Just Look Up

by Courtney Walsh

  “How do you suppose your husband paid for such a lavish home, Mrs. Brandt?” Agent Marnetti asked as she picked up a framed wedding photo.

  “Would you mind telling me why you’re here?” Evelyn stared at the agents. She had a right to know, didn’t she?

  The two officials exchanged another telling glance. Agent Marnetti looked away.

  Agent Todd turned toward Evelyn. “We believe Senator Brandt has been embezzling money from the state.”

  Evelyn’s stomach twisted. “That’s not possible.”

  “We have evidence,” Agent Marnetti said. “Lots of evidence. And we think it started long before he became a state senator.”

  Christopher adored Loves Park. Serving in city government had been a point of pride for him. Surely there’d been a mistake—he would never do anything to jeopardize his future.

  Their future.

  “I’d like to call my husband.”

  “There will be time for that, but right now we’re going to have to ask you to step outside.”

  “Why?”

  “We need to look around. Determine your involvement in your husband’s crimes.”

  “My involvement? I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Evelyn’s fingers were cold, like they always felt when she was nervous.

  “Then you have nothing to worry about,” Agent Todd said, his tone kind.

  It was clear who was who in the whole good cop/bad cop scenario.

  “Have you noticed any other elaborate purchases?” Agent Marnetti asked. “I mean, other than the house.”

  Evelyn frowned. “I don’t know. Christopher’s family has money. It’s not so hard to believe he’d be able to afford the things he’s bought.”

  “He lost all of his family’s money a few years ago, Mrs. Brandt,” Agent Todd said. “The senator made a few bad investments and lost it all.”

  “That’s not possible,” Evelyn said. “He would’ve told me.”

  “It seems there’s a lot he didn’t tell you,” Agent Marnetti replied. “Or maybe he’s just trained you really well on how to look innocent.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Evelyn said. “Christopher handled all of our money. I never even paid attention.” Her voice trailed off at the realization. She hadn’t wanted to know about the money. Christopher assured her they were fine, and that was good enough for her.

  She trusted him.

  “Probably not the smartest choice.” Agent Marnetti crossed her arms. “I find it hard to believe you didn’t suspect anything. What about the cabin your husband purchased last month up in the mountains?”

  “Our vacation home?” Evelyn had thought it was a bit excessive when Christopher bought that place, but she wouldn’t tell them that.

  “Quite a price tag on a home you rarely stay in.”

  “He was going to rent it out. Try to make some extra income. Christopher is a brilliant businessman.”

  “Spare us the rhetoric, Mrs. Brandt.” Agent Marnetti pulled a walkie-talkie out of her pocket. “Come on in,” she said.

  Agent Todd stood. “Why don’t we go outside? You don’t need to watch this.”

  The front door opened, and a group of men in suits entered, rushing past Evelyn.

  “You can’t do this,” she said, her voice barely audible.

  Agent Marnetti stopped in front of her. “We have a warrant.” She snapped open a folded piece of paper and handed it to Evelyn.

  Her phone beeped. A new text message from Susan Hayes. Georgina would like a full report once the FBI leaves your house. We’ll finish our meeting at her house. Join if you can.

  “It’ll be easier for you if you come with me,” Agent Todd said.

  “You’re just going to go through all of our things?”

  “We’ll only take what’s pertinent to the case.”

  A man walked by with her laptop.

  “That’s mine. Christopher has nothing to do with that computer.”

  “He might have hidden things on it, Mrs. Brandt. We have to cover all the bases.” Agent Todd ushered her toward the front door. “You can wait in my car.”

  Evelyn’s head started to spin, her heart raced, and she couldn’t get a good, deep breath. Not now. She turned her phone over in her hand. “I need to call my husband.”

  Agent Marnetti snatched the phone from her. “Not a good idea.”

  “He won’t answer, Mrs. Brandt,” Agent Todd said.

  “How do you know that?”

  “According to our director, he was arrested about fifteen minutes ago.”

  Evelyn couldn’t process what she was hearing. “I just spoke with Christopher. He didn’t say anything. Why didn’t anyone call me?”

  “We couldn’t risk you destroying evidence. Now, please, let’s go outside.” Agent Todd opened the door.

  As Evelyn stepped onto the porch, she heard her name being called from the yard. She glanced up and saw four television cameras all fixed on her.

  “Mrs. Brandt, did you know about the senator’s embezzlement?”

  “Mrs. Brandt, are you an accomplice to the fraud?”

  “Did you know your husband was a crook?”

  Wondering if she’d ever wake up from this terrible nightmare, Evelyn took a backward step into the house and slammed the door. “Get those people out of my yard.”

  “We’re working on it.”

  Evelyn walked through the house, trying not to pay attention to the way these federal agents were carelessly searching through everything she owned. She went out to the rear patio with Agent Todd following close behind.

  “Can you just leave me alone?”

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Brandt. My orders are to keep you in my sight at all times.”

  “You honestly think I had anything to do with any of this?”

  He shrugged. “Stranger things have happened, ma’am.”

  “Not to me.” Evelyn sat on a deck chair and let her head drop into her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  A rustling in the bushes pulled her attention. She stood just in time to glimpse a man with a camera pointed at her.

  She spun around, head whirling, black dots at the edges of her vision. She struggled to breathe. This time she couldn’t keep the panic away. It was too strong. Every coping mechanism she’d learned in therapy eluded her, and she dropped into the chair, willing away the worry.

  Her heart felt like it was being squeezed. Her airway, blocked. Her mind spun out of control, unable to latch on to one sane thought.

  For a split second she was in her parents’ house again, hiding under the bed, hoping her father didn’t find her. He wouldn’t abuse her—not physically—but he would tell her what a disappointment she was. He would point out that she wasn’t living up to her potential, that what she needed was hard work and discipline. He would make her feel like the failure she was.

  I’ll never be good enough.

  “Mrs. Brandt?” Agent Todd leaned in. “Are you okay?” He turned to the man with the camera and shooed him away. “Get out of here. I can arrest you. This is private property.”

  The cameraman rushed off.

  “He’s gone, Mrs. Brandt.” Agent Todd stood a few feet away. “Do you need a doctor?”

  Slowly Evelyn’s panic subsided. It had been months since she’d had a panic attack, but they never got any easier. “I’m fine. I just want to be alone.”

  He lingered for a moment as if to assess her condition. “I’ll wait over here,” he said finally. “By the door.”

  But knowing she remained under his watchful eye was enough to prevent her from relaxing. That, coupled with the fact that her entire world had just come crumbling down around her, made Evelyn feel like she might never truly be at peace again.

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  A Note from the Author

  YOU WOULD THINK the more you do something, the easier it gets, but that was not my experience in writing this book. Just Look Up, more than any other novel I’ve written, pulled fr
om my own life experiences, and I suppose sometimes writing what you know is more difficult than making up what you don’t.

  I was on a trip to New York City for my husband’s fortieth birthday when I first heard the words “just look up” in my mind. We were walking from our hotel to a restaurant down the street, and I was enamored just being back in my favorite city in the world. Granted, I’ve never been overseas, so I know New York has rivals, but for me, it’s always been a place where my creativity can rise to the top.

  So there I was, a small-town girl on the streets of New York for the first time in many years, taking it all in. The buildings, the traffic, the people, the overall “vibe” that is NYC—it was electric, and I was smitten. And I started to realize that everyone I passed had their eyes glued to their phones. They walked by, oblivious to the world around them, sucked into an online life instead of the real life happening right in front of them.

  “Just look up!” I wanted to shout. “Look around at everything you’re missing! Don’t you know how amazing this city is?”

  When you live in a place surrounded by the same sights and people day after day, it’s easy for life to become monotonous, even somewhere as glorious (to me) as New York. I started thinking about my own life and the ways I fail to look up. How I’m too busy or focused on my to-do list to pay attention to the important things in my life. I was confronted with my own inability to create margin in my life—how I say yes to too many things and put overwhelming pressure on myself to achieve.

  And that’s how this story was born. Lane’s journey, though different from mine, is filled with much of what I’ve been through the last few years. The anxiety and stress, the need to strive, the inability to relax. That’s all too familiar. And maybe you related to these things too.

  We are a busy bunch of people. We love to pack our days and hours and minutes with things to do. We are always connected, always reachable, never unplugged.

  And I don’t know about you, but that hasn’t served me well.

  My prayer is that perhaps this story—my story as much as Lane’s—might challenge you to search for that missing margin in your own life. To let go of the need to always be connected and to trade it in for a peaceful, restful, life-giving existence instead. To embrace the idea of the Sabbath and rest. Really rest, like all your work is already done.

  And to remember the very best things are found when we just look up.

  With love and gratitude to you for taking the time to read my book,

  Courtney

  PS—I love to hear from my readers! I invite you to sign up for my newsletter at my website, www.courtneywalshwrites.com, or to drop me a line via e-mail: courtney@courtneywalshwrites.com.

  Acknowledgments

  TO ADAM. For teaching me to slow down. For refusing to be hurried when it’s not necessary or to live your life according to someone else’s standards. For standing by my side “in sickness and in health” this past year and for helping me through all of it. Your belief in and encouragement for my writing is one of my life’s greatest gifts. Plus, I think you’re cute.

  My kids: Sophia, Ethan, and Sam. You guys are pretty amazing. We often step back and say, “Wow. We have some really great kids.” I’m inspired by each one of you for different reasons and am so thankful I get to be your mom. Thanks for cheering me on—and always remember, my love for you runs deep.

  My parents: Bob and Cindy Fassler. Thank you for never discouraging my big dreams. And, Mom, thanks for being my first reader. Thank you for praying for us, and for training me up in the way I should go. I thank God for you every day.

  Carrie Erikson. My sister. My friend. My wise counsel. Thank you for being the friend of my heart.

  Stephanie Broene. I will always, always be grateful to you. You’ve made this story so much stronger (as you always do) and helped me figure out the best way to tell it. I am grateful I get to work with such an insightful, encouraging, and kind editor.

  Danika King. For all the ways you make my stories better. I am eternally grateful.

  Dr. Andrew Kong, my functional medicine doctor who helped diagnose my adrenal fatigue and anxiety and who also walked me through the long road to recovery. Because of you and your practice (and your very strict elimination diet, which nearly killed me), I am whole again. Thank you.

  To Natasha Kern, my agent. Thank you for challenging me to be better and write stronger. I am so thankful to have you on this journey with me.

  To Deb Raney. Always my mentor and always my friend. For all you’ve done to help me understand story—I am grateful.

  To Katie Ganshert, Becky Wade, and Melissa Tagg, my precious writer friends whom I adore and love. Thank you all for brainstorming with me, for challenging me, for talking story and publishing and life with me. Because of each of you I feel so blessed to be on this journey.

  To Jennifer Ghionzoli, for giving my books covers that make me absolutely swoon.

  To the marketing team at Tyndale—Cheryl, Shaina, and Alyssa. Seriously. You guys are the best. Thank you for what you do every day to shine a light on our stories. Your authors are blessed to have you.

  And especially to you, my readers. It humbles and amazes me every time I hear from one of you. I am so blessed to have the chance to share the stories God has given me, and I will never take for granted this opportunity. Thank you for choosing to spend time with my characters.

  About the Author

  COURTNEY WALSH is the author of Paper Hearts, Change of Heart, and the Sweethaven series. Her debut novel, A Sweethaven Summer, was a New York Times and USA Today e-book bestseller and a Carol Award finalist in the debut author category. In addition, she has written two craft books and several full-length musicals. Courtney lives with her husband and three children in Illinois, where she is also an artist, theater director, and playwright.

  Visit her online at www.courtneywalshwrites.com.

  Discussion Questions

  Lane struggled with her weight growing up. How has that affected her adult life? Is there a challenge or situation from your past that still has some kind of hold on you? What steps can you take to work toward leaving that behind for good?

  Lane is filled with an overwhelming desire to prove something. She spends her days striving to achieve more—especially at work, but also in other parts of her life. Are there areas of your life that can consume you in a similar way if you let them? What gets sacrificed as a result?

  Lindsay’s betrayal hurts Lane deeply. Do you think Lane is justified in feeling betrayed by her family? In what ways do holding on to these grudges change her life? What would you have done in Lane’s situation? Could you have forgiven Lindsay?

  Both Ryan and Lane have difficulty forgiving people close to them. Do you find forgiveness difficult to give when it comes to certain people? How do you keep from becoming bitter?

  Lane often feels misunderstood, out of place, and left out—even as an adult, even by her own family. Why do you think that is? Can you relate? How are you different from the people around you, and what can you do to celebrate those differences rather than allowing them to make you feel like an outsider?

  Ryan credits the Kelleys with showing him unconditional love and a positive example of a real family. In what ways did different members of the family model that for him? How can you do the same for people God has put in your life?

  When Lane finally gets everything she wants at work, it doesn’t bring the satisfaction she thought it would. Why do you think that is? Describe a time in your life when you hoped and prayed for something, but when it finally happened, it wasn’t all you imagined it would be. What did you learn from that experience?

  At first, Lane’s relationship with God is a lot like her other relationships—quick and hurried and not very deep. How does that change over the course of the story, and how does the change impact her life? How can you guard against this kind of surface faith in your own life?

  When Ryan’s fears about his father causing the motorcycle acci
dent turn out to be true, he is faced with an impossible decision. Does he do the right thing? Have you ever had to choose between love and obligation? How did you make that choice?

  The morning of Lane’s big presentation, her stress and anxiety come to a head and she collapses. Many women struggle with fear and worry, but the Bible says that perfect love casts out fear. What does that mean to you? What are some habits you could develop to infuse your life with Scripture every time you start to give in to fear or worry?

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