A Simple Song

by Melody Carlson

  “Don’t want it.”

  “Daed.” She held it out before him with her sternest expression. “Please, take your medicine!”

  Daed actually blinked in surprise now, and despite his grimace, he almost seemed to be amused. But to her relief, he took the pill and popped it into his mouth, wincing as he reached for the water.

  “Thank you, Daed.” She took the glass from him when he had finished. “Now you need some oatmeal to go with it.”

  “Not hungry.”

  “I made it just how you like it, with applesauce and cream and honey and just a sprinkle of cinnamon.” She dipped a spoonful and held it in front of him enticingly. “Come on, just a few bites.”

  He kept his lips tightly closed, reminding her of some of the toddlers she babysat for occasionally.

  “Come on, Daed,” Cal said from where he was standing in the doorway. “You know what will happen if you don’t eat.”

  “That’s right,” Katrina said. “You will get sick to your stomach, and you’ll vomit, and then you’ll be in even more pain.”

  Daed’s pale blue eyes flickered as if he was remembering, and then he opened his mouth, allowing Katrina to spoon-feed him about six bites before he shut his mouth, closed his eyes, and leaned back with a long, sad moan.

  Satisfied that there was not much more they could do for him, Katrina picked up the tray and went out to the hallway where Cal was waiting with a creased brow. “He seems really bad,” Cal whispered.

  “I know,” she said quietly as she continued to the stairs. Cal followed her back to the kitchen, lingering as she scraped the leftover oatmeal into the slop bucket for the pigs and then set the bowl with the other dishes that needed to be washed. She turned on the tap, waiting for the water to get warm and hoping that the propane tank had enough gas to run the water heater long enough to finish these. She had heard Mamm saying it was low.

  “Did you notice how gray his face looked?” Cal was hovering near the sink.

  She nodded, pouring in soap. “He needs to see the doctor.”

  “He needs that surgery.”

  “I know.”

  “What about what Bekka was talking about last night?” Cal put a hand on her shoulder. “What if you could do what she said? Win all that money?”

  She pushed up her sleeves, wishing she’d thought to change from her Sunday dress before starting in on these chores. “Can you hand me that apron?” she asked.

  He got Mamm’s big blue apron and even helped to pin it on her.

  “Katrina, you might have the power to make Daed well. That’s not something you take lightly.”

  “Do you know what Daed would say if I told him I was going to go sing on a television show, Cal? You heard him screeching in pain this morning. Well, I’m sure he’d be hollering even louder if his daughter went out with the English and sang to win money.”

  Cal frowned, then slowly nodded. “Ja, you’re probably right.”

  She began to wash a glass, shaking her head.

  “But it’s still rumspringa for you,” he reminded her. “You’re allowed to do wild things.”

  “Not that wild.”

  “I don’t know. I’ve heard of districts where the youth do all kinds of things.”

  “Not our district.” Suddenly she was thinking about Mammi—considering the things she had done and how she came back. “Unless . . .”

  “Unless what?” he said eagerly.

  “Oh, I was just thinking.” She waved a soapy hand at him.

  “What if we asked Daed?” Cal said hopefully. “We could tell him about this opportunity, and we could remind him that it’s your rumspringa time, and tell him that this is something you need to do before you commit yourself to the church and get baptized.”

  She considered this. At least it was honest.

  “You love to sing, Katrina. It seems to me this is something you need to get out of your system. Don’t you?”

  She turned to peer at Cal. Only sixteen months apart in age, she and Cal had always been close. Of everyone in the family, Cal seemed to know her best. Many times she had secretly prayed that he would fall in love with her best friend and marry her—and that would certainly please Bekka too. “You’re right, Cal,” she said slowly. “I do love to sing. But I feel guilty about it.”

  “That’s only because Daed is so against it.” Cal frowned. “But I don’t know why. Lots of people don’t think it’s wrong to sing. Well, as long as it’s not for vainglory.”

  “Vainglory,” she said as she rinsed a glass. “That’s the problem.”

  “But winning money to help Daed—is that vainglory?”

  She wasn’t sure, but by the time she finished the last dish, Cal had very nearly convinced her. “You’re very persuasive,” she admitted as she hung up the apron.

  “Come on, Katrina, let’s go speak to him now,” Cal urged.

  “He’s probably asleep.” She hoped he was.

  “Let’s go see.”

  They tiptoed up to Daed’s room, and to Katrina’s surprise, he was still awake and actually looked as if the pain pill had helped. “How are you doing, Daed?” she asked gently.

  “Better,” he told her.

  “Aren’t you glad you listened to Katrina and took your pill?” Cal said boldly.

  “Ja, ja. That was a good thing.” Daed let out a sigh of relief. “I am a stubborn man. I know.”

  “We want to talk to you about something,” Cal began.

  “Ja?” Daed looked at them with interest.

  “We know you need your back surgery, Daed,” Cal said in earnest. “And Katrina has a way to earn the money for it.”

  Daed looked skeptical, but he listened as Cal quickly explained the idea. Of course, Cal didn’t get all the facts straight, but Katrina didn’t think it mattered since she was certain that Daed would reject this crazy plan.

  “It’s Katrina’s rumspringa,” Cal said finally. “You know she loves to sing. This is something she needs to get out of her system . . . so that she can come back to us and commit to the church.”

  Daed’s brows arched. “You want to be baptized?”

  “She and I are both considering it,” Cal told him. “But Katrina needs to do this first.”

  “You both want to be baptized?” Daed’s voice was hopeful.

  “I do,” Cal assured him. “I want to get married someday too. But most of all I want you to get well first.”

  Daed’s eyes softened as he looked from Cal to Katrina. She wasn’t sure if it was Cal’s persuasion or the medication. “I want to hear you,” Daed said slowly.

  “You want me to sing?” Katrina was shocked.

  “Ja.” His eyelids looked heavy.

  “Sing ‘Puff, the Magic Dragon,’” Cal urged.

  Right there in the little bedroom, Katrina began to sing. To her surprise, Daed’s face lit up in a peaceful smile and he tapped his fingers on the quilt, listening as she sang the entire song.

  “Beautiful,” he proclaimed when she finished.

  She was too stunned to react.

  “So you give her your blessing in this?” Cal asked eagerly.

  “Ja, ja, Katrina has my blessing.”

  “Daed?” Katrina peered curiously into his sleepy eyes.

  “You are like my mamm, Katrina. Ja. Go and sing.” Then he closed his eyes and began to quietly snore.

  Katrina looked at Cal, wondering if she’d heard this right. But she could tell by her brother’s huge grin that she wasn’t mistaken. Together they tiptoed from the room and quietly slipped downstairs, but once they were back in the kitchen, Cal hugged her and let out a triumphant whoop. “We did it, Katrina. We got Daed’s blessing.”

  She was still too shocked to react. “Does this really mean I’m going to do this?”

  “You want to, don’t you?”

  She put a hand to her mouth, trying to suppress the wildly happy feeling rushing through her. “Ja,” she exclaimed. “I do want to do this. I really truly do!”

/>   For the rest of the morning, Katrina was so happy she never stopped singing. She sang as she finished the kitchen chores—even doing more than Mamm would approve of on a Sunday. Then she checked on Daed, who was still resting peacefully, before she went out to the garden and happily worked for a couple more hours, still singing.

  Finally, she knew it was about time for the rest of her family to come home, and she went off in search of Cal. Finding him mending some harness pieces, she told him that she wanted to make a deal with him.

  “Make a deal?” He looked up from the leather and metal in his hand.

  “Yes. If I’m really going to do this—if I go try out for that show—I want you to manage things with Mamm and Daed.”

  “What do you mean manage?”

  “I mean you got Daed to agree. Now I want you to explain the whole thing to Mamm and get her to agree too.”

  Cal nodded. “All right. I can do that.”

  “Good.” She smiled. If anyone could pull this off, it was Cal. Of all the kids, he was the one with the best powers of persuasion.

  When Mamm and the others came home, Cal rounded them up in the front room and explained their plan. Katrina watched Mamm and Drew—both of them looked completely stunned. Sadie, however, didn’t seem all that surprised. In fact, she had a slightly knowing look on her face.

  “I do not know what to say.” Mamm just shook her head with an astonished look.

  “Daed really agreed to this?” Drew asked for the third time.

  “He did,” Cal told him. Katrina nodded.

  “We’ve been taught that rumspringa is a time to decide how we want to live the rest of our lives,” Cal said somberly. “Katrina feels the need to sing.”

  “I’ve heard that she’s been singing solos at group singing,” Sadie said quietly.

  Mamm looked surprised. “Is that true?”

  Katrina murmured a yes, feeling the old familiar guilt.

  “Everyone loves it,” Cal told her. “They beg her to sing.”

  Drew looked distressed by this. “But what about vainglory?”

  Mamm held up her hands. “Katrina has free will. If she wills to do this . . . we cannot stop her.”

  “She can win money,” Cal reminded them. “More than enough for Daed’s surgery.”

  “How is he?” Mamm asked as if just remembering his earlier pain.

  “Katrina took good care of him. He’s resting well,” Cal assured her. “And he really enjoyed it when she sang for him.”

  “You sang for Daed?” Drew looked at her in total disbelief.

  She just nodded.

  “Why don’t you sing for us?” Sadie said in a slightly teasing tone.

  Mamm looked uncertain, but then she just shrugged. “Ja, why not?”

  “Sing the tin soldier song,” Cal suggested.

  The room was quiet now. Katrina, feeling far more nervous than when she’d sung for the crowd in the barn at the group singing, stood and clasped her hands in front of her and quickly explained how this song was like a story. “It’s similar to the story we’ve been taught at school about our history in Europe, when we were persecuted for believing in adult baptism and for being pacifists.”

  “Truly?” Mamm looked slightly impressed. “I want to hear this.”

  Katrina took in a deep breath, then began to sing: “Listen, children, to a story . . .” She put her whole heart into this song—imagining the sad, bloody scenes as she sang. When she stopped, the room was even quieter than before, if that was possible.

  “Oh, my.” Mamm wiped tears from her eyes.

  “I’ve never heard anything like that,” Drew admitted.

  “Wow.” Sadie looked at Katrina as if seeing her for the first time. “That was beautiful.”

  For some reason Sadie’s reaction touched Katrina even more than the others’. “Thank you,” she told her.

  “See,” Cal said with what Katrina hoped was not really pride. “Bekka watches this show all the time, and she says Katrina can win it.”

  Mamm stood. “I do not know what to say.” She was headed for the stairs but paused on the first step. “Your daed gave his blessing?”

  Katrina just nodded.

  Mamm shook her head. “I don’t know what to say,” she said again. “I can’t give you my blessing . . . but I can’t stop you either. It’s your choice, Katrina.”

  “But what will our friends and neighbors say?” Drew asked with concern.

  “They will say Katrina is on rumspringa,” Mamm said sadly. “And we will tell them to pray for her . . . pray that she comes back to us . . . back to the Lord.” She continued up the stairs with heavy-sounding steps.

  Katrina never expected Mamm to be pleased about this. And she never dreamed both her parents would agree to such madness. Now that neither of them appeared determined to stop her, she felt slightly let down. It seemed their consent came with a high price. Still, she remembered Daed’s ashen face earlier and her concerns for his health, and she thought perhaps the price was not too high after all.

  8

  “This is a dream come true,” Bekka said after Katrina told her the news later that day. They were in Bekka’s cramped office, and Bekka was busily working the keyboard. “We need to get you preregistered first.”

  “Preregistered?” Katrina was confused.

  “Yes. I was reading about it a few days ago. You have to go online and fill out a preregistration form.”

  “I don’t know how to do that.”

  “Of course you don’t.” Bekka beamed at her. “That’s why you have me. I’ve already started it for you.”

  They spent about a half hour answering lots of questions, but Bekka finally proclaimed it done. “I’m going to hit Send.”

  Katrina held her breath as Bekka clicked something.

  “Now we wait.”

  Katrina exhaled. “How long do we wait?”

  Bekka shrugged.

  “Well, I don’t have time to wait here,” Katrina told her. “I told Mamm I’d be back within the hour.”

  “I’ll let you know as soon as I hear back,” Bekka promised. “In the meantime, I hope you’re practicing.”

  “Practicing?” Katrina frowned.

  “You know, singing.”

  “Oh . . . ja . . . of course.”

  But as Katrina hurried home, she didn’t even feel like singing. She just felt nervous. After all that had been said and done amongst her family, what if the American Star people rejected her preregistration form? Would her family be pleased or disappointed?

  That night as she was getting ready for bed, she felt Sadie watching her—even more than usual. “Are you really going to do it?” Sadie asked.

  “The show?”

  “Ja. Are you really going through with it?”

  Katrina sighed as she hung up her dress. “Bekka sent my preregistration form in. I suppose American Star could refuse me. I don’t know if they have rules against Amish participants.”

  “But if they do accept you, you will truly go and do this?” Sadie was looking at her with what seemed a mixture of fear and admiration.

  “What do you think I should do?” Katrina asked gently.

  Sadie’s eyes lit up. “I think you should do it.”

  “Truly?”

  “Ja. I would do it . . . if I had a singing voice like yours.”

  “You don’t think it’s vainglory?”

  Sadie giggled. “Ja, it probably is vainglory. But won’t it be fun?”

  Katrina couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I saw that dress in your drawer. And those strange shoes.”

  “You did?” Katrina was surprised. “You never said anything about it.”

  “I was waiting.”

  “Waiting for what?”

  “To see what you were going to do with them.”

  “You didn’t tell your friends about them?”

  “Not yet.” Sadie smirked. “I only found them a few days ago. What are they for?”

  K
atrina explained that they had belonged to Mammi.

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “Ja. Aunt Alma gave them to me. They were from when Mammi was young, before she married Daadi.” Suddenly Katrina remembered the seven hundred dollars. She wondered if it was still safe in the bean jar. Perhaps some of it would be helpful in getting her to Cleveland. Bekka had said she would need to take a bus to get there.

  “Was Mammi English?”

  “No. She left her settlement for a while, but then she came back.” Katrina was tempted to tell Sadie the full story, except that she knew Daadi did not want it told. And she wasn’t sure she could trust Sadie to keep it to herself. After all, it was a fairly exciting story.

  “I wish I could go with you to Cleveland,” Sadie said wistfully.

  “You have school,” Katrina reminded her.

  “Ja, ja . . . I can’t wait until I’m old enough for rumspringa.”

  Katrina laughed. “Don’t worry, it will come soon enough. And then you might not be so glad about it.” She slipped her nightgown over her head. “It comes with responsibilities, Sadie. Some very big decisions. Free will has a price.”

  “You sound like Mamm.”

  “Thank you,” Katrina told her before she blew out the lamp and hopped into bed next to her sister.

  “I’ll miss you,” Sadie said quietly.

  “I’ll only be gone two or three days,” Katrina told her.

  “Ja, well, even so I will miss you.”

  On Friday morning, just when Katrina was about to give up on ever being accepted by the show, Bekka rushed over to Katrina as she was repairing a hole in the chicken coop fence where a critter or neighbor’s dog had broken in.

  “You’re in,” Bekka gasped breathlessly. She waved a piece of paper in her hand. “This is your acceptance letter from American Star.”

  Katrina set down the hammer and took the letter, staring at it in disbelief. “Really, they want me to come?”