He turned toward the theater doors and pushed one open. He couldn’t sit through the end of the play, knowing that if Corrie moved to Minneapolis, she’d have sole custody.
He had to do something about that.
“Corrie’s thinking about moving to Minneapolis to be near her dad.” Sam ended his explanation to his brother Ben, still not believing Corrie would consider leaving Rapid Creek. Hadn’t they established an understanding? Hadn’t they developed a bond of friendship? When they’d had sex, he’d felt as if he’d been on top of the world…invincible. And he’d known he could be the best dad and Corrie the best mom that the world had ever seen.
Sam didn’t quite catch the words that Ben uttered, but he could imagine what they were.
“Do you have anything in writing?” his brother asked curtly.
“No.”
“Did you consult a lawyer there?”
“No.”
“How likely is it that she is going to move?”
“I really don’t know. I brought up the idea of joint custody last weekend and she seemed upset by it.”
“I guess so, if she thought she was going to have sole custody. Sam, you’ve gone about this all wrong.”
Ben’s “I told you so” didn’t help, even if he hadn’t said it in so many words. “If I see a lawyer now, do you think it will help?”
“Only if you can get decent terms in writing that she’ll sign. What are the chances of that?”
“Corrie’s not a vindictive woman, or even a selfish one.”
“Isn’t it selfish for her to move to Minneapolis?”
“Not if she wants to be near her dad.” Sam knew exactly what Ben was thinking, because he’d thought about it, too. “This isn’t like our mother leaving without a thought for any of us.”
“Corrie’s not thinking about you.”
“She’s thinking about the baby. She’s thinking about what she needs to do to raise the child the best way she can.”
“Dammit, Sam, selfish is selfish. She’s going to do what’s right for her, even if that means leaving you out in the cold. You have to protect yourself. Make an appointment with a lawyer as soon as you can and get papers drawn up with liberal visitation rights no matter how far away she is or you are.”
“Do you think I should consult with a lawyer who specializes in custody issues? I could ask Sara, but that’s not her area, and I don’t particularly want to draw her into the middle of this. She and Corrie have become friends.”
“It’s a good thing I’m still at the office,” Ben said. “Hold on a minute. I’m going to make a call to a family law attorney I know. He works with lawyers from all areas of the country. Do you want me to call you back or do you want to hold?”
“I’ll hold.” Sam glanced at the clock above the sink. Midnight here—eleven in Albuquerque. All of Ben’s friends must work late.
Sam paced until Patches, finally disturbed from his bed by his master’s unusual behavior, shook himself awake and trotted over to Sam, pacing the apartment with him.
The thought of Corrie leaving bounced around inside Sam’s head until he couldn’t think of anything else. He’d thought she’d wanted the job at the animal shelter. Sure, there could be problems with that. But they could solve the problems. If she was in Minneapolis, he couldn’t just drop in on her. They wouldn’t see each other in the grocery store. They couldn’t walk their dogs together.
“Sam?”
Ben was finally back on the line. “Do you have a pen?”
Snatching a pen from the counter and his grocery list tablet from the refrigerator, he said, “Ready. Go ahead.”
Ben rattled off a name and phone number and then the name of the attorney who had given him the information. “Jonas is going to call and leave a message for Sean Curtis so he’ll know who you are when you call. Phone him tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll drive to Minneapolis if I have to.”
“You might be able to handle all of it over the phone. Curtis can fax you the papers when they’re finished. If I were you, I’d pay him extra to get them done quickly. Don’t let this ride, Sam. You’ve got to stay on top of it.”
Sam suddenly realized there were two reasons to do as Ben suggested. One, yes, he did want to be able to see his son or daughter as often as he could. But two? Maybe if he showed Corrie he was serious about joint custody she’d reconsider moving to Minneapolis. After all, wouldn’t this be easier for them both if she was in the same town? There was a third reason he was doing this, too. No child of his would ever feel abandoned. Not ever.
“I’ll call Curtis tomorrow. I’m not going to lose another chance to be a father.”
On Friday morning, Corrie’s dad was up and scrambling eggs before she was even dressed. She poured two cups of decaf coffee and yawned. She hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. Every encounter with Sam showed her a little more vividly how deep her feelings went for him. Last night she’d wanted him to tell her she meant something to him and that’s why he didn’t want her to move away. Maybe when they discussed this…
Her father divided the scrambled eggs in half and pushed them onto two plates. “You didn’t want to talk about Sam Barclay last night. Are you ready to talk about him this morning?”
She and her dad had trod on difficult territory this week and she did feel a little closer to him. “What do you want to know?”
“What kind of man he is. You chose him to father your child for a reason. What was it?” He handed her her plate of scrambled eggs.
Corrie gave her dad his mug of coffee. “Sam’s partner was the one who first interviewed me when I came to Rapid Creek. He was all business, saw me as an employee and that was fine with me. But when I met Sam—” She’d skip over the tingles she felt up her spine. “He treated me as an equal. We had the same philosophy about pets and their care and within a week I knew he was different from Eric. He didn’t look over me, he looked at me. When we had a conversation and I was talking, he didn’t cut in because what he had to say was more important. There was a respect about Sam—for people, for animals, just for life in general. As his sister-in-law says, he’s one of the good guys.” She set her plate of scrambled eggs on the counter, added milk and sugar to her coffee, then took a sip.
“He likes you.”
“We work together.”
“No, Corrie. I mean, he likes you in the way a man likes a woman.”
She felt her cheeks start to flush and hope fill her heart. “Dad—”
“It’s your business, but he seemed a little put out when I told him you were considering moving back to Minneapolis.”
Was she seriously considering it? Her father had made the suggestion and she’d seen it as an option. But she couldn’t leave Sam. Knowing the way he already felt about their baby, she wouldn’t move that far away. She loved him. Yet she couldn’t tell him. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. If she took the job as director of the shelter she’d have a busy enough life to distract her from thinking about Sam. She’d have a baby and work, and maybe someday her feelings for him would simply be friendship.
On the other hand, if they grew closer because of the baby, maybe…just maybe…more would develop. She’d protected herself against that. She’d told herself if she didn’t make love with him again she could stop loving him. Yet she knew now she couldn’t protect herself from love. Last night as she’d lain in bed, she’d thought about what Sara had said about loyalty. Sam was a loyal man. If he promised he’d be faithful, maybe…just maybe…he’d keep that promise.
All of it was a moot point if he didn’t have feelings for her. Desire wasn’t the same thing as love. “Sam wants to be near his baby. He wants to see his child growing up. I can see him rocking our baby, giving him a piggyback ride, going to the school’s open houses and being so proud of his little girl’s or his little boy’s artwork. Sam will put everything into being a dad. I can’t keep his child from him.”
“If you stay here, I won’t see you very oft
en,” her dad grumbled. “We’ve made progress this week, haven’t we? I mean, I don’t think you hate me as much as you used to.”
“I don’t hate you. I thought I did. I wanted to. After you and Mom divorced, I couldn’t see you because I did love you. I loved Mom. She was the one who was hurt. She was the one who needed me.”
“I know what I did to us, Corrie. When I got sick a couple of months ago, I tried to look at it all honestly, not what I wanted to remember but what actually happened. Your mom and I should have gotten counseling. But my pride—” he shook his head “—my pride stood in the way of that. It stood in the way of me convincing her to forgive me after my second marriage didn’t work out. It kept me from really connecting with you all these years.”
“I didn’t let you connect,” she admitted.
“I could have pushed harder. I should have pushed harder. Especially after your mother died.” He rubbed his hand up and down his neck. “I made so many mistakes, most of all because of pride. If you let pride stand in the way of love, you’ll never be happy. I was never happy.”
Corrie could see the emotion in her dad’s eyes, hear the catch in his voice. Holding on to anger and resentment weren’t good for her, either. “My son or daughter’s going to need a granddad. I’ll drive down to see you and you can drive up. And maybe there’s something else you should think about. When are you going to retire?”
“In a year or so. I’m going to sell my business and that should give me a nice nest egg.”
“Would you think about moving to Rapid Creek? Your nest egg might stretch further up here.”
He laughed. “You and a baby would be enough reason to move up here. You’d really want me to do that?”
“If you think you could be happy here. I’ve felt so alone for the past few years.” The lump in her throat swelled and she couldn’t seem to get any more words out.
Seeing her predicament, her dad came to her and awkwardly put his arm around her. “You’re not alone. It’s time we joined forces instead of letting pride and hurt stand in our way. Don’t you think?”
“I agree,” she said. And then she gave her dad a real hug. The kind she hadn’t given him since she was twelve.
Chapter Thirteen
Corrie loved Sam. She was going to take a giant risk and tell him.
She closed the door to the kennel, took a deep breath and wiped her damp palms on her smock. Sam had asked her to meet him in his office when she’d finished bedding down the animals for the night. She knew what he wanted to talk about—joint custody. She was ready now, not only to talk about their baby but about them.
When her dad had left on Sunday, she’d thought about everything they’d talked about, most of all how pride could get in the way of love. She’d let pride and fear keep her isolated for much too long. She was going to open her heart to Sam and hope that he had feelings for her, too. Yes, it was a monumental risk, but one she was willing to take. She was scared out of her wits, but that wouldn’t keep her from doing it.
Yesterday she hadn’t had time to talk to Sam about anything. It had seemed one emergency had led right into the other. They’d gone home late last night, exhausted. Today he’d had surgery all morning. This afternoon appointments were booked tight. Yet she was glad he wanted to talk now. Maybe tonight they could wind down together. Maybe tonight they could sleep in each others’ arms.
The idea that Sam would be holding her all night put a smile on her face as she pushed open the door to his office and went inside. Patches greeted her. She took a moment, playfully ruffling his ears and stroking down his back a few times, trying to calm her racing heart. The dog wagged his tail enthusiastically, trotted over to Sam’s desk chair and flopped down beside it.
Sam rose from his chair but stayed behind his desk. He looked so very serious. The distance between her and the desk suddenly seemed much greater than the width of the room. For the first time, she noticed that he was holding papers in his hand.
She suddenly felt as if she had lockjaw. Making her lips move, she asked, “What did you want to see me about?”
The expression on his face told her this wasn’t about spending the night together, kissing again or even her taking the job at the animal shelter.
His dark-brown eyes were filled with turmoil as he handed her the papers. “I’d like you to read these and sign them. I think the terms are fair.”
Fair? She had the feeling fair wasn’t a word she was going to use when she was finished reading those papers.
After she digested the first line, she knew this was an official document. “Did you have Sara draw this up?” She and Sara had become friends. At least she thought they had. Would Sara do this without giving her a warning?
“No. A firm in Minneapolis advised me.”
Advised him. As if the two of them couldn’t talk about custody without needing a mediator.
She didn’t read every word. She couldn’t. Her eyes were blurry. But she got the drift of the document very fast. Particular lines jumped out at her.
Joint custody.
Scheduled visitation.
Financial arrangements with cost of living increases. And even considerations for college.
Her stomach sank to her toes. She felt lightheaded and by the time she turned to the third page, she couldn’t see a thing except the scribbles of Sam’s signature. A huge sob like a giant wave was building inside of her, and she couldn’t seem to get enough air. The silence in the room competed with the ringing in her ears.
Somehow, she pushed the sob down and pulled out the most important question. “Why do you think this is necessary?”
“You said you’re considering moving to Minneapolis. I have to safeguard my rights. Even if you don’t go to Minneapolis, if you take the job with the shelter, I want to make sure I’m more than a father on call. I want to be a real dad.”
He had to safeguard his rights because he didn’t trust her. He didn’t trust her to be fair, so he thought a written agreement would force her to be. How stupid she had been to think he had feelings for her. How very naive of her to start believing in love again.
The old Corrie would never have shown Sam how much he had hurt her. The old Corrie would take the agreement, find a lawyer of her own and make sure the terms were fair. But she was a different Corrie now, a Corrie who had opened herself up to friendship and desire, letting herself feel again, in spite of the risks. She was not going to leave this office until Sam knew exactly how she felt and her pride be damned!
Heartbroken tears welled in her eyes and she didn’t fight them. “Don’t you know I want you in this baby’s life? Over the weekend I thought about moving to Minneapolis but I knew I couldn’t. I want you to be a dad in every sense of the word. I don’t want to be three hours away from you because you need to see our baby’s first smile, his first step, his first everything. When we made love, I thought you understood I was putting my trust in you. Do you think I made love with you without being in love with you?”
Sam looked absolutely shocked by her words, and that hurt most of all. If he was so shocked, then he hadn’t felt any of the same things. If he was so shocked, then sex had just been sex, a recreational activity, a way to fulfill a need when no other woman was around.
She’d risked her pride, all right, and now she felt like a total fool.
Grabbing a pen from the desk, she quickly signed her name on the third sheet then tossed the papers at him. “I thought our child would be raised around two people who love and trust each other. But that was just a dream I started weaving. You’ve just proven to me that you don’t trust me and you might never be able to trust me. That’s a shame, Sam, because I was prepared to put all my trust in you.”
Before she said even more that would make her look like a misguided romantic, a woman who couldn’t face the reality of male and female relationships the way they existed in the world now, she fled his office.
When he didn’t come after her, she knew her dreams were as intangible
as stardust, and they would never come true.
Sam felt sick, absolutely sick. And he knew no doctor could cure him.
Eric elbowed him in the ribs. “Come on, partner, cheer up. Why did you come to Happy Hour if you’re going to scowl at the bartender and me and everyone else you see?”
He didn’t know why he’d come to the Tavern. He really didn’t. When Corrie had left the clinic he’d felt…frozen, as if he couldn’t move. And then when he did move, he wasn’t sure where to go. He’d taken Patches upstairs to his apartment and had driven around town for a while, seriously thinking about driving north to the cabin again. But then he saw that for what it was—the urge to escape. That’s what he’d done before Thanksgiving. He’d escaped.
The time in the woods had done him good. He’d found peace again. Until Corrie had disrupted that peace.
So tonight, instead of driving north, he’d driven to the Tavern, trying to find ease in the loud music, cheese fries and Scotch. His partner had already been there, flirting with one of the waitresses.
Sam looked around the place—the exposed beams, the rustic wooden tables and chairs, the fishing gear on the walls, the customers who all looked as if they were having a good time. On Tuesday night, drinks were half price and snacks were on the house. He spotted tellers from the bank, his car insurance agent, the clerk from the mini-mart who must have just gotten off duty. Way over in the corner by the jukebox, he’d spotted Alicia. He’d waited for sadness or disappointment to zing him, but neither did. Alicia was his past and he really didn’t care what she did or who she danced with.
Corrie, on the other hand—Lifting his shot glass he downed his drink.
“Since when do you drink liquor straight?” Eric asked him.
“Since I screwed up my life,” Sam muttered, replaying his scene with Corrie, seeing again the hurt on her face, the tears in her eyes, the soul-deep disappointment she couldn’t hide.
“What do you mean you screwed up your life? What happened?”
The Daddy Plan Page 16
