Eden Summer

by Liz Flanagan

  ‘One day we’ll be gone, and some other kids will walk along here.’ I stop myself. It’s all a bit close to home, tonight.

  And we’re there. I hear the pounding beat, echoing off the hillside. I hear distant voices, lots of them, and spots of light like dozens of fireflies in the darkness.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  8.05 p.m.

  We reach the clearing in the woods. It’s a bowl-shaped space, edged with tall trees, packed with people. The music hasn’t ratcheted up yet: it’s slow and mellow with a deep bass note I feel in my chest. I see the DJs all set up down there – like this is a theatre and that’s the stage – with a generator and the projector sending up rainbow lights. People are milling around in groups, sitting in circles, smoking, waiting.

  I see Charlotte and Imogen, handing out flyers. They haven’t given up either, and I feel a surge of affection for them.

  ‘Maybe some of these people don’t even know about Eden?’ I say, scanning the crowd. I recognize a few faces from school. ‘So it’s our job to tell ’em, find out what they know.’ I’ve got my job description and it helps keep the panic at bay. I can do this, it’ll be like at work: it’s not about me, it’s about the task. I try to break the crowd down into manageable chunks. I can deal with two or three people at a time.

  I leave Liam and grab at Imo and Charlotte as they get near. ‘Hi. How’s it going? Can I see your flyer?’

  ‘Hey, Jess.’ Charlotte greets me in a hoarse whisper, as though she’s been crying too. ‘What a nightmare. Did you see it on the news?’

  I shake my head. ‘Been out looking all day. Nothing. Did the police come to yours too? What did they say?’

  ‘Not a lot. Questions mainly.’ Charlotte sounds beyond tired. All her perkiness is long gone. ‘They said they’re exploring all the lines of inquiry, whatever that means.’

  ‘It’s getting late, isn’t it?’ Imo looks different. This morning was an act, but it’s sunk in now. She’s shaky. Her mask isn’t there. ‘Do you really think she’s all right?’ She clutches at my arm like a drowning person. I’m sure it’s the first time she’s ever touched me, and I don’t even mind. ‘Jess, tell me the truth?’

  ‘My mum told me about her text. Saying goodbye. It doesn’t have to be that. What if she met someone?’

  ‘Who?’

  In answer, I look through the crowds and my gaze falls on someone I recognize: Tyler. He’s with some of his mates from last weekend. I need to talk to him.

  ‘I don’t know. We’re just guessing, that’s all. Can I see the flyer?’

  She gives me one and I hold it up, shining my torch on it. It’s the same stuff we put on social media, only somehow it feels more real, holding it in my hand. Eden’s face in black and white, smiling, beautiful. Fair hair, white teeth. It makes it seem as though she belongs in the past already.

  Was Iona really not her sister? Have I guessed right? I always thought they looked alike. But maybe I just saw what I expected.

  ‘Can I have some?’ I ask. ‘I’ll help.’

  ‘Thanks, Jess.’ Charlotte passes me a sheaf of flyers, with a quick, grateful smile.

  ‘Take care,’ Imo says.

  Their politeness is chilling. I hate that it’s taken today to make them accept me.

  I turn away and start working my way around the edge of the crowd, keeping my eyes on Tyler as I circle towards him. ‘Tyler! Hey.’

  ‘Jess,’ he says. I’m surprised he remembers my name. ‘Any news?’ He taps me gently on the arm in greeting.

  I take a step back, reading him, recalling that he’s number two on my list of suspects. ‘Not yet, but my mum said they’re starting search parties in town.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m heading down to join in. Just came here in case she was …’

  Really? Same plan as me. Or is that what the guilty man says to blend in? I’m too exhausted to act like the police, asking the right question and working out what he means by the answer. ‘Did you speak to Eden, after last Saturday?’

  ‘Sure.’ Now he looks surprised. ‘Didn’t she say? We met up Tuesday night. Late. We were gonna meet last night too, but she didn’t reply …’

  ‘Last night?’ If he was guilty, surely he wouldn’t admit that? Blink once: he’s a stranger, setting up secret late-night meetings with Eden. Blink twice: he’s kind and concerned, going out of his way for a girl he just met.

  ‘Thought she told you everything?’ Tyler is saying. ‘She said you two were tight.’

  Ridiculously, I feel betrayed. What else did she tell Tyler about me? ‘We are.’ I try not to sound defensive. Or we were. I feel, with every new fact I learn, Eden’s getting further away from me. She’s on the deck of a ship, heading out to sea, leaving me stranded.

  ‘She’ll be a’right, Jess. It’s no one’s fault,’ Tyler tells me gently, leaning in. ‘She’s coming outta rough times: her sister’s accident, just after the adoption papers an’ all that …’

  My jaw actually drops. I didn’t realize that was a real thing till now, when my mouth is hanging open. ‘She told you that?’ I’m not going to admit she only told me half of it and I had to guess the rest.

  ‘Yeah, last Saturday. We didn’t get much sleep—’ He sees my face. ‘Nah, not like that. Well, not just like that. I mean, we talked. Really talked. You might say we clicked.’

  That triggers such a daft mixture of jealousy and relief that I almost laugh out loud, but there’s something in his eyes that stops me. His big brown eyes are serious and concerned. I think he’s telling me the truth.

  ‘OK, good. I’m glad you clicked, really.’ And I am glad, at the back of my mind, below all the worry, cos me and Liam clicked too, and maybe, just maybe, there’s a way out of this, if we find Eden safe and well. That if is fragile, crumbling minute by minute.

  ‘She’s battled some demons, but she’s gonna come through, ain’t she, Jess?’

  I can’t say: I know Eden best, and even my faith is fading. I don’t want to take away his hope. Instead I take his number and hug him awkwardly around my bundle of flyers. I realise dimly that I’ve touched more people today than in the last ten months put together, and with everything else that’s going on, it’s been the least of my worries. ‘We’ll keep looking for her. We won’t give up. See you at the search party, yeah?’

  But as soon as I leave Tyler, I start spiralling fast again. I’m not helped by the bittersweet music and the sight of two girls from school crying over a crumpled flyer, Eden’s face all twisted sideways on it. Then I have a horrible thought.

  If Eden died, would we be the chief mourners? Me, Liam, Imogen, Charlotte, now Tyler too. We are Eden’s best friends. Would we be near the front at her funeral? Would we stand and speak about what she meant to us? Would I write a poem that made people cry?

  I try to imagine a world without Eden in it, but it is impossible. It’s like imagining no more sun.

  The pain in my chest feels like a bomb about to explode. Is this it? Is this what I’m facing? Life without Eden.

  Tick, tick, tick …

  I can’t go on. It hurts too much. I do not want to go forward into that future without her. I fold my arms across my chest to contain the ticking bomb, as if I can squash it down and stop it from destroying me.

  That’s when it happens.

  My phone buzzes and I pull it out, expecting Mum again.

  It’s Eden.

  Her mobile. Not her landline.

  Eden.

  Chapter Thirty

  8.35 p.m.

  Eden! My fingers are stupid, swollen, clumsy. I nearly drop the phone. I nearly hit reject in my panic.

  ‘Eden? Eden, is that you?’

  I can’t hear anything.

  ‘Eden? Eden?’ I sink down on the slope, the flyers drifting around my feet like snow. I jam one hand over my ear to block out the music. ‘Where are you? What happened? Are you there? Eden?’

  Silence.

  ‘Are you OK? Eden, are you OK?’ I hardly know what I’m
saying. I still can’t hear her. A plane burrs overhead. I hear that in stereo, with the slow bass.

  Icy fingers squeeze my heart. What if she’s hurt? What if she’s trying to speak but she can’t? She might’ve fallen. She might’ve broken something.

  ‘Eden? Eden, tell me you’re OK!’

  I think I can hear someone breathing. Listening.

  ‘Eden?’

  I press the phone harder to my ear, but I can still only hear the bloody plane and the music, distantly.

  What if she’s hurt herself and she didn’t want to be alone as she slipped away?

  ‘Eden, if you can hear me, hang on, OK? Just tell me where you are? Everything’s going to be OK. Just let me help, please?’

  Silence. A deeper silence this time. I can’t hear the breathing now, or the plane, or the music.

  ‘Eden!’ I scream it.

  A horrible thought slithers in and coils around my brain. What if it’s not Eden? What if someone’s got her?

  ‘OK, you listen to me.’ I try to sound brave, but it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. The phone wobbles against the side of my face because my fingers are trembling so hard. ‘If you can hear me … if that’s someone else, just stay calm. Tell me where you are—’

  The line goes dead. Whoever phoned me has hung up.

  ‘No, no, no. You can’t. No!’

  I call her back. Straight to voicemail. Redial, redial.

  I sit there, in shock. My mind is a jumble, a deck of cards chucked to the ground. Which ones do I pick up first? I have to tell Liam.

  First I ring Mum.

  ‘Mum? It’s me. No, don’t lecture. Stop! Listen to me!’ Words pour out of me, a torrent that is so strong she can’t swim against it. ‘Eden just rang me, or her phone did. I couldn’t hear anything. Nothing! Just now. But she hung up, and now she’s not answering. You’ve got to ring Claire.’ I find the strength to give orders. ‘Tell the police. Quick. I have to go. In case she rings again. Now, Mum, please!’

  I hang up, gripping my phone tightly in my hand, like it’s the most precious thing in the world.

  My legs feel like chewed grass. I get up and stagger down the hill.

  Tick, tick, tick …

  The clock’s speeded up. Countdown.

  Come on, Jess, think! What’s really happening here? What would Eden do? What tipped her over the edge? Eden lost her sister. Her only sister, whatever their history.

  Then it hits me. Now I know the whole story, I know where Eden is. I know where she’d go.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  8.35 p.m.

  I break into a run, looking for Liam. I can’t do this alone. I need him. If Eden’s not alone, or if she’s hurt, it’s going to take more than me … I push through bodies, uncaring.

  The music sounds louder now, and I realize I’m right: she is near here. When we were talking, I heard the bass of the music and the plane passing overhead at the same time – down the phone and right here. The plane noise might carry for miles, but not the music. It has to be nearby. I must be right.

  Tick, tick, tick …

  This is the end of the race. Adrenalin gives me wings. I push on, shouting, ‘Liam? Where’s Liam Caffrey?’

  People stare at me, faces blank as masks, split in two, light and shade.

  I blunder through. ‘Liam?’ My voice gets high and desperate. I need him more than I want to admit. ‘Liam!’

  Suddenly there is space. There is Liam. And there is Josh Clarkson. My heart sinks.

  In front of the DJ decks, flanked by two huge speakers, there’s a gap where there should be dancing. People cluster in a nervy circle around Liam and Josh.

  ‘Liam!’ I shout. ‘Liam! She rang me! Eden’s phone rang me!’ But he’s not listening. Josh is right in his face.

  ‘Come on, shithead, what did you do to her?’ Josh is taunting Liam, loud and slurring.

  ‘Get lost, Clarkson, I didn’t touch her. I wouldn’t.’

  Josh is shoving Liam in the chest and circling him. Unsteady, on his toes, like he thinks they’re in Fight Club or something.

  The stupid coloured lights give us all a front-row view of the circus.

  Josh’s still holding a can in his left hand, slopping cider as he jabs with his right fist. His boy-band hair flops in lank strips, and his pretty-boy face is as screwed up as a snarling dog’s.

  ‘Liam! Stop it. Listen – I need to tell you something!’ My voice sounds weak and strangled. I try to get closer, but my body has other ideas. There is no way it’s going near a fight. My legs are shaking so much I can’t trust them right now. This is ridiculous. It’s like I’m stuck on an old setting. I need to override it. I will do it, for Eden’s sake.

  ‘That’s not what I heard, you fucker.’ Jab. Josh’s too pissed to hide his jealousy. He throws his can behind him.

  ‘So?’ Liam’s jaw juts tight. ‘She’s not your property. She gets to choose who she’s with.’

  ‘Liam!’ I try again, but he can’t hear me with Josh blocking him. I can’t move. I look around me for help, scanning the faces, illuminated green, blue and yellow.

  Tyler is there. He meets my eyes, sees the state I’m in. He starts pushing through the crowd. But before he can speak—

  ‘She was my girlfriend first. Bastard!’ Josh screams, and launches himself at Liam. He grabs him by his T-shirt and slams him up against the speaker behind them. He pulls his arm back and throws a punch. Liam ducks and the force of the blow topples the speaker backwards, taking both of them with it.

  The music cuts out.

  The speaker hits the ground and they roll off, tumbling onto the ground. People scatter, getting out of their way, but then coming back in for a better view, like all this is a spectator sport.

  I’m trying to get a grip, my hands on my thighs, gulping down air. I can’t help it. I sink slowly, letting people surge forwards past me to see. Come on, Jess, this isn’t aimed at you. I manage to stand. I take a wobbling step towards them. I can do this. For Eden’s sake. I can. I take control. I go closer.

  I see Josh yelling in Liam’s face, slamming his fist down again and again. Liam twists aside. He jumps to his feet, furious now. Even in this light, I can see his cheek swelling red around a white blaze. His hair’s all tufted up.

  They face off, like two fighting dogs. Circling. Liam’s ready, fists up, defensive. He’s taller and stronger than Josh. And sober.

  ‘Yeah? Think you’re hard enough? Think again, Caffrey,’ Josh screeches. ‘I know about you. What you’re like. Scum.’

  Everyone looks at Liam. He doesn’t answer. I see the tension in his jaw.

  ‘Go on, wanna hit me again?’ Josh yells. ‘I can take it. It’ll be worth it to see the back of you. Second offence, with your record? They’ll throw away the fucking keys. Do it! Fucking do it!’

  I throw myself forwards, past Tyler, into the ring, into the fight, for Eden. ‘Liam! Don’t. Stop. Come with me!’

  He hears me now all right. Everyone hears me in the shocking silence.

  ‘Come on, Eden rang me. She needs us. Now!’

  Tyler spins, like he’s magnetized by the news. I don’t care about him. I stare at Liam. He has to listen, after all it cost me to reach him.

  Liam looks back at me, and I think he’s with me. I think he’s going to follow me.

  Josh spits in Liam’s face.

  That’s when Liam cracks. I see him grab Josh’s shirt and pull him up, his fist raised.

  I give up. I turn on my heel. I’ll do this alone if I have to.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  9.06 p.m.

  I ring Eden’s phone, leave a message on her voicemail. ‘I’m coming, E. Wait for me, please. I’m on my way. Hang in there.’ I flee from the clearing, stumbling and clutching at tree trunks. My mouth tastes sour and dry with fear.

  I take the quickest route – up the hill to the old packhorse trail just above the treeline, where massive stones are set into the ground – a centuries-old hig
hway. My feet skim over the smooth weathered stones, like whalebacks surfacing from the close-grazed grass.

  I speed up. I’m almost running on empty, but like at the end of a race, my body finds more. It changes gear, surprising me.

  Eden wanted what she couldn’t have: to make it right with her sister. That’s impossible, so what’s the next best thing? The place they’d been happiest. I’m sure Eden went there. That’s where she is, right now. That’s where I’m going. I’m trusting what I know about Eden. I’m trusting all our years together.

  If I’m wrong, I’m out of ideas, out of luck, out of time.

  I’m going to the place Iona loved, up this valley, near their old house – the one from the old photo in their hallway, where they’d been happy. I’m going to the river, Iona’s favourite spot, only two fields down from their old house. I’m going to that place, to the circle carved into the valley, like a cupped palm, so the sun gets trapped there, where the river flows into a sweet round pool, just deep enough to swim. I’m going to that place, where we spent hours exploring upstream, making dams, clambering over rocks, skimming stones, throwing sticks for the farmer’s crazy collie. I’m going there, where Iona took us for long summer afternoons, where we’d eat bilberries till our mouths were stained purple, where we stayed all day till we were sunburned and soaked through.

  It was heaven for Iona.

  It’s everything Eden’s lost.

  It’s where she would go to feel close to her sister.

  Or to join her.

  I hurry over the last large stones, vault the stile and I’m almost there, descending to that place, ducking down to the river. The moon is enough now. The pale grey path shines in the moonlight. A ghost path, beckoning me on.

  ‘Let her be there. Please. Let her be alive!’ I whisper to the rhythm of my rushing feet. I pray to the moon, to the woods, to the pale horizon.

  It must be a shadow, a cloud over the moon, like a blinking eye. The light changes. I swear the world is listening. The night air is alive around me.