"Hey." His gaze raked over me from head to toe, but his expression didn't change. I crossed my arms over my chest and itched the back of my calf with the opposite foot again.
"Amy," Jackson said, "I—I don't know what to say. You're breathtaking."
I blotted my lips together. "Um, thanks."
"Oh, who is this charming sailor on leave?" Mae said, clapping her hands together as she approached behind me. "You look wonderful!"
"Be careful or she'l blind you with the flash." I pul ed him inside and shut the door.
Mae retreated slowly to her recliner, the camera ready in her hands. Katie sniffed Jackson once, then trotted over to her bed by the wood stove.
"So, we should go. You ready?" I said.
Jackson's cheeks went deep pink as he looked down at the box in his hands. "These are yours. From me. Gardenias. They smel nice."
"Why are you talking like Frankenstein?"
"Sorry, sorry. I'm an idiot," he said, fumbling to open the corsage box.
The camera flashed.
"Mae, do you mind?"
A devilish grin on her face, Mae winked from the recliner.
"I, uh, wel , should I put these on you?" he said, reaching forward to pin the white flowers on my dress.
"Here." I took his hands and guided him, and we got the corsage pinned on. The deep sweetness of the flowers drifted up. "They're nice.
Thanks," I said.
"They look good against the red," he said. "And the red looks stunning on you."
I shifted on my feet. "So, um, should we go?"
"Wait! Wait!" Mae raised herself out of her chair and started clicking away. "Oh, you do make a gorgeous couple."
I coughed and gave Mae a look, while Jackson blushed deeply again.
"We're going in a group," I said, repeating the information for the hundredth time to Mae.
"Just friends," Jackson said with a sad shrug.
I let him help me on with my wrap, and we headed out into the rain.
***
We met up with Lori, Mindy, and Jackson's cousin, Rob, in the parking lot of the Cascades Inn, one of the only two restaurants in town. Everybody had made an effort to dress the part of characters in Pearl Harbor. Lori had on a retro-looking pink dress with a jacket and white gloves, and Mindy wore a blue satin dress with a ful skirt. Rob was wearing a plain gray suit with a tie, but his fedora hat gave him a forties feel.
When we went inside, we al learned that not only had Jackson cal ed ahead to make a reservation, but his aunt Barb, who worked there, had arranged a special table for us. We breezed ahead of the line of couples waiting—including Quinn and Melanie—and fol owed Barb to a big round table underneath a wagon wheel chandelier. She gave us an approving nod and went to get our waters.
I studied the laminated menu, while Lori and Mindy chatted away.
"And look at Mia and Chris—they must be doing Twilight, " Lori said.
"He looks like the undead, al right."
I glanced from table to table, noticing that we were the only group in the room. Every other spot was fil ed with couples going to the dance and old people having dinner and gazing into each other's eyes.
Suddenly, I wanted that. I wanted to be with someone who truly loved me. I didn't understand why that had to be so difficult. First, Matt Parker had broken my heart. Now there was Henry, a boy who didn't even exist and yet had rejected me al the same—and just for tel ing the truth. Maybe everything I'd thought was love up to this point was as fake as Henry's eternal summer.
"Everything okay?" whispered Jackson, holding up his opened menu in front of us like a screen.
"Yeah, fine."
He gave me a look like he didn't believe me. "Sure?"
I shrugged and said, "It's just weird being out."
"With the whole town watching, you mean," Jackson said, adding a little wink. "Don't worry. You'l be fine."
I dredged up a smile for him. This was a night to have fun and I was going to have to stop thinking about stupid boy stuff. "It is a little unnerving, but you're right," I said. "I'l be fine."
Jackson lowered the menu back to the table and said, "I'd suggest the eggplant parm."
"What?"
"For dinner. The eggplant parmesan?" he repeated. "It's pretty good."
Across the table, Lori and Mindy had gone quiet and were watching us.
I relaxed and smoothed my napkin on my lap."Yeah, I guess we should figure out what we're ordering, huh?"
"Yep. You check it out, and I'l be right back," Jackson said. He got up from the table and headed down the hal to the restroom. Meanwhile, Rob wandered away from us girls to chat with a friend at another table.
"Ohmigosh, are you guys cute or what?" said Lori, leaning over.
"Uh-huh." I scanned the menu, trying to let go of everything churning around in my mind.
"I don't get it," said Mindy in an annoyed voice. "Is no one in our town good enough for you?"
I set down the menu. "What do you mean by that?"
"You don't like Jackson. You never hang out. You'd rather stay cooped up in that tiny trailer with your old aunt. People wonder," Mindy said with a shrug.
I scanned her face to see if she was freaking serious. "Mindy, this is the first time you and I have ever hung out. Seriously, you're in my Creative Living class. Does that make you an expert on me? You don't even know who I am."
"Of course I don't. You never took the chance to let anyone get to know you," said Mindy.
"That's rid—"
"Amy!" Lori held up a hand. "Mindy has a point. I mean, aside from me and Jackson, you haven't real y met anyone else."
"Exactly," Mindy said.
"Ouch," I muttered. "Wel , with friends like you..."
"Amy, it's sorta true, isn't it?" Lori said, her voice softening. "It's like you haven't real y given this town a chance. And you're sure not giving Jackson one, either."
"If he's so great, then you date him," I said, putting my napkin on my plate.
"I would—but he only likes one girl," Lori said with a wistful smile. "And it's breaking his heart because it's a total waste of his time."
Without a word, I grabbed my purse and wrap and walked off. I brushed past Jackson on his return to the table. "Hey, what's—hey, where're you going?"
"I'm getting some air," I said. I stalked past the revolving dessert display, ignoring the stares of the kids waiting in line for tables.
At the edge of the building, I found a dark corner out of the rain. I fished my cel from my purse and held it in my hands for a minute. I meant to dial Mae, to ask her to come get me. But another phone number flashed in my brain and by rote, I started dialing.
The voice on the other end of the line was gruff. "Hey? Who is this? You're not in my phone."
"Matt?" I said weakly.
"Babe? Is that you?" He sounded excited, maybe even happy.
My heart soared. "Yeah."
"That your new number? Your stupid mom wouldn't give it to me," he said, adding a dry-sounding laugh.
"Yeah. It's my new cel ."
It got quiet, and I could hear Matt's breathing and the drizzling of rain on the pavement beyond my corner. Headlights from a car speeding down the highway lit up my corner for a few seconds and then plunged me into darkness again where the road turned.
"So," he said, "I missed you."
"What about Chelsea?" I asked.
"What about her? We broke up at the end of the summer."
"Yeah?"
"Uh-huh. It wasn't working out. So, where are you? I tried to find out, but your mom wouldn't say. She always did hate me," he said.
"Not always."
"Hmm. I want to see you. I miss you," he said, his voice low and rumbly.
Warmth rushed into my chest. "I—I missed you, too," I said. And it came out so easily, it didn't even feel like I was lying. In fact, I'm not sure that I was.
"Where are you?"
I swal owed back the lump in my throat. "Rockvil e. I'm
staying with my great-aunt Mae in this dump of a town."
"Nice," he said. "Country girl, yee-haw."
I smiled. I could picture him making a goofy face at me like he did sometimes.
"You gonna be down to visit your mom anytime soon?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"I'd take you out to dinner. I'd even make you dinner," he said. "In fact, my parents are heading out of town on vacation soon. Maybe you could come down. I can think of lots of things we could do with the house to ourselves," he said.
"Um. I don't know."
"Tsk, tsk," he said, the seduction suddenly gone from his voice. "Same old tease, Amy, huh? Thought maybe you'd changed."
"What?"
"Come on, you know what I mean. Always teasing, and never, wel , almost never giving it up," he said, exhaling.
"Don't you want to just hang out? I mean, you said you missed me."
The line went quiet. "I say a lot of things," he said final y.
And then I heard a click.
"What? No freaking way!" I clicked my phone off and stuffed it back into my purse. I wil ed myself not to cry, but the tears came anyway.
Leaning against the building, I stared out at the rain as another car's headlights blazed over me, then faded away. Stupid Matt. Stupid me. I was mad at myself for cal ing him. And even madder at myself for believing he actual y missed me. I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to warm myself.
"Hey! You want my jacket?" Jackson walked toward me. "It's freezing out here," he said.
"No. Thanks, anyway." I sniffed and wiped my cheeks.
"You want to come back inside?" he offered.
"Not real y, but I wil ," I said.
He cracked a smile. "Whatever they said, I'm sure they're real y sorry about it," Jackson said. "You know how mean girls can be."
I shrugged. I didn't care about Lori and her friend. I didn't care about anything. None of this was real. And apparently, none of my old life was real, either.
***
Somehow, I made it through the rest of dinner. I didn't real y talk to Lori and Mindy, though they apologized profusely. I mean, maybe they were right
—maybe I hadn't real y given the town a chance, and actual y I didn't care that I hadn't. The only good thing about the town, wel , except for Jackson, was Henry. Had been Henry.
When we reached the school parking lot, Jackson opened the truck door and helped me out. He hadn't said much on the way over, and I was grateful for that. He held an umbrel a over my head as I teetered across the pavement in my heels. Lori, Rob, and Mindy were just ahead of us in line to enter.
Inside, the gym was al decked out for the dance. The bal oons Lori and I had blown up earlier that day were tacked up everywhere. The red carpet was rol ed out, and couples were posing in front of a backdrop of the Hol ywood sign for their official homecoming photos. Rob and Jackson went off to hang up our coats and umbrel as. Mindy pushed ahead through the crowd, but I nearly ran right into Lori, who'd paused on the carpet.
Clearly terrified, she was staring straight ahead at Melanie and her entourage.
In that moment, I seriously felt for Lori. I knew what it was like to be that girl. To have fear take you over so completely, you'd rather freeze in one place than go forward and fail again spectacularly. I wasn't going to let her fail. "Hey. You look great," I said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Let's walk in there and give them something to talk about."
Lori reached down to smooth her skirt. "You sure? I don't have lipstick on my teeth? Cat hair on my wrap?"
"No. Don't you worry about those idiots, okay?"
She gave me a grateful smile.
I turned to go, but she put a hand on my arm. "Hey, Amy—wait. I'm sorry about before at the restaurant. You know me, I always talk way too much. I should have shut me and Mindy both up."
"No, it's okay," I said. "It was probably true."
She sighed. "Wel , I want you to know, you are a good friend. I real y mean it." Her face looked so serious, her brown eyes searching my face for a reaction.
"Aw, thanks, Lori." I hugged her. "You ready? Let's do this," I said.
"Yeah." Lori threw back her shoulders, strutting down the red carpet toward the photographers. She grabbed Rob's hand and pul ed him into line with her, along with Mindy.
"Whew! What's got into Lori?" Jackson said, returning from the coat check.
"Nothing."
Jackson smiled. "Wel , I'm glad you two worked it out. She needs a friend like you."
"Yeah, maybe." I shrugged, and we moved forward in line.
Ahead of us, in front of the cameras, Lori, Rob, and Mindy hammed it up. Off to the side, Melanie, in her Bride of Frankenstein outfit, rol ed her made-up eyes. Lori, noticing Melanie, grinned extra wide in her direction. The flashes went off as the photographers captured the moment.
Jackson and I took our turn for pictures and then moved out toward the dance floor. I watched the kids at the punch bowl, the couples doing their best to move to the radio hit the DJ was playing. Then, Melanie and Quinn moseyed out onto the dance floor in their monster costumes. I guessed they would probably be king and queen, the way things went down at this school.
"Hey there, beautiful dame, let's dance," Jackson said, taking hold of my arm gently.
I let him lead me onto the dance floor, wishing that I could just like Jackson back. He was exactly the type of guy I should like—the kind who actual y cared.
actual y cared.
Suddenly, the music changed from the fast pop tune to a romantic bal ad. I stood there, not sure what to do. "Awesome transition, DJ," I muttered.
Jackson reached for my hands and pul ed me close to dance. "I know you'd rather be listening to something else," he said. "Thanks for pretending."
"Sure," I said. "I'm a good pretender."
He pul ed back and studied my face. "Nah. I see through it," he said. "You're not so good with pretending."
I sighed and backed away from him.
"Amy, I'm joking. Come on. Don't walk away. Dance with me."
"'Kay." We started moving again.
"I would never do anything to hurt you," he said almost in a whisper.
"Jackson." I couldn't find the words to tel him I didn't feel any other way about him. I couldn't find the words to tel him that I was confused and mixed up and rejected al in one. It would have been so easy to fal back on Jackson. It felt nice in his arms, but he wasn't for me. And I wasn't going to use him to make me feel better about anything—about myself.
"You're a pretty decent dancer, sailor," I said.
"You're not so bad yourself." Jackson held me tighter.
I tried to squash down the wish that I was with Henry. Henry had been the one person who'd loved me for me. Who, even though it was freaking impossible to be together, had been there for me. And I'd hurt him, obviously. When I told him the truth, he thought it was because I didn't want him. He'd thought I'd wanted him to fade into the future without me—and so he'd sent me away.
He'd been the one rejected, not me. And I'd given up on him so easily. He was the one I wanted to slow dance with. Who I belonged with.
My heart squinched down into a tiny, tiny knot in my chest. And I knew the one place I should be. It wasn't at the dance.
***
"I stil don't get why you wanted to go home so early," Jackson said.
"Thanks. I'l talk to you tomorrow." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and then slammed the truck door shut. I saw Mae's hand pul back the curtain on the living room window, watching our goodbye.
"How was it?" Mae asked as I came into the house.
"A disaster," I said. I slipped off her shoes and got into my boots. "I'l tel you al about it later."
"Amy!" Mae cal ed out, but I was out the back door and down the porch steps.
The rain splashed on my face as I ran through the woodlot. I had to get to Henry. I was suddenly worried that he'd moved forward and that I'd never see him again. I had to make sure he
was stil out there. I had to find him before it was too late.
Behind me, I could hear Katie barking, but I kept on running. I needed to tel Henry how I felt. Even if Henry's reality was fake, what I'd felt for him had been the real thing. It was clear to me now. And if I couldn't have Henry, at least he had shown me what love looked and felt like.
I shivered with the realization that I loved him. Despite what had happened, despite the fact we could never be together. I loved him. Maybe if he knew that, he would be able to go on and find some kind of happiness. Maybe he'd have the courage to move on and reunite with his brother.
Maybe he'd have some faith that his mother was going to be safe. Maybe knowing that what we had shared had been real would set him free.
Yes! My heart soared as the mist came into view, hanging like a shimmering veil in the rainy night. I entered the clearing, feeling it envelop me with its dampness. Tonight it felt delicious, sensuous, on my skin. And maybe that was because it was going to be one of the last times I would feel it. I passed the stump, sprinting the last few yards the best I could in my boots and dress.
Pushing through the barrier to Henry's side sucked the wind out of me, and I stood on the path to the farmhouse, trying to catch my breath. It was stil there—everything. The fertile apple tree. The abundant garden. He hadn't moved forward yet. Hadn't moved forward without saying goodbye. That comforted and saddened me al at once.
I took a few steps down the path, noticing the house was il uminated again, white light streaming from al the windows into the night. And there was the stil ness again—the uncomfortable stil ness that had been there on my last visit. Memories of Henry's anger on the porch flashed through my mind, and I was suddenly struck by the feeling of being unwanted. Of being an intruder.
"You don't belong here," I said aloud. And the words resonated in my bones.
So what if I loved Henry. Did he love me? Mae told me once that love always makes the first move. That love gives without hesitation. But I had been the only one reaching out. I was the one who came into the clearing and found him. I was the one who wanted to cross over to his side. I was the one who had made everything happen.
I stopped on the path, staring toward the house. Maybe Henry would look out the window and see me. Maybe he would come to the clearing and we could be together once more in a place where time didn't exist for either one of us. Thoughts flooded my mind. I was scared of him sending me away. I was scared of him rejecting me again.
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