For their third date, he took her to the ballet because she said she enjoyed it. They went to an exhibit at the Met on a Sunday, and brunch after. He took her to the opening of a Broadway play. She was having a ball with him, and Collin was very creative about where he took her. It was always well thought out and something he thought she’d enjoy.
And after their night at the theater, he looked uncomfortable for the first time when he asked her to dinner. He warned her that it was an evening she might not like, and not likely to be exciting, but he wanted to ask her anyway.
“My parents are coming to town. I’d like you to meet them. But they’re not a lot of fun. They’re just not happy people, and they’ll talk about my brother all night. But it would mean a lot to me if you met them. What do you think?”
“I think they’ve got to be a lot better than mine,” she said gently. She was touched and flattered that he wanted her to meet them.
And when she did, they were everything he had said and worse. They were good-looking, aristocratic people, and they were intelligent. But his mother looked depressed, and his father looked broken by life and the son he had lost. His shoulders drooped, and their faces and lives were colorless. It was as though they didn’t even see Collin, and only the ghost of his brother. All subjects led back to him, and all mention of what Collin was doing led to an unfavorable comparison to his brother. Collin couldn’t win. In their own way they were as bad as her parents, and just as depressing. She wanted to put her arms around Collin and kiss the hurt away after they dropped his parents off at their hotel, but he kissed her instead. It was the first time he had, and everything she felt for him poured out of her, all the compassion and sympathy and love. She wanted to heal all the old hurts he had suffered, and the loneliness of his parents’ rejection of him. They talked for a long time afterward about how hurtful it was for him, and he was grateful for her support.
John and Harlan had already gone to bed when Victoria and Collin went back to her apartment and they talked and kissed for several hours. She disliked his parents almost as much as she did her own, although his had an excuse and hers didn’t. Hers just didn’t like her. His were mourning their son. But either way they had been unkind and unloving and rejecting to the point of being cruel, and in both cases had convinced their own children that they were unlovable. And both of them would carry the scars of it forever, as so many people did. To Victoria, it seemed like one of the worst crimes perpetrated by parents, to convince your own child not only that you didn’t love them, but that they were unworthy of it, and no one else would ever love them either. It had been the curse of her life, and of Collin’s too.
And that night they managed to give each other the love, comfort, and approval that they deserved and had needed for so long. It had been a meaningful evening for both of them. Very much so. And she was no longer telling Harlan everything that happened on their dates. She was developing an allegiance to Collin, which seemed right. And he felt the same way about her. He would only tell his sister so much whenever she called. He wanted to protect Victoria too, and the budding relationship they shared. They were both respectful and discreet.
The next dinner they shared after his parents’ visit was an important one for both of them. It was silly and hokey, and Victoria was embarrassed that it meant so much to her, but it did, and Collin got that. It was Valentine’s Day, and he took her to dinner at a small romantic French restaurant with delicious food, although she ate sensibly. The dinner was wonderful, and afterward they went back to his apartment, not hers. He had champagne for her, and a little gold bracelet with a small diamond heart on it that he put on her wrist, and then he kissed her, and it was the perfect time and place for both of them. She melted into his arms, and a moment later into his bed with him. Their clothes disappeared, and all the lonely years they had lived through until then without each other. And the one thing they both knew, when the evening ended, was how much they were loved. They felt worthy of it, and lovable at last.
From then on their life together took on an everyday quality. They went out to dinner, stayed home, did laundry together, went to the gym, spent nights at his apartment or hers, went to movies, and managed to blend two real lives into one. It all worked, better than either of them could ever have dreamed.
And it was Collin’s idea to take a week off and go away with Victoria for spring break. Gracie was begging her to come to L.A., but Victoria didn’t want to. She knew that her family would spoil it for them, and if they stayed together, he’d have to meet them soon enough. She dreaded introducing him to her parents, and had discussed it several times with her shrink, who was happy for her.
“Why are you afraid of having him meet your parents?” the psychiatrist asked, puzzled by her resistance. And the relationship was going so well. Better than Victoria had ever dreamed.
“What if my parents convince him of how unworthy and unlovable I am, and he decides they’re right?” She looked panicked as she blurted it out.
“Do you really think that’s going to happen?” the doctor asked, looking her in the eye, and Victoria shook her head.
“No. But what if it does? They’re so convincing.”
“No, they’re not. The only one they’ve ever convinced is you. No one but their own child would believe them, which is why what they do is so cruel. No one else would buy into it or has. And Collin sounds a lot smarter than that.”
“He is. I just worry about what they’ll say, and that they’ll humiliate me in front of him.”
“They might. But if they do, I guarantee he won’t like it, and will think even less of them. Have you invited him to your sister’s wedding yet, by the way?” Victoria hadn’t mentioned it.
“Not yet. But I’m going to. I don’t want him to see me in that brown dress that looks so horrible on me. It’s embarrassing.”
“You can still get her to let you wear something else. It’s not too late,” the therapist reminded her.
“I tried. She won’t let me. I just have to suck it up and wear it. But I hate for Collin to see me looking awful.”
“It sounds like he loves you anyway. The brown dress won’t matter to him.” The doctor was sorry Victoria wouldn’t confront her sister about it.
Her sex life with Collin was also terrific, but she had been embarrassed about her weight at first. Even with her weight down she was bigger than she wanted to be, and there were plenty of extra rolls here and there and some jiggle. She didn’t want him to see it, and always turned out the light. She kept covered up and ran to the bathroom in the dark, or wore a robe. Until one day he finally convinced her that he loved her body exactly the way it was, he reveled in it, he worshipped it, he loved every inch of her womanly body, and she actually believed him. He looked at her like a goddess whenever he saw her naked. He made her feel like the queen of sex and the high priestess of love. Nothing had ever been as exciting in her life, and once she began to realize how he felt about her, and believed him, they were in bed all the time. She had never had so much fun in her life, and the desperation came out of her diet. She ate sensibly, and she stayed away from ice cream and the really fattening stuff, and was diligent about going to Weight Watchers. But above all, she wanted to shout from the rooftops that Collin loved her. She was lovable after all. She had never been as happy in her life, and Collin felt the same way too. He basked in the warmth of Victoria’s love, approval, and admiration, and thrived. It was all he had been missing in his life for years. Their life together was a watered garden where everything grew lavishly. The love they shared was a beautiful thing for both of them.
Just before spring break, Victoria had attended a baby shower for Amy Green. She was due to have the baby any minute, and would no longer be attending classes until after it was born. It had been touching to see her so big, with her mother hovering nearby. Amy looked happy, and the arrangement at school had worked well. And she’d be back after the baby, in a few weeks, to take final exams. She’d been accepted at Harvard and
NYU. And she had decided to stay in the city, so she could be with her baby and her mother, who was going to help her. And Justin was going to NYU too. It had worked out perfectly for them. He had moved in with her and her mother for the last few months of the pregnancy, with his parents’ approval, although they hadn’t been thrilled at first. But Amy’s family had been reasonable, and it was touching to see young people trying so hard to do the right thing. They had both just turned eighteen. And Victoria had told Collin about them. She loved sharing all aspects of her life with him, and he did the same about his work, and was anxious to introduce her to his friends. Together they were more than they each were alone. They didn’t take away from each other, they added all that they were.
Collin surprised her with a wonderful old remodeled Connecticut farmhouse he had rented for them for spring break. It was private and lovely, and supremely comfortable. It was like playing house for both of them. It was next to a quaint village. They went for long walks, rented horses and rode through the countryside, cooked together at night, and made love all the time. They hated to give back the house when the time was up. It had been perfect.
Everything was going smoothly in both their lives, until a week after they came back from spring break. Victoria was at Collin’s when the call came on her cell. It was Gracie, and she was crying so hard that Victoria couldn’t understand a word she said. From her end of the conversation and the questions she was asking, Collin could tell that something was wrong, but neither of them knew what. She thought maybe one of her parents had died, or Harry. Gracie was incoherent, and Victoria was starting to panic.
“Gracie, calm down!” she shouted at her, and the sobbing continued, and then the story tumbled out.
“He chhh … chhheated on me,” she said, and then dissolved in floods of tears again.
“How do you know?” Victoria asked sharply, thinking that maybe it was a blessing if it kept her from marrying the wrong man. Maybe this was meant to be, and not such a bad thing, however devastating for Gracie.
“I saw him leaving a building with a woman. I was driving to Heather’s house to show her sketches of my dress, and I saw him. He was walking out of the building with her, and he kissed her, and then they got in his car and drove away. He told me he had to meet with his father about some business, and he lied.” She was racked with sobs again. “And he didn’t go home last night. I called him and he didn’t answer the phone.”
“Are you sure it was him?” Victoria asked sensibly.
“Positive. He didn’t see me. My car window was open, and I could even hear them laughing, I was that close. She looked cheap, but I’ve seen her before. I think she’s one of his father’s secretaries.” Gracie was crying like a child.
“Did you tell him you saw him?”
“Yes. He said it’s none of my business, we’re not married yet, and he’s still a free man. And if I bug him about it, he’ll cancel the wedding. He said that’s why my ring is so big, so I keep my mouth shut and stay off his back.” It was a horrible thing to say, and Victoria was shocked. It confirmed who she already thought Harry was, and worse.
“You can’t marry him, Gracie. You can’t marry a man who treats you like that. And he’ll cheat on you again.” Collin had the drift by then, and sat down on the couch next to Victoria with a worried look. He hadn’t met her younger sister, but he felt sorry for her already. She was just a kid.
“I don’t know what to do,” Gracie said, sounding like a lost child.
“Cancel the wedding. You have no other choice. You can’t marry a guy who’s already cheating on you now, sleeping around, and tells you to keep your mouth shut because he gave you a big ring. He doesn’t respect you.” Or himself apparently, Victoria thought to herself. And Collin was nodding approval of what she said. The guy sounded like a creep. He wouldn’t have wanted his sister marrying him either.
“I don’t want to cancel the wedding,” Gracie sobbed. “I love him.”
“You can’t let him treat you like that. Look, why don’t you come to New York for a few days? We’ll talk. Did you tell Dad?”
“Yes. He said men do that sometimes, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“That’s bullshit. Some men do. Decent men don’t if they love their wives. I guess it can happen, but not like that, with some bimbo two months before your wedding. That’s not a good sign.”
“I know.” She sounded devastated and lost.
“I’ll get a ticket. I want you to come tomorrow.” It was too late that night.
“Okay.” Gracie sounded docile between hiccups, and was still crying when she hung up. Immediately after, Victoria called the airline, booked a ticket, and texted Gracie the information. She was willing to take a few days off school if she had to, to spend time with her sister. This was important. She couldn’t marry Harry. There was no question about that. And Collin agreed with her when she told him what had happened.
“This is only the beginning. If he’s already cheating on her now, he’ll never stop. He probably has all along, and she just didn’t know it,” Collin said, and Victoria agreed. He’d had plenty of opportunity, with his family, on trips to Europe, on bachelor party weekends. Collin was right, if Harry was a cheater, Gracie was in for a miserable life. They were still talking about it when they went to bed that night.
The next day Victoria waited till a decent hour to call her between classes. Gracie had just gotten up, after crying most of the night. She said Harry hadn’t called, and the last time she had talked to him, he had again threatened to cancel the wedding, as though Gracie had done something wrong by calling him on his behavior and telling him what she’d seen.
“Let him,” Victoria said harshly. She hoped he would.
“I don’t want him to cancel it,” Gracie said, weeping again, and Victoria was panicked. She couldn’t marry this man. He hadn’t even apologized for what he’d done, and showed no remorse, all of which were terrible signs. He was a badly behaved rich boy who did what he wanted, and was threatening his future wife instead of prostrating himself at her feet, begging her forgiveness, which would have been a start, and maybe still not enough. It wouldn’t have been for Victoria.
“Just get on the plane. We’ll talk about it here. Tell Mom and Dad you want to visit me. Besides, I want you to meet Collin.” She had told her all about him, although this didn’t seem like a good time for them to meet.
“What if he gets madder because I go to New York?” She sounded panicked.
“Gracie, are you nuts? What if he gets madder? He cheated on you. You’re the one who’s supposed to be mad. Not him.”
“He said I was sneaking around, spying on him.”
“Were you?”
“No, I was going to see Heather to show her my dress sketches,” she explained again.
“Exactly, so he’s full of shit. And a cheater. Come to New York.” She reminded her of the flight time, and Gracie had ample time to make it.
“Okay. I’ll come. I’ll see you later,” she said, sounding nervous, but she wasn’t crying. Victoria had put her on a noon flight out of L.A., and it was due to land at JFK at eight P.M. New York time. Victoria was planning to go to the airport to get her. She was going to take a seven o’clock shuttle, which she had already booked. Her cell phone rang at six P.M., while she was at her apartment, getting organized for Gracie, and changing her sheets.
It was Gracie on the phone, and Victoria was confused. “Where are you? Are you calling from the plane, or did you land early?”
“I’m in L.A.” She sounded upset and guilty. “Harry just left. He said he’ll forgive me and he won’t cancel the wedding if I drop this whole thing, and don’t do it again.” She sounded like a robot, and Victoria felt nuts.
“Do what again? Get cheated on? What is he talking about? What are you not supposed to do again?” Her voice was shaking out of anger and concern for her sister. Harry was turning the tables on Gracie and blaming her, when he was so blatantly at fault, not her sister.
“Is this who you want to marry?” Victoria was shouting. She was alone in the apartment and at her wits’ end.
“Yes,” Gracie said sadly, and then started to sob. “I do. I don’t want to lose him. I love him.”
“You’re never going to have him, except in name, if he’s already cheating on you. That’s not enough. He’s blackmailing you into silence, Grace. He’s telling you that if you call him on his shit, even if he’s wrong, he’ll abandon you. He’s an asshole!” Gracie just cried harder.
“I don’t care. I love him!” She was suddenly angry at her sister, instead of her future husband, for making her face the truth, which was too frightening for her to deal with. “He says he won’t cheat on me when we’re married.”
“Do you believe him?”
“Yes! He wouldn’t lie to me.”
“He just did,” Victoria pointed out in a tone of despair. “He was out with another woman two nights ago. You saw him. And he didn’t go home. You told me so yourself. Is that the life you want?”
“No, he won’t do that. He said so. He’s just having wedding jitters.”
“Wedding jitters don’t make you a cheater, or they shouldn’t. And if they do, there shouldn’t be a wedding.”
“I don’t care what you say,” Gracie said venomously. Victoria was dragging her into the light of truth, and she was doing everything to escape and take solace in Harry’s lies. “We love each other, and we’re getting married. And he’s not a cheater.”
Big Girl: A Novel Page 26
