by Ann Lory
By the time she reached Dimitri’s home, it was four in the morning. The house was dark. She knocked on the door, but no one answered. She tried again, pummeling with all her strength until the door finally opened and Dimitri stood before her.
The color had returned to his face, she noticed. He looked healthy and not at all surprised to see her there. She tried to brush past him but he stood firmly in the entrance. She moved back a step to confront him face to face. “What’s going on, Dimitri?” She was proud that her voice sounded hard, decisive.
“What do you mean?”
“I keep having nightmares about you, and at times I hear your voice inside my head. Tell me, am I going crazy?”
He was silent, looking at her with brooding eyes.
She finally couldn’t stand it any more and broke down. “Why won’t you say anything? Why won’t you let me in?”
He took her in his arms, unable to bear her tears, and kissed the top of her head. He hated himself for the pain and fear he was causing her. What else could I possibly give her but pain and fear, he asked himself.
She peered up at him. “Why would you only cause me pain and fear?”
His eyes widened as he looked down at her. He had to let her go.
“No, please, just talk to me. Whatever it is, I’m sure we can work it out.” Her eyes were pleading. “Don’t let me go.”
He felt as if his heart were being ripped to shreds. “It’s for the best,” he said, his voice hoarse and strained. He’d been fooling himself to think he could have her and still keep the beast in him at bay. He had to do what was best for her; he could not pretend anymore that everything was normal.
“Why? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?” Her voice was strangled with her hurt emotions.
He steeled himself against her. He had to do the right thing before she suffered the greatest loss of all -- her life. “I can’t see you again.”
She took a shocked step back. Disbelief clearly shone on her face. “What? You can’t mean that.”
“You don’t belong with me. I’m not the man for you.”
She shook her head weakly, reaching out to touch him, but he stepped away from her hands. Her arms fell awkwardly to her sides.
He shut the door quickly, balling his hands into tight fists to keep from returning to her side. He was saving her life, and she would be better off without him. She wanted a man to grow old with, have children with, walk in the sunshine with. All of which he could never give her.
He listened to the sound of her weeping as she left, feeling her heartbreak and his. He had never felt such soul-wrenching pain as the sound of her distress, or experienced pain as that which he had caused both of them.
Lifting his head, he roared, the reverberations shaking the walls to their very foundations.
He heard her whimper in despair. Then nothing as she left.
Chapter Eight
“Why don’t you and Kelly come home for Christmas?”
“I don’t know, Mom. I think I would just prefer to stay here and be miserable. Besides, Kelly has rehearsal Christmas Eve and the day after some of the cast are getting together. She won’t be able to come.” Cassie and Kelly were playing tug-of-war with the phone at her friend’s apartment. They had called her family to wish them a happy Thanksgiving.
“Do you need me to send you money?”
“No, Mom, that’s not it.”
“Come on, honey. What are you going to do there by yourself? I know you don’t like most of Kelly’s friends.”
Cassie was silent, then she gave a disgruntled sigh. “Okay, I’ll be there a couple of days before Christmas.”
“Wonderful! We’ll see you then, but call so we know when to pick you up at the airport.”
“All right. Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. I love you all.” From beside her, Kelly’s voice echoed similar sentiments into the mouthpiece.
“We all love you and Kelly, too, honey.”
Cassie hung up, but continued to sit where she was and look out the window. It had been dreary all day. Even the night seemed gloomy! She sighed sadly as her friend put her arm around her and pulled her close.
Fresh tears filled Cassie’s eyes, and she let them fall. Kelly said encouraging words, but Cassie knew nothing would ever be the same again. Dimitri had swept into her life, filled her with emotions she had never felt before, a happiness she had only read about in books, and just as quickly he had left again.
Kelly dabbed at Cassie’s eyes and kissed her cheek. “Come on, Cass, you gotta snap out of this.” She withdrew her arm and leaned forward, popping the top off a container of whipped cream.
Cassie eyed the trifle and laughed. “What on earth do you have in mind?”
A whole pumpkin pie sat before them, neatly accompanied by two forks and the bowl of whipped cream. Kelly smiled, licking some of the white dessert from her fingertips. “It was getting lonely in the kitchen all by itself.” She looked around dramatically as if hearing something.
“Didn’t you hear the pie calling, ‘Kelly! Cassie! It’s time to come gorge yourself on my pumpkinny sweetness!’”
Cassie laughed again and wiped at her eyes, unable to stay so unhappy in the presence of Kelly’s silly antics, appreciating her friend’s efforts to cheer her up.
Picking up a fork, she and Kelly both dipped greedily into the whipped cream, slathering the top of the pie. Eyeing each other mischievously, they clanged forks together and dug in.
* * * * *
The Distant Past
Dimitri’s long talons slit the throat of the sheep that flailed wildly in his arms. Deep red blood began to pour from the gaping wound. He lowered his head and drank deeply. Once the warmth had left the animal, he lifted his dark head again and sighed with contentment. Although he knew blood stained his lips and the front of his white shirt, he leaned back onto the green grass of the meadow and closed his eyes.
He could hear the heartbeats of the peasants in the village, the sounds of the children as they said their prayers, their mothers tenderly kissing them goodnight, as well as the men who were home with their families, lighting their pipes by the fire, or others at the tavern, drinking and gambling their lives away.
Clenching his fists, he opened his eyes and gazed up at the midnight sky. How he wanted to end this cursed life. Would he have the courage to face the sun this dawn, or would he again rise to meet another soulless night?
Dimitri sat up, his keen senses picking up the sound of an approaching horse, its hooves echoing through the stillness of the night. He was about to conceal himself, but the rider came into view quickly. Somehow Dimitri immediately knew the man was undead like himself. He was stunned. Of course he had known there were others like him, but he had yet to meet any, with the exception of Gabriella. He hastily stood and waited.
Shrouded in darkness, a long, billowing cape flowing behind him, the other man exuded strength. As he rode closer, Dimitri’s eyes were able to make out long brown hair streaming around a pale face. The stranger halted the horse before him. The rider smirked as he studied the dead sheep around Dimitri, as if he found the sight all too amusing.
“The first mistake young ones always make is to leave evidence of our existence.” The man’s French was as aristocratic as his bearing and patrician nose. “You do not mask your presence well. I could have heard you feeding in Germany. However, I was much like you in my younger years.” He took another look around them. “Dispose of this mess, then come to my home. These are Devereaux lands and I will not have my people in a panic.” With that, he spun his horse around and disappeared back into the night.
Dimitri had been astonished, and he’d surprised himself by quickly disposing of the dead sheep, burying them in the deep bowels of the earth. He’d then made his way to the castle in the distance. Once he reached it, he was doubly impressed. The castle was a huge structure, standing four stories high on the four outer sections and five stories tall in the center. There were towering steeples on each roun
ded corner and the primary section, so many that it appeared almost as if there were a castle within a castle.
A guard met Dimitri at the entrance to the courtyard and motioned for him to follow. Dimitri kept his head down. A few people scurried past them, including a woman who held her baby close, eyeing him suspiciously. He could see her from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t acknowledge her, doing his best to hide the blood that soaked the front of his shirt.
The guard led him to the main door, where another man waited to admit him.
“I am expected,” Dimitri muttered, trying to bring order to his mussed hair and clothes.
“Yes, sir, this way.”
He stepped across the threshold and onto the stone floor, glancing around at the high, arched ceilings of the main hall. Chandeliers with glowing candles hung above him, flickering slightly from the evening wind that blew through the open door, illuminating portraits in golden frames lining the walls. Two long staircases wound their way up on either side of the area to the second floor while green ivy draped heavily over the balcony, as if trying to touch the floor below.
As Dimitri looked at the magnificent hall before him, he couldn’t help the pain that filled him at the thought of his own lost home. Turning back to the servant, Dimitri followed him down to a study located behind one of the staircases. The rider he’d met earlier sat behind a large mahogany desk, watching him with an amused expression.
“Leave us, Jafon.” With a curt bow, the manservant turned and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. “Wine?” His host waved toward the decanter and goblets on the edge of his desk.
Dimitri shook his head, eyeing the Frenchman warily.
“How old are you?” Dimitri’s eyes widened. “Fifty, sixty?” As Dimitri still hesitated, the man continued. “You can’t be more than a hundred.”
“Seventy-eight.”
“I thought as much. Please sit.”
Dimitri sank into the closest chair and continued to stare.
“Allow me to present myself.” He inclined his head. “I am Jacques Devereaux, two hundred thirty years old. You are ...?”
He cleared his throat. “Dimitrius Nicolo Alexios.”
“Do you know who made you, Dimitrius?” The question seemed to hang in the air.
“Gabriella Delancré.”
Jacques hissed. “She is also my maker, the dark gift forced upon me as it was you, I assume.”
Dimitri nodded.
Jacques frowned, stood and walked over to the fireplace, resting his hands on the mantle. “That is her way, you understand. Make you into a child of darkness, then leave you to fend for yourself in a world you know nothing of.” Jacques turned. “If only we had known, we would have chosen the death that awaited us rather than accepting the so-called life she deceived us with.” He fell silent, studying Dimitri with piercing black eyes. “I will teach you what you need to know if you will allow it. The way you are living now, feeding on animals, it is not the way to live.”
Dimitri shook his head. “I do not want to take lives. I won’t do it.”
“Gabriella and those like her take lives, but there are others are like we two who can live without killing, who still have compassion.”
“How?” The single word encompassed all of Dimitri’s desperation and hope. He could see and feel Jacque’s sincerity.
“Come, Dimitrius. The dawn approaches, and you need to rest. At sunset I will teach you the tools you need to live with darkness.”
* * * * *
“How goes your hunger?”
“Always I hunger.”
“Do you ever stop to question yourself why it is so?” Jacques arched one dark eyebrow.
Dimitri shook his head and shifted on his seat, looking around the crowded tavern room. Men laughed and gambled, pulled squealing barmaids onto their laps.
“How long do you wait between feedings? Do you hold off for as long as you can until you are a danger to all around you?”
Realization dawned on Dimitri. “Yes, every time.”
“So I assumed. The first thing you need to remember is to feed often, but a little at a time. Never wait until the beast inside fights for release; otherwise, it could be too late for whoever is in your arms.” Jacques scanned the room, his glance falling on a young barmaid with big blue eyes and dark blond hair.
Dimitri saw where Jacques’s attention had strayed, the other man’s dark gaze roaming over her petite form. She gave them a shy smile and Jacques inclined his head in her direction.
“How is your hunger now?”
Dimitri shrugged. “Since I have fed, it does not tear at me, but the hunger remains.”
“Call her to you.” He opened his mouth, prepared to do as he was told, but Jacques stopped him. “Look at her, catch her eye and command her with your mind.”
“How?”
“Do as I have said and it will happen.” Jacques’s voice appeared in his mind.
Startled, Dimitri flicked a quick look at his mentor, then finally nodded grimly. Turning, his gaze met the barmaid’s. She went still. Softly, he reached for her mentally. Come to me.
Setting her broom aside the woman slipped away to stand before him.
“Lead her outside.”
Dimitri rose, kissing her hands. She blushed and gave a small sigh.
“Good, very good.” Jacques followed them as they left the tavern and Dimitri swept the barmaid away into the alley adjacent the building. “Now, continue to hold her, and when you taste her, take only a small amount. If ever you need more, there are always others.”
Dimitri gently touched the woman’s cheek with his knuckles, applying slight pressure. She tilted her head. His fangs descended and he lowered his head, piercing her flesh and drinking the pleasure of her blood. When he had taken what he needed, he pulled away.
“Lick your tongue over the wounds, and they will heal immediately.”
Dimitri watched in amazement as the bite marks closed before his very eyes.
Jacques smiled. “Now, make her forget all about this.”
“How?”
“Command her.”
Dimitri kissed her temple, then captured her wide blue gaze with his own. “Go back inside and remember nothing of us.” She smiled up at him, then turned and walked away, disappearing back inside the tavern.
Jacques clapped Dimitri on the back. “Well done, Dimitrius. Always keep in mind what I have told you this night. Never let your hunger control you. Feed when you need to, taking small amounts from many if necessary, and always cover the evidence of our existence. This is what keeps us safe.”
Six Months Later
Jacques laughed as he watched him. “What are you doing, Dimitrius?”
“Trying to shape-shift.”
“You are trying too hard. Let your mind be free. Just imagine yourself becoming the wolf and you will be the wolf. Imagine whatever form you desire, and you will become what you wish.”
Dimitri closed his eyes, the night breeze brushing his face. He pictured a wolf with thick black fur, piercing black eyes, big paws, and razor-sharp claws. He glanced at Jacques, annoyed. Great humor appeared on Jacques’s face, and his mentor’s eyes flicked downward.
With some surprise, Dimitri noticed that he was now on all fours, huge black paws dug into the green grass beneath him, and a long black tail waving behind him. He grinned at Jacques, then took off, running around the meadow and glorying in his newfound gift and the sense of freedom in his wolf’s form.
Dimitri threw his head back and howled at the moon. He heard Jacques laugh behind him. A moment’s thought and Dimitri was a man once more; oddly enough, his clothes were intact. He gave a loud whoop. “I did it!”
“Very good. You are quickly learning the secrets and powers of our kind. As you can see, shifting does not affect our clothing. I do not know why that is, but it is so.”
They both settled down on the grass and silently contemplated the moon shining brightly above.
“W
hat about relationships, Jacques, those between a man and a woman?”
Jacques sighed, the sound coming from deep within. Dimitri studied him curiously.
“Our lives are entwined with darkness. We can have affairs with mortals, of course, but to love a mortal woman would be to send her into this existence. Would you want to subject someone you love to our world? Or worse, stay with her until she grows old and dies, knowing you must live with an eternity of pain at her loss?”
Dimitri pondered Jacques’s words. Could he damn a woman he loved to eternal darkness? He wasn’t truly happy with his life, and he had already experienced the painful loss of his parents. Their deaths still haunted him.
Rising, Jacques placed his hand on Dimitri’s shoulder and gave a sympathetic squeeze. “Stay away from love, my friend. It will only bring you heartache in the end.”
* * * * *
Dimitri watched Cassie across from her friend’s home. Nightly, her soft sobs carried to him on the wind, her tears drowning his heart with despair. After all these centuries, why did he have to find love at his fingertips, but not in his grasp?
Suddenly, her laughter rang in his ears, and he was grateful to Kelly for eliciting that wondrous melody. Unable to stand it any longer, black fur flowed over his body, his hands and feet became paws and his nose and mouth lengthened into a soft muzzle. He ran off into the night, a black wolf blending in with the shadows.
Stay away from love. How right you were, Jacques. Too bad I didn’t listen.
Chapter Nine
The weeks leading to Christmas had dragged for Cassie. She’d neither seen nor heard from Dimitri in a month and her heart still ached. Sometimes, it even seemed like he was still with her, especially in her mind.
The jolt of the plane landing at St. Louis International Airport brought her out of her reverie. The pilot’s voice over the speaker thanked everyone for flying with their airline and wished everyone a happy holiday.
