I didn’t belong there. They were Josh’s friends. Rick’s friends. Not mine. To me, Josh was all I had. “I’m okay. I promise.” I gave Rick a quick kiss on the cheek and refused to let him change my mind.
“Cicconi.” Chris Jenkins stopped me just outside the door and consoled at a close, but respectful distance. “I’ve really missed having you around.” He smiled weakly.
“What are you doing, Chris?”
“Nothing – I – I was the first one to arrive when Tucker was attacked.”
“Okay?”
“I hesitated a little too long. – Maybe I was being a bit selfish but I never thought much of your relationship with Tucker.”
“What are you saying?”
“You know what I’m saying.”
“You could have taken that confession to your grave, Chris because I would have never imagined that coming from you.”
“I know.” He shrugged. “And that’s usually my MO, but I wanted you to know.” It was the longest conversation we’d had since school and I wasn’t sure how to perceive his reasons. “You know how close we used to be. Hell, I’m just going to say it – I screwed up, Jess and I regret it every day. But, as just a friend to another friend – Tucker’s very good at pretending. That’s all I’m going to say.”
SEVEN
(Sean)
“But I loved him, Mom.”
I stopped and listened at my sister’s door, unable to ignore the conversation and move on.
“He’s engaged, Mickie,” the soft voice of Eva, my ex-stepmother drifted to my ear. Immediately, I knew why she was there, although I had no clue when she had arrived. “He has a life with another woman and from what little I’ve heard, he was much older and I didn’t even attend your college as he led us all to believe. He told so many lies, Sweetie. Of course, your brother was angry.”
“You don’t know how it was when we were together. He cared about me. Bubba had no right to attack him like he did.”
“Sean was only trying to protect you.”
“I’m sick and tired of his protection!”
“Mickie, there are just so many things you don’t understand.”
“Oh, Mom, don’t say it. I’m nineteen! When am I going to be grown enough to understand all the things you keep telling me I will know when I’m older. I’m older! What is this big family secret everyone thinks I’m too young to know about?”
“Trust me, it’s something you should be happy you don’t know. It will change your whole life.”
Their conversation muted. All I could hear was the sounds of dresser drawers being opened and shut for a few moments. I knew how Mickie felt. Losing love abruptly tore apart the soul as well as the heart.
“Josh called me that day. He told me that Sean fought with him again and he was hiding from him, then I heard – Mom, what I heard over my phone – that was not the brother I know. I’ve made up my mind. I’m moving in with you. I just can’t stand to be here anymore.”
I sighed. Mickie was the only family I had left and she hated me. I touched the door knob, wanting to enter and tell her why I had destroyed the relationship, but knowing all the details would only cause her more pain, so I shrank away and returned downstairs. She would forgive me. She always did.
I headed to the refrigerator, but I wasn’t hungry.
Matt Divani opened a tray of cold cuts on the counter. My broad shouldered ally raised an eyebrow as his eyes fell on me. “What’s up Boss?”
“What makes you think something is wrong?” I watched as Grato, Matt’s slightly shorter and much slimmer brother, approached and assembled layer after layer of bread, meat, and cheese.
“Because you’re drinking your sister’s wine coolers.” Matt knew me well and knew that the fruity drink Mickie occasionally stocked did not appeal to me. I glanced at the bottle. In my state, I hadn’t tasted the beverage. I chucked it into the sink and replaced it with my preferred brown bottle.
“How’s the scene?”
“Pigs searched every square inch every day for a week, but they didn’t find what they’re looking for,” Matt informed with a sideways grin.
Grato pushed the tip of his nose with his forefinger, making it look like a snout, then pulled an invisible noose and stuck out his tongue. The younger sibling never spoke, but had his own unique way of being heard.
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s too risky. They’ll expect us to attack Tucker again. So, we leave him be and he’ll survive – if he’s smart.”
The man wearing rainbow streaks in his dirty blond hair stuck up his thumb, then shoved the last bite of sandwich into his mouth. It still amazed I how much and how quickly the smaller Divani brother could eat.
Matt sat a sandwich in front of me, then sat to my right and took a bite of his own. “I’m sure you didn’t eat at the restaurant either.”
I was much older than my friend, yet it was Matt that took on the big brother role when it came to making sure Grato and I took care of ourselves. With the man’s nod of encouragement, I relented and took a bite of the sandwich knowing I did not have the strength to endure a drunken, self-induced coma.
The doorbell rang. Grato tapped his watch-less wrist and his eyebrows questioned. It was late for a visit.
I groaned, pushed away my half-eaten entree and drank down my beer. “I got it.” Probably cops again. Who else could be knocking?
‘“Drew?”
The skinny man stood on my doorstep wringing his hands together. His shoulder-length, bleached hair hung in clumped strands and he constantly looked over his shoulder.
I growled through clenched teeth, my temper teetering on the edge, only millimeters from snapping. “I told you never to come here!” I saw red and in a blur, I jerked the man inside and punched him square in the jaw.
“Damn it, Man,” Drew whined as he picked himself up off the floor, wiping the blood from the open gash on his lip with a jittery hand.
“Do you know what will happen if the cops connect us?”
“I wasn’t followed,” his crackling voice insisted.
“You never know if you’re being tailed!” I shouted.
Grato closed the front door, then glanced toward the ceiling, his way of telling me someone might hear.
I lowered my voice to a threatening growl, “You can never be this comfortable.”
“But this couldn’t wait.”
I shot him a warning. I had always preferred to do business without meeting with Drew McClure in person, eliminating the chance of him leading the feds to the evidence they needed to confirm their suspicions about my business.
“Why didn’t you send someone?”
“Because I don’t want all my men to know about this.”
“You keep playing with me you won’t live long enough to worry about it!” I turned my back on the cowering man. My eyes focused on the large whiskey bottle on the nearby bar. I wanted a drink to numb the newly throbbing vein in my temple.
“I hired Stephen to do a run,” Drew finally blurted out.
I stopped mid-step, forgetting about the temporary pain reliever I had wanted. I slowly resumed my former position and glared at my partner.
“You might want to explain quickly because I could have sworn that I told you to get rid of him.”
Stephen McClure had never been trustworthy, stealing money and drugs. Each time he would explain the missing merchandise by saying he was robbed, lying so much that he forgot what and how often he told it.
“But he’s family. He’s my cousin.”
“I don’t care if he was your father!” I bellowed. “The man stole us blind and he’s got a big mouth.”
“But he came back begging. He – prom –”
“How much did I take this time?” I tried to remain calm. Stolen goods were barely worth my frustration.
“Nothing. It’s not that. I’m trying to tell you. He was there!”
“He was where?”
“In that alley. He was looking to score, I guess –
but Stephen saw it all and he can name names and – I think he’s going to tell them a lot more.” Drew paced. “Oh, man, what are we going to do?”
“You are going to go back and clear out the warehouse like you should have done in the first place instead of coming here!” I spat, picked up my cell phone and punched in a number. “Damn it, Drew! I can’t believe you brought that junky around again!” I was losing my patience, immediately regretting taking Drew as my partner. The man had been skilled in the beginning, but once his cousin returned to town Drew’s heroin addiction returned as well, making him stupid and a liability.
“I know – I’m sorry.” Drew continued his nervous stupor.
“Just shut up!” I growled. “I’ll take care of it. – It’s me.” I turned my back to my guest the moment the ring was answered. “I have a big problem. Can you talk?” I held on for what seemed like an eternity before I could explain the situation to my contact. “You know what to do if he does.” Then I hung up the phone, straightened my jacket and continued to glare. “Your cousin will be dealt with. He hasn’t talked to the cops yet, but it’s only matter of time before he tries his luck. I hope you have room in the family plot.”
“Oh, thanks, Man. You are truly great. You saved both our asses,” Drew went on. His nervousness began to fade.
I smiled and took Drew’s extended hand and gave it a normal shake before applying an excruciating amount of pressure.
“This is a big problem for me,” I began in a cool, calm tone. “I shouldn’t have to worry about saving our asses.”
“I’m sorry, Boss.”
“You see, Drew, there’s a reason why I’ve never been caught and I plan to keep it that way.”
“Bubba.” Mickie entered the room, a suitcase in each hand. Her eyes bloodshot and swelled. Her mother smiled sympathetically behind her and business was postponed. “I’m going to Mom’s.”
There was no need to respond. Mickie had remained in my home, refusing to leave her high school and friends behind when Eve had remarried and relocated. I would miss her and the time we spent together. It was the only time I could pretend my life was normal, but my life was not normal and never would be.
“You come home soon, Mickie.” Matt hugged the young woman. “Won’t be the same without you around here.”
“I’m sure everyone will be fine. My feelings were never important around here anyway.”
I hung my head. I couldn’t watch her leave nor did I try to convince her to stay, believing she was better off away from me and the demons that orchestrated my existence.
“She will be back, Boss. She just needs to clear her head.”
I directed all my feelings on my insubordinate partner.
“It won’t happen again,” the man promised, backing toward the door.
I grabbed him by the back of the neck and forced him close. Drew’s jaw dropped in shock. His words unable to escape. His skin turned sickly pale and his eyes became cloudy.
I stepped away from the man with my gun still in my hand and watched the body fall to the floor with his eyes wide open, but his heart no longer in one piece.
“Geeze, Boss.”
I returned my gun to my jacket, confident the weapon’s silencer muted the fatal bullet that took the life. It was an odd move for me to kill so suddenly, in my own home and with my family so nearby. It was strange for me to execute a planned hit myself, but it hadn’t been intended.
All the emotions I had felt needed to land somewhere and Drew ended up absorbing all my wrath. I turned my back, slowly calming myself against the bar in my living room. I picked up a glass and poured some whiskey from the bottle, lifted it as if to toast my recently deceased partner and drank it down in one gulp.
“Get rid of him before he stinks up the place.”
Grato, gratefully quick with such matters sprang into action while Matt took a moment to collect his confusion.
~ ♥ ~
Grato approached me cautiously when the task was complete and patted my shoulder to ask ‘Are you okay?’ The bloodiest of messes never seemed to faze him and he sometimes had a sick sense of humor with the dead victim’s final disposal.
“This McClure guy. He’s trouble isn’t he?” Matt made himself a drink. Clean up was not his favorite activity and the disgust of handling the carcass left tired circles under his brown eyes.
I blew out a deep breath. Worry and trouble was inescapable. It found me wherever I ventured. My hands were never clean and I had long ago grown weary of cleansing them. I would have walked away, but how can you have freedom when someone would always be around to threaten it?
“Stephen McClure’s nose was stuck in everything his cousin did and he knows where the warehouse is or was. He knows everyone involved from the bottom to the top. I’m sure Drew ran his mouth, telling Stephen secrets he had no right to know. Drew talked too much when he was high – Yeah, this is a big mess.”
“He won’t make it to court. I promise you that,” Matt consoled. “We know he’s in town. If he shows up at any police precinct he’ll get a bullet in his head before he makes it to the front door.”
“I think your time would be better spent elsewhere.” I wanted to be alone and my boys knew when to accommodate that favor.
I poured another drink, gulped it down and refilled it again. I was a borderline alcoholic and I made no excuses for myself. It was the only comfort I had, but the quantity it took to achieve the numbness I craved grew more and more each day. Perhaps stronger liquor would quench my desire to slip into a reminiscent past, a place where I was happy, loved and my activities needed no alibis.
I sifted through the cabinets, opening one elaborate wooden door after another, finding nothing stronger than what I had in my hand. Then, pushed well behind the decanters and bottles, something shiny and orange caught my eye. I pulled out the old prescription bottle and stared at its label. A nearly complete pain medication I had received when I had broken my wrist two years prior. Alcohol had been my pain reliever then as well. I ran my finger over the label and wondered if its effects had gone stale as I strolled away from my private stock.
I sank into the white leather sofa, kicked my feet up on the large oak coffee table and laid my head back. Again I drank down the liquor as fast as I could, gripping the bottle tight in my hand.
Memories began to flood my mind as they always did when I was alone. Dreadful memories that brought me no joy and I wanted them erased. Desperately, I tried to go back to Sara and the day I had first seen her.
I managed to envision the church, but I didn’t see Sara, instead I saw my father.
Everyone’s head was bowed. The priest was in the middle the prayer that meant to see the congregation through the week, but all I could think about was the cold air flowing from the vent just above my head.
I rubbed my hands and glanced beside me. My stepmother held a hand to her belly, no doubt saying a prayer for her unborn child. On her other side, my father, eyes closed, bobbed his head in agreement to every word intended to bless. Why the man didn’t burst into flames the moment he had stepped inside the cathedral was a mystery when just the day before he had attempted to perform an unconventional abortion on his wife and then proceeded to choke his son unconscious, punishment for daring to come to her aid.
I had never cared much for Eva, dodging her in the hallways at home and pretending I didn’t hear when she spoke to me, but things had changed after her conception. After all, the child she carried was my blood and innocent of all blame.
I closed my eyes and prayed for forgiveness for the commandment I had broken even though I thought my actions were justified. I begged for understanding. For a way out. Then opened my eyes just in time to see her walk by. Sara sat across the aisle, diagonally in my line of vision. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and then she turned and gazed at me … and she smiled.
I still wondered if I had made a mistake saving my unborn sibling, condemning her to eventually witness the unspeakable acts of the family
business. I had tried so hard to keep her away, to keep her innocent and un-harassed. There was no need for her involvement. No reason she had to be labeled the way the islander’s had always labeled me.
Desperate for an end, I opened the bottle and dumped the long, pink pills into my hand. I opened my mouth and crammed them in, letting a tear roll down my cheek, believing I should have joined my wife years before, leaving my father with no heir to carry on his legacy. I held them in my mouth as I relived the day that forced me into the world I despised until the medication began to dissolve on my tongue. I took a big swig of my drink intending to wash the bitter poison down my throat.
Mickie would be fine – better off without me – never again would a man use her to get to me – never again – but would she blame herself?
I lurched forward and spewed the half-liquefied narcotics at my feet. I coughed and choked, spitting to be sure the substance had been expelled. I fell back against the sofa and laughed. So many feared me, knowing how easy it would be for me to take their lives, yet I was really a coward, unable to kill the only person I truly wanted to die.
EIGHT
(Jessie)
“Home – finally!” I exhaustedly spoke to an empty house.
I released the burden of my purse and dropped my keys into the porcelain bowl by the door. I leaned against the wall and used my toes to kick off my shoes, my mother’s rule that amazingly still triggered obedience the moment I entered the Magnolia.
The Colonial Style two-story was the biggest house in Demora, built from memory by some distant grandfather of mine. The place had been his passion and that passion was passed down to his son and so on all the way to my father. Each generation added something – a room – a fireplace – but I didn’t care to contribute to the family legacy. I wanted it to stay just as it was – I needed it to remain frozen in time.
I gazed longingly at the suede sectional. It had been a trying day. It seemed to beg me to relax on its soft cushions, but I wouldn’t sit on it. The wallpaper was still dingy with age and had developed wrinkles and was torn in some places, but I wouldn’t replace it. The rug where I played with my dolls as a girl still laid exactly where my mother had placed it and I passed by it every day, moving through my childhood home, disturbing nothing.
Son of a Mobster (Criminal Desires) Page 5
