“I don’t want to go up either,” Julia announced. This led to some intense discussion between Iván and Dylan about whether she should go back to the hotel and lie down, if she needed to eat, drink, or just go immediately to the hospital.
“Holy heck, I’m fine!” she finally said sharply. “Go ahead and Maura and I will wait here.”
They finally left and Julia sat next to me. “Dylan is driving me a little crazy.”
“I think you’re lucky that he cares so much.”
She looked at me. “I am,” she agreed. “He gets very worried but he doesn’t know how to say it sometimes. He says stuff wrong, a lot. In the car, he didn’t mean that you’re cowardly or anything, Maura. I know that’s how it sounded.”
I shrugged. “It probably is just mind over matter. I’d rather not talk about it, if that’s ok with you.”
Suddenly Julia got all teary. Shit. “I know you don’t like me much, and I’m trying to fix it.”
“Julia, it’s ok. The three of you will still be friends after this trip, and I probably won’t see you and Dylan again, anyway.”
“Why not?”
“I’m most likely moving to LA. Maybe Sacramento.” It was a lot less expensive to live there, and I’d been looking at job listings. I thought Mikey could try his luck in a new city, if the authorities would let him go. If he was getting sent up again, I’d need to live somewhere cheaper to save money for the lawyers and the car I’d need to buy and maintain to go visit him.
“If you move, what about Iván?” she asked, looking concerned.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with him. I thought you would consider that good news. You won’t have to worry about me taking advantage of him, or that I’m going to fall in love with him and make his life miserable that way, or whatever you were trying to warn me about yesterday.” That last part came out very bitter.
“That’s not what I was trying to do.”
I bit my lip to stop myself from saying more. I felt I’d dug a deep enough hole.
“Maura, I’m sorry it sounded like that. I was concerned that maybe you were part of the retinue. Even though you didn’t act like it!” she added quickly. “Then after we talked, I worried that you were thinking that this was something long-term. Iván hasn’t been known for his lengthy relationships.”
“Listen, it’s ok. You’re certainly entitled to your opinions about me, and I assure you, you’re not the first to think the worst, often deservedly. Really, it’s fine. I’m not upset or angry at you, not at all.” I tried to smile. This wasn’t her fault and I was acting like a whiny little bitch.
“I just wish we could get along,”
I tried again for a smile. “I think we get along fine. Please, don’t spend another second worrying about me.”
When Dylan and Iván came back down, we were both sitting in silence. “What a view,” Iván said. “Maura, I was thinking that we should go to Alcatraz.” I nodded. Julia looked at the bench. “Come over and look at the ocean,” he told me, holding out his hand. We walked over to the edge of the parking lot. “Why does Julia look so upset?”
“She thinks I don’t like her.”
“That’s crazy.” His forehead furrowed. “Isn’t it?”
I took a moment before I answered. “I told her that we get along fine. She shouldn’t worry about what I think anyway.”
“She’s very sensitive.”
If I heard one more word about how wonderful Julia was, I was going to be the one vomiting, not her. “I’m sure she is.” I fought, hard, not to let the ugly jealousy spill out of my mouth. “I told you that she was afraid I was taking advantage of you.”
He put his hands on my shoulders. “And I told you, no.”
“She also warned me not to get attached to you.”
He got suddenly very stiff. “What?”
“She’s trying to protect you, Iván. She thinks I’m going to mess up your life. It made me upset, when she said those things yesterday. I understand her completely, but it was still difficult to hear. I tell Benji all the time, you don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you can get along. I’m getting along with Julia. Don’t push for more, though, ok?”
“I just thought that because I like her so much, you would, also.”
I took an abrupt step back. “Yes, I know how much you like her. You even went to Michigan to help her wonderful mother, that’s how much you like her! She’s courageous and sensitive and sweet and a great swimmer and a great cook, she’s having a baby, everyone loves her. You’ve made that very clear.”
“Wait a minute. Maura, you don’t think…” He stared at me.
“I think we should get off this stupid hill before we all freeze to death! Let’s go.” Oh, glory, I was an idiot. Now he knew. I turned to walk back to the car.
“I don’t feel that way about Julia. She’s my friend, and that’s all.”
I stopped walking, my back to him. “It’s none of my business, anyway. But you should try to hide it better. Eventually Dylan is going to notice and I would bet that he won’t like it.” I froze, then put my hand over my mouth. I couldn’t believe I had said something that nasty to him. “Iván, I’m sorry. You hide it very well. I’m sure that I’m the only one who notices it. It must be really hard to see her with your best friend and I don’t mean to make it worse.”
“Maura!” He took me by the arms, gently. He was kind of laughing. “You’re wrong about this.” He pulled me back to him, again, gently. “I don’t feel that way about Julia. She is my friend. Only my friend. And she isn’t perfect, either. No one is. Her backstroke is terrible.”
I knew he was trying to be funny. “Remember that you’re speaking to the dumbass who can barely put her face under. In any measure, except maybe our prowess at shoplifting, Julia is better than I am. Usually things like this don’t bother me, but she really is. She really, really is.”
His arms circled my waist and slowly I rested my hands on them. “I can see that, now. I wish you had told me before.”
“Told you that I’m upset that someone is awesome because it makes me feel like a failure and an idiot? Yeah, I was trying to keep that to myself. It kind of makes me feel even worse that now you know it too.”
“I used to lose to Dylan, all the time. It bothered me quite a bit.”
“Really? I looked at your record against him and it was almost even. Not that I was wondering.”
He laughed quietly against my hair. “That’s because he’s older than I am. In the last few years of his career, I got faster, he got slower. But for a long time, I was only coming in second. We were friends and I was happy for his success, but that was hard. Not fun, not at all. The only person I told was my mother. I would call her and complain for hours, then I would go and swim some more.”
“Are you telling me to shut up and swim?”
“No.” He turned me around. “I’m telling you that I understand how you’re feeling. I wish I could convince you that you’re wrong, but I understand.”
“Let’s go back to the car. Maybe you can drop me off at the apartment so you won’t be saddled with Miss Sourpuss all day.”
“What? That expression I don’t know.”
“I mean, you won’t have to be stuck with me and my bad attitude ruining your day with your friends.”
He put his arm around me and we walked toward the car. “I’d rather be with you than be with them.”
I knew it was childish, but it made my heart feel lighter. “Really?”
“Really,” he said, and trilled the R. I laughed and he pulled me closer to him. “By the way, prowess at shoplifting?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t always the clean-cut person I am today. I would have ended up just like Mikey, in juvie then jail, if my sixth-grade math teacher hadn’t taken an interest in me. She pretty much saved me.”
“How?”
“She got me into reading, and into school. She made me feel like I was smart and I could do something other than what I had bee
n doing, stealing and cutting class. She changed my life.”
“Did you ever tell her that?”
“No,” I answered. “I moved to a new school the next year, and that was it. I never saw her again. I told you I don’t like ties to the past. I move forward.”
“Even from the good things?”
I shrugged under his arm. “That’s how I roll. Where do you want to go next?”
Iván sighed. “Over the bridge. I told you I want to show you something. Let’s go.”
Chapter 9
Dylan drove again, and Iván started a long conversation with him about some of the swimmers he was coaching. Julia was quiet at first, but then she started chiming in with questions and suggestions. She seemed very knowledgeable about coaching.
“You don’t swim, right, Maura?” Dylan asked.
“No,” I said.
“She’s learning,” Iván told him. “I’m an excellent teacher.”
“Of course you are, you conceited ass,” Dylan told him. “What sports did you play when you were a kid?” he directed at me.
“I danced,” I said, looking out the window.
“You did? I didn’t know that. What kind of dance?” Iván asked me.
“Anything anyone would teach me. Ballet, mostly, but I’ve done everything. It was hard to keep it up, but I always tried to find a studio and convince them to take me.” On scholarship. “Now I work at Dance by Anouk,” I explained to Dylan and Julia. “After I work there, before I go to class or to Benji’s, I practice, and on Fridays Anouk gives me a lesson.” I reminded myself to tell Iván about her financial situation.
“I can imagine you as a ballerina,” Julia told me. “You’re so beautiful, and so regal in how you carry yourself.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
“That’s how you’re so strong,” Iván commented. “I wondered.”
“Also working out with Benji.” I laughed. “When I drag him out and force him.”
“We’re going to teach him to swim,” Iván said, and took my hand.
“I bet your mom was good at doing those big ballet hair buns for you,” Julia laughed. “My mom had serious skills with making a giant knot to fit under my swim cap.”
I nodded and made a non-committal noise.
“Do your parents still live in Los Angeles?” she asked.
“No.”
“They retired somewhere? That’s nice. My mom was talking about Florida until she heard about the baby,” Julia said. “Where do people go to retire out here? Arizona? The weather is already so beautiful.”
I was freezing, but whatever. “Um, I’m not sure where people retire. I guess I’ll figure that out when I get there. My mom is still in LA, in a way. She died when I was nine.” Iván’s hand tightened on mine.
“Maura, I’m so sorry,” Julia said, her voice breaking a little. “I keep saying the wrong things to you.”
“It’s ok. Really, Julia, it is.” I heard her sniffing a little, so I tried to explain more. “I didn’t know her. I hadn’t lived with her since I was six. She wasn’t a good mom.” I handed her a napkin from my purse.
“Thank you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m crying, too. I’m all hormoned up,” Julia said. She blew her nose.
“It’s really ok.”
She sniffled. “Are you close with your dad?”
“Um, no. My dad is in Pelican Bay. The penitentiary. At least, I think he’s still there.” And I thought he was my dad, but there were some questions.
There was a silence in the car. That’s how it usually got when people heard about me and my background.
“Parents can suck,” Dylan said suddenly. “We’re going to be good,” he told his wife.
“Get off at this exit,” Iván directed him, leaning forward and tapping him on the shoulder.
I looked around, realizing where we were. “Are we going to look at the house?”
“I thought they would want to take a tour.”
“Isn’t there an open house today? I don’t know if I want to see all the other people who want to buy it,” I told him. “Well, I guess if anyone really bugs me, I’ll just shiv them, like I learned from my father.”
There was another silence. Then Iván and Dylan started to laugh, really loud. Julia turned and smiled at me.
There were no other cars on the quiet street when we pulled up. “Wow, I guess this listing wasn’t as popular as the agent thought it would be,” I mentioned. Then I got excited. “Iván, maybe that means you have a better chance at getting it! But people must have rocks in their heads not to want it. It’s the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen,” I told Julia.
Iván led the way up the steps, with Dylan and Julia trailing behind us. “Let’s go in,” Iván said. He pushed open the door.
“Hey, this is a little weird,” I told him, tugging on his arm. “There’s no one here.”
We walked into the living room and he flipped on the lights.
“The open house must have been cancelled. Iván, I know rules don’t bother you too much, but we can’t be in someone else’s house.”
“Yes, that’s true,” he answered. “I’m so glad that it’s our house, then.”
I stopped dead. “What?”
He nodded. “The real estate agent called me last night to tell me they accepted the offer. It’s ours.”
I ran across the room and leaped on him like a lemur, throwing my arms around his neck.
“Are you happy?” he murmured into my ear.
It wasn’t my house, even. “Yes,” I choked out. “Yes.” I was bawling more than Julia.
We showed them the rest of the house when I calmed down, and then I couldn’t stop talking about how great it was. I was much better than the real estate agent. I pointed out all the special features, like the California Faience tiles, the hiding place in the master bedroom under the bookshelf that flipped up, the old niches for telephones.
“My mom will want to hang crosses in them,” Iván said about the niches. “We can take them down when she leaves, like I do in my apartment in Madrid. Remember that apartment, McKenzie? You and Julia liked the terrace.” Dylan suddenly looked furious and Julia turned bright red. Iván laughed like a maniac.
“I can still drive him crazy,” he said to Julia.
“Your time is coming, Marrero,” Dylan growled.
“I’d say it’s already here,” Julia said softly, and when I looked at her in question, she smiled and went on her tiptoes to kiss her husband.
We continued the tour outside in the cold. Northern California was Alaska to me.
“I had to waive inspections to put in a competitive offer, according to the agent, so I’m worried about the plumbing,” Iván mentioned to Dylan.
“Did you know about this obsession of his with pipes?” I asked Julia. I was feeling a lot friendlier to her. It helped that Iván was holding my hand as I said it.
“Dylan had a thing about roofing,” she told me.
We drove them down to the airport and said goodbye. We spent the way home planning, deciding about furniture, colors, plants. The outside of the house looked a little neglected and needed some landscaping and paint.
“Maybe a red door,” Iván suggested, “like at Ana Lívia’s house.”
He remembered that I had liked it at the Thanksgiving party. “I can start doing things over Christmas vacation while you’re in Spain.” He was going home, but I was working full days with Benji when his school ended until the Dorsets went away to Hawaii. Iván had wanted me to go with him, but I needed to work, and I refused to let him buy me a plane ticket anyway. There was also the minor problem of me going on a plane for 11 hours, when I still couldn’t go in the elevator.
Iván frowned. “I don’t want you there alone until we change the locks.”
“You remember that I lived at Mikey’s, right? You don’t even want to know about some of the places I lived as a kid. Your new house is in a very safe neighborhood. I have my stun gun, too.”
“Always,” I told him.
We spent the rest of the day studying and writing. I only had two finals and a paper, but Iván had three and the same essay as I had due for our literature class, which he hated. Toward the end of the night I noticed him coughing.
“Here.” I handed him a mug of tea with honey.
“Thank you. Me pica…I mean, sorry. My throat bothers me." He looked tired. When he was lapsing into Spanish without thinking about it, I knew he was done.
“Go to bed,” I told him. “We have all day tomorrow to work.” He touched a hand across my cheek and left, yawning.
I tried to study for a while longer, but I spent most of my time on the new house, making lists of repairs we needed to make, furniture for different rooms, dates of the flea markets I liked. The first thing I needed to do was hire a plumber to go over everything and give us a written report on the pipes to ease Iván’s mind about that. It was extremely exciting.
I was up before Iván the next morning and made breakfast, not as good as Julia’s, but things I knew he liked. When he didn’t come out after a while, I knocked.
Iván was sprawled, shirtless, across the bed. “I’m feeling sick,” he said in a raspy voice.
I felt his forehead. “I think you have a fever. Can you eat something?”
“I just want to sleep a little.” He turned on his side.
I brought him some more tea, then ran to the drugstore. He didn’t even have a thermometer.
“Yep, one hundred one,” I told him, looking at the tiny screen when I got back. “Here.” I spent the day dosing him with drugstore medicine and some of the herbal pills Anouk swore by. He ate a little toast, then slept more.
“How am I going to take these tests?” he asked me that evening, tired and pale and still feverish. His first exam was the next morning.
I was nervous for him as well. “You studied all along, right? And you’ve kept up with the reading. We’ll medicate you and you’ll be fine.” I hoped.
I drove him over the next morning and he put the seat all the way down to sleep. I waited outside for the three hours, finishing my paper for Aesthetic Lit.
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