him treat you like a criminal.”
“You didn’t listen to him. That’s all he needed. Someone to listen to him and assure him that he wasn’t crazy.”
Oh. When Daniel put it like that, it seemed so simple. He’d been so quick to defend his brother that he hadn’t thought for a moment about what Alex needed.
“I didn’t know,” he said helplessly.
“I know you didn’t. He doesn’t, but he will. You just need to talk to him. Reassure him you’re not going anywhere. And that you’re not like Grant.”
Grant. Hank hated the man. If, on the off chance, he ever met the man, he wasn’t sure he would be able to restrain himself from beating the shit out of him.
“What if he doesn’t get better?” Hank asked. “What if it’s always like this, him comparing me to Grant?”
“It won’t be.”
“But how can you know?”
Daniel sighed. “Because I’ve been there. Not with a romantic partner,” he added quickly. “But with family. Dad… he wasn’t great. You know that. Living with him and then being in the system… I was so angry all the time. I hated everything. You were the one who’d found this amazing woman to call family. You had a better life. So for a long time, I hated you, too.”
They hadn’t talked much about this, even during the years they’d lived together. It was the one subject Daniel would never discuss, and Hank understood why. He’d been the one left behind, stuck in a foster system because he was too old or too troubled, until eventually he’d aged out.
“When you wrote to me in prison, I was convinced you wanted something from me, just like Dad always did. Even after I left the system, he kept tabs on me. Kept trying to get me to work for him. I thought you would want the same.” Daniel shook his head ruefully. “But you kept writing. I never wrote back until that last one. You asked me to come live with you when I got out. ‘I promise
I won’t ask any questions. You don’t have to tell me a thing about what you’ve been through. I just want my brother in my life.’”
He remembered the letters. At first, he wasn’t even sure if they’d made it through, but he never got a return-to-sender, so he supposed they had to. He sent a letter a month, filling them with trivial information about himself: what he’d been doing over the course of the month, stuff about Norma, even news about his football career. And when he’d noticed Daniel was up for parole, he’d sent one final letter, begging Daniel to be his brother again.
“I didn’t trust you when I moved in with you,” Daniel said.
“I know.”
“You were the furthest kind of person from Dad, and I still couldn’t believe you were legit. One day, the other shoe was going to drop and you were going to show what kind of person you really were. And you did.”
Hank raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? How?”
“I got the stomach flu.”
Hank remembered it vividly. Far more than he cared to. Both Daniel and Hank were fairly hardy. They didn’t often get sick, but when they did, it was a doozy. So when Daniel came down with the stomach flu, it hit hard.
“You put a bucket beside my bed and helped change my sheets after I threw up all over them. And then you bought a giant case of Ensure and forced me to drink it.” Daniel’s nose curled. “I still can’t stand to drink chocolate milk. Tastes too much like it.
“The point is, you took care of me when I was at my weakest. You could have walked away. Hell, you had the AFC division championships the next week. You could have gotten sick. But you stayed.”
“I didn’t know it meant that much to you,” Hank said.
“It meant everything to me. I knew I could trust you. You weren’t anything like Dad. Alex will get there. You just need to give him time. Not time away from you, but time to realize you aren’t like Grant.”
Hank took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We’re both kind of a mess. We have our issues. He’s scared to trust me, and I’m… Well, I’m afraid of letting him down. And letting my guard down even further. But I think we’re better together. We bring out the best in each other, not just the worst.”
