“Apparently Mom did.”
Ryder swung at him then, and Jake dodged his blow, blocking it with his arm. He shoved Ryder away, hard enough to knock him into the fence. “It’s the truth. I found it out when I took over the ranch. There were papers explaining everything, and a legal adoption by Mom,” he explained, his voice rising. “I didn’t want to believe it, either,” he confessed.
Ryder looked stunned as he straightened and faced Jake. He didn’t say anything.
“It makes sense, Ryder, when you think about it. I don’t look like you or Deke or Lynn. You’ve all got blond hair, and mine’s brown. Your eyes are blue, mine are dark-brown. Think about it,” he stated defensively. “It’s true. I guess they never intended to tell us.”
“Who else knows about this?” Ryder demanded.
“Just me, now that Frank Davis is dead. And my biological mother, whoever and wherever she is.” He bit his lip, then said, “I don’t want Lynn or Deke to know.”
Ryder swore, then took a deep breath. “If it’s true,” he began slowly, as if he still doubted it, “what difference does it make? You’re our brother and you always will be.”
Jake just looked at him, his jaw tight.
“Damn, Jake, did you think this would matter to me or Lynn or Deke?” he asked. From his brother’s expression, it was apparent that Jake had worried about exactly that. “We have the same McCall blood running through our veins. You’re our brother, for heaven’s sake!”
Jake said nothing, and Ryder swore again. “Even knowing about this, you took care of us. If you loved us enough to do that, how can you even think that we’d feel differently about you?”
“I don’t know.” Jake shook his head. “It was a hell of a thing to learn after Mom and Dad died.”
“I guess that’s so, but it doesn’t change anything. I mean it.” He put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’ve been carrying this around for years,” he commented. “Is that why you’ve been so hard on Catherine?” Ryder asked.
Jake didn’t say anything. He knew Ryder was right—he just couldn’t admit as much.
“So you’re punishing her for Dad’s indiscretion?”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Jake told him. “But I can’t let myself trust her again.”
Ryder glared at Jake. “You’re going to just let her walk out of your life?”
Jake favored his brother with a hard look. “I’m not letting her do anything. She doesn’t live here. She doesn’t want to live here.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Jake grunted. “She’s going back to Lubbock. I’m not going to stand in her way.”
“Even if it means that she’ll be taking Matthew with her?” Ryder persisted.
Jake looked over the fence at his son, who was out riding in the pasture. “Damn, I’m going to miss him.” His voice was strained.
“Then don’t let him go,” Ryder told his brother. When Jake said nothing, Ryder continued, “Look, I’m no idiot. I’ve seen the way you look at Catherine and the way she looks at you.”
Jake glared at him. “Mind your own business.”
“You’re going to tell me you don’t care if she leaves?”
“I’m not going to tell you anything. Let’s get back to work.”
Ryder swore. “You’re dumber than you look.”
Jake sat at the desk in the office and tried to think about anything except the fact that Catie was leaving tomorrow. It wasn’t as simple as Ryder made it out to be. Catie was ready to go home. She’d mentioned that she was leaving several days ago. She had a job, a life in Lubbock.
Jake had no right to ask her to stay. As Jake saw it, he had two choices. He could fight Catie for Matthew, or he could accept a custody agreement that would allow him to see his son on school breaks and during the summers.
Jake didn’t want to let Matthew go. They’d become close over the summer. It did a little something to Jake’s heart every time his son called him Dad. Matthew was the only child Jake would ever have. He couldn’t contain the pride that made his chest swell when Matthew looked at him as if he could move mountains.
Catie was the problem. Jake wandered over to the window and looked out. He was immediately aware of the ache in his chest as he watched her talking to Russ. Ryder was wrong. It was lust, not love, he felt for Catie. He couldn’t love her. He couldn’t afford to love any woman.
He had nothing to offer Catie. She was young and vibrant and still had a yearning for life and all it entailed. Over the summer Jake had watched her change. While living on the ranch had come easily to Ashley, Catie had had to work at accepting things moving at a slower pace. She’d seemed happy enough, though, living on the ranch for the summer. Probably because she knew it was temporary.
Jake moved away from the window when he saw Catie heading toward the house. He walked over and stopped in the doorway of the office. His chest grew heavy as she stepped into the hallway.
“Catie.”
Catherine smiled when she saw Jake. “Hi.” Her heart sped into high gear just at the sight of him.
Jake frowned. “I’d like to speak with you for a minute.”
“Sure.” For a reason she couldn’t state, that one sentence sounded ominous to her. Catherine tried very hard to keep her breathing steady. This past week had been the hardest in her life. She’d let herself hope that Jake had come to terms with why she’d kept Matthew a secret from him. She’d even let herself dream of them making a life together.
She and Matthew could be happy living on Jake’s ranch with all of his family. Though it still hurt that she’d been rejected and disowned by her parents and sisters, Catherine felt so much love and acceptance from the McCall clan. In her heart she secretly harbored the wish that Jake loved her as much as she loved him. The foreboding look on his face, the stern expression in his eyes, warned her that she was living in a dreamworld.
Jake nodded. “Come on in.”
Catherine walked through the door, and he slowly closed it. With trepidation, she watched him circle the desk and stand behind it, as if to put distance between them.
“What’s the matter, Jake?” she asked, trying very hard to keep herself calm. She moved closer to the desk. Something was about to happen that Catherine felt she wasn’t going to like. She could sense it from Jake’s distant manner.
He stood quietly looking at her, his expression determined. Then, without blinking, he stated, “I want to keep Matthew here on the ranch with me.”
“What?” Catherine didn’t exactly understand. Then she figured that he meant until school started. “I wish he could stay a while longer, really I do, but there’s a lot to do to get him ready for the beginning of the school year. We have to go back now or else I’d never get everything done.”
Even though over the past few weeks they’d become lovers, Jake hadn’t made any reference to their relationship becoming permanent. Though Catherine loved Jake, she had her pride. She wasn’t going to make a fool of herself and confess her love for him. She had to accept that he didn’t love her. Sure, they were still good together in bed, but apparently to Jake that was all she meant to him.
Jake put his hands on his hips. “You don’t understand. I want to keep him here permanently.”
Catherine swayed, his words knocking her off balance. Her mouth fell open as she stared at him with disbelief. “Oh my, oh, no—” she squared her shoulders “—you want to take him from me.” The realization hit her like a heat wave. “I let him come here for the summer so you could get to know each other. I never dreamed—” Her eyes clouded with pain. “This is how you repay me?”
Jake didn’t say anything. It was exactly what he’d intended when she’d agreed to let Matthew stay at the ranch for the summer.
“What have you told Matthew?” she demanded. “Did you tell him you were going to keep him here?”
“I haven’t said anything to Matthew yet. I wanted to talk it out with you first.”
“Talk it out
? Well, you can’t have him, Jake. How’s that for talking it out?” Her eyes darkened, her pupils becoming as black as thunderclouds.
“I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to a fight between us,” Jake returned roughly.
He’d caught her off guard. She’d never expected him to betray her trust like this. She’d done her part by agreeing to spend the summer on the ranch. This wasn’t fair! Her jaw locked as she clamped her teeth together. Finally she took a deep breath, then spoke.
“What? You thought I’d just give up my son without a fight?” Then a horrible thought dawned on her. She’d been such a fool! “Is that what sleeping with me was all about?” she demanded, remembering the way she’d so easily given herself to him. “Was it your plan all along to get me into bed? Did you think that it would be that simple—that for a summer fling I’d let you have my son?”
She began trembling, her body shaking with fury. Her eyes filled with fire. She opened her mouth to speak, clamped it shut again, then turned her back on him and marched toward the door.
Jake started after her. “Catie, wait!”
She stopped, then whirled around to face him. “Leave me alone, Jake.” She hated the tears that came then. And she hated the tremor in her voice. She’d have given anything to have appeared strong, instead of on the edge of breaking down.
He frowned at her, and she turned her back to him again. Jake grabbed her arm and made her face him, and she tried to jerk away. She was so angry, so hurt. She looked pointedly at his hand on her arm.
“Take your hand off me.”
Jake did, but he didn’t move away from her. “I didn’t want to do it this way. I never meant to hurt you,” he claimed.
“Well, you failed miserably!” she retorted. “If you think I’m giving up my son without a fight, you’re mistaken,” she cried, her voice vibrating, her throat aching. “I’ll fight you with everything I own,” she promised. “I swear to you, Jake McCall, in the long run you may win, but I’ll die trying to keep Matthew.”
Catherine jerked open the door and hurriedly left the office. As she was going down the hallway, she brushed past Ashley without speaking. She couldn’t talk to anyone at the moment. She was likely to break down and cry. Jake had hurt her more than she’d ever dreamed possible. She’d trusted him when he’d said he only wanted Matthew to come to the ranch for the summer. All along he’d had other motives—plans to take Matthew from her.
Catherine entered her room in a flurry and rushed to pack her clothes. She was leaving this ranch. Now, before Jake or anyone tried to stop her. And she was taking her son.
Fuming, she threw what she’d brought with her in her suitcase without thought or reason. She would ask Ryder to drive her and Matthew to the airport. If he refused, she’d take one of their damned cars!
What a complete fool she’d been to trust Jake. She had to get away, to distance herself from Jake mentally as well as physically. She’d found it so easy to talk to him, to lean on him, to let him close. Then, without warning, he’d walked on her heart.
Any hope that Jake had feelings for her died the moment he’d told her that he was planning to fight her for Matthew. He couldn’t care for her and hurt her like that.
She’d told Jake that she could handle an affair. Well, that’s what it had been, no matter how she tried to sugarcoat it. Foolishly she’d let her heart get in the way of her good sense. Now she was going to pay for it.
Jake hadn’t really wanted her. He’d wanted Matthew.
“What’s going on?” Ashley asked, bewildered. Jake was standing in the doorway, staring after Catherine as she disappeared down another hallway. “Is Catherine all right?” She took one look at Jake, and asked, “What did you say to her?”
“I told her I want to keep Matthew.” Jake went back into the office. Ashley followed him.
“You didn’t!”
“I’ve missed the first twelve years of his life. I want him here on the ranch with me. He likes it here. He’ll want to stay,” Jake insisted.
“Maybe for a while, because this is all so new to him. But eventually he’ll miss his mother, Jake.”
“We’ll work out some kind of custody agreement.”
“It didn’t sound to me as if you’re going to work out anything,” Ashley commented. “Catherine was really upset.”
Jake looked away. “I can’t help that.”
“Oh, please.” Ashley gave him one of her knowing looks. “Well, did you bother to tell Catherine how you feel about her?”
Jake’s gaze swung back to Ashley, but he didn’t answer. He sat behind the desk busying himself, making an effort to not give away his thoughts. His sister-in-law didn’t give him the opportunity to ignore her. She marched over to him and stood in front of the desk.
“Jake.”
“Ashley—”
She put her hands on her slightly rounded hips. “You love her, don’t you?”
That brought Jake’s gaze to hers again. He didn’t deny it, but he didn’t admit to it, either. Apparently, that didn’t matter to Ashley.
“Jake McCall, have you lost what good sense God gave you?” she demanded.
Jake returned her stare, his brows drawn together. “You seem to think so,” he returned flatly.
Letting out a frustrated groan, Ashley leaned over the desk and placed her hands flat on it. “Are you telling me that you don’t love Catherine?” she asked, lowering her voice in a way that made Jake feel like a trapped animal. “Jake, anyone with eyes could tell what was going on with you two over the summer.”
Jake had thought that he and Catherine had been very discreet. It was disconcerting to find out differently, first from Ryder, now from Ashley. “It’s complicated,” he said defensively. How he felt about Catie wasn’t the issue. She was better off without him.
Ashley didn’t let him off the hook. “Well, suppose you explain it to me.”
Jake looked away and shuffled some papers in front of him. “You know I have nothing to offer her.” Jake wasn’t used to discussing personal matters about himself. And he damn sure didn’t like where this conversation was going. Ashley, it seemed, wasn’t going to give up.
“That’s the most pathetic excuse—” she began, then caught herself before continuing. “Oh, Jake,” she whispered on a sigh. Ashley’s gaze softened as she lowered her voice. “This is about your sterility, isn’t it? Did you even discuss it with Catherine?”
Jake’s chest tightened. “It’s not up for discussion,” he returned, his voice hardening a fraction.
Ashley straightened and put her hand on her back. “It’s why you’re letting her leave.”
“Catherine’s still very young. She can have other children if she wants. I won’t trap her in a relationship she’ll likely regret.”
“How do you know she wants more children? Did you talk with her about it?”
“No, I didn’t,” Jake answered irritably. “And I’m not going to. And I’m not talking about this any longer.” He stood and reached for his hat. “I’ve got some things to do. I’ll be back later.”
“Jake—”
“End of discussion, Ashley,” he stated, his tone sharp. He gave her a half-apologetic look. “I mean it.”
He stalked to the door and walked out.
Eleven
Jake walked outside the house just in time to see Matthew disappear inside the barn. Stepping off the porch, he headed in the same direction, thinking about asking his son if he wanted to go riding. Matt would jump at the chance. He loved riding that much, seemed to love living at the ranch.
“Hey, son.” Matthew looked in his direction as Jake walked inside the barn.
“Dad!” Matthew smiled happily.
“Wanna go for a ride?” Jake asked, already knowing the answer.
“Sure,” Matthew agreed quickly. “Can we ask Mom, too?”
The pressure in Jake’s chest tightened, causing it to ache. He wasn’t surprised by Matt’s request. The three of them had gone riding several times l
ately. “Not this time. How about if it’s just us guys?” he suggested.
“Great.”
Together they saddled the horses, then a short while later they rode around the corral and toward an open pasture. Jake’s heart ached with devotion. He’d never known how much a man could love a child until he’d had a chance to know his son.
They chatted as they rode, but that didn’t keep Jake’s mind from returning to his argument with Catie. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. His motives had been selfish, he knew. But he wanted nothing more than to have Matthew with him all the time, to be an integral part of his son’s life.
That Jake wanted Catie also wasn’t debatable. He would be a fool if he tried to convince himself otherwise. Somehow, to his way of thinking, Jake had hoped that he could keep his son and still not hurt Catie.
He told himself that he was doing the right thing letting Catie go. She deserved so much more than what he could offer her. She’d had a hard life, and she didn’t deserve more heartache.
Many years ago they’d been in love and probably would have married. Jake had never dreamed that he would have the chance, temporarily, to be with Catie again.
And he’d never meant to fall in love with her again.
He glanced at his son. Matthew was happy living here. He would probably want to stay, if given the choice of remaining at the ranch or returning to Lubbock. The boy hardly mentioned his friends or his life in the city. He loved his new baby cousins.
What Ashley said flitted through Jake’s mind. Would Matthew want to lose his mother in the bargain? Would his son grow to hate him because Jake had hurt Catie? Jake had learned that his son was very protective of her. That was natural, since it had been just the two of them for a long time.
Jake could have his son, but at what cost? Though he wasn’t able to tell Catie how much she meant to him, Jake couldn’t deny his feelings for her.
And he couldn’t take Matthew from her. Admitting to himself that he was in love with Catie, Jake knew he would sacrifice his own wants, his own desires, for her.
After a while Jake said, “I guess we’d better be getting back.”
A Cowboy, a Bride & a Wedding Vow Page 14
