by J P Barnaby
“You hear about Kage?” He jerked his head and indicated the big Dom talking to another leather-clad Dom at the end of the bar. As if he’d been watching Ben anyway, Kage looked up and their eyes met.
Ben instinctively took a step closer to Jude.
Sal followed his gaze.
“Justin just ended their arrangement, said it wasn’t working,” Sal said quietly as Kage went back to his conversation. “I tried to tell the kid it wouldn’t work, that they weren’t compatible, but he wouldn’t listen.”
“Why wouldn’t they be compatible?” Jude asked as he ran a hand up and down Ben’s back, his eyes still half on Kage. He’d asked the question to Sal, but Ben answered him.
“You and I, our relationship is different. We were friends and then lovers before the scene. Kage and Justin’s agreement, like my agreement with Kage had to do with limits and expectations—what we wanted to do, and what we didn’t. If Justin wants to do different things than Kage, or has different expectations, they aren’t going to have much fun together.” Ben stroked Jude’s cheek and saw understanding in his face. “Kage is also pretty demanding as a Dom. It’s pretty much his way or the highway. Justin seems to have chosen the highway. Where is he anyway?”
“He quit, became a 24/7 slave to a guy on the south side. That’s really what he wanted, but Kage wasn’t interested in that level of commitment,” Sal said, picking up a towel from the stool next to him and throwing it over his shoulder.
“Wait, I thought Justin owned the club. Did he sell out?” Ben turned from Jude to look at Sal.
“Justin doesn’t own this club, I do. He just managed the demonstrations. Kage took over for him when he left,” Sal said with another brief look at the bar.
Kage finished his conversation and made his way slowly toward them. Jude tightened his hold around Ben’s waist. Kage’s gait, the way his shoulders slumped as he walked, surprised Ben. He’d always been in total control of everything around him. Something had been taken away from him, and Ben wondered if it was because he was having trouble keeping a boy. For Doms like Kage, they were defined by their role. His identity was defined by who he dominated.
“Hello, Ben,” Kage said when he reached their little makeshift group. Jude let go of his waist but reached down to hold his hand. Stepping around Ben, he put himself slightly in front of his boy, protecting him, shielding him from the Dom who hurt him, cast him away like a broken toy. It was instinctual, kind, and totally alpha, which made Ben hot.
“Hello, Sir.” Ben wondered if hey, sorry you’re going to be spending the night with your dick in your hand was a proper way to greet the man, but decided not to antagonize him. Kage reached out like he intended to stroke Ben’s cheek, but Jude grabbed his wrist, hard. Only then did Ben notice that Jude stood at least an inch taller than Kage—his big strong Dom.
“Don’t you fucking touch my boy,” Jude growled at him. Power and anger radiated from Jude, like heat from a closed oven. Before Jude opened up and unleashed, Ben squeezed his hand. Jude let Kage’s wrist go and pushed it away roughly.
“Sorry, Gio said you let him play with other Doms, I thought maybe…,” Kage said, looking for all the world like a lost child in that moment. Ben had never seen the Dom at a loss for words. Jude looked down at Ben, the question so clear in his eyes that Ben had no trouble reading it.
Do you want him? Him instead of me?
For a long moment, Ben considered. Jude had given up so much of himself to help Ben, because he loved him. Ben had been selfish for so fucking long. Should he give Jude up and go back to Kage, free Jude of his burden? He saw the flash in Jude’s eyes, knew he considered it, and that was proof enough that he was exactly where he belonged.
“You thought wrong, Sir,” Ben said to Kage, not taking his eyes off Jude.
“You heard the boy,” Jude said with a hint of smug satisfaction coloring his tone. “I think it’s time for you to move along now.” The song changed to a low thumping beat, and something in Kage’s eyes changed. He nodded once and headed back to the end of the bar where he’d been standing. Murmuring something to the bartender they couldn’t hear, he didn’t turn back to look at them again, but simply took the shot he’d been brought.
“Damn, I’ve never seen anyone put Kage in his place like that,” Sal said with a low whistle as Gio walked over to join their group. “I’m impressed.”
“It’s amazing the things you’ll do for love,” Jude said quietly with a kiss to Ben’s temple. “Are we just about ready? Ben and I have an early flight tomorrow, so I don’t want to be out too late.”
“Yeah, everything is set up,” Gio said, indicating the bowl and lamp on the floor.
“You guys heading on your BDSM honeymoon?” Sal asked with a laugh as he started checking Ben’s body for the demonstration. A small group of Doms and their subs began to fill the tables around the small stage where the demonstration would be held.
“No, we’re going to spend the weekend with my parents. I haven’t been to their new house,” Ben said, surprised to hear the joy in his voice. He really was looking forward to going down to Florida for the weekend to see his folks. He missed them. Well, it also had a little to do with seeing Jude in a bathing suit, and maybe the fact that it was in the seventies in Florida but only the forties in Chicago.
“Family is important,” Sal said with a small smile. “Okay, boy, off with that jock. I got an audience to entertain.”
Ben pulled the jock down over his legs, focusing only on the feeling of Jude’s eyes on his ass. He stepped carefully out of it, pulling it over the laces of his boots, and handed it to his Dom. Jude put a hand on the back of his head and pulled him in for a long, sensual kiss. His cock hardened as it rubbed against his fully clothed Dom.
“Nice,” one of the Dommes in the audience said with real appreciation and ran a hand over a boy’s head as he knelt next to her wicked stilettos. Heat rose in Ben’s face, but Jude simply ran a finger along his cheek to draw his attention back where it belonged.
“You’re going to be okay?” he asked Jude. “This shit is pretty scary to watch.” Jude reached behind Ben, cupping his naked ass as he kissed Ben’s forehead.
“You’ve done it before, so you know what to expect. Gio is well trained and experienced. I’m nervous, yes, but I trust you.”
“If it gets to be too much, you can go into the office,” Sal told Jude quietly as he grabbed the towel off a nearby stool and got ready.
“I’m not leaving him,” Jude said fiercely, and then lower, he added, “I’m so fucking proud. I want everyone in this room to know who he belongs to. Guys are talking about him all over the club.” The same erotic throb rushed through Ben’s cock as it did when Kage had told him that. Only, with Jude, his heart stuttered too.
“Okay, it looks like Gio’s ready. Ben?” Sal asked, and Ben lifted up to his toes to kiss Jude before taking his place in front of the huge gilded mirror affixed to the wall across from the stage since his last visit.
“I’m ready,” he said and watched Gio in the mirror as he began to take warm-up swipes with the flogger.
Soon, he would set it alight, giving him fiery wings—and Ben was ready to fly.
For Keith, who always believed I could, even if I didn’t.
One
SPENCER’S BLOOD froze by degrees, and he remained helpless as his boyfriend trembled against the dark blue squares printed on the sheets. His lips trailed a simple, indistinct pattern down Aaron’s neck, memorizing the tendons straining against his mouth. Insistent fingers in his hair encouraged him nearly as much as the soft vibrations issuing from his lover’s throat. He barely noticed the flickering lights from the movie they’d started to watch, his senses were so consumed with Aaron. Sliding down farther in his bed, still mostly tidy despite their writhing, Spencer kissed along Aaron’s chest, aching at the feeling of scarred skin beneath his lips. Even after almost five years, it still looked angry and painful. The scars were a constant, tangible reminder of Aaron’s
pain, as if Spencer needed one. He could see it so clearly in Aaron’s tortured blue eyes each and every day. It had lessened over the years they’d been together but still made his heart hurt.
The nipple beneath his lips, pink and perfect, hardened as Aaron’s back arched, and his fingers tightened in Spencer’s hair. Spencer could feel Aaron’s slow, rhythmic breathing, which made his heart ache even more. Rather than the heated, excited panting he wanted to coax from Aaron, he got harsh, controlled breaths as Aaron struggled to keep his demons at bay. Aaron wanted to be intimate with Spencer, they’d talked at length about it, but in the heat of the moment, his fear overpowered his pleasure. Still they tried, and sometimes they got further than others. Spencer hoped tonight would be one of those times.
“That feels good,” Aaron signed, fueling his hope. “I love it when you touch me.”
Spencer’s eyes found Aaron’s. He wished he could believe that, but he had an idea what Aaron saw in his head when they touched, and it wasn’t him. It was those bastards who had tortured and raped him and his friend. Careful not to pin him down in any way, Spencer moved to the other nipple. There were so many rules he had to follow in order to be with Aaron, so many things he had to be careful of.
Aaron was worth each and every one.
Spencer’s love grew each day they were together, to the point he thought maybe his chest would burst from it. He’d never loved anyone like that. Heart pounding in his ears, Spencer lowered his lips to Aaron’s stomach. The muscles tensed under his kisses, and Aaron’s chest began to rise and fall rapidly. Glancing up, Spencer watched as Aaron squeezed his eyes closed. His hands slid from Spencer’s hair and fisted the blankets on either side of his hips. It killed Spencer to see the fear in Aaron’s tightened expression, but each tiny step took them closer to a place where they would both be free. God, he wanted Aaron to be free.
Aaron’s body shook as Spencer popped the button on his jeans, but he didn’t make a move to stop it. As if he were defusing a bomb, Spencer pulled the zipper down to reveal the white briefs hiding Aaron’s half-hard cock. Wanting Aaron to keep some feeling of control, he didn’t pull the jeans or briefs down but simply moved them to free Aaron’s lengthening shaft. Spencer didn’t want to scare Aaron or overwhelm him, so he ran his tongue lightly over the length of Aaron’s dick.
Spencer laid a comforting hand on Aaron’s stomach. It was their connection to each other, Aaron’s way to tell Spencer if he needed to stop. Spencer’s way of showing Aaron he would catch him when he fell. The head of Aaron’s cock slid between his lips, and his eyes closed, something he’d never been able to allow during sex before. Every other guy he’d been intimate with had been a virtual stranger, but Aaron knew him. Aaron saw into his soul. Releasing his hold on Aaron’s cock, still nestled in his mouth, he stroked his boyfriend’s lean thigh and wondered if Aaron had any idea how beautiful Spencer found him. The scars didn’t matter. Aaron’s body, his heart, and his soul were so fucking beautiful.
Aaron’s hand tightened on his, and he took Aaron’s cock deeper. The head pressed against the back of his throat, and he breathed deeply through his nose to try to take the pressure off his desperate need to gag. Sucking in air, he backed off and started again. The slide of Aaron’s cock over his lips made his own dick throb. He moved his hand up from Aaron’s thigh to the juncture between his legs. Stroking Aaron’s balls lightly with trembling fingers, he tightened his lips and sucked hard. The cock in his mouth was rock hard, and Aaron’s hips moved faintly, slowly pushing himself deeper into Spencer’s mouth. He’d never done that before.
That’s it baby, just like that.
The hand on Spencer’s squeezed rhythmically, and he looked up. Aaron’s body trembled, and his head rolled back and forth on the pillow. He looked like a child having a tantrum, only in extreme slow motion. Tears poured from the corners of his eyes. Spencer stopped bobbing his head and just held Aaron’s hand. Sweat beaded on Aaron’s forehead, though it wasn’t very warm in his room. A silent sob escaped Aaron, and Spencer let his wet dick fall against his stomach as their hands came apart.
“I can’t. It’s too much. I’m sorry,” Aaron signed, not even opening his eyes, trusting Spencer to be watching. Being very careful not to pin Aaron’s legs, Spencer laid his head on Aaron’s stomach. Spencer loved it when Aaron carded fingers through his shaggy curls, and he wasn’t disappointed. For several minutes they lay in total silence, Spencer stroking Aaron’s stomach with tender fingers. Then Aaron pushed on his shoulder so Spencer would look up.
“Can we finish with our hands?” Aaron’s face looked shy yet determined. Flushed but no longer trembling, he let his hand move down to Spencer’s face, stroking it lightly as he’d done with his hair. Spencer turned his face to the side and kissed Aaron’s palm as he nodded against it. It was more than he’d expected when Aaron stopped him. Usually Aaron hid under the covers, and Spencer went to the bathroom to jack off. Even jacking off side by side was better than that.
To Spencer’s surprise, Aaron lifted his hips and pushed his jeans and underwear off, leaving them in a tangled heap at the end of the bed. He’d seen Aaron naked only a handful of times over the last few years, and for him to strip completely in the middle of the afternoon was new. It gave him hope.
“I like that I excite you.” The rest of the sentence, even with the scars, went unsigned, but Spencer saw the words in Aaron’s eyes. Spencer kissed one of the harsh lines on Aaron’s chest in response and then rolled over to his bedside table to grab lube. He fumbled for just a moment, trying to wrap his fingers around the bottle without pulling his other arm from under Aaron’s nude body. Finally, after his fingers slid over the plastic for the third time, he caught the cap and jerked it out of the drawer. The shy grin on Aaron’s face illuminated the dimly lit room with the radiance of a warm summer’s day. Spencer watched Aaron’s bright eyes as he flipped the cap, only looking away to pool a bit of lube in Aaron’s palm. Aaron took the bottle and returned the favor. Then he snapped the bottle closed and tossed it toward the edge of the bed. A sharp pang of unsurprised disappointment roiled in his stomach when Aaron wrapped his hand around his own dick and stroked. Spencer understood; Aaron needed the control. The feeling went away as fast as it hit. At least they would get off together—that’s what really mattered.
It took a while, because Aaron had lost his erection in fear and panic. Spencer came first and then watched Aaron’s face for a long time, wishing desperately to touch his lover as Aaron lay with both his eyes and his expression closed. He had nearly decided to go into the bathroom and let Aaron finish in peace when Aaron started to jerk his hips up into his hand. His mouth fell open in silent sound, and Spencer felt Aaron’s harsh breath against his skin. Without warning, Spencer had arms full of Aaron, who had buried his face against Spencer’s shoulder. Spencer held tight as Aaron shuddered and climaxed against his stomach. His skin tingled under the warm, wet mess, and he tilted Aaron’s face up, kissing his forehead with a long, slow press of lips.
“I am trying,” Aaron signed, one hand still laced with the remnants of his orgasm.
Aaron looked exhausted but relaxed as he rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. The rise and fall of Aaron’s chest slowed as he caught his breath, and he didn’t say anything else. They lay side by side on Spencer’s bed, spunk cooling on their bellies, and reveled in Aaron’s victory against his fear.
After a while, Aaron sat up and used Spencer’s discarded T-shirt to wipe the sweat and come from his abs. He tossed it on the floor and turned on the bed, still naked, to sit cross-legged next to Spencer. A warm breeze brushed across Spencer’s face from the open window. In the early stages of June, the rebirth of summer, he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face.
“What?” Aaron asked as he picked at the bedclothes, only half looking at Spencer. Spencer grabbed his hand and held it for a moment before kissing it. Aaron smiled back finally, and traced the contours of Spencer’s face.
“Th
at. Was. Awesome.,” Spencer whispered, and Aaron leaned closer.
“Yeah, it was,” he said before his mouth covered Spencer’s in a slow meeting of their lips, not sexual but comforting.
Unable to keep the excitement from his face, Spencer smiled into the kiss. Everything always seemed better after a good orgasm. Still high from being able to finally get off with Aaron, he let himself look forward just a bit to a future they could have together. The next day, Spencer would graduate college with his associate’s degree. He wished they’d been able to do it together, but taking only one or two classes a semester, Aaron had a while to go. Spencer had drawn it out an extra year, but he still managed to win the race.
Aaron still avoided group projects and speaking aloud in class whenever possible, but he’d managed to get through the coursework. Spencer remembered those first few classes together, and he doubted he’d ever forget sending Aaron to the ground in a panic that day in the quad. One simple touch and Aaron had fallen to pieces.
He’d come so damn far, just to be able to touch Spencer, and Spencer’s heart swelled with pride.
“I cannot believe I am graduating tomorrow.”
“Better you than me,” Aaron said, one eyebrow raised on his handsome face. Even with the scar running from his cheek to jawline, Aaron was still beautiful to Spencer. Of course, some bias existed there, but he didn’t think that had much to do with it. “I only go to give my mother something to do. It’s not like I’ll ever be able to hold down a job.” His haunted eyes met Spencer’s, and Spencer held his gaze.
