by Sierra Dafoe
“Is she here?”
Tori swung the door wide, and Lu looked up, startled. Sean stood in the doorway, his pale face almost gray with exhaustion. Dark circles marred the skin under his eyes. He held an envelope in one hand. His voice was hollow, almost gruff as he whispered, “Lu…”
She stared at him, shocked into stillness as he came forward, his hand lifting to trace the smear of dirt on her cheek. “Ah, sweet Jesus, Lu, what happened to you?”
“I’m all right.” Self-consciously, she clapped her hand to her cheek. “I’m all right, really.”
“No, you’re not. Look at you. Lu, what’s going on?”
“I told you, Sean, please don’t ask. You wouldn’t believe me.”
“Lu, I… Look, can we talk about this in private?”
Lu glanced at Tori who jerked her head meaningfully at the hallway. “Sure.” Feeling painfully awkward, she led Sean to her room.
He shut the door behind them and leaned against it silently, fiddling with the envelope in his hands. “I think you owe me a few words of explanation, Lu.”
She nodded sadly. “I do, too.”
“Why did you run out like that? What happened? When I saw that car wreck, I…”
“Sean, I’m fine.”
“Then what the hell is going on?”
Lu felt her heart slowly crack into pieces. Sighing, she sat at the foot of the bed. “Sean, I can’t tell you. Please… It’s not you. It’s nothing about you. You’re… everything I could have ever wanted, and… and I…” She broke off, biting back a fresh spate of tears. Sean’s eyes softened, and he came to kneel at her feet, putting his arms around her and holding her close.
“Then why can’t we be together? I don’t need to know… I… You don’t have to tell me. Not ever. Not if you don’t want to.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in secrets.”
“I don’t. But I believe in you.”
Throwing her head back, Lu laughed mirthlessly. Sean grabbed her arms, forcing her to look at him. “Last night, you asked me who the third woman I fell in love with was. It’s not was, Lu. It’s is.”
His words, and the look in his eyes, pierced her heart. She’d been so right to think it would hurt this time. What she’d never imagined in her wildest dreams was how much.
Oh, Sean!
She wanted to throw her arms around him, to hold him tight against her forever. It was impossible -- and she couldn’t even tell him why. “Sean, you don’t know me. Not really.”
“Yes I do.” His tone was firm, absolutely confident, and she stared at him in wonder. “When I heard you sing, Lu, when I heard your voice, there was so much passion in it, such longing… And I knew that longing. I knew it like I know my own heart.” His eyes burned into hers, intent and determined. “Whatever it is, Lu, we can face it together.”
“Oh, Sean,” she whispered.
“Lu.” Taking her chin in his hand, he tilted her head up. “Lu, I promise you…”
“No. Don’t. Don’t promise, Sean. Just… love me.”
With a hoarse sob, he lowered his head, seizing her mouth in a bruising kiss. His lips raked across hers, forcing them open, and he cupped her head in his hands as his tongue probed her mouth until she was breathless. “Sean…”
“Shh, love.” Sliding the quilt from her shoulders, he eased her down on the bed. Gazing down at her, he caressed her lightly, trailing his palm up the flat plane of her belly, stroking her shoulders, tracing her features tenderly with one strong, callused finger. “Oh, Lu. Say you don’t want me. Say you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone.”
He waited, but she said nothing. Holding her gaze, Sean lowered his mouth to hers, brushing her lips lightly. She opened her mouth, touched her tongue to his, and he groaned as he crushed her to him, molding her body against his as he touched her, stroking her thighs, kneading her ass, running his hand up her ribcage to cup her breast. Her body blazed under his touch -- how could he know every inch of her so well? Lu clung to him, panting, knowing this was wrong, it was so very wrong… But she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t help it. She wanted him so much!
“Then love me, Sean,” she whispered, her voice rough with wild desperation. “Love me.”
Pinning her with those cobalt-blue eyes, he stood, shedding his clothes quickly. She watched, not moving, just drinking the sight of him in -- his broad, chiseled torso, the muscles that flexed along his ribcage as he peeled off his shirt, the seductive line of his hips and his powerful thighs as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down. Then he lowered himself on top of her, his arms holding his weight, as she shifted, spreading her thighs, clenching her eyes shut as she felt him nudge at her entrance.
“No, Lu. Look at me. I need to know that you want this.”
She opened her eyes, and whatever he saw in them must have convinced him, because he pressed into her gently, easing her open. God, he was huge! Slowly, slowly, his rigid cock sank deeper, spreading her wide as he rocked, his chest heaving, his eyes dark with barely-controlled need.
Wrapping her legs around his waist, Lu pulled him closer, and with a groan, he sank in to the hilt. “Ah, sweet mother Mary and all the saints, Lu, you feel even better than you did last night.” Pistoning smoothly, he caressed her inside and out till she felt like her very bones were melting under his tender onslaught.
They were both so engrossed that neither one heard the small snick of the latch as the bedroom door cracked open. Sean’s thrusts increased as he felt Lu respond, driving into her harder as she arched below him, her cries spiraling upward in her arousal.
“Oh, yes, Sean. Please. Please take me. Fuck me. Love me. Any way you want, Sean. Any way at all.”
Her words spurred him on, and he grabbed her thighs, forcing them wider as he hammered into her. She could feel the tension roaring inside him, tightening his balls, driving him harder… Her own need flared upward, meeting his, and her fingers dug into his shoulders as she clung to him, moaning. He slammed his hips downward, fucking her as if determined to make her his by sheer force, and she whimpered with lust every time his abs brushed her clit.
She pressed herself tight against him, feeling his heart thunder beneath his ribs. His shoulders bunched under her hands as he held them both aloft, cheek pressed to cheek, her breasts against his chest, skin against skin down the length of their bodies to the point where their bodies blended together. He moved inside her, teasing her higher, until she gasped and whimpered and thrust her hips upward, feeling all her anguish and pain and desire and love explode inside of her in one hot golden rush.
Sean groaned, his body stiffening against her as he rammed himself home, quivering as he shot jet after jet of come deep in her cunt. Their hips ground together as they clung, trying to meld deeper, deeper yet. She could feel him, still throbbing inside her, his balls still clenching as she drained him, squeezing him with her passage, desperate for everything he had to give.
Then she heard a familiar “Miaow.”
“Fuck!” Sean gasped as Lu tore herself out from under him, yanking his cock painfully from the grip of her passage. She lunged at the white cat who, Sean saw, had jumped onto the bed at some point during their lovemaking, and was now sprawled, purring, its claws lazily kneading the sheets as it watched them.
But as Lu sprang at it, the cat leaped to its feet, its sapphire eyes suddenly wide in alarm. “You fucking bitch!”
“Oh, come on, Lu.” Sean chuckled, reaching out to calm her. “It’s only a…”
He broke off in shock as black fur seemed to wash down Lu’s naked back. What the fuck? It spread like wildfire, and he heard something creak. Her spine seemed to ripple under the fur, and then he was stumbling backward in terror, away from the wolf that lunged at the white cat, snarling murderously.
Yowling in terror, the cat streaked around the room, the wolf snapping at its heels as Sean bolted for the door.
“Miiaowrrw!” Sean darted one horrified glance back, and the cat catapulted straight in
to his arms. He staggered backward into the hall, slamming the door just as something huge and heavy smashed into it, and fell with a thud.
Panting hoarsely, Sean stared at the door in shock. Then his biceps screamed in protest as the weight in his arms went, in half a heartbeat, from fourteen pounds to a hundred and forty. He looked down in panic at the short, chubby, naked platinum blonde snuggled far too intimately against his chest.
“I always knew,” Persia purred up at him, her full, pink-tipped breasts brushing his abs, “that you were a cat lover.”
Sean backed away so quickly he slammed into the wall, jarring a picture loose. It fell with a crash.
“Persia!”
Sean spun. Tori stood behind them, her face clenched in fury. She stalked menacingly toward Persia who backed quickly away. Sean’s eyes widened as Tori bared her teeth.
“Holy Christ! What the fuck are you, then?”
“Don’t ask,” a voice said dryly, and Sean whirled to see Luna standing in her bedroom doorway, her shoulders slumped in defeat. She took a step toward him, her eyes pleading, and he stumbled backward.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t… whatever you are! Christ!” He stared, his eyes darting wildly from Lu to Persia to Tori with her teeth. A small, confused whimper burst from his throat. Then he dashed into Lu’s bedroom, snatched up his jeans, and tore down the hall butt-naked. The door slammed.
“Well.” Lu’s face was an absolutely expressionless mask. “I’d say that went as well as could be expected.”
Tori wheeled on Persia who held her hands up in self-defense, whining, “Hey, I was just having fun!”
“Yeah, some fun, Persia.” Squatting, Tori started picking up shards of broken glass, her movements stiff with anger.
“I’ll get the broom,” Persia said meekly. She glanced once at Lu, and slunk toward the kitchen.
Lu turned woodenly to go into her room, but Tori’s low murmur stopped her. “Lu. Tell me now. Is he the kind to go shrieking to the police?”
“How should I know?” she replied bitterly. “I only met him two days ago.”
And one night, spent crouched in some bushes. But Tori didn’t know about that -- and Tori never would, Lu vowed. Some secrets were worth keeping.
“Oh, I think you do, Lu.” Tori’s gray eyes watched her steadily, and Lu felt a sob wrench through her chest.
“No. No, he’s not.”
“Okay, then. Go take a shower. We’ll sort it out later.”
“Where are we gonna go now?” Persia asked, returning with the broom and dustpan.
Tori shook her head. “I don’t know.”
Lu turned back to her room, closing the door softly behind her. It sounded to her like the lid closing on a coffin -- final and absolute. Suddenly, she couldn’t find any more tears inside her. Everything seemed gone, used up, leaving behind only a silent desolation.
Sean’s shirt still lay on the floor, and she picked it up and dropped her face against it, inhaling the clean, warm scent of him. Then she folded it neatly, found his shoes, and tucked his abandoned socks inside them. She’d mail it all to him from somewhere on the road.
Would he think of her sometimes? Would he ever understand?
Really, it just doesn’t matter, Lu, she told herself firmly. She’d known better, and she’d gone ahead and done it anyway. She’d just have to live with that.
But she still couldn’t wish it undone. Not ever.
Placing the pile of clothes on her dresser, she turned away -- and that’s when she saw the envelope, forgotten, on the floor. She picked it up, turned it over curiously, and then opened it. Pulling out the sheets inside, she unfolded them, gazing wonderingly at the clefs and guitar tabs before she could even begin to make sense of the words.
She stood there a long time, clutching the pages. Then she pulled open her door and called out, “Tori? Where’s your Ovation?”
Chapter Nine
Lu’s hands were shaking as she pushed open the door of Geno’s and walked through the small foyer to the bar. She almost hoped he wouldn’t be there, but when she peered in, there he was, hunched over the bar, his beautiful strong hands curled around a pint of Guinness. Ducking back, she leaned against the wall of the foyer, her heart pounding in her breast.
Tori had called Geno who had been happy to call the guy hosting the open mike. So she didn’t have to brazenly walk through the bar and put her name on the sign-up sheet, which was good, Lu reflected. She had a sneaking suspicion Sean would walk out the moment he saw her.
She’d hoped he would call, of course. He didn’t. And that was okay. In fact, she told herself sternly, any way this went was okay. If he was angry enough to drop a dime on her, the van was already packed -- a precautionary measure. Lu even smiled a bit as she thought what her friends were risking to give her this chance.
And if he never wanted to see her again… Well, he’d already given her more than any man she’d ever met. She’d be an ass to be ungrateful.
She peeked into the bar again, fondly tracing out the line of his shoulders, that black mop of curls… What she wouldn’t give to simply walk in there, plunk herself on the stool next to him, lean over, give him a kiss, and order a beer!
Instead, she turned, and slipped down the hall which led to the bathrooms, the loading dock -- and the side door to the stage.
She waited in the shadows, flinching every time someone shoved the door open from the bar to go to the bathroom. She could hear the various performers clambering up the steps and onto the stage. Some of them, in the way of open mikes, were painfully awful. Some of them were surprisingly good. Invariably though, after every performance there was a hearty, supportive round of applause. One more reason to like Portland -- the music scene wasn’t a backbiting rat race.
Finally, she heard the host step up to the mike. “Next, we’ve got a special treat for you, a lady some of you have heard many times, backing up Geno’s Saturday night band.”
It was so easy to picture Sean stiffening at those words, standing up in quiet fury and pushing his stool back. Too late to worry about it now. The announcer continued, “But you may not have been so lucky as to hear her sing. So here she is tonight, up front and center… Luna Howell!”
Obviously some of the crowd had heard her before -- the clapping was more than just supportive. Lu strode onto the stage quickly, dressed as usual in her baggy green overalls with a simple stretch crop top underneath. When Persia had suggested doing something with her hair, Tori had pleasantly offered to smack her silly. So here she was, au natural, with nothing but Tori’s six string -- and a song that wasn’t hers.
She didn’t dare look up as she took her seat, propping her boots on the rungs of the stool as she bent over the guitar. The host kindly started to raise the mike for her, and Lu smiled at him, shaking her head. Then she wrapped her fingers around the Ovation’s neck, drawing a delicate, wistful chord from it -- and sang.
Speak without words
The song that the heart sings
And it’ll be heard
For the message it brings
Reach out of the light
And you’ll find me waiting
To speak without words
The song my heart sings.
He had started to leave she saw when she finally raised her gaze to the audience. He was frozen halfway to the door, his face turned back toward her, his eyes wide with shock… or rage? She couldn’t tell. She held his gaze a moment, willing him to listen, to stay, and then closed her eyes, pouring everything inside her into his song.
If I had a way
To make you love me
There’d be no day
That you were not mine
Find me in the night
Where I will be waiting
To speak without words
The song my heart sings.
Softly, gently, she drew the song to its close. The audience sat silent, still trapped in its spell. She reached for the mike and spoke quietly. “Thank you. That wa
s by a very talented songwriter right here in Portland, a man I will always think of with affection and respect -- Mr. Sean O’Shaughnessey.”
The audience started clapping, and Lu raised her head, smiling -- but this time, when she looked up, Sean was gone.
* * *
Afterward, in the hall, she hunkered down to place the Ovation back in its case. Snapping the case shut, she glanced toward the bar door -- but what was the point? There was nothing for her there.
Well, it had been worth a shot. And at least she’d managed to give him something, however insufficient the gesture might have been. Maybe he’d remember it, years from now. Maybe he’d even smile sometimes, thinking back.
Sighing, she picked up the guitar case, and snuck out the back way onto the loading dock.
“You’ve got some balls, lass.”
She whipped around. Sean stood there, leaning against the brick wall beside the door she’d just come out of, his hands shoved deep in his front pockets. Lu shook her head slowly. “No. Not even as a wolf.”
He grimaced at that. “You were right though. I wouldn’t have believed you. Not without seeing it.”
“Yeah, well…”
“How did you… Were you born that way?”
“I assume so. I really don’t know, Sean. I… I was adopted. I…” She sighed heavily. “It didn’t start till I hit puberty. I didn’t know what was happening. The first time… The first time, I changed back to find myself locked in the basement, with my mother standing outside the door, screaming. Not at me. Just… screaming.”
“You must have been terrified.”
Lu nodded, hunching her shoulders. “I’m really sorry I hurt you, Sean.”
He shook his head as if dismissing the need for apology. “So, how does it work? I mean, you bite someone, do they become… like you?”
“I don’t know. I never bit anyone.”
“So, you do remember what happens then.”
She stared at him. “I don’t stop being me, Sean. I don’t turn into some mindless, bloodthirsty…”
