by Dalia Wright
“I don’t think these fit.”
“They do.” Both girls said.
“Just, jump up and down a little. That should help get them on.” Natasha said.
Ruth raised an eyebrow. Jump up and down? She didn’t get it, but she did. Pulling the jeans up over her hips she found herself jumping lightly off the ground. She did the jeans up and looked up to see Jamie holding a bra. She’d never worn one herself, but a couple of the girls who had gone out for rumaschpring had gotten some when they were out in the English world and had liked wearing them so much they kept at it.
Ruth reached out, staring at it. She took it, her cheeks flushing.
It wasn’t hard to figure out how to put it on.
“You’ve gotta, kinda scoop it up.” Natasha said, her hands moving to make the motions with her hands.
Jamie laughed, and as red as Ruth’s cheeks were, she could understand why.
Once Ruth slipped the shirt over her head she turned to look in a mirror. She was amazed by what she saw.
I… I look like an Englisher.
Ruth knew she shouldn’t have been surprised by that, but she was. She couldn’t believe it as she stared at herself in the mirror.
“How about a little make up?” Jamie suggested. “Just a little. Your skin is flawless; you shouldn’t need mascara or anything.”
Ruth turned to Jamie. She wasn’t sure how to react honestly. Jamie stepped towards her with a bottle in her hand. She unscrewed it and handed the top to Ruth. It was slick with liquid.
“On your lips.”
Ruth hadn’t had any experience with make up, although she had heard a little about it from the girls who had been out in the English world. Ruth applied the make up to her lips.
“What’s your hair like?” Jamie asked.
“Uh,” In answer Ruth untied the bun her hair was normally in.
“Wow.” Natasha muttered. She reached out and ran her fingers over Ruth’s long hair.
Her dirty blonde hair made its way close to her tail bone. Something she was proud of, despite knowing that she shouldn’t take pride in such a vain thing Ruth couldn’t help it.
She smiled, trying not to let the compliment get to her.
“I was going to suggest my pink extensions, but… I think your hair might be longer.”
Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. Pink extensions. How amazing. She’d never thought about adding color to her hair, yet alone such a crazy color.
“We could give it a try.” Jamie suggested. “I think she’d look super cute with it.”
Natasha nodded, heading over to a dresser and grabbing something.
Together with the help of Jamie the two girls put a row of pink hair into Ruth’s hair.
She stared at herself in the mirror, hardly recognising herself anymore. But the woman staring at me looks beautiful. She thought. And it was the truth. She looked like an Englisher, but she was beautiful none the less.
“All that is left is some shoes.” Jamie said as she padded over to the dresser. She bent down, stood up and turned to Ruth, a pair of black shoes with a bow on them in her hand.
Ruth started at them as she stepped towards them. This was it. And then I’m going to sneak out. Her heart skipped a beat.
“No,” she whispered. “I… I mean, I can’t. I can’t do any of this.” She’d been so caught up in seeing what she might look like as an Englisher. She hadn’t realized she was being led astray.
“Why not?” Natasha asked.
“Because,” she couldn’t give them an answer. She didn’t want to say it out loud.
“Come on, we’re just going out for a bit of coffee. Just one coffee and we’ll come back. I mean, don’t you want to experience the English world at all while you’re out here?”
Ruth opened her mouth to answer, but words didn’t come out. Jah.
Nee. She told herself. I made my choice a long time ago. This is not the world I belong in.
Jamie touched her arm. “Come on, I want you to meet our friends.”
Her heart skipped a beat. They wanted her to meet their friends? Is this some kind of cruel joke?
Jamie’s fingers curled around her wrist and pulled her towards the door of the bedroom. Jamie led the way out of the room, through the living room and out to the pouch.
We’re just… walking out the door?!
“We….” She stopped herself before she said anything else. Her heart raced. What would happen if they got caught?
“I told them we would meet them down the street.” Jamie said. “Come on,”
Ruth followed as Natasha and Jamie made their way to the side walk.
Ruth’s heart raced. What if we get caught? She wondered. Would her mother and father be doing a bed check?
They will kill me if they find out I’m not sleeping.
How would it affect their relationship with Grace and Ruth'?
“Does your mother let you out this late?” Ruth hadn’t realized she’d opened her mouth until she heard her own words.
“Sometimes.” Jamie said.
They made their way down the block where a car sat waiting for them.
Ruth felt like she was going to be sick. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but she thought she might puke. I’m not turning back. She told herself.
She thought about the question she had been asked- didn’t she want to experience the English world? Yes.
They made their way to the car. As they made their way closer the passenger side door opened. A girl jumped out and rushed.
“Jams.” The girl shrilled. She rushed over to Jamie and flung her arms around her.
“Melina.” Jamie hugged the girl back. “Heyy.” Ruth watched as two other doors opened. Two guys got out of the car.
Her heart skipped a beat. She stared at the guy who had gotten out of the back seat. She could feel the goose bumps rise to her skin. His eyes locked on hers. A shiver ran down her spine. He wasn’t like any boy she’d ever seen before.
He had blonde hair, that much she could tell in the darkness, and he wore a coat that hung tightly to him.
“Ruth,” Natasha’s voice snapped her back to reality. “This is Melina, Josh, and Dean.”
The other guy, Josh, stepped forward and shook her hand.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
“So, how do you know Jamie?” Melina asked.
“I’m…” Ruth paused. I don’t want them to know. When people found out someone was Amish everything changed. She glanced towards Dean. “A friend.” She lied for the first time since she was just a little girl.
“Any friend of Jamie’s is a friend of ours.”
Ruth’s heart skipped a beat as butterflies pooled in the pit of her stomach. She turned to him as he stepped towards her.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His eyes locked on hers.
Ruth felt butterflies fill her stomach as they stared into each others eyes. The corner of his lips turned up into a smile, his eyes looking her over.
Natasha cleared her throat.
Ruth was snapped back to reality.
“Should we… go grab a coffee or something?” Natasha suggested. She turned to look at her sister.
“Yea,” Jamie said.
Dean opened the door to the back seat. “Ladies first,” he motioned.
Ruth stepped forward as she heard her cousins whisper something.
“Yea, I saw that.” Natasha whispered. Ruth turned back to try and figure out what they were talking about but she couldn’t. What had they seen that Ruth hadn’t. She slid into the car, moving to the far end of the seat as Dean slid in beside her. Natasha and Jamie slid in as well, the four of them squeezing together so tightly.
Dean’s shoulders rubbed against Ruth. Her cheeks flushed and she was suddenly glad it was dark out. Am I crazy? She wondered. What had made her decide to do this?! It was a crazy idea. She should have just stayed home.
But if she hadn’t… She turned to th
e people beside her. I’d regret it. The realization hit her hard. She’d always told herself she didn’t want to go out into the English world, but now, she was beginning to wonder if that was true.
No. It’s not.
She would not break her father’s heart the way Grace had.
“So Ruth, are you from around here?” Dean asked.
“N-” Ruth paused. She took a deep breath. English words. “No, I… I’m not.” That was all she said, hoping she wouldn’t be asked too many questions, hoping she wouldn’t have to lie about who she was any more than she already had.
“Well, I’m glad you decided to come out with us.”
The drive didn’t take long, but Ruth could feel her pulse racing the entire time.
Dean was so close to her, his hand touched her leg accidently several times.
She tried not to pay much attention to her, but as hard as she tried she couldn’t stop. Every time she shifted she could feel him against her.
As they pulled into a parking lot Ruth blew out a breath of relief. Now I can get out of the car. And she wouldn’t be squashed up against Dean.
They got out of the car and Melina took orders. When she turned her attention to Ruth her heart skipped a beat. What am I supposed to say? “I’ll uh, have the same as Jamie.”
“Alright, I’ll be right back.” Melinda nodded heading for a shop, everyone else made their way over to picnic tables.
Natasha fell back, holding on to Ruth’s arm as everyone moved further ahead of them.
“Are you okay?” Natasha whispered.
“Jah.” Ruth lied. “I mean, yes.” She quickly corrected herself.
“Are you sure? If you want to head back at any time just… I don’t know give me a code word, like blue.”
Ruth raised an eyebrow. “Danka.”
“Thank you.” Natasha corrected her with a smile.
Ruth returned the smile with one of her own. She was getting used to the feeling of jeans against her legs, despite the fact that they were very tight against her.
Together her and her cousin headed to the picnic bench. Natasha slid into a spot beside Jamie, leaving only a spot beside Dean open.
Ruth took a deep breath. I’ve sat with boys before. She reminded herself, but for some reason as she sat down beside him it felt so much more different.
Jamie and Josh seemed to be in the middle of a conversation about something, Natasha quickly jumped into it- Ruth however couldn’t understand what they were talking about. She heard the words, but they weren’t quite registering.
“So,” Dean turned to her. “Tell me about yourself.”
Ruth’s eyes widened. What do I say? She opened her mouth. “Well. I uh, live with my parents and my sister.” That was normal, right? “And… and I spend a lot of time out in the garden. When I’m not in the garden I… er like to sew.” That would be enough, right?
Gott, please help me. Ruth found herself praying. I need guidance. But as she thought the words she knew it wasn’t about needing to know what to say, or what not to say. It was more than that.
“Alright,” Melina’s voice came from behind her. “Hot chocolate, hot chocolate, coffee, coffee, coffee, tea.” She handed out each cup. It looks like Ruth was getting a hot chocolate.
She licked her lips staring down at it.
“D-thank you.” She managed to correct herself before she actually said the words. She turned to see Dean still staring at her. “So, tell me about yourself now.” She said, hoping it would ensure she didn’t have to talk about herself much more.
His eyes sparkled even in the darkness. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
“Everything, eh?” He laughed softly, a sound that made Ruth’s stomach fill with butterflies. She took a deep breath and mentally shook herself. “Well, there isn’t much to say. I’m in school right now, I want to join the police force, but in the meantime I’m working at an auto shop.” He paused. “So basically, my life is all about working and studying.” He laughed softly. “Are you in school for anything?”
“N-no.” Again, Ruth had to be utterly aware of the words she used. She promised herself she wouldn’t give away what she was. She didn’t want them knowing. She didn’t want them judging her. I don’t want him judging me.
She’d always thought about whether or not she wanted to go to school- in the English world. But she didn’t know what she would study. The truth is, she liked the Amish way of life. She liked cooking, and gardening, and sewing.
“You garden, you said. Flowers or fruits?”
“Fruits.” Ruth answered quickly. “I um, my family and I, we like to grow our own food.” She wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say. Really, she wasn’t sure if anything she said was right or not. She was counting on Jamie or Natasha to save her if she said something wrong.
It’s not that complicated. She told herself. She’d be able to figure it out quick.
“That’s cool, my mom always wanted to do that. She said it was save money, but, well she didn’t have a very green thumb, so she normally killed whatever she planted.” Dean grinned widely, revealing a row of white teeth. “You should come by sometime and show her how it’s done.”
Quick, how do I react? She wondered. She forced a smile over her lips, and a soft laugh. That seemed to do the trick.
Ruth caught Natasha’s eye. Natasha gave her a soft smile. Surprisingly it helped Ruth relax. She doesn’t look worried. I must not be doing anything wrong. That made her feel better about everything.
“So are you going to be around for a while? I mean, you’re not from around here, right?”
Ruth took a deep breath. What did she say? She had no clue. Be honest. She told herself.
“I can’t say for sure.” She bit her lip, mulling over what else to say. “My grandmother,” She had heard Jamie and Natasha call her that several times. “Is sick so we’re in town for a couple days. I’m just not sure when… we er, plan to head home.”
“Then I guess I’d better take advantage of all the time I get with you.”
Ruth’s heart skipped several beats. She couldn’t believe he had just said that to her. She had no idea how to react.
Her eyes wide as she stared at him.
“Careful there, boy.” Jamie jumped in. “She’s… a very good friend of mine. If you hurt her I might have to hurt you back.” Natasha and Jamie both stared at Ruth.
“Hey,” Natasha cleared her throat. “Did you ever find that blue shirt?” Her eyes locked on mine.
Is she trying to… Ruth’s brow furrowed.
“You know, that blue one?” She placed extra emphasis on the color. “Yes, or no?”
Is she asking if I want to leave? Ruth wondered. I think she is.
“No.” Ruth said, English words sliding from her lips easily.
“Alright.” Natasha nodded. A soft smile touched her lips. She mouthed, “If you’re sure.” Silently.
Ruth nodded.
She had been right.
She didn’t want to leave. Not yet. Not now.
She felt… natural. It was strange, sitting here with a group of people. She wasn’t used to it. Mary had always been the one who everyone gravitated towards. Mary was smart, too smart for her own good really, at least that’s what Maemm said.
The girls stayed out for an hour longer before they headed back to the house. The car dropped them off at the same place it had picked them up.
As Ruth slipped out of the car fingers curled around her wrist, pulling her to a stop. Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. She turned to see Dean staring at her.
“Can I see you tomorrow?”
Jah! Ruth wanted to scream. She took a deep breath. English.
“Maybe.”
Natasha cleared her throat. “I’ll text you later, okay Dean?”
Text. Right, Ruth didn’t have a cell phone for him to contact her with.
“Alright,” he said after a second’s hesitation. He let go of Ruth and she tu
rned away from him- despite the fact that every part of her didn’t want to leave.
The three girls made their way back to the house.
“So, are you going to see him again?” Jamie asked.
“I… I’d like to.” Ruth admitted.
“Then we’ll set it up.” Natasha smiled.
*****
The next morning Ruth was woken by the door opening. Mary slipped out of the room just as someone else slipped in.
“Morning.” Jamie gave her a smile. She held her purse in her hand.
Ruth sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her hand.
“I told my mom we were going out to grab a coffee and that we wanted to bring you with us, so we could get to know each other.” Her eyes sparkled. “So, everyone knows we’re going out. We’re going to…” Her voice lowered. “We’re going to meet Dean in an hour,” she whispered.
Ruth jumped out of bed.
“We are?” she hissed.
“Yea. Natasha and I already figured everything out. You can wear our clothes under your dress and then you can slip out of the dress when we get down the street. I’ll put the dress in my bag, and then when we head back here you can put it back on.”
Ruth stared at Jamie with wide eyes. They had put a lot of thought into it.
“Alright.”
Why does this feel wrong?
It wasn’t wrong, was it? I’m just borrowing the clothes to blend in. She didn’t want to deal with anyone judging her. That was all. Right? Yes. But was that just what she was telling herself? Or was it the truth?
She took the clothes without thinking about it and changed into them quickly. Jamie had picked out a pair of jeans and a black tank top, she also brought the same bra Ruth had used last night.
“You look beautiful,” Jamie said as Ruth pulled the dress over the clothes and tied her hair into a bun.
“Danka. I mean-”
“No.” Jamie held up a hand. “I know what you mean, and you’re welcome.” She smiled softly.
Ruth’s cheeks flushed.
“Are you ready?”
Ruth nodded, not trusting her words suddenly. No, she wasn’t ready. She had to walk past her parents pretending that nothing was going on and she had no clue if she was going to break down and confess herself.
