‘I know about the lymphedema, Mum,’ he said, at last, getting the words out.
Awaiting a response, none was forthcoming and he turned to look at her.
As if feeling his gaze, she began straightening the fold in her blanket and refused to look at him while she processed his admission.
‘Jill told you then?’ she eventually said.
Dan re-took his seat at his mother’s bedside. ‘Yes.’ He took hold of her hand. ‘She did.’
Finally, his mum faced him head on. ‘And you know what that means?’ she asked. There was no disguising the upset in her voice.
‘I do.’
In a single breath, the last of his mother’s fighting spirit seemed to vanish. Tears suddenly rolled down her cheeks as she, at last, succumbed to the reality that this was the end. Before Dan knew it, she all at once threw her arms around him and, welcoming her embrace, he hugged her tight in return.
‘Oh Dan, we’ve always been a team,’ she said. ‘And I love you so much, it hurts. What am I going to do without you? What will you do without me?’
Dan began to cry too. ‘I don’t know, Mum,’ he replied. Finally, he let his own tears flow. ‘I honestly don’t know.’
25
Annabel, book in hand and feet up on sofa, stared at the page before her. Having read and re-read the same passage twice now, the words wouldn’t seem to go in. She let the book drop and didn’t see the point in trying for a third time. Not really in the right frame of mind, reading took too much concentration.
‘Anyone home?’ Rebecca called out.
Despite not being in the mood for yet another welfare check, she decided her sister’s company was better than just sitting there doing nothing. Even if she didn’t understand why she and Katy kept popping in to make sure all was well. In her view, their visits were completely unnecessary. She might have been stood up, however, Annabel had no intentions of sinking back into a dark abyss of despair. If there was one thing the other night’s fiasco with Dan had taught her, it was that men simply weren’t worth it. She pictured her husband. Yes I’m including you in that, Tom, she silently told him. As far as she was concerned, she was better off on her own. Men either died or simply buggered off never to be seen again.
‘There you are,’ said Rebecca, appearing in the doorway.
‘Yep,’ Annabel replied. ‘As you can see, I’m still here.’
‘There’s no need to be like that,’ said her sister. She entered the room and plonked herself down in the nearest armchair. ‘So have you heard from him?’
Wow, thought Annabel. Her sister was certainly quick off the mark today. The woman usually partook in at least five minutes of general chit-chat before going in for the kill. Then there was another five checking on her mental health.
‘Well?’ asked Rebecca.
‘No, I haven’t heard from him.’
‘Not even a phone call?’
‘Nope.’
Rebecca sighed.
‘And before you start telling me all over again that there’s probably a simple explanation,’ said Annabel. The last thing she needed was more sisterly advice. ‘Let me save you the trouble. Whatever the explanation is, I don’t care.’
‘That’s a bit harsh. What if … ?’
Annabel refused to let her mind go there.
‘No what ifs, Rebecca. The man’s as unreliable as the rest of them. I mean, would it have really been such an inconvenience to pick up his mobile and let me know he wasn’t coming? Under any circumstance?’
The doorbell rang, interrupting Annabel’s rant.
‘That’ll be Katy,’ said Rebecca. She rose to her feet again. ‘She said she might pop round. You put the kettle on and I’ll go and let her in.’
Annabel hauled herself up off the sofa and, doing as she was told, headed out into the hall and towards the kitchen. After entering the room, she went straight for the kettle and filled it with water before clicking it on to boil. She grabbed a trio of mugs and a teaspoon. ‘Coffee for three it is,’ she said.
While wondering what words of wisdom Katy and Rebecca would be offering today, she heard a cough from behind. Turning, her sister stood in the doorway, suddenly looking a little sheepish.
‘You have a visitor,’ she said.
As she signaled for the unknown caller to come forward, Dan stepped into view. Just the sight of him left Annabel lost for words. Not only did he have some nerve, he looked awful. His clothes were all disheveled and he definitely needed a shave. Her heart sank. The last time she’d seen him in this state it had been because of his mother.
She knew Rebecca was right, that she was being harsh. But for her own well-being, she also knew she couldn’t allow herself to be swayed. Instead, she maintained her resolve that nothing and nobody excused him for not contacting her. He had to know that even a few seconds of phone call would have been better than nothing.
‘I’ll just grab my things and leave you both to it,’ said Rebecca.
‘No need,’ said Annabel. ‘He’s not staying.’ She looked Dan directly in the eye. ‘We have nothing to say to each other.’
‘Well, I think you do.’
Annabel willed her sister to stay put, however, she continued to tip-toe out of the room regardless. Suddenly, finding herself alone with Dan, Annabel fumed and insisted that Rebecca would pay for this.
She felt her anxiety levels begin to rise. Being in Dan’s presence felt way too uncomfortable and a part of her wanted to make a run for it too. She’d said all along that his mum’s dying was too close for comfort and now she had the scary prospect of being forced to deal with it head on. Why couldn’t Rebecca understand that it was easier to view Dan as an ignorant bastard? To believe that he had played a cute game and didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself? Her sister had to see that was better than the alternative. Especially when coping with his loss would undoubtedly stir up feelings about her own. Why else would she have chosen to stay angry with him?
Annabel just stood there waiting for him to speak, the silence continued well after the front door opened and closed again.
‘Sorry about turning up like this,’ Dan eventually said. ‘I didn’t know where else to go.’
Oh God, thought Annabel. Her heart immediately went out to him, but news about his mother was exactly what she’d been afraid of. She steeled herself.
‘Is she … ?’
Dan shook his head. ‘No,’ he replied.
Relieved, Annabel felt herself relax slightly.
‘But she is in the hospice. She ordered me home for a shower and a change but when I got there, I couldn’t bring myself to go in.’
‘I can understand that,’ said Annabel.
He attempted a smile. ‘I can’t seem to face being on my own. Stupid, eh?’
Annabel knew that feeling all too well. She recalled the sheer loneliness she experienced after Tom’s death; how empty and soulless the house felt without him as she wandered from room to room. His things were still there. His smell was still there. But Tom had gone and he was never coming back. Even with Rebecca to console her, nothing filled the gaping hole he left behind.
She felt her defences beginning to crumble, as she realised Dan’s mum probably wouldn’t be going home again either. At least she had her sister and best friend for support. If she turned this man away, he’d have nobody.
‘I can understand that too,’ she said.
Their eyes locked and a sense of anticipation suddenly filled the air. Confused, she knew she should say something, however, words again seemed to fail her. She watched him silently take a step forward and nervously realised that the kitchen counter prevented her from taking a step back. He took another step and then another. Annabel knew she was in dangerous waters. But it didn’t seem to matter how much her head wanted to tell him to just go and never come back, her heart began to scream something else.
She felt her stomach flip as he reached within touching distance and her heart raced even faster as he looked int
o her eyes. He cupped her face and leaned in to kiss her; without even thinking about what she was doing Annabel couldn’t help but respond. One gentle kiss turned into two and then three, each one lasting a little longer and tasting that much sweeter. With her arms suddenly around him, her body ached as tentativeness turned to passion. She felt his hands grip the back of her thighs as he lifted her onto the counter and while keeping her lips on his, she began frantically unbuttoning his shirt.
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ whispered Dan, through their desperate kisses.
Annabel pulled back to look at him, his concerned expression only made her want him more. ‘I’m sure,’ she said.
She released him of his shirt altogether and drew him close once again.
As they drove along and passed street after street, Annabel couldn’t deny her sense of elation. At last, she’d allowed herself to move beyond her fears and confusion. She didn’t just feel happy in letting go, she seemed whole again. For the first time in a long time, she truly felt that life was meant to be lived and not just endured.
Almost hugging herself, Annabel smiled. It seemed her new chapter had finally begun.
She snuck a look at the man beside her. Still able to feel his skin against hers, it was strange to think that only an hour ago they had been in the throes of passion. Even stranger was the fact that they’d finally admitted their feelings for each other. They had been honest and used the ‘L’ word, a word Annabel never thought she would use again. She felt a warm glow burning inside as she realised that Katy and Rebecca had been right. She was lucky to experience this kind of connection for a second time.
As if feeling her gaze, Dan turned his head. ‘Everything okay?’ he asked.
Annabel took in his gentle, yet masculine features, his kind eyes, and unruly hair, still damp from his post-sex shower. ‘Everything’s fine,’ she said.
He raised his hand and touched her face for a second, before returning his attention back to the road ahead. Like her, he seemed happy to just sit out the rest of the ride in content silence.
As they neared their destination, Annabel couldn’t help the sense of trepidation kicking in. About to meet the woman she’d heard all about, a part of her wanted to tell Dan she’d changed her mind and to just keep driving. What if his mother didn’t approve? she asked herself. What if she died thinking Dan was making a big mistake getting mixed up with a screwball like her? Suddenly feeling the pressure, as far as Annabel was concerned, the answers didn’t bear thinking about.
Dan pulled the car into the car park and, manoeuvring into a space, he turned off the engine. ‘You ready?’ he asked.
Annabel tried to mask her fears with a reassuring smile. She nodded. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’
Dan leaned forward and kissed her. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘For being here.’ He unclipped his seatbelt, ready to go. ‘And believe me, she’s going to love you.’
Annabel followed his lead and got out of the car. As if meeting his mother for the first time wasn’t bad enough, she had to do it in a place like this.
Dan gave her a wink, but despite the bravado, she could see his concern. Not necessarily in relation to her and his mother, she acknowledged. He’d always maintained that the two of them would get on. His worry undoubtedly revolved around the building itself and, as they made their way towards the entrance, she could tell each step took all the emotional strength that Dan could muster. Understandably so, thought Annabel. Having never been to a hospice before, the prospect of being met with bad news scared the hell out of her, let alone him. As did the old wounds a place like this could open up.
She took his hand as they approached the building and trying to put all thoughts of Tom’s death to one side, for the first time since his passing she refused to let her past interfere with the present. The big glass doors automatically slid open and she gave Dan’s palm a gentle squeeze, letting him know that come what may, they’d face it together; a gesture he seemed to appreciate as he gave her hand a squeeze in return.
‘Good afternoon, Dan’, said the receptionist, upon clocking their arrival. ‘And looking a lot less worse for wear, I see.’ She turned her attention to Annabel. ‘Now I don’t need to ask who you are. Isn’t it nice when you can finally put a face to a name?’
Annabel wondered what the woman was talking about and looked to Dan for an explanation. He seemed to blush.
‘I’ll tell you later,’ he whispered, before getting back to the matter at hand.
‘How is she?’ he asked.
Annabel noticed the receptionist’s smile weaken. As she looked from her to Dan, she could see things were bad.
‘She’s okay,’ the woman replied. ‘The nurses have been keeping a close eye on her.’ She paused. ‘Let’s just say she’ll be all the better for seeing you.’
‘Can we?’ he asked. Dan indicated down the hall.
‘Of course,’ said the receptionist. ‘Go on ahead.’
Annabel felt her nerves come to the fore as Dan led the way down the corridor. She wished that she could have met his mother under different circumstances and she wondered what to expect. Having listened to Dan’s colourful descriptions, she’d allowed herself to imagine a glamourous woman, donning perfect hair and make-up as she casually leaned against her pillows. Thanks to the receptionist, however, that image was now shattered. She felt stupid and silently scolded herself. This was real life not an American soap opera. How could she have been so naïve?
Dan came to a standstill outside one particular room and Annabel took a deep breath, realising this was it. She was seconds away from meeting his mum.
Dan hesitated before knocking. ‘Do want me to go in first,’ he asked. ‘To let her know that you’re here?’
Annabel hastily nodded. Her apprehension insisted the longer she could delay this, the better.
Dan almost laughed. ‘She doesn’t bite, you know,’ he said. He gave her an encouraging smile. ‘Just be yourself.’
‘That’s easy for you to say,’ she replied.
While Dan tapped on his mother’s door and let himself in, Annabel straightened her attire in readiness. Hearing muffled voices, she crossed her fingers in the hope that she’d be met with a sense of approval rather than disapproval and for Dan’s benefit as much as her own. She continued to feel all of a tither and began to wonder what was wrong with her. She certainly couldn’t remember being quite so jittery when introduced to Tom’s mum for the first time. Then again, she reminded herself, Tom’s mum hadn’t been dying, there didn’t seem to be quite so much at stake. Plus, Annabel had been a bit younger during that meeting and, to be fair to herself, a lot more carefree.
The door suddenly opened, which made Annabel jump. ‘Bloody hell, Dan,’ she said. ‘Don’t do that.’ She put a hand up to her chest. ‘Are you trying to give me a heart attack?’
Clearly trying to hide his amusement, Dan made way for her to enter and Annabel took a final deep breath as she stepped inside. While hovering by the doorway, she glanced around the room, relieved to find it void of any distracting medical machinery. In her mind, coming face-to-face with Dan’s mum felt nerve wracking enough, without having to contend with scary equipment like monitors, drips, and respirators.
‘You can say hello,’ said Dan.
She felt his hand in hers as he guided her towards his mother’s bedside.
‘Mum, I’d like you to meet Annabel,’ he said. ‘Annabel, this is my mum.’
As she looked at Dan’s mother, Annabel’s heart immediately skipped a beat. Maybe her befuddled brain and over-emotional temperament these last couple of months were to blame, but after everything she’d learned about the woman, she knew she should have realised. Whatever the reason though, she’d managed to miss all the clues – the fabulous clothing, the funny turn, and the daffodils, not to mention their meaning. Only now did everything make sense. Of course, her well-intentioned customer and Dan’s mum were one and the same person. How could they not have been?
&nb
sp; His mother beckoned for her to take a seat. ‘Lovely to see you again,’ she said.
Annabel felt saddened. Her voice sounded a lot weaker than she remembered. However, with her nerves suddenly vanishing, she readily welcomed the invitation. After pulling up a chair, she sat down and took the sick woman’s hand. ‘And it’s lovely to see you too,’ she replied. ‘The flowers are still going strong, by the way.’
‘You’ve met before?’ asked Dan.
After deciding Dan’s curiosity could wait, Annabel chose instead to keep her attention on his mother. She could see a slight twinkle in the woman’s eyes, probably because the two of them knew something that Dan didn’t. At the same time, she appeared a shadow of the lady Annabel had previously spoken to. She thought back to the day in the shop when she’d helped her over to the stool, her hand felt bonier than before and her breathing hadn’t just quickened since then, it now seemed dangerously shallow. No wonder she found it hard to speak. As she looked at her, it was clear she didn’t have long in this world and Annabel couldn’t help but question how so much could change in such a short time.
‘Don’t feel sad,’ said Dan’s mother. ‘You and I both know I’m lucky to make it this far. Not everyone gets that chance.’
‘I know,’ Annabel replied.
‘Excuse me,’ said Dan. He gave a cheeky wave in an attempt to catch their attention. ‘I might not know when or how you two ladies met, but in case you’ve forgotten, I am still here.’
His mother signaled he come and join them.
‘You’ll have to excuse my son, Annabel,’ she said.
Dan drew up another chair.
‘Being an only child, he’s not used to sharing.’
Annabel smiled. She doubted that she could keep her own sense of humour up throughout a difficult journey like this and had to admire the both of them for keeping theirs.
‘So,’ said his mum. ‘Was I right to interfere?’
Annabel turned her head to look at Dan. With his confusion over what they were talking about there for all to see, she couldn’t help but let out a laugh. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Definitely.’
The Trouble With Words: a heart-warming romantic comedy Page 22
