by Margaret Way
Sam kept yelling, but Jacob talked anyway.
‘These gardens are my favourite part of Melbourne,’ he said as the path led them down the slope towards the water.
‘Let me guess—because it’s full of trees and wide open spaces?’
‘Absolutely. Being here is the next best thing to being in the bush.’
It was a not so subtle reminder. ‘But parks are supposed to be tranquil places. Sam’s disturbing the peace.’
‘He’s a tiny baby, Nell.’
She sighed. ‘I know.’ She gave Sam’s back a firmer pat and hitched him higher on her shoulder. Almost immediately, he let out a huge burp.
And stopped crying.
‘Goodness.’ Nell lifted him away from her, so that she could look at him. ‘Was that the problem?’
In the sunlight, Sam’s fine hair was lit with gold. His blue eyes were still shiny with tears trembling on the end of dark lashes. He was staring at her with a look that suggested he was almost as surprised as she was that he’d stopped crying. He was absolutely gorgeous!
Nell smiled at Jacob. ‘You were right. But how did you know he had wind?’
Returning her smile, he shrugged. ‘I must have an acute understanding of infants.’
She wasn’t buying that. ‘Or you made a lucky guess.’
Grinning widely now, he snapped his fingers. ‘Sprung.’
Nell laughed. And then she was instantly sobered by the realisation that this was the first time she’d laughed in ages.
Ages.
She remembered how often she and Jacob had laughed all those summers ago.
As she settled Sam back against her shoulder and walked on, her confusion about the tall, handsome man beside her returned. Jacob was slipping into her life with astonishing ease, but so far his role was hard to define. He was so much more than an old friend, more than a good egg lending a helping hand. He was almost a partner.
But the bottom line was that Jacob was Sam’s grandfather. That was the reason he was here, taking a stroll through the park with her. That was why he wanted her at Koomalong.
Sam’s grandpa.
She looked again at the tall, dark, not-yet-forty guy in blue jeans and almost giggled.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘I was thinking that the universe has a perverse sense of humour, turning us into grandparents before we’re out of our thirties.’
The skin around his eyes creased as he grinned. ‘Don’t worry, Nell. You make a very cute granny.’
She looked away and pressed a kiss to the top of Sam’s head. He was warm and relaxed as he cuddled against her now, growing heavier as he snuggled in like a baby koala. The walk was indeed soothing him.
They passed a beautiful bright garden of massed perennials.
Jacob asked, ‘Are your parents still living at Half Moon?’
Surprised by the question, but thankful for the change of subject, she answered readily. ‘No. Haven’t you heard? They had to leave.’
‘How do you mean? What happened?’
‘Dad, being the stubborn so-and-so that he is, wouldn’t listen to all the warnings about global warming and drought. He overstocked and overgrazed and virtually ran the property into the ground. Then he couldn’t repay his debts, so the bank foreclosed.’
Jacob let out a low whistle.
‘My parents have moved to Rockhampton,’ Nell told him. ‘Dad works in the cattle sale yards now.’
She was rather grateful that Jacob made no comment. Heaven knew, he had plenty of grievances against her father and there were many things he could have said about how the mighty had fallen, but he probably didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
‘I’ve often wondered about your mum,’ she said. ‘How is she? Is she still living with you?’
‘No way.’ Jacob chuckled. ‘She’s married to a grazier in the Kimberley.’
‘Really?’ It was too late to hide her surprise. ‘Wow, Jacob! That’s wonderful.’
‘She’s got a beautiful home, a guy who’s crazy about her, an extended step-family who adore her and she’s as happy as a possum up a gum-tree.’
‘I’m so pleased for her. I really liked her.’
It was the truth. Nell had genuinely liked Maggie Tucker and not just because she was Jacob’s mum. Maggie was a handsome, fun-loving woman and a terrific cook. There’d been a warmth and an earthiness about her that Nell had found particularly appealing and strangely comforting. She’d spent many happy hours in Maggie’s kitchen, in spite of her parents’ disapproval.
‘Maggie’s teaching me to cook,’ she’d told them. She could still remember the joy of learning from Maggie how to make perfect blueberry pancakes and scrumptious gingerbread. As for the chocolate pannacotta—yum!
‘Your mother deserves to be happy,’ she said.
‘Yeah.’ A fond smile warmed Jacob’s face. He looked down at Sam. ‘Speaking of happy—’
‘Has he gone to sleep again?’
‘Out like a light.’
‘What a good little man.’
Speaking of happy …
Nell had never looked happier.
As they turned and walked back towards the car park, Jacob suspected that looking at Nell was a health hazard. She had always been lovely, but this morning, in the sunlight, holding the baby wrapped in a gauzy shawl, she was more beautiful than any Madonna painted by the great masters and Jacob had the pulse rate to prove it.
Nell’s face had taken on a special tenderness, a mysterious sweetness that almost brought him to his knees.
With Sam in her arms she looked fulfilled and completely happy. And, like his mother, Nell was a woman who had copped more than her share of hard knocks, and she deserved this happiness.
What right did he have to put extra pressure on her by demanding that she make the huge shift to Koomalong? Could he really expect Nell to give up her cottage and her comfortable life here in Williamstown? She’d decorated the house with such care and made it her own. It was conveniently close to shops and the sea front and to pretty parkland.
He’d convinced himself that Sam would be better off in the Outback, but he couldn’t deny that a seaside suburb had a lot of appeal for a small boy.
Now, looking at the expression of contentment on Nell’s face, Jacob realised he had to back right off.
If he’d learned anything about women, it was that timing was everything and, right now, Nell’s attention was tuned one hundred per cent in to Sam.
There was no point in trying to tell her that he still wanted her, as badly as he had when he’d been nineteen. Walking with her was not enough. Talking with her, watching the play of emotions on her expressive face, watching her holding Sam, was not enough. He needed her in his arms, needed the taste of her lips, the smell of her skin, her touch.
But there was every chance he’d totally scare her off if he tried to tell her that.
They reached the car park and Jacob pressed the central locking device. The car’s lights flashed and the doors clicked. He opened the back door for Nell.
Nell, however, didn’t move. She remained standing very still with Sam in her arms while she looked back at the green sweep of gardens, at the trees and the lake. And then she turned her attention to the street beyond the car park, to the busy lanes of jostling, honking traffic. Her gaze lifted to the skyscrapers—all glinting glass, concrete and metal—looked above them to a plane streaking through grey, smoggy clouds.
‘Tegan was right,’ she said quietly.
Fine hairs lifted on the back of Jacob’s neck. ‘What about?’ His question was hardly more than a whisper.
‘He likes open spaces.’
She smiled at him and he held his breath.
‘And I think Sam needs both of us,’ she said. ‘Let’s take him home and then we must talk about Koomalong.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
I THINK Sam needs both of us.
Nell couldn’t believe she’d actually said that. She’d been so cautious, but now
it was out and she was sure Jacob couldn’t believe it either. He was looking at her as if she’d grown a third eye.
‘Let’s get Sam home first,’ she said quickly. ‘Then we can talk about it.’
Jacob sprang to life, moving aside so she could settle the baby back in the carrier. Luckily, Sam fell asleep and he slept all the way back to Williamstown. Jacob didn’t press Nell to talk, for which she was extremely grateful. The enormity of what she’d said was sinking in and she was starting to feel the aftershocks.
When they reached her cottage, Jacob became businesslike, carrying all Sam’s things inside and stacking them in the back room.
‘I think Sam needs a nappy change,’ Nell said, feeling his damp rump.
Jacob’s eyes twinkled with amusement. ‘Will this be a first for you?’
‘Of course not. I’ve changed oodles of nappies for friends’ babies.’
‘Great, then I can watch and see how it’s done.’
Oh, good one, Nell. She was ridiculously nervous as she laid Sam on a fresh towel on the spare bed. Her hands were all thumbs as she unsnapped and lowered his pants and removed the nappy. It didn’t help that Sam kicked his legs madly during the entire process, so that his little feet kept getting in the way.
‘Hmm,’ said Jacob, watching over her shoulder. ‘Impressive family jewels.’
‘All baby boys look like that.’ Nell was annoyed with herself for being flustered. She thrust a packet of baby wipes at him. ‘Here, you have a go.’
Jacob looked as if he’d swallowed a bug. ‘What am I supposed to do?’
‘Wipe over his nappy area with one of these.’
‘Hey, I’m still learning. I’m happy to watch you. You’re doing great. You’re a genuine expert.’
She smiled at him sweetly. ‘I’ve a better idea. Why don’t you put the kettle on? We’re going to have to heat up his next bottle.’
‘OK.’ Jacob was about to leave when he took a closer look at Sam. ‘Nell, look. He has a birthmark just like yours.’ He pointed to a tiny strawberry splash on Sam’s ankle.
Nell gulped. After all this time, Jacob remembered the butterfly shaped mark on her hip.
‘What about the kettle?’ she said without daring to meet his eyes.
He accepted this task in good humour and headed for the kitchen, leaving her to fumble her way through changing Sam into a fresh set of clothes.
The subject of Koomalong was left until after Sam had been fed and carefully burped and put to bed in the little cot in Nell’s bedroom. She decided to tackle it over lunch—tuna and mayonnaise sandwiches and cups of tea in the kitchen.
Nervously, she said, ‘OK, I guess it’s time to talk.’
‘Whenever you’re ready.’
His attempt at nonchalance didn’t fool Nell. He was as uptight as she was.
She took a deep breath, then let it out noisily. ‘The thing is, I agree that a cattle property is a great place for raising children, especially boys. But, more than that, I do understand how awful it would be for you to miss out on getting to know Sam.’
He nodded solemnly.
‘But, to be honest, Jacob, saying that scares me. Half of me thinks it’s a crazy idea.’
‘But it would only be for a month to start with.’
‘That’s thirty days, Jacob.’
‘What are you afraid of?’
‘That you—’
‘Yes?’
‘That we—’ The sudden amusement in his eyes made this conversation a hundred times harder. ‘We can’t expect to turn back the clock twenty years.’
‘Is that a careful way of saying that you don’t think we can resurrect our relationship?’
The kitchen grew suddenly hot and close. Nell wished she could fan her flaming cheeks. ‘I—um—certainly don’t think we should assume that a relationship would be the—um—likely outcome.’
Good grief. Were there lingering hints of regret in her voice? Had she ever sounded so flummoxed?
She tried again. ‘It’s going to be a very tricky situation. After all this time, we’ve probably romanticised the way we think about each other.’
Jacob’s eyebrows rose and something disturbing in his expression forced Nell to study the remains of her sandwich.
‘In reality,’ she continued bravely. ‘We’ve probably changed too much. I know I’ve changed and I’m sure you have, Jacob. And we only ever knew each other for such a short time. There’s every chance that trying to live with each other won’t work. We might be really disappointed. It could be a disaster.’
‘That’s always on the cards.’ He spoke with annoying equanimity.
‘So it’s important to remember that I’d only be coming to Koomalong on a trial basis,’ she said.
‘There’s no question about that. All three of us will be on trial. After all, we don’t want to commit ourselves at this stage, do we?’
To her dismay, Nell realised that wasn’t quite what she’d wanted him to say.
‘It would be foolish to commit ourselves,’ she told him.
Jacob smiled in a way that was both serious and gentle and he reached out and touched her cheek ‘You won’t regret this, Nell. You know how much you love the bush.’ He traced a line on her cheek, creating a burning trail with his fingertips.
Nell struggled to breathe. Already he was breaking the rules! But, heaven help her, she was so vulnerable. Her skin was burning beneath his fingers. This one tiny intimacy was enough to launch her out of her chair and into his arms.
‘Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?’
Nell jumped so quickly her chair fell backwards, clattering noisily on to the kitchen tiles. She saw her neighbour, Rosie, peering through the flyscreen door.
‘Hi, Rosie,’ she called, wincing at how out of breath and dizzy she sounded.
Rosie grinned and waved at her. ‘I didn’t mean to startle you, Nell. I was hoping I could take a peek at the new man in your life.’
Early in the evening, after attending to business in the city, Jacob returned to Nell’s. As he pulled up, he could hear Sam’s high-pitched cries and they grew louder as Nell opened the door.
‘He’s been grizzling like this for the past hour,’ she said, gently rocking the unhappy fellow. ‘The only thing that will keep him quiet is if I walk about and carry him. The minute I try to sit down he complains. But Rosie said her three boys were the same for the first couple of months.’
She looked apologetic. ‘I hope you’re not hungry. I haven’t been able to do a thing about dinner.’
Jacob shrugged. ‘It’s a lovely evening. Why don’t we take Sam for a stroll along the waterfront?’
‘But don’t you want to eat?’
‘We can buy something, eat it looking out over the water.’
She beamed at him. ‘I’ll be ready in a jiffy.’
It was a beautiful summer’s twilight. The sky was an extravagant lilac and scents from the gardens in Nell’s street drifted slowly in the still air, blending with the smack of salt from the bay. Nell carried Sam, buttoned up in his warm little rabbit suit, and Jacob lugged the bag of essential baby things and more than one set of front curtains twitched as they passed.
In the row of shops around the corner, they bought fish and chips wrapped in layers of butcher’s paper, cans of lemon drink, a bag of fat purple grapes and a bar of chocolate.
They crossed the road at the lights and went through the parkland that rimmed the water till they found a spare picnic table right near the edge of the bay. A gentle breeze drifted in from the water and on the far side they could see the twinkling lights of Melbourne.
‘Here, I’ll take him,’ Jacob offered. ‘I can eat standing up.’
‘I hope we’re not spoiling him,’ Nell said as she handed Sam over.
‘You can’t spoil them at this age, can you?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I’d rather eat standing up than sit in comfort while he bellows his lungs out.’
‘That’s how I feel, to
o.’
Nell tore off a corner of the paper, wrapped it around a piece of hot, crunchy fish and handed it to Jacob.
He bit into it and grinned. ‘Nothing beats fish, fresh from the sea.’
‘That’s something you can’t get in the Outback.’
‘True,’ he admitted. ‘But then, only a select few can appreciate the hidden delights of life in the bush.’
‘Because they’re so hidden,’ Nell said, but she smiled to show that it was her attempt at a joke. She looked at Sam, who was very peaceful now, with his head on Jacob’s bulky shoulder, his eyes closed. ‘Who do you think he looks like?’
Jacob twisted his neck, trying to examine him. ‘I’ve no idea. He has your colouring.’
‘Maybe he looks like his father. Tegan did.’
‘Poor girl.’
‘She was beautiful, Jacob.’
‘Yes,’ he said softly. ‘She was.’
A seagull swooped low and stole a chip. Nell shooed it away before it could get another. ‘I wonder what kind of boy Sam will grow into. Whether he’ll be artistic or sporty or good at school.’
‘He might be a philosopher.’
She laughed. ‘He’ll probably end up a cattleman.’
‘Could do worse.’ Jacob helped himself to another piece of fish.
Nell said, ‘You seem to have a definite knack with babies. Sam looks like he’s gone to sleep.’
‘Are you sure?’ Jacob turned to give Nell a better view of the baby’s face.
‘He looks sound asleep to me.’
‘I might try sitting down, then.’
Sam snuffled and squirmed as Jacob lowered himself on to the long timber seat opposite Nell, but he quickly settled again, snuggling against Jacob’s shoulder.
Nell thought how gorgeous the pair of them looked. She snapped the top of a drink can and handed it to Jacob. ‘You’ll need this after that salty fish.’
He took a long drink, set the can down thoughtfully and stared off into the distance.
‘You’re very pensive,’ Nell said.
He continued to frown.
‘Is something the matter?’
‘I can’t help wondering what would have happened if I’d stared your father down that day when he charged in on us.’
