Matthew nodded and turned in the direction of the house. Jake watched his son, who seemed as comfortable on a horse as if he’d been riding all his life. He had McCall blood.
“I’m going to miss you,” Jake said, knowing what he had to do. He would have to be the one to take the heat from Matthew. Jake felt the need to protect Catie. It was the last thing he could do for her.
Matthew looked at his father, his brows angled, his expression confused. Jake had known this would be hard, but he wasn’t prepared for the way his own heart ached at the thought of letting his son go. “You know you have to leave with your mom.”
“Can’t we stay here?” Matthew asked, and there was the blind hope of a child’s wishes in his green eyes.
“I’m afraid not,” Jake answered. “Your mom has a job in Lubbock. You knew that your visit here was just for the summer,” he reminded him.
Matthew shook his head. “But I don’t want to go. You could ask Mom to stay here,” he said hopefully. “Then we could live together like a family.”
Jake’s heart ached for his son. He didn’t want to hurt him. “We’re not a family, Matthew,” he said. “Your Mom’s leaving and it’s time for you to go, too. But I want you to know how much I love you, and I want you to come here whenever you’re not in school. Your mom and I will work out a schedule.”
Matthew’s eyes teared. “Don’t you want me to stay?” he asked.
“That’s not possible,” Jake told his son. “You have to leave with your mom.”
“Then you don’t care about me!” Matthew shouted. “I thought you loved me, but you don’t!”
“Matthew—” Before Jake could say anything, Matthew kicked his heels against his horse and the animal took off. Knowing his son was in control of the horse, Jake watched him ride back toward the barn. Slowly he headed in the same direction.
“You’re leaving now?” Jake asked when he saw Catie’s bags packed and sitting on the edge of the bed. He stepped into the room. He took his hat off and held it in his hands.
Catherine stiffened when she heard Jake’s voice, and her heart tripped over itself. She wanted so much to tell him that she loved him, but she held back, reminding herself of this man’s power to hurt her. She couldn’t bear to be rejected by him again.
“I called the airline and booked a flight for late this afternoon. Ryder said he would drive us to the airport.” She looked away and fingered the handle of her suitcase. “Ashley and Lynn offered to pack Matthew’s computer and things and send them to us.” Moments passed as she waited for Jake to speak.
“Catie, I won’t fight you for Matt,” he finally said. “I talked with him a while ago. He’s pretty upset.”
“I know. He came in crying.” Tears sprang to Catherine’s eyes. She knew what it cost Jake to make that decision. He was giving in, letting her have Matthew. Her son had come in from riding, angry at his father. Catherine had talked to him, had tried to make him understand that they couldn’t stay here. He blamed his father. That had to hurt Jake.
“I don’t know what to say, except thank you from the bottom of my heart. Matthew will be all right after a few days. Give him time to come around.” She sniffed, then touched a finger to her eyes.
“I want him to come here as often as possible—that is, if he still wants to see me.”
She nodded, her throat constricted from holding back a sob. She drew a deep breath and managed to choke out, “Oh, Jake, of course he will.” She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it away from her face.
Jake slapped his hat against his thigh. “I guess that’s it, then.” He turned to leave.
Catherine watched him walk toward the door. She loved Jake so much, more than she’d ever dreamed possible. In her heart she felt he had to care for her. Was he really going to let her go?
Please tell me you love me.
But he didn’t stop when her heart called out to him. She had to stifle a cry of anguish as he walked out of her life.
“We’re going to miss you so much,” Ashley said, then hugged Catherine, holding her tight for a moment.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” Lynn added. “You’re going to come back, aren’t you?” she asked, giving Catherine a hug, also.
Catherine drew a breath, then blinked back tears. “I don’t know, but I’m going to miss you all.” She patted Ashley’s rounded belly. “You’ll let me know?” She smiled tearfully.
“I’ll call you. I promise,” Ashley assured her.
Catherine glanced over her shoulder. Ryder and Matthew were waiting at the car. “I’d better go.” Unable to stop herself, she looked down the hallway. Her heart was at war with itself. She wanted to leave before she saw Jake again, but she also wished for one last look at him.
Reluctantly Catherine turned and went outside and got in the car, shutting the door behind her. She didn’t look back, couldn’t bear to. She was leaving her heart with Jake.
“All set, darlin’?” Ryder asked.
Catherine nodded. She looked at her son. He was slumped down in the back seat, a sullen expression on his face. Well, she knew how Matthew felt. She loved Jake, as well. It was too bad that he didn’t care for her in the same way.
Most of the ride to San Luis was made in silence. She and Ryder made quiet conversation, but to Catherine it felt forced. All of her thoughts were on Jake.
Ryder was nice enough to check her baggage through, then walked to the departure gate with her. They waited in silence for about an hour, until Catherine and Matthew’s flight was called. Before saying goodbye, Ryder gave Catherine a reassuring look.
“You hang in there, darlin’,” he told her, putting his arm around her shoulders. “My brother’s pretty stubborn. All of the McCalls are, and that’s a fact.” He grimaced at the fresh tears that came to her eyes. “Don’t give up on him.”
Catherine nodded, but she’d already given up any hope of Jake loving her. If he cared for her, if he loved her, he wouldn’t have let her leave. She watched as Ryder ruffled his nephew’s hair. Matthew threw his arms around his uncle and clung to him until Catherine told her son it was time to go.
“Thank you for everything,” Catherine told Ryder, hugging him again. “I wish—” She stopped herself before speaking what was in her heart.
“Be careful what you wish for, darlin’,” Ryder told her, then he winked.
Catherine forced herself to return his smile, then she and Matthew boarded the aircraft.
In the time it took to take the flight from San Luis to Lubbock, Catherine tried not to think about Jake or how much she missed him. She’d been unsuccessful. The memories of being with Jake, lying in his arms, making love with him, taunted her. If only…no, she wasn’t going to go down that road.
Jake didn’t love her. Catherine had to accept that, and she would have to find a way to put her life back together. She was going to be seeing Jake occasionally when he came for Matthew. Somehow she would have to get past the hurt and go on living.
She’d done it once before when he’d left her pregnant and alone. She was stronger now, she told herself. She would find a way to get over the pain of Jake’s rejection. She’d have to for Matthew.
When the plane landed, Catherine and Matthew walked off and entered the terminal. She was looking down at Matthew, talking to him, when he suddenly screamed, “Dad!”
Catherine’s gaze swung up and her steps froze.
Jake!
He was standing across the small corridor, leaning casually against the wall, much like the time he’d come to the airport in San Luis months ago to pick her up. Her breath caught in her throat, and the air in her lungs expanded.
What was he doing here?
Matthew darted over to his father, and Catherine was aware that her son’s anger with Jake seemed to be no longer an issue. He was so happy to see him. He threw his arms around Jake and hugged his waist. Jake dipped his head and looked at his son, his hat preventing her from seeing his expression. Catherine’s heart a
ched for them both as she watched them embrace. She was so glad that Matthew wasn’t going to stay angry with Jake, but she hadn’t realized how hard it was to see him again so unexpectedly.
Somehow she found the strength to approach them. As she came closer, Jake looked at her, and their gazes collided.
“Catie.”
“Jake.”
Jake studied Catie’s expression, looking for any sign that she was glad to see him. Instead, her eyes questioned his presence. Well, he deserved that, he supposed. He’d let her leave the ranch. Now he was here to beg her to come back.
He’d thought that once she and Matthew were gone, he would be able to go back to being the man he was before. That wasn’t possible any longer, because that man no longer existed. Catie hadn’t been gone very long before Jake had realized that letting her go wasn’t an option.
He’d gone to her room, and memories of them together surrounded him. Her perfume had lingered in the air, taunting him, reminding him of her. She’d left a few items of clothing on the bed. Jake hadn’t sat there long before deciding to go after her in his plane.
He hoped he wasn’t too late.
Jake took his eyes off Catie long enough to ask Matthew to go and watch for their luggage to be unloaded. “Go on,” he said, “we’ll be there in a few minutes.” Matthew was eager to please his father and agreed.
“Don’t go anywhere else,” Catherine called after him.
Matthew frowned at his mother. “I won’t, Mom,” he answered in a tone that said he was old enough to handle the task given to him.
Jake turned to look at Catie. She was regarding him with a wariness that he felt was deserved. He put his hand on her shoulder and ushered her to a quiet area, out of the path of other passengers.
“Jake, what are you doing here?” Catherine asked, looking shocked and wary.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he said quietly, and he watched her expression for any sign that she hadn’t given up on him.
“You could have done that back at the ranch,” she returned, stating the obvious.
“I know.” Jake was feeling a little foolish now. Catie didn’t act happy or relieved to see him. He might have come to see her for nothing. He cleared his throat, looked away, then turned his gaze on her face. His stomach began to churn.
Catherine cocked her head and looked at him, her expression guarded. “Well?”
“I know I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, but I did.”
“Yes, you did,” she agreed, her heart aching.
“I’m sorry.”
Catherine nodded. “Thank you for saying so,” she answered coolly.
Jake grimaced, his jaw tightening. This was harder than he’d ever imagined. “Are you sorry about the time we spent together?” he asked.
“We never made each other any promises,” she said quietly, watching him.
Her lips trembled slightly. It was the first sign that she wasn’t as calm and collected as she appeared. Jake tossed his hat in his hands like a big round Frisbee. “Maybe we should have,” he told her, and his heart stopped beating.
Her eyes widened slightly. “What?”
Jake reached out and ran his palm along Catie’s cheek. “I tried to do the right thing. I thought I could let you go, but I can’t.” He waited a moment, then whispered, “I love you, Catie.”
“Jake—”
He forestalled what sounded to him like a protest with his finger to her lips. “Wait. Don’t say anything yet. Please, just listen to me.” She nodded and waited, her eyes watching him. “I was angry with you for a long time for keeping Matthew from me. But I held on to that anger because I knew right here,” he touched his chest where his heart was beating hard, “that I was falling in love with you.”
“You were?” Catherine’s gaze softened.
“I thought I could settle for having you beneath me in bed for a while,” he admitted, then shrugged. “It was easier to let myself believe that sex with you was enough. That way I could have you, and it didn’t matter that you were leaving at the end of the summer.”
Catherine swallowed and licked her lips. She stared at him silently.
“I was a fool, Catie. I’m so in love with you that I couldn’t stand to be without you when you left.”
“Do you mean that?” she asked, sounding as though she didn’t quite believe him. “Really, Jake?”
He nodded, then caressed her face with his fingers.
“Oh, Jake, I love you, too. So much.” She smiled at him, excited and breathless. She moved into his arms, and Jake pulled her tight against him.
Jake lowered his lips, then settled his mouth on hers. He kissed her with all the passion pent up inside him. Her arms went around him, and her hands, warm and gentle, settled on his neck. Lifting his head, Jake looked into her eyes.
“There’s a lot you don’t know, a lot we need to talk about,” he told her. Unaware that they were getting curious stares from other passengers, Jake kissed her again, not wanting to let her go.
“Nothing matters except that we love each other,” Catherine whispered, sighing with happiness.
“This is important. You have to know everything.” Jake stiffened and set her away from him. He hesitated, glancing away. Then he took a deep breath and turned his gaze on her. “I can’t give you any more children,” he grated.
“Jake—”
“No. Listen. There was an accident years ago. When I returned to the ranch after my parents died. I can’t have children.”
Catie stared at him. “You can’t?” she asked.
“No.” Jake swallowed hard.
“And you thought that would make a difference to me?” she asked.
“Of course. You’re young enough to have more children. You work with them, so you obviously love kids.”
“Oh, Jake, the only thing that truly matters is that you love me. I’ve never given thought to having more children. I never thought I’d fall in love again.”
“Are you sure?” Jake asked, wanting to believe her.
“I’m sure.” She looked into his eyes. “I love you, Jake McCall, with all my heart. I always will.”
Jake kissed her lips lightly, then gazed into her eyes. “In that case, will you marry me?”
Catherine cocked her head at him, then grinned with delight. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Epilogue
“You look beautiful,” Lynn told Catherine, admiring her ivory satin dress and matching lace veil. “I’m so happy for you and Jake.”
Catherine smiled dreamily. “I’ve loved your brother with all my heart for so long. I can’t believe we’re finally getting married.” They’d planned an intimate family wedding, which included anyone who lived or worked on the Bar M. Both she and Jake hadn’t wanted to wait to plan a big wedding.
“I can’t believe Jake is getting married!” Lynn stated, then grinned. “Maybe now that he’s going to have a family of his own, he’ll stop trying to run my life.”
“He cares about you, Lynn. He wants what’s best for you. You know, when your parents died, he didn’t even think about himself or his education or what he was giving up to raise you and your brothers. He knew it was his responsibility to make sure his siblings were taken care of.” Jake had told her of his father’s secret, though he’d yet to share it with Lynn or Deke.
Lynn nodded. “And we love him for it. But we’re really happy that he found you and Matthew. He deserves to be happy, too.”
A knock sounded at the door, and they both turned in unison. “Yes?” Catherine called as Lynn went to crack it open.
Ryder poked his head around the edge of the door. “It’s time, darlin’.”
Catherine couldn’t control the butterflies flitting around in her stomach. She’d waited for this moment forever. “I’m ready.”
Lynn checked Catherine’s dress one last time before leading the way out the door. She’d agreed to be Catherine’s maid of honor. Catherine had pleaded with Ashley to be in the wedding, as well,
but she’d patted her growing belly and insisted there was no way she would parade around six months pregnant in a formal dress.
Ryder held out his arm to Catherine, and they slowly walked down the hall, then stopped at the doorway to the family room. It had been decorated with an abundance of white ribbons and an array of flowers and greenery. Though it was lovely, to Catherine it really didn’t matter where she was married. She’d have been thrilled to marry Jake anywhere, just so long as she could be with him the rest of her life.
Her gaze swept the room, and her heart swelled when she spotted her sister, Bethany. As a wedding gift, Jake had secretly hired an investigator to search for Catherine’s siblings, then had flown her sister to the ranch for the wedding. Their youngest sister, Sarah, hadn’t been able to come, but Catherine had chatted with her on the telephone, and they were both looking forward to a reunion.
After a long, heart-wrenching talk with Bethany, Catherine had learned that her sisters had never received any of her letters, that their father had told his younger daughters that Catherine had moved and left no way to contact her. Neither sister had known how much Catherine had longed to see them.
As she waited for the wedding march to begin, Catherine’s heartbeat quickened. In a corner of the room, Michelle and Melissa babbled with each other in their playpen, oblivious to the ceremony. Ashley had wanted to have the wedding when the girls were asleep, but Catherine wouldn’t hear of it. She wanted the entire McCall family present, for they were her family now.
There were quite a few of the ranch hands and their families present, also. Catherine spotted Russ Logan over in a corner, watching from a distance, as if he didn’t belong or didn’t want to be there, she wasn’t sure which.
Ryder had taken his place beside Ashley, and Matthew stood proudly between his father and Deke. Her son had been thrilled to learn that his parents were going to marry and they’d be living at the ranch. Jake had his son’s name changed, and Matt had already been registered for the upcoming school year as Matthew McCall.
A Cowboy, a Bride & a Wedding Vow Page 15
