by Sara Orwig
“Hi, Allison,” Ryan said.
“You two know each other?” Jared asked, glancing at Allison who smiled in greeting.
“Yes, we do. Back since my college days,” she said. “It’s a small world.”
“Well, Ryan and I have a burger bet on tonight’s bull riding. Soon I will be having a burger dinner, compliments of Ryan,” Jared said, grinning.
“I can tell you right now, I’m going to want a big stack of onion rings with mine.”
“You order whatever you want, and I’ll order whatever I want, and you will pick up the tab because I intend to beat you tonight.”
“We’ll see. I expect a different outcome.”
“You two need to start teaching self-confidence seminars,” Allison remarked.
Smiling, Jared draped his arm across her shoulders. “I’ll see you later,” he told Ryan.
“Oh, yes, you will. It was good to see you, Allison. You have to put up with a lot,” Ryan teased, glancing at Jared, whose grin widened.
As they parted and walked away from Ryan, she fanned her face. “No hand-wringing, ‘I hope I do well’ words between the two of you. I’m not certain I’ve ever been so deep in confidence and bluster. Well, maybe with the little boys I knew back when I was eight years old.”
He chuckled. “Ryan and I like the challenge, and the bet just adds a little more satisfaction.”
“Have you ever lost to him?”
“Oh, yeah. And he’s lost to me. It’s in fun. Ryan’s good, and I like to beat him. Actually, he’s really good. He’s won the most.”
“Well, it’s refreshing to hear you admit someone might be a smidgen better at one of these wild things you do,” she teased.
“Wait until this is over and we’re back at your place. I’ll show you what you and I both do best,” he said in a deeper voice, leaning close to her ear.
She smiled up at him. “Now I want this evening to be over soon.”
“So do I, Allison,” he said, suddenly looking earnest with his smile vanishing. “I want you in my arms. If I could, we’d turn around and leave right now.”
“You can’t skip out now,” she said.
Jared led her to a box seat. “Bull riding is the last event. I can sit with you until later in the evening.”
They sat together, and for the first few events, she enjoyed the evening and Jared beside her. Desire was a steady flame simmering in her, making her count the minutes toward the end of the evening when they would go back to her condo.
When it was time for him to leave her, he turned to kiss her briefly. She gazed into his green eyes and saw excitement, and she realized times like this were essential for him. She watched him leave, wanting to go with him, knowing she couldn’t, and she wouldn’t like it if she went back to watch him get ready to ride.
She wondered if she would be able to watch or would have to close her eyes. Right now she wanted to leave. Tonight would be a test of sorts for her—her reaction to watching him would indicate how deeply her feelings ran for him.
Thinking about the excitement in his eyes, she took a deep breath and tried to calm down, reminding herself that he was doing what he loved to do.
The bull riding started, and the first cowboy came out of the chute. He was tossed from the bull in four seconds. Her hands clenched in her lap and she sat straight, fighting the fear that kept rising in her. Why did Jared have to have these thrills? He had given her reasons, but she still couldn’t understand taking chances like the cowboys that she was watching.
The second rider barely hung on for three seconds, but the third rider almost made it, thrown off at the seven-second mark. But while the clowns ran toward him, the bull charged the rider and gored him. She felt lightheaded as she watched the clowns try to distract the bull, and then the animal turned to chase a clown. The cowboy lay on the ground and rolled over. A clown stood by him until men ran out with a stretcher. The second clown ran to help the first one keep the bull distracted.
She watched in horror as they loaded the cowboy on the stretcher and carried him out.
And then it was Jared’s turn.
The announcer told the crowd about Jared’s wins in the past, an impressive record that brought applause and cheers. She could see his black hat in the chute, see him on the bull. She had seen enough bull riding on television and been to enough rodeos that she knew what was happening in the chute as he wrapped his hand so he would be secured to the two-thousand-pound animal.
And then the chute opened and a huge gray Brahma bull leaped out.
Nine
Allison watched in horror as the gray bull twisted and turned, leaping into the air while the announcer talked. She didn’t hear anything the announcer said. All she could do was stare at Jared. He held on with one hand and the other arm whipped about as the bucking bull kicked out his hind legs relentlessly.
As she watched Jared, her world came crashing down.
She couldn’t move in with him, live with him, grow to love him even more. She couldn’t take this wild, risky life of his. Memories of the horror of losing her mother and one brother still haunted her, the senseless tragedy, the numbing shock, the terrible loss of two family members she loved so deeply.
The buzzer sounded, the ride was over and Jared had ridden for eight seconds. He jumped off and ran for the fence as the bull turned to chase him. A clown darted out, waving his hat while Jared jumped on the fence and climbed swiftly. The bull turned to charge the clown, catching the hat and tossing it high into the air.
She felt clammy and cold. Thinking about Jared’s life, she hurt all over. She couldn’t deal with a man who lived life in the manner Jared did, and now was the time to end it. She had been in euphoria about him, turning a blind eye to the life he led while he helped her with her inventory, made love and took her dancing. But that was just one facet of him. This other facet of him terrified her. She couldn’t live with it.
She had to go back to her quiet, ordinary life. Go back to evenings with her dad and Phillip or one of her friends.
Jared suddenly appeared, and she couldn’t keep from standing and throwing her arms around him to kiss him. It was kiss of relief, of joy he wasn’t hurt, of goodbye.
For one startled moment he was still, then his arm circled her waist and he kissed her in return until she finally stopped.
“Congratulations.”
“Let’s go home.”
“You won’t know whether you won if we leave now. Don’t you need to stay?”
“Not really. I’ll find out later who won. Come on. This is what I want to do.”
He took her hand and looked up at her, frowning. “You’re freezing.”
“I’m all right now,” she said.
He put his arm around her, and they left. She was quiet on the way to the car, and once inside, he switched on the heater until the car was toasty warm.
He took her hand as he drove. “You’re still cold.”
“I’m all right, Jared. I’m warm. My hands are just cold.”
“You worried about me, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did. I can’t keep from that. I hope the cowboy who was hurt is all right.”
“I heard he has a broken rib and a few cuts and bruises, but otherwise he’s okay.”
She was silent, and Jared became quiet, too. When they entered her condo and she had closed and locked the door, Jared reached for her. “I’m fine, Allison. I did what I wanted. I didn’t get hurt, and it was exciting. Stop worrying about it.”
When he pulled her into his embrace, she was powerless to resist. Her resolve to simply walk away from Jared crumbled before him, and the words withered on her lips when he claimed them in a kiss. She didn’t object when he picked her up to carry her to bed.
* * *
It was
hours later when she finally gathered herself to tell him of her decision.
“I can give you an answer about moving in with you,” she began in a shaky voice.
He looked down at her, anticipation flaring in his eyes. She steeled herself to deliver the blow.
“I can’t do it. I want marriage with someone who doesn’t put their life in danger at every opportunity. We’re opposites in too many ways, and I can’t deal with the terrifying daredevil risks that you thrive on.”
“Allison, this is a big step for me. I told you I’ve never asked a woman to move in with me before. That’s a commitment of sorts.”
“It wouldn’t matter if you proposed tonight. When I watched you ride, it all came back when I got the news about Mom and Chad, the crash and their deaths. I remember the fear and the worry caused by their loss. I can’t do it. I can’t go through that over and over with you while you risk your life again and again. You live life your way, and I’ll live mine the only way I can. There will be a woman for you who will be so thrilled by all the wild things you do. I’m just not that woman. I’m in love with you, but I can’t take your lifestyle. I couldn’t possibly tie my life to yours.”
“Allison, you’re tossing away happiness with both hands. Move in with me and take a chance. I’m fine. I’m careful. I’ve done a lot of risky things, but I do them the way they should be done—with care and planning.”
“Care and planning didn’t matter for eight seconds tonight.”
“Well, maybe not so much when you’re on an irate bull, but I’m careful. Don’t throw away what we have because it’s unique and special.”
“You can talk until the sun comes up. I can’t change how I feel about this.” It was killing her to say these words.
“You and your brother are major worrywarts, and it will hurt you, just as it has Sloan, who has cut so many sports from his life.”
“I seriously doubt if Sloan misses any of them or gives them a thought now.”
They looked into each other’s eyes, and she could feel the clash, see the determination in the jut of his jaw, hear his deep breathing while he stared at her in silence.
He reached for her. “You’re going to let this fire we have between us die? It’s special—you know it is. You’ll never find it with anyone else, and neither will I.”
“I’d say you’re the one letting it go. There’s a life out there far more important to you, and I’m not so sure what we’ve found is unique between us. You’ll fall in love and so will I, and we’ll never look back,” she said sadly, her heart breaking. “I want marriage and a family, and you’re not ready for that, Jared.”
He pulled her into his arms to kiss her. For a moment she was stiff with resistance, but he continued to kiss her, his arm banding her waist while his hand caressed her, running lightly down her bare back. She couldn’t resist. His kiss and caress brought desire to life, making her want only his loving, his hands, his mouth, his body. Her fears were forgotten, her breaking heart salvaged for now because she was aware only of Jared, and she wanted him with more urgency than before.
He was right: it was unique with him, and in truth, she didn’t think she would ever find this fire and excitement with anyone else, but tonight had to be their last. It was just postponing the goodbye until morning.
For now, she closed her mind to everything except Jared and his loving.
She held him with her arm around his neck while she ran her other hand over him and kissed him with all the passion in her. Dimly, above her pounding heartbeat, she heard his groan, a low rumble in his throat while his arm wrapped around her waist.
They made love through the night, but it was a frantic, urgent coupling. When daylight came and sunlight spilled into the bedroom, she slipped quietly out of bed and went to shower.
When she returned, dressed in jeans, a pale blue sweater and flip-flops, he was gone. As she walked into the hallway, he emerged from the guest bathroom. His hair was wet, combed. He had slight dark stubble on his jaw, and he wore the same clothes he had worn last night.
“I’ll help you open the boxes.”
“We can open them later,” she said, again feeling as if her heart was being ripped out. She looked at him intently, memorizing everything about him: his eyes, his mouth, his hands.
“I won’t be here later,” he replied. His words cut and hurt, but it was the answer she expected.
“Just leave them, Jared. I’ll have Sloan help me. I’m not ready to move them yet.”
He nodded. “Do you still have the same answer—you won’t move in with me?”
“No, I won’t,” she said. “I can’t do it, and I know that now.”
“And I can’t give up the life I have. That’s who I am, Allison.”
She followed him to the door, and each step hurt more. She was losing him. It was her fault, her fears that she couldn’t overcome. She wanted a family, and she didn’t want the father of her children off on wild, life-threatening adventures. Her mother had been fun, exciting, filled with life, full of exuberance and enthused over whatever she was doing. It had been wonderful when everything was going right, but none of it, the exuberance, the excitement, the zest for living, had been worth the cost—losing her life in a crash that had also killed Chad. Total confidence in themselves seemed to go with that approach to life. That just wasn’t for her. She wanted someone safe, cautious and as conservative as she was.
At the door he turned to look at her, his gaze going slowly over her face. He kissed her, holding her so tightly she thought she might not get her breath back. He released her, picked up his hat and was gone.
She watched him walk to his car, watched him drive away, and she knew he was leaving her life forever. While she hurt, salty tears began to spill over her cheeks. “Jared,” she whispered, hating that she loved him. For the next hour, all she could do was cry his name.
* * *
Monday morning she dressed and left for work, thankful for the other people in her life.
Driving to an area of shops on the fringe of a residential part of Dallas north of downtown, she turned into the parking lot and entered through the back. Their appraisal offices were opposite two large rooms in the back of the building with another even larger room for storage. She found her father in the front rooms set aside for displaying furniture, mirrors, paintings and objects they had for sale.
When she joined Herman Tyler in his office, she kissed him on the cheek. He sat behind his desk, his gray hair neatly combed. He wore a pale blue shirt with an aged navy cardigan.
“I got the library table and the mirror from Houston. I think you had a hand in that.”
“Jared wanted you to have them,” Herman said, studying her. “Want to talk about Jared?”
“Dad, he’s out of my life. We said goodbye this morning,” she said, her words sounding stiff even to herself as she looked away from her dad’s perceptive stare.
“He must like you a lot to give you those pieces.”
She shrugged. “Jared is immensely wealthy, so the money part doesn’t matter.”
Her father nodded. “You don’t look so happy.”
She smiled at him. “You see too much.”
“It doesn’t look as if saying goodbye to him was something you really wanted to do.”
“We just have very different lifestyles. I watched him ride in the rodeo Friday night.” She nearly shuddered at the memory. “He probably won the bull riding.”
“So Jared still likes doing the wild things.”
“Too wild for me.”
Her father put his arm around her. “Honey, are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” she answered, smiling at him. “Now, let’s get to work here,” she said, looking at pages of pictures and descriptions spread on his desk.
“I’m p
utting more of the catalog together. You can start looking through the new pages I have and see what you think. You’re in charge of the mailing list.”
“I’ll start getting it ready today.”
* * *
All day it was difficult to concentrate, and her thoughts kept returning to Jared, but she expected to get him out of her mind soon and be able to work without thinking of him constantly.
When Phillip phoned her at three o’clock, she was in the front with customers, so she walked across the room to take the call and speak softly. When he asked her out that night, she accepted. She was swept away by an undercurrent of pain that flowed through her without warning. How long would it take to get over Jared?
Before she went home late in the afternoon, she stopped at the door of her father’s office.
“Phillip is taking me to dinner tonight. He said you’re invited if you’d like.”
“Tell him thanks, but I’ll decline. There’s a baseball game on TV that I want to watch, and frankly, I’m tired. Be sure you thank him for me, and you have a good time.”
“I will, Dad.” She blew him a kiss and left for home, having mixed feelings and missing Jared more than she thought possible.
He didn’t call, and by the end of the following week, she felt he was out of her life for good.
After work one night, Sloan came by to help her unload the boxes. “Dad said Jared gave you these.”
“Yes, he did.”
Sloan studied her intently and she looked away, busying herself trying to take some of the fasteners out of the box.
“Leave that, Allison. I’ll get it,” Sloan said. Soon they had the container open and the table stood on the fallen box.
“This is a beautiful piece of furniture,” Sloan said, running his hand along the satiny finish. “Jared gave this to you?”
“Probably his appreciation for the job.”
