by Gerri Hill
Back to Mel. Back to where things were easy and slow.
And she couldn’t get there fast enough.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Melanie rocked quietly, the chair making rhythmic sounds against the boards of the porch. She was staring out into the darkness…waiting. She didn’t know if it was her imagination—or if she was simply more aware—but it seemed like Goldie and Rick were coming around more often lately. She’d even caught sight of them during the day a couple of times. One day they’d been down by the creek, lying side-by-side along the bank, in the shade of one of the pines. Goldie had kept a watchful eye on her as she moved about, but Rick didn’t seem concerned that she’d spied them. Another day, while she’d been walking aimlessly in the back along the bluff, she’d come upon the coyote pair as they were traversing down the rocky slope. They’d stopped, watching her as she watched them. Neither had seemed concerned with her that day; they’d sat on their haunches, ears flicking back and forth as she passed below them.
The tea in her mug was still warm and she took a sip. The nights were getting colder and winter would be upon them soon. She tugged the afghan up higher across her lap, smiling at the sight she must make. It didn’t matter. There was no one to see her. Unconsciously, she glanced to Erin’s rocker. The empty rocker. She wondered how long she would keep referring to it as Erin’s.
What was Erin doing tonight? Was she alone too? Or had she sought out old friends? Had she met new ones? She closed her eyes. Was she dating? She opened her eyes again, not wanting to think about Erin with someone else. She didn’t know why it bothered her so. In the long game of life, she and Erin were but a blip on each other’s radar. Three months. Hardly worth bothering with.
Yet it was. Everything happens for a reason. Did it? She’d never been a big believer in that saying. She’d had a shitty childhood. Was there a reason for that? Her mother was an addict. Was there a reason for that too? Adam? Was there a reason she’d met Adam? Was there a reason she’d torn his world apart and caused his death?
Was there a reason Erin’s life spiraled out of control? A reason her sister picked this place for her healing? A reason they were thrown together? So many things had to have happened in their lives for them to meet out here at this creek…of all places.
Everything happens for a reason. Did she believe that now?
Maybe if Erin had stayed, then she’d believe it. But Erin had left. What could the reason be then?
She stared up into the sky, watching the twinkling stars. Her guilt? Was that the reason? Did Erin come so that she could examine her guilt? Take it out of its hiding place and put it on full display? Did Erin come so that she could make peace with her past and do as Erin had suggested? Forgive herself?
Or maybe it wasn’t about her at all. Maybe it was all about Erin. Maybe she was simply a bit player in Erin’s journey. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her. Maybe the joke was on her.
Maybe it had been all along.
That thought drew a weary sigh from her and her chest suddenly felt very heavy with the weight of loneliness. Was this to be her life now? Living out here, alone. Knowing what it felt like to have someone—a partner—if only for a brief time. How was she to get past that now? How did she forget what that felt like? How did she go back to the way things had been before Erin?
A single howl made her lift her head, her gaze going to the dark shape of the shed. The howl seemed lonely too. Was it Rick calling for Goldie? Why weren’t they together? She waited, listening. Then it came again…the long, drawn-out wail. Her heart clutched in her chest. Had something happened to one of them? She was shocked that the thought brought tears to her eyes.
She stood up, letting the afghan fall to the porch. She went to the steps, holding onto the railing, listening, hoping to hear an answering call.
The sound was much louder now, directly behind the shed. The chickens and goats were probably stirring nervously. Where was Bandito? He rarely let the coyotes get this close. The howl turned to a chortle, then barks. She stared into the darkness, wondering if they’d chance coming around the shed. Wondering if she’d get a glimpse.
She jumped when the howl sounded again, the pitch becoming higher before turning into a series of yaps. She saw movement at the edge of the shed, and—in the light of the half-moon—she caught sight of Goldie’s beige fur as she headed toward the creek. A few moments later, she heard Rick greet her with barks and yips. They sang together for a moment, bringing a smile of relief to her face. She leaned against the railing, her eyes closed as she listened to them.
She wasn’t alone after all. Nothing had changed, really. Her life was here, as it had been before Erin. She had her garden, the chickens and goats. She had an old donkey who patrolled the creek and a pair of coyotes to serenade her at night.
She wasn’t alone.
She went back inside, pausing to pick up the afghan that had fallen. She turned around once, smiling as the night quieted, the coyotes moving on. She opened the door, then heard them again, as if they were talking to her. She nodded.
“Good night. See you tomorrow.”
Chapter Fifty-Seven
She was nervous, but it was a mixture of nerves, she noted. Anticipation and anxiety both were rolling around in her mind. She was nearly giddy at the prospect of seeing Melanie again, but since there’d been no contact, it would be a total shock to Mel. Was that fair to her? She’d thought about calling Stella, but she didn’t know what she’d say to her. She certainly didn’t want Stella to relay a message that she was on her way. Part of that was fear that maybe Melanie didn’t want her to come.
She’d been able to push that fear away easily enough—she still remembered the tears when she was leaving—but the closer she got to Eagle Bluff, the more that fear resurfaced.
What if Mel didn’t want her? What if Mel was feeling none of what she felt? What would she do then? Would she turn around and leave? This time, for good? Would she go back to Houston? Go back and sit in her lonely office and try to make sense of her life?
No. She’d been doing that for more than two months. They were on the back side of November already. Thanksgiving was but two days away. Joyce had asked her to stay—she and Carl were hosting dinner. But she wasn’t even tempted. Her house had been on the market less than a week before it sold. She’d kept nothing. An estate sale took care of the furniture, and her clothes she’d donated. The Lexus, a luxury car that Sarah had said made her seem regal, had been traded for a four-wheel-drive SUV—a Toyota Land Cruiser. She’d paid more than she’d intended, but she’d wanted something that was both comfortable—okay, luxurious—and practical for where she’d be living.
She glanced in the mirror, meeting her eyes. Hoped to be living, she silently corrected. She let out her breath as she gripped the steering wheel tighter. She should have called. She should have asked Stella to have Mel call her. They should have talked. She shouldn’t just show up out of the blue like this.
Too late now. A quick look at the vehicle’s navigation system showed the Gila River fast approaching. She’d turn to the right. She’d follow the river for a bit, then where Eagle Creek dumped into it, she’d turn again, this time onto the road that would take her to Eagle Bluff Ranch. She only hoped that Stella hadn’t taken to locking the gate. It would be quite a hike in, if so.
It was two in the afternoon. The sun was bright. The air cool—cool enough for a light jacket. What would Melanie be doing? Had they had a freeze yet? Were there still plants in the garden that needed tending? Had she cut firewood for the winter already? Had she been to Silver City for her monthly shopping?
She smiled at that thought as she remembered her shopping trip at Whole Foods three days ago. She’d gotten a variety of dry beans, some Japanese sweet potatoes, some wild rice, oriental noodles, and other things that she thought Mel might like. She didn’t want to show up empty-handed.
She slowed as the road approached and she looked in the mirror. There were no cars i
n either direction. She turned onto the river road. Ten more miles, she thought. Ten more miles. What would she say to her? Well, before she got to Mel, she would have to stop at Stella’s. What would she say to Stella? She shook her head. Stella didn’t matter.
What would she say to Mel?
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Mel looked up at the sound of a vehicle bouncing along the road that led to her cabin. She stabbed the pitchfork into the compost pile, then shielded her eyes to the sun. She could tell by the sound that it wasn’t Stella’s old truck. A crimson red vehicle—an SUV of some sort—approached. She had a moment of panic, thinking once again that Stella should start locking the gate. It wouldn’t be hard for someone—a stranger—to breach the property. She rolled her eyes. And then do what? Attack seventeen elderly ladies and rob them blind? Still, her hand wrapped around the handle of the pitchfork, just in case.
As the vehicle got closer, she released the handle. Her heart started beating triple-time, and she felt a damp nervousness coat her palms. When the vehicle stopped, parking appropriately next to her truck, she knew it wasn’t a stranger. She moved around to the garden gate, sliding the latch back before opening it.
A dark-haired woman got out and she felt her throat close up completely. She held on to the gate for support, feeling light-headed as she locked gazes with Erin Ryder.
* * *
Erin could see the shocked look on Mel’s face. Of course, Stella had warned her that Melanie might faint dead away. Stella had suggested that she come along, but Erin had been adamant that she didn’t want their reunion to be witnessed by anyone. She wanted them to be able to talk freely, to show emotions—good or bad—without an audience. Now, though… As she looked at Melanie, saw the disbelief in her eyes, she wished she’d taken Stella up on her offer.
She walked around the truck slowly, her gaze never leaving Mel’s. Mel finally pushed off from the gate, taking a hesitant step in her direction. In her dreams, she’d pictured them running toward one another, flinging their arms around each other tightly, kissing passionately, vowing undying love. Instead, Mel stopped and put her hands on her hips, looking at her a bit warily.
“What are you doing here?”
Erin bit the corner of her lip. “Well, I…‘I missed you’ doesn’t seem quite enough right now,” she said hesitantly. “I did miss you, though.”
Melanie nodded. “I missed you too.” She arched an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?” she asked again, her hands still planted firmly on her hips.
Oh, boy. This so wasn’t how she envisioned their reunion. She scratched the back of her neck nervously, wondering if she could run back to Stella’s and reconsider.
“Are you like here to visit…or what?”
Erin swallowed. “Well…Do you want me to visit?”
Melanie shook her head. “No.”
That one word was like a dagger to her heart, a blow to the chest hard enough to knock the breath out of her. Melanie took a step closer.
“I can’t do it again, Erin. I can’t go through you leaving again. I…I can’t do another goodbye.”
Erin nodded. “Okay. So…so what if I didn’t leave?”
“What are you saying?”
“What if I stayed?”
“Here?”
Erin licked her dry lips. “Well, I kinda thought here. I guess maybe…” God, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. “Maybe…”
Melanie walked closer to her. “What are you really doing here, Erin? Just tell me.”
Erin met her gaze, seeing the familiar blue eyes that she’d looked into a hundred times before, it seemed. She took a deep breath.
“I’m in love with you. And I’m miserable without you…and…and,” she motioned behind herself. “I didn’t belong there. I felt like…I was all messed up and it was all weird and I…I wanted to be here with you. I felt like this is where I belong. This feels like home.” She pointed behind herself again. “That…that didn’t. I wanted to be here. With you.”
Melanie tilted her head thoughtfully. “You fell in love with me?”
Erin nodded. “I did.” She held her gaze. “You fell in love with me too.” Then she cocked an eyebrow. “I mean…you did, didn’t you?” she asked hopefully.
* * *
You did, didn’t you?
Melanie stared at Erin for a long moment, wondering if this was real. Was it the middle of the night? Was she in deep sleep? Was Erin haunting her dreams again?
“I did,” she finally said. “So…you came back?”
“Is that okay?”
Melanie closed her eyes. “Is this for real?” she whispered.
“I love you, Mel.”
She opened her eyes. Erin was still there. Her hair was blowing in the breeze. Her eyes were as she remembered—deep and dark and full of emotion. She’d thought it before—that Erin loved her. She’d thought it that last day, for sure. Before that too. When they made love, when they cuddled afterward. When they talked. She’d thought it then. But Erin still left. Even after she’d gone, she still thought it…when she dared. She could see it now, fully. Erin wasn’t trying to hide anything from her.
“You love me.” It wasn’t a question. Erin smiled and nodded. Melanie took a step closer. “And you want to stay?” Erin nodded again. “Stay for…a while?”
Erin’s expression turned serious. “Stay forever, Mel.”
Melanie felt a tear slide down her cheek, saw Erin’s gaze follow its path, saw Erin’s expression soften.
“I missed you being here,” she managed. Her tears fell freely now. “I tried so hard to get back to normal, but…” She wiped at her tears. “I kept seeing you, hearing you, in everything I did.” She tried to laugh. “It was driving me crazy.”
Erin drew her into the circle of her arms. Melanie sank against her and weeks—months—of frustration, of sadness, peeled away. She felt fresh, new, with a lightness to her spirit that she hardly recognized. She held Erin tight, her eyes squeezed closed.
“I…I love you.” She pulled back enough to meet Erin’s eyes. “I love you,” she said with certainty. The kiss Erin gave her was almost one of relief and Melanie smiled against her lips. “Were you afraid?”
“Yeah. The closer I got, the more I doubted everything.” Erin laughed lightly. “Yeah. So I sold my house, sold everything I owned…bought this thing,” she said, motioning to the vehicle. “Thought it’d be good on our monthly shopping trips. I bought some jeans and boots and all kinds of other stuff.” She kissed her again, then brushed at the remnants of her tears. “And then I thought, what if she doesn’t want you? What the hell are you going to do then?”
Mel laughed. “So what was your fallback plan?”
“I was going to see if Stella would let me move into one of those vacant houses. Then I was going to court you.” She grinned. “Use my charm until you couldn’t resist me.”
Melanie held tightly to her hand. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
Erin looked around, her glance going to the cabin, the shed, the garden. “I…I left my heart here.” She met her gaze. “I felt like I left my soul here.”
“How do you feel now?”
“I feel whole again.”
She nodded. “Yes. That’s how I feel. Whole.”
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Melanie squeezed her hand as she climaxed, her sounds of pleasure lingering in the bedroom long after her body had stilled. Erin stayed where she was, her fingers still buried inside her, Mel’s thighs clenched tight, holding her there.
The first time they touched, it had been intense, as if they were trying to make up for the lost weeks and months that she’d been gone. As they got reacquainted, their touches became gentler, their actions slowed, their lovemaking was like before—unhurried and deliberate. Slow. Relaxed.
She smiled against Melanie’s lips. Enjoyable. Easy.
“Why are you smiling? I just had the orgasm. I should be smiling.”
Erin pulled back, watching
Mel in the waning afternoon sunlight that still poured through the window. “And so you are.”
Melanie did a catlike stretch, relaxing her legs finally, a contented smile on her face. Erin withdrew her fingers and Mel jerked slightly, then sighed.
“I had wondered if maybe you’d started dating again.” Mel opened her eyes. “When you left here, you were healthy, healed. Beautiful. I…imagined that you were dating again.”
“Is that what you thought?” Erin pulled the sheet and blanket over them as she settled down beside Melanie. “You didn’t picture me alone, staring at my walls, dreaming of you?”
Melanie shook her head.
“Did you picture me at Whole Foods, in the produce aisle? Or perhaps cooking potatoes and peppers for breakfast?”
Melanie smiled. “Did you?”
“I did. Although store-bought potatoes and eggs are the worst. You’ve ruined me.”
“Are you saying you didn’t go back to your old eating habits?”
“I’m not sure if it was because I felt good—physically, at least—or if it made me feel close to you. But no, I didn’t.”
“I’m so proud of you!”
Erin smiled as her fingers traced one of Mel’s nipples. “I…I saw Sarah.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“She came to the house. Actually, she was in the house when I got home one evening. I never got my key back from her.” She met Melanie’s gaze. “I guess maybe I’d hoped that she’d come back one day…so then she’d have a key.”
“So did she come back? To you?”
“She did. She said she still loved me. Said she missed me. Said she’d made a mistake.” Erin felt Melanie stiffen a little, but she said nothing. “I was surprised that I wasn’t filled with anger. I really felt…well, not much of anything.” She paused. “She kissed me.”
“And…you kissed her?”
“No. There was nothing there, Mel. I felt nothing. Her words were hollow. She has blue eyes, much like yours. The similarities end there. She said she loved me. You never said those words to me. Your eyes, though—I didn’t need you to say the words.” She leaned up on an elbow, looking at Melanie fully. “I had been missing you so much and feeling like I was drifting aimlessly…not knowing in which direction to go. Sarah shows up—literally out of the blue—and it all became crystal clear. She was saying these words to me, yet there was nothing in her eyes. Mel, there’d never been anything in her eyes. And I never…I never knew that it should be there.”
