by Kitty Margo
“What do you mean, do what?” I shrieked. “Make the boat rock from side to side of course?”
“I don’t know,” she cried, and when she did the ship started tipping to the side again.
“Natalie!” I screamed, more terrified than I could ever remember being. “Stop before you capsize the boat and kill us all!” I had to think fast. “I promise you that Maggie and I will find a way to help your parents.”
This finally got her attention. I heard her whisper as she dried her tears, “Don’t go back on your promise to me, Irene. You might be sorry if you do.”
“Are you threatening me, Natalie?” I whispered, as I felt all of the blood drain from my face.
“No,” she was quick to assure me. “I am just saying that I haven’t figured out this ghost thing yet and, as you know, sometimes things get a little out of my control. You have to know that it would kill me if I ever hurt you or Maggie.” She actually smiled. “No pun intended.”
“I know you wouldn’t, sweetie.”
“Please, Irene, just help my parents deal with this nightmare.”
“I made a promise to you, Natalie, and I will keep it.” I just had no clue how.
Chapter Twenty Two
Irene
Fortunately, I didn’t hear of any fatalities due to the ship tossing to and fro. There were several broken bones, as well as numerous cuts and abrasions. Others were seasick from the rocking and lined up outside the infirmary trying to get Dramamine. The pharmacy ran out of medication before all the people had been seen and everywhere you turned someone was retching over the side of the ship. I slowly made my way around broken picture frames and up the stairs to the Lido deck. What a mess!
Broken glass was everywhere, food was tossed around the deck at random, pizzas littered the floor, flip flops were scattered about, deck chairs were overturned and floating in the pool, and wine and liquor bottles were broken all over the deck making it smell like a brewery.
I was making my way back to my room when the Captain announced, “Due to safety concerns, for the time being, no one can enter or exit the ship. Please everyone remain in your cabins until further notice.”
Okay, gladly. But it was starting to get mighty hot and stuffy on the ship.
Within the hour the next announcement followed. “Due to safety concerns everyone must leave the ship and be tendered to the island. Please, go immediately to the elevators on your floor and the crew will direct you from there. The air conditioning system has been damaged and the ship will soon feel like an oven.”
I was not happy. No, the island was an oven. It was so hot in fact that I had no doubt the chickens laid hard boiled eggs. I was already hot, sweaty and swiping at an uncomfortable trail of perspiration that trickled between my bosom. Lord, my nerves were going to be worked before this day was over. They had better have plenty of booze and good food on that freaking island. That’s all I have to say.
According to Natalie, Maggie had seen the ship rocking while she was parasailing and had immediately headed to the boat tender as soon as she could rip the parasail off, only to find that no one was allowed off the island.
“I just wish you could see the fit Maggie is pitching because they won’t let her get on that tender and return to the ship.” Natalie laughed, making me want to pinch her head off, if I could find it. “She doesn’t know you have to leave the ship and join her.”
“Natalie, please go to the island and ask Maggie if she brought anything for seasickness so I can give it to some of the passengers and crewmembers who are so ill.”
She was back in a flash. “Maggie said you didn’t have to pilfer through all her luggage, just look in the side zipper compartment of her tapestry suitcase. She has Dramamine in there and it can be taken every six hours.”
“Thank you, Natalie for being so helpful.”
She beamed. “You’re welcome. Glad I could help. Oh, when I told Maggie they were evacuating the ship, all she wanted was for me to ask you to please bring her a couple more packs of cigarettes.”
When I finally made it back to that blazing island, it was a sight to behold. The unfortunate souls who were stuck in the tropical paradise were sunburned and mad as hell, while the passengers who had remained on the ship were now sick as dogs.
The waiters were giving away free drinks from every bar trying to pacify the passengers and within the hour practically every adult on the island was drunk as a skunk and feeling no pains. As it turns out, I am quite the fan of a good extra spicy blood Mary, while Maggie prefers something fruity with a kick.
~*~
In the hours that followed, they brought in mechanical engineers to repair the air conditioning system and assess any other damage that might have been caused to the ship. Several experts on such matters roamed around trying to figure out exactly what had happened and they even flew in the head cruise director to keep passengers happy, a chunky bald man named Willie. He was a hoot.
They airlifted the passengers with broken bones, and those who needed mind numbing medication, to a medical center. I wouldn’t turn down a nerve pill myself. I can honestly say that this day alone had taken a good ten years off my life. All I could think of when the ship was rocking was that movie the Poseidon Adventure and being trapped underwater with only a tiny air pocket between me and the pearly gates.
I was almost relieved when it was announced that we couldn’t return to the ship, and would instead be spending the night on the island. As a courtesy, blankets and pillows would be provided. How thoughtful.
With all the drama and chaos surrounding our day, I will admit that I drank more that night than I have in the last several years combined and before long the sweltering heat didn’t really bother me anymore. Honey, I was as cool as a cucumber. I even struck up a conversation with a man a few lounge chairs down from mine.
Bless his heart he was ugly as homemade sin, but he was an excellent conversationalist. I did wonder briefly if there were any paper bags on the island. However I dropped that notion entirely when he raised his hand to call the waiter over and I got a whiff of his armpit. My stomach tightened as my mouth filled with saliva and I immediately ran toward the beach for fresh air. I blame the island heat for ruining what might have been a perfectly good rendezvous.
I went with Maggie to a section of the island dedicated to smokers and heard several interesting conjectures on what had caused the ship to rock.
“A rogue wave.
Giant squid had gotten under the ship and tried to shake it to pieces.
Aliens were involved.
The ship was possessed by Blackbeard’s ghost.
We were in the Bermuda triangle.
Another cruise line was trying to sabotage us.
The ship had been caught in a giant rip tide.
There was an earthquake at sea.”
Etc. Etc.
Chapter Twenty Three
Maggie
Around 11:00 that night, our alcohol had been sweated out, and we were lying in lounge chairs on the beach with a warm tropical breeze drying the perspiration that covered our bodies from head to toe. To be honest, we were a sticky and smelly bunch of irate passengers. Oh, don’t get me wrong. The cruise line had done what they could to keep us entertained during our fun filled evening on a deserted island.
There had been limbo competitions, another hairy chest contest, beach volleyball, relays with rubber chickens between our legs, passing oranges from neck to neck, free banana boat excursions, hula hoop showdowns, and quite a few of the passengers were currently skinny dipping in the balmy Caribbean water.
And they were doing it none too quietly. The sound of their drunken revelry blending with all the crying children was enough to drive a sane person as nutty as a fruitcake. I know the children were hot, tired of the island, sandy, wanting to go home to their own beds, and miserable. Hell, I was. Still, I have never heard such a ruckus in all my born days and pray to the good Lord I never do again. Every passenger on the ship should be a
ble to retire after all is said and done and the lawsuits are settled against this cruise line.
For supper, they had fed us a repeat of the lunch served at noon, which consisted of barbecue, hotdogs, hamburgers, salad, fries, baked beans, chips, and pickles. Fortunately, the watermelon and pineapple was still ice cold and sweet. However, this time around the food was sitting on our stomach like two loads of bricks. The few of us who were still sober were having some difficulty finding a comfortable position on our narrow chairs. What it boils down to is this. Gluttony is a sin and we were both suffering from it.
Irene blew out a long breath. “We need to take a walk to help digest some of this food. Something they fed up this evening had artificial sweetener in it. It has done disrupted my digestive tract and given me some powerful gas. Look how my stomach is bloated.”
Oh, Lord. When Irene tells you she has gas you can bank on it.
“Then let’s walk or you won’t get any sleep and I’ll be gagging all night.” I unconsciously backed up a few paces. “You know how my stomach reacts to nauseating smells.”
Irene looked offended and stuck out her bottom lip. “I will have you know my farts don’t stink.”
“Oh, no.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Yours smell like roses after a spring rain.”
“Well, I don’t know about that.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me belligerently. “What I am saying is mine don’t curl the hairs in your nose like some people’s do.”
“Whatever you say, Irene,” I quipped. “This is your fantasy.”
No sooner had the words left my mouth than we felt a draft and knew Natalie had decided to join us. “Follow me, ladies. I want to show you something.”
“What?” Irene asked, still trying to pout.
“Some islanders are having a shindig on the other side of the island.”
“As in music, dancing, food, and good wine?” Irene asked excitedly.
“Yes, ma’am.” Natalie laughed.
“That sounds like fun! I have always wanted to attend a real island hoedown.” To emphasize her point Irene even busted out a few cabbage patch moves.
Natalie hid a giggle behind her hand and turned to me. “You remember Reese, Maggie? The boy you had the lengthy conversation with today when you rented your snorkeling gear.”
“I certainly do. He told me the best location to snorkel on the island.”
“It’s him and about fifteen others.”
“He was telling me that there are seventeen people who work for the cruise line and live on the island permanently. Reese is such an interesting young man. Come on, Irene. You won’t believe it when he tells you how much they pay for staples such as a jug of water or a loaf of bread on this island.”
Every few steps we would hear what sounded like a foghorn blasting and Irene would giggle. You always know when she decides to break wind because she giggles. Even at a funeral or other solemn occasion, if you happen to see her shoulders jerking, instead of crying she has more than likely let one rip.
So, here we go trailing along after a spirit who can just pass through the trees, while we struggled through vines, briar patches, tangled tree limbs, and Lord know what else. Then, all of a sudden, a pain shot through my foot that had me screaming and jumping up and down like I was walking across hot ashes. “Damn, that hurt!” I cried, attempting the impossible feat, for me at least, of holding my foot in my hands and jumping at the same time.
“What is it?” Irene and Natalie asked in unison.
“Something stuck in my foot. It must have gone through my flip flop because it’s burning like fire.”
Irene used the flashlight on her phone to illuminate the area. There was a lime tree overhead, hanging heavy with fruit, and several flowering trees but only limes littered the ground. “Oh my God, Maggie. You are bleeding like a stuck hog.”
Natalie even gasped at the sight of so much blood scattered around the area from my mindless jumping about. “Great day! It looks like a crime scene around here.”
Glowering at them, I asked, “Could you girls dial the drama down a notch? For crying out loud, it’s just a little blood.”
Ignoring me, Irene put my arm around her neck and led me through the jungle toward the light shining up ahead. “Come on, let’s get you to civilization.”
“Just follow me.” Natalie would float ahead of us and then wait, none too patiently. “Could you two move a little faster? It isn’t much further.”
“Duh!” Irene snapped, pointing to my foot. “Chill out, would you? It’s hard to break into a trot when you’re hopping on one foot.”
“Listen,” I said. “Do you hear that?”
In the distance, we heard music. Not radio music. More like steel drums, acoustic guitar, and some rhythm sound that I’m not familiar with. It brought to mind the sound of dried bamboo clicking together in time. “We’re almost there.”
After a few more steps, we started smelling the smoke from a campfire, and seeing a faint light through the trees. I had to wonder if I would meet Bob Marley playing his guitar on this Caribbean island. I figure if I can see Natalie, perhaps I can conjure up a few of the greats as well.
When we popped through the trees, Reese saw us and hollered, “Welcome, ladies. Come join us. We have plenty to share.” Then his eyes fell to my foot, still dripping blood. “Maggie, what happened?”
“I stepped on something sharp and it went clear through my flip flop.”
He took my flip flop in one hand and with his other hand on my arm, led me to sit on a log while I took in my surroundings.
We were in a clearing with split log seats circling a campfire. To the right of the clearing was a stage made out of wooden pallets and a band playing calypso music while some danced, some ate from a buffet table loaded with food, and some smoked… something that wasn’t cigarettes. Who am I to judge? Honey, if I lived day to day in this heat, I would probably partake of the ganja myself.
Reese pulled an inch long thorn out of my flip flop. “You have stepped on a thorn from a lime tree. Wait here while I get you some ointment and a Band-Aid.”
“Lime trees have thorns?” Irene asked. Who knew?
“Yes, ours do. I have stepped on several over the years.” He left and was back in a flash to doctor on my foot. “Your foot should heal quickly after I apply my auntie’s special island remedy.
“Thank you so much, Reese.”
“I’m glad I could help a lovely lady in distress.”
“Remind me to wear shoes with thicker soles the next time I decide to go traipsing through a Caribbean forest in the middle of the night,” I mumbled, flexing my injured foot.
“Here let me help you to a seat, and then I will fix you a plate of food.”
“No,” I insisted. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind at all. You are my guest.” He winked. “If I ever come to your country I would expect no less from you.”
“You just let us know when you’re coming and we will roll out the red carpet.”
Let me tell you the islanders had laid out a feast. You can believe if we weren’t full when we arrived, we would be when we left this place. There was jerk chicken, smoked fish, marinated cabbages in a banana leaf, fruits, good old fashioned American brownies, and a wooden tub full of red punch with a kick. A mighty big kick. In fact, it tasted like red fruity pure grain alcohol. Whew! Not only did these islanders know how to party, they must have cast iron stomachs.
Reese fixed me a plate that needed side planks and brought it to where I sat beside the campfire.
Irene mumbled, “Surely, you can’t eat more food. You were just complaining about indigestion not more than thirty minutes ago.”
“This food looks too good to pass up. When will you ever get another chance to try authentic Caribbean cuisine again?”
“You always were a glutton for punishment.”
“Go fix you a plate.”
“Not on your life. My stomach is just starting to se
ttle down and I am not about to risk anything spicy.”
I took a bite of everything on my plate then immediately started coughing and reaching for my cup of punch. “The pickled cabbage is delicious, so is the jerk chicken, but the smoked fish is so damn hot my lips are numb,” I glanced at Irene with a worried frown. “Are they peeling?”
“No,” Irene answered, leaning over for a closer look. “But they do look a little swollen.”
I nudged Reese and winked. “What do they marinate this fish with? Pure hot sauce?”
He chuckled. “Yes, and lots and lots of cayenne and crushed red pepper flakes.”
When I went back for more punch, I broke a piece of banana leaf off and chewed it hoping to cool the raging fire in my mouth. I had no doubt my lips would be blistered come morning.
Everybody was laughing, whether at us or something else, I’m not really sure. Irene got us each a brownie and what a brownie. Oh, my! They were the most delicious little morsels I had ever put in my mouth. I not only ate the one Irene brought me, but I went back and got us each two more.
Chapter Twenty Four
Maggie
We settled down on our log to enjoy the music. Actually I felt it in my soul. Even my heart seemed to vibrate with the beat as my toe tapped along with the rhythm. And if I didn’t know better, I would swear the musicians on the stage were floating a foot above the ground. Wow! I really couldn’t hold my liquor
Can you believe that by the time the conga line began my foot was not the least bit sore. Irene led the way and I sashayed along behind her moving to the beat almost as if I was in slow motion, but we were moving. I think. Irene was kicking her legs out to the side, pretty high for a middle aged gal if you ask me.
Amazingly, I looked out across the forest and noticed that the trees were swaying with us. What? I squeezed my eyes shut when one of the trees began clapping its limbs along with the music. Was I drunk? I had never hallucinated before while under the influence.
