A sob burst from her throat as she imagined his reaction. Would he turn away from her in disgust, as Joshua had done? Or would he suggest that it was better if they went their separate ways?
The scenes played over and over in her mind until she fell into a troubled sleep, her dreams filled with Slade. He was invariably walking away.
It was a shock to find him standing at her bedside next morning, like a ghost from her disturbed dreams. His expression was unrelenting.
‘What is it? What’s the matter?’ she asked, sitting up. Had she imagined her languid lover of last night? This morning, he looked like an avenging angel.
‘This is what’s wrong,’ he said, holding out a strip of foil dotted with coloured tablets. ‘I take it these are yours?’
‘Yes, they’re mine,’ she admitted tiredly. Why did he have to find them now, before she could tell him in her own way?
‘You lied when you said you couldn’t have children, didn’t you?’
‘It isn’t a lie. I can have them physically, but I mustn’t.’ She buried her face in her hands. ‘How can I make you understand?’
He tossed the pills on to the bed beside her. ‘I understand all right. This explains why you’re never at home when I call, yet you never have any purchases or a new hairstyle to account for your time. You never had any intention of being faithful, did you?’
‘You’re wrong, so wrong.’ Her breath came in heaving sobs as she fought to get the words out to make him understand. But it was too late; he had already slammed out of the bedroom.
CHAPTER TEN
‘SLADE, wait.’ Frantically, Eden pulled on a kimono and raced after him, catching up with him in the living-room. His face was set in stone and his body language spoke total rejection. She wasn’t sure he even heard her.
‘I was going to tell you today,’ she volunteered.
He swung around, his eyes blazing. ‘Tell me what? More half-truths? I thought we’d reached a point where we could be honest with each other. Now I find you’re up to your old tricks, twisting the truth to suit yourself.’
‘You’re never going to let me forget about that job application, are you?’
‘I’d already forgotten it, until I was forcibly reminded while searching for some sunscreen lotion for Katie this morning.’ He spread his hands wide. ‘No wonder you were ready to suspect me of having an affair with Dana. It takes one to know one, doesn’t it?’
With no defence against this accusation, she turned away. It hadn’t occurred to him to wonder why she cared if he was having an affair. She wished that she had trusted him enough to ask outright, but it was too late now. The damage was done. He wouldn’t believe anything she told him after this.
‘It seems we’re at an impasse,’ she said dully. ‘Do you want me to go away?’
‘No!’ The strangled cry followed by the door slamming drew their attention. Eden’s shocked look went to Slade. ‘How much do you think Katie heard?’
‘More than enough.’ Wrenching the door open, he led the way into the corridor but there was no sign of the child. ‘She can’t be far. You check the house, I’ll look in the grounds,’ he instructed crisply.
Eden took the stairs two at a time but Katie’s room was empty, the lace curtains billowing at the open window. She went to it and looked out, spotting Slade below. He was also alone.
‘Have you seen Katie?’ she asked Ellen in the kitchen.
The housekeeper was rolling out pastry and gestured with floury hands. ‘She ran through here as if the devil were on her heels. I asked her what was the matter, but she didn’t stop.’
Eden’s heart sank. ‘She overheard Slade and me having an argument. I think it reminded her of her parents.’
Ellen wiped her hands on a tea-towel. ‘Poor child. I’ll come and help you look. She needs to know that every argument doesn’t mean the world is coming to an end.’
It would be hard to explain this one away, Eden thought, as doubt assailed her. If the little girl had heard Eden mention leaving, the results could be disastrous. They had to find her.
A thorough search of the house and grounds revealed no sign of Katie. Then Slade reported finding a hole in the bushes alongside the electronic gates. ‘It’s just big enough for a child to squeeze through,’ he told them.
‘If she’s left the grounds, where would she go?’
They tried calling the school, which was closed for the holidays, but a caretaker answered and promised to look out for a distraught child. Calls to several of Katie’s friends were equally unhelpful.
‘I have something,’ Ellen reported. ‘I found this on the hall table where we usually put the mail.’
It was a hastily scribbled note. The childish writing said, ‘Gone to Grandma’s.’
Slade reached for the telephone. ‘I’ll alert Marian and the airport in case she makes it to the Gold Coast. God knows, she’s ingenious enough to find a way.’
He began to dial but Eden’s fingers closed on the telephone, cutting him off. ‘She isn’t headed for Queensland,’ she told him, her heart hammering painfully. ‘I think I know where to find her.’
With shaking hands, she dialled Shepherd House and asked for the matron. Slade watched, anger surrounding him like an aura. She could tell he thought this was another example of her deviousness. No matter what the consequences to herself, she prayed that her hunch was correct.
When the matron answered, she described Katie and asked whether anyone had seen the child. When the answer came, relief made her slump against the wall. ‘She’s safe at Shepherd House,’ she said, feeling her eyes fill with tears.
His lip curled into a sneer. ‘Since you have all the answers, I suggest you give me directions. I’ll drive.’
As they drove, he gripped the wheel with savage intensity, taking risks with the traffic which she had never seen him do before. He was normally a fast but careful driver. ‘There’s no need to get us both killed to get even with me,’ she said as he cut in on another car.
‘Getting you killed would be a kindness compared to what I’d like to do to you,’ he growled and she shivered. ‘This time you’ve gone too far, involving an innocent child in your schemes.’
She flinched as if from a blow. But this wasn’t the time to worry about herself. Until they had Katie back safely, nothing else mattered. ‘Turn here,’ she instructed belatedly, gripping the door-handle as the car screamed round the corner on two wheels.
‘What is this, some kind of school?’ he demanded as they pulled up outside the nineteeth-century seminary which was now Shepherd House.
‘It’s a hospice for people with degenerative illnesses,’ she explained in a tired monotone.
Before he could quiz her further she hurried up the steps. The matron was waiting for them in the reception area.
‘I thought it was odd when the child turned up here in a taxi on her own. If you hadn’t telephoned, I was going to call you.’
‘Where is she?’ Slade demanded impatiently.
The matron directed her answer to Eden, unimpressed by Slade’s abruptness. ‘She’s in the television-room with your mother.’
Eden knew the way. As they hurried along the corridor, Slade’s grip on her arm was punishing. ‘Your mother? This gets better and better.’
The tension inside him was palpable. He was like a coiled spring. When the force was unleashed she knew who would be on the receiving end. The prospect was daunting, but she would deal with it when the time came. For now, all her concern was for Katie.
There were only two people in the television-room. Peggy Lyle sat serenely in a wing-backed chair, her pale face almost empty of expression. She hardly seemed to be present at all, except in a physical sense. Katie didn’t seem to notice as she chattered to Peggy and worked the television set by remote control. They were watching the videotape Katie had made at the television studio the previous day.
‘This is called a screen test, when they try you out to see if you’re any good on television,�
�� Katie explained to Peggy.
Belatedly, the child noticed Slade and Eden in the doorway. ‘Oh, it’s you.’
‘We were worried about you, sweetheart,’ Eden said softly.
‘You weren’t worried about me when you planned to go away.’
Eden went down on her knees and took the child in her arms. She was stiff with hostility. ‘Don’t you know how much we love you, Katie?’
‘My mummy loved me too,’ she said stubbornly. ‘It didn’t stop bad things from happening.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry if you thought it was going to happen again because you heard Slade and me arguing.’
Katie’s chin jutted out. ‘You and Slade were yelling at each other, just like mummy and daddy did before...’
‘So you ran away before anything bad could happen.’
Katie looked up at Slade apprehensively. ‘I didn’t really run away. I took my pocket money and came to visit Grandma. She said I could come any time.’
Peggy Lyle reached out awkwardly and tousled the child’s hair. ‘You’re a good girl, just like your mummy.’
The words were so slurred as to be barely understandable but Katie translated for Slade’s benefit. ‘Grandma thinks Eden’s my real mummy.’
‘So I gather. You can tell me all about it at home, Katie. It’s time to go now.’
The child’s uncertain glance went to Eden. ‘Are you coming home too?’
‘Of course, sweetheart.’
‘Then you and Slade aren’t going to fight any more?’
A sharp pain lanced through Eden. ‘I can’t promise, darling. Could you promise never to get angry about anything ever again?’
Katie thought for a moment. ‘I suppose not.’
‘Then neither can grown-ups. But we can tray.’ She prayed that Slade wouldn’t contradict her, at least until they were alone. For the moment, Katie needed every bit of reassurance they could offer.
She drew Slade forward and placed his hand in Peggy’s. ‘Mother, I want you to meet my husband, Slade Benedict.’
‘Pleased to meet you, Mrs Lyle,’ he said gently, studying the frail woman in front of him. How
Eden wished he could have met Peggy when she was well, full of laughter and vitality. They would have got on well, she felt sure.
There was only the faintest spark of response as Peggy looked at Slade. ‘Hello.’
‘She doesn’t say much to strangers. Talking is hard for her,’ Eden explained.
Peggy brightened noticeably when Katie came forward for a hug. Slade took a step back. ‘They don’t seem to have any communication problems,’ he observed wryly, watching Katie and Peggy together.
‘She seems to sense that Katie accepts her as she is. Adults rarely offer that kind of acceptance.’
He raised an ironic eyebrow. ‘Trying to tell me something, Eden?’
What was the point when he had already made up his mind about her? She took the child’s hand as they started for the door. ‘Aren’t you taking your videotape?’ she remembered.
Katie shook her head. ‘I’ll see it when I visit Grandma again. I thought she’d like it to keep her company.’
A lump rose in Eden’s throat. ‘I’m sure she’ll enjoy it,’ she managed with difficulty.
Slade’s silent condemnation hung over her like a cloud as they travelled home. She almost would have preferred him to berate her. Anything was better than enduring his cold rejection. She knew he was containing himself for Katie’s sake and was foolishly grateful, although the time wasn’t far off when she would bear the full brunt of his pent-up fury.
Ellen treated the little girl like a prodigal daughter and immediately volunteered to take her out for the day. They were discussing where they would go to have lunch when the door closed behind them.
Eden waited until she heard Ellen’s car drive away before she looked at Slade, unconsciously squaring her shoulders. ‘There doesn’t seem to be any harm done, thank goodness.’
‘It depends whom you’re referring to,’ he said coolly. ‘Katie hasn’t suffered, I’ll grant you. But it seems you have a whole secret life you haven’t deigned to share with me.’
The heavy sarcasm in his voice wounded her but she faced him unflinchingly. ‘The kind of marriage you wanted didn’t seem to require an exchange of confidences.’
If Slade had been angry before, it was nothing compared to the murderous rage she provoked in him now. His white face and searing gaze made her take a step backwards. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t hit you,’ he ground out, ‘although, God knows, I probably should. But I still have some standards left, even if you don’t.’
‘That’s unfair,’ she denied. ‘All I did was——’
He silenced her with a slashing gesture. ‘All you did was mislead me from the moment I set eyes on you. Damn you, why did you tell me you had no family?’
‘I didn’t tell you. I left a blank when I applied for a job with your firm.’
‘You left more than a blank,’ he railed. ‘You deliberately let me think you had no one, even after you agreed to marry me.’
Her defences crumbled in the face of his relentless anger. She felt as if a great storm was buffeting her, threatening to knock her off her feet, and she gripped the back of a chair. ‘I don’t deny it, but I had good reason.’
He swore under his breath. ‘I’ll bet you did. Well, I’m waiting, but try and make it the truth this time, if you still recall what the word means.’
She swayed, feeling physically battered by his attack. ‘Oh, I know what the truth means,’ she said grimly. ‘I had to face plenty of it when I was told what was wrong with my mother. She has a genetic illness which only shows itself in middle age. I didn’t tell you because...’
‘Because it’s the kind which skips a generation, and can be passed on to any children you may have,’ he interpreted with devastating accuracy.
‘So now you know why I mustn’t think of having children of my own,’ she said stiffly, fighting to keep from breaking down completely. Where were the words of reassurance, of love, which she longed to hear? Why didn’t he tell her that it was all right, none of it mattered to him as long as they were together?
She almost laughed aloud at her own thoughts. Surely she had enough experience by now to know that what she wanted was impossible?
He raked a hand through his hair. ‘God, Eden, why didn’t you trust me enough to share this with me?’
She gave a hollow laugh. ‘The last man I told couldn’t get out of my life quickly enough.’
‘It’s a lot to come to grips with.’
She might have known he would sympathise with the man who walked out on her. ‘You should try being in my shoes.’
His answering look was bleak. ‘How long did you plan to keep it a secret?’
‘With the kind of marriage we agreed to, it didn’t seem to matter, as long as I was a good mother to Katie.’
A look of utter weariness darkened his features. ‘So it was all for Katie, was it?’
It was for you, too. The words rose in her throat but she throttled them back. What a weapon an admission of love would give him against her. In his present black mood, he wouldn’t hesitate to use it and she couldn’t bear to have her feelings thrown in her face. If he even chose to believe her. ‘Katie was the reason we married,’ she reminded him in a subdued voice.
‘Of course.’ His gaze burned into her, into her very soul. The shock of her revelation was finally getting through to him, she assumed. And he was reacting precisely as she had feared he would.
What had she expected? Reassurance that everything would be all right? A promise to stand by her no matter what the future held? Only true love could create such a bond. Being good together in bed wasn’t nearly enough.
‘Isn’t there some sort of genetic test which can be done to establish whether or not you carry the gene?’ he asked.
Wearily, she shook her head. ‘You need grandparents and parents who can be tested to establish a genetic patt
ern. I don’t have enough living relatives for a test to be conclusive.’
His bleak expression told her nothing. ‘Do you have any more surprises in store for me, Eden?’
Bitterness surged through her. ‘Isn’t today’s news enough for anyone?’
He moved towards her but she shrank back. ‘It’s all right, I don’t need your pity.’
He froze in mid-step. ‘Pity wasn’t what I had in mind, but you probably wouldn’t know the difference.’
He thrust past her and the door slammed, separating them. She stayed where she was for a long time, her heart aching as she heard him drive away. Finally she went upstairs and lay down, letting sleep replace the tears she was afraid to cry in case she couldn’t stop.
Hours later, she awoke heavy-eyed and disorien-tated. Ellen and Katie were playing a board game downstairs but Slade was still missing. ‘Did Slade say what time he’d be back?’ she asked the housekeeper, although she was terrified she already knew the answer.
‘I haven’t heard from him since Katie and I got back after lunch. Is there anything I can do, dear? You’re as white as a ghost.’
There was nothing anyone could do. Slade had turned his back on her. Was it any wonder that she hadn’t volunteered her secret?
Somehow she got through the day and the one that followed without alarming Katie. With no word from Slade, it was a supreme effort to act as if nothing was wrong when her world had crumbled around her. She visited her mother and pottered around the house and garden, wondering what she would do if he never came back into her life.
It took a telephone call from his secretary to jolt her back to life. ‘I’m at my wits’ end,’ she said. ‘Mr Benedict hasn’t called in and I need answers on several of his projects.’
Eden knew the girl well from her own days at Benedict Communications. She asked for a summary of the projects which were on hold during Slade’s absence. As the secretary talked, an idea began to form in her mind. ‘I’m familiar with most of those projects so I should be able to help,’ she said. ‘I’ll be in as soon as I can.’
She could sense the other woman’s scepticism and smiled. The expression felt strange, as if her facial muscles had atrophied. She hadn’t done much smiling lately. But the idea of going to Slade’s office challenged her. As his wife she was co-owner of the company, and she knew as much about its workings as anyone there. She might not be much of a wife, but she could prove herself in other ways.
Flight Of Fantasy Page 14
