"Great?' He squeezed my arm gently and walked off, turning once to smile back. I returned a smile, making sure Clara Sue could see, and then I entered the music suite just as the bell beginning the class rang.
My music teacher, Mr. Moore, was a rosy-faced man with dimples in his cheeks and hair as curly as Harpo Marx's. He had the sweetest disposition of any of my teachers I had met so far, and when he smiled, it was a smile full of warmth and sincerity. I saw that shy students shed their bashfulness when he coaxed them and willingly stood up to sing a few notes solo. He walked around the classroom with his tuning harmonica teaching us the scales, explaining notes, making music more interesting than even I imagined it could be. When he got to me, he paused and twitched his nose like a squirrel. His hazel brown eyes brightened.
"And now for a new voice," he said. "Dawn, can you sing Do re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do? give you a start," he began, bringing his harmonica to his lips, but I started before he had a chance to toot. His eyes widened and his bushy reddish-brown eyebrows lifted. "Well, now, a discovery. That's the best rendition of the scales cold I have heard in years," he said. "Wasn't that perfect, boys and girls?" he asked the class. When I looked around, I saw a sea of faces full of envy. Louise was especially jealous of the compliment Mr. Moore had given me. Her face was lime. "I think we might have found our solo singer for our next concert," Mr. Moore mused aloud, squeezing his round chin between his right forefinger and thumb as he looked at me and nodded. "Have you been in chorus before, Dawn?"
"Yes, sir."
"And do you play an instrument of any kind?" he inquired.
"I have been teaching myself the guitar."
"Teaching yourself?" He looked around the classroom. "Now, that's motivation, boys and girls. Well, we're going to have to see how far along you've come. If you're very good, you can put me out of a job," he said.
"I'm not very good, sir," I said.
He laughed, his cheeks trembling with his chuckles.
"There's something refreshing," he said, speaking to the rest of the class, "modesty. Ever wonder what that was, boys and girls?" He laughed at his own joke and went on with the day's lesson. When the bell ending the period rang, he asked me to remain a moment.
"Bring your guitar in with you tomorrow, Dawn. I'd like to hear you play," he said, his face serious and determined.
"I don't have a very good guitar, sir. It's second-hand and―"
"Now, now. Don't you be ashamed of it, and don't let any of the students here make you feel that way. I have an idea that it's a lot better than you think anyway. Besides, I can supply you with a very good guitar when the time comes."
"Thank you, sir," I said. He sat back in his seat and contemplated me a moment.
"I know the students are supposed to call their teachers sir and ma'am," he said. "But when we're working alone, could you manage to call me Mr. Moore?"
I smiled.
"I'll try."
"Good. I'm glad you're here, Dawn. Welcome to Emerson Peabody. Now you better hurry of to your next class."
"Thank you, Mr. Moore," I said and he smiled.
I started for my next class, but stopped when I saw Louise waiting for me.
"Hi," I said, seeing she wanted to be friends again. But that wasn't her first concern.
"I saw Philip Cutler sitting with you at lunch," she said, unable to hide the note of jealousy. "You'd better be careful. He's got a bad reputation with girls," she said, but her voice was still filled with envy.
"A bad reputation? He seems very nice. A lot different from his sister," I said pointedly. "What do they say that's so bad?"
"It's what he wants to do, even on a first date," she replied, her eyes big.
"What does he want to do?" I asked. She stepped back.
"What do you think?" She looked to the side to be sure no one could overhear. "He wants to go all the way."
"Did you go out with him?"
"No," she said, her eyes wide. "Never."
I shrugged.
"I don't think you should let people decide what you should and should not think about someone. You should decide for yourself. Besides, it's not fair to Philip," I added, his dazzling blue eyes still hovering in my thoughts.
Louise shook her head. "Don't say I didn't warn you," she advised.
"At least he didn't make me sit alone at lunch." My point, like an accurate arrow, hit the bull's eye.
"I'm sorry I left you . . . can we have lunch together tomorrow?" she asked.
"Probably," I said without sounding very definite about it. I was still feeling the scratches she and her catty friends had drawn across my heart. But that satisfied her enough to give me the benefit of another warning.
"If you think Clara Sue Cutler doesn't like you now, wait until she hears what Mr. Moore said."
"What do you mean?"
"She thinks she's going to sing the solo at the concert. She did last year," Louise said and punctured my balloon of happiness just as it was starting to inflate.
4
A KISS
At the end of the school day I met Jimmy in the lobby. He was very unhappy because his math teacher had said she thought he was so far behind, he might have to take the class over again.
"I warned you about missing all that school, Jimmy," I chastised softly.
"Who cares?" he replied, but I could see he was upset.
While we were talking, all the other students were hurrying out to catch buses or get into their cars. Those who slept in the dorms sauntered out slowly.
"All these rich kids got money to burn," Jimmy muttered, seeing some of them heading for their own cars. "Come on," he said, heading toward the stair-way. "Let's see how long we've got to wait for Daddy."
I followed Jimmy down to the basement where Daddy's office was. There was a workroom right next to Daddy's office, which wasn't a big office, but he did have a nice wooden desk and two chairs in it. There were shelves on the walls and a large, hanging light in a dark blue metal shade draped at the end of a wire and chain just over the desk.
Jimmy sat down behind Daddy's desk and slumped back in the seat. I brought the other chair closer and opened my textbooks to begin doing some of my homework. Thoughts about the day whirled confusingly through my brain, and when I looked up, I caught Jimmy staring at me.
"Did you ever find out who did that to you?' he asked.
"No, Jimmy," I lied. "Let's just forget about it. It was all a misunderstanding." I didn't want him getting into trouble on account of me.
"Misunderstanding?" He shook his head. "They're all snobs here. The girls are stuck up and the boys are jerks. All they talk about are their cars and their clothes and their record collections. How come that guy named Philip was sitting with you in the cafeteria?" he asked,
"Philip? He came over and asked if any of the seats were free," I said, making it sound like nothing, when all along I had thought it wonderful. "When he found out they all were, he sat down."
"Funny, how he got so friendly so fast." Jimmy's eyes grew small as his mind worked overtime.
"He's just being nice." I myself had been unsure about trusting Clara Sue's brother, but for some reason I had to defend Philip to Jimmy. Philip was the only friendly soul at this school so far. I thought of his full lips curving into a lopsided smile and his blue eyes holding my own gaze hypnotically as he'd asked me to ride in his car. Just remembering made me shiver a little.
"Now that I think about it, I don't trust him,"
Jimmy suddenly concluded. He nodded, confirming his theory. "This all might be part of some joke because of what happened to you this morning. Maybe somebody made a bet with him that he couldn't get you to like him right away or something. What if he does something to embarrass you?"
"Oh, that can't be true, Jimmy. He's too nice to do anything like that!" I cried a little too desperately.
"If I'm right, you're going to be very sorry. If he hurts you," he added, "he'll have to deal with me."
I smiled to
myself, thinking how good it was to have a brother who was so protective.
Just then Daddy appeared in the doorway. Unlike the end of his day's work at all of his other jobs, Daddy didn't look tired and dirty. His hands were as clean as they had been in the morning, and there were no smudges on his clothes.
I waited, holding my breath, expecting that by now he had found out about the gym class incident, but if he did know, he didn't say a word. And he didn't seem to notice how wrinkled my dress was.
"So?" he said. "How did your day go, kids?" He shot a very quick smile at me and stroked my hair for the most fleeting moment.
I glanced at Jimmy. We had decided we wouldn't tell Daddy what had happened to me, but all of a sudden I longed to bury my face in his chest and while safe in his arms cry a waterfall of tears. Even with the memories of Philip and music class to warm me, most of the day had been awful; now it was a blur of laughing faces swimming before my eyes. I knew I couldn't tell him, though—Daddy's temper was fiery and unpredictable. What if he said something and got fired, or even worse—what if Mrs. Turnbell convinced him everything was my fault?
"This place is just what I expected it to be: full of spoiled rich kids and teachers who look down on you," Jimmy said.
"Nobody's looking down on me," Daddy replied gruffly.
Jimmy looked away and then glanced at me as if to say Daddy wouldn’t know if they did.
"Yeah, yeah. When can we get out of this place?" Jimmy demanded.
"We're leaving right now. I just want to enter some figures into my record book here," he said, pulling a black and white notebook out of a side desk drawer.
"You like this job, don't you, Daddy?" I asked as we were leaving. Hooked pointedly at Jimmy so he would understand how much this all meant to our family.
"Sure do, baby. Well, let's get ourselves home to your momma and see what her day was like."
When we arrived at our apartment, it was very quiet. At first I thought Momma and little Fern were out, but when we peered into her bedroom, we found them both curled up together asleep.
"Ain't that a picture?" Daddy whispered. "Let's just let them sleep," he said. "Jimmy, what'dya say me and you go get some ice cream for dessert tonight? I feel like celebrating a little."
As soon as Daddy and Jimmy left, I took off my dress so Momma wouldn't see how wrinkled it was, and I started to prepare dinner. Fern woke up first and cried out for me. When I walked in to get her, Momma opened her eyes.
"Oh, Dawn. Are you all back?" she asked and struggled to sit up. Her face looked flushed and her eyes were glassy.
"Daddy and Jimmy went to get some ice cream. Momma, you're still not feeling well."
"I'm fine, honey. Just a bit tired from a full day with Fern. She's a good baby, but she's still a handful for anyone. How was your day at school?"
"Did you go to the doctor?" I asked.
"I did something even better. I went out and bought the ingredients for this tonic," she said and pointed to a bottle on the night table beside her bed.
"What is this, Momma?" I turned the bottle of dark liquid around and around in my hands. Then I opened it and smelled it. It stank.
"It's all sorts of herbs and such, my granny's formula. You'll see. I'll be better now in no time. Now let's not talk any more about me. Tell me about the school. How was it?" she asked, some excitement and brightness coming back into her eyes.
"It was okay," I said, swinging my eyes away so she couldn't see my lie. At least some of it was good, I thought. I put the bottle of herbal medicine down and took little Fern in my arms. Then I told Momma about Mr. Moore and some of the other teachers, but I didn't tell her about Clara Sue Cutler and the other girls, nor did I talk about Philip.
Before I was finished Momma closed her eyes and brought her hands to her chest. It looked like she was having trouble taking a deep breath.
"Momma, I'm staying home from school and watching Fern until this homemade medicine works or you go to the doctor!" I cried.
"Oh, no, honey. You can't start missin' days at a new school right off on account of me. If you stay home, just be so upset, get sicker and sicker."
"But, Momma . . ."
She smiled and took hold of my right hand while I held Fern in my left arm. As long as I held little Fern, she was content just sucking on her thumb and listening to me and Momma speak. Momma pulled me closer to her until she was able to reach out and stroke my hair.
"You look so pretty today, Dawn honey. Now, don't want you worrying and denying yourself things on account of me. I can mend myself I been in worse spots than this, honey, believe me. Your daddy got you and Jimmy into a fancy school where you're going to get advantages we never expected either of you would have. You just can't go on like you had to in the other places," she insisted.
"But, Momma . . ."
Suddenly her eyes grew dark and intense and her face was more serious than I'd ever seen it. She squeezed my hand so tight the bones in my fingers seemed to rub against each other, but the changes in her scared me so much I couldn't pull my hand away.
"You belong in this school, Dawn. You deserve this chance."
Momma's eyes glazed over a little, as though she wandered through an old memory. Her painful grip on my hand never loosened. "You should mix with the rich and the blue-blooded," she insisted. "There ain't one girl or boy at that school better than you, you hear?" she cried.
"But, Momma, the girls at this school wear clothes I'll never even get to try on and talk about places never go. I’ll never fit in with them. They seem to know so much."
"You deserve those same things, Dawn. Never forget it." With that her iron grip tightened even more, making me cry out a little. My whimper seemed to make her wake up, her eyes cleared, and she let my hand go.
"All right, Momma. I promise, but if you don't get better soon—"
"I'll go to a fancy doctor, just like I promised I would. That's a new promise," she proclaimed and raised her hand like a witness taking the stand in a courtroom. I shook my head. She saw I didn't believe her. "I will. I will," she repeated and lowered herself back to the pillow. "You better feed the baby before she starts letting you know you're late with her food. She can holler something awful when she's a mind to."
I hugged Fern to me and then took her out to feed her. Daddy and Jimmy returned and I whispered to Daddy that Momma was sicker than ever. A worried frown drew Daddy's dark brows together.
"I'll go talk to her," he said. Jimmy looked in, too, and then returned. He just stood by quietly and watched me feed Fern. Whenever Jimmy was worried and frightened about Momma, he would become as silent and as still as a statue.
"Momma's so pale and thin and weak, Jimmy," I said, "but she won't let me stay home from school to mind Fern."
"Then I'll stay home," he said through his clenched teeth.
"That would make her even angrier and you know it, Jimmy."
"Well, what are we going to do, then?"
"Let's see if Daddy gets her to go to a doctor," I said.
When he returned, he told us Momma had promised she would definitely go if the formula didn't work.
"Stubbornness runs in her family," Daddy explained. "One time her daddy slept on his shack roof just so he could get this woodpecker that was peckin' away at the shingles every mornin'. Took him two days, but he wouldn't come of that roof."
Daddy's stories had us all laughing again, but every once in a while I would look at Momma and then exchange a glance of worry with Jimmy. To me Momma looked like a wilting flower. I saw little things about her that filled my balloon of worry with more and more concern. I knew if it continued, I would burst into a panic.
The next day Philip Cutler surprised me at my locker right before the homeroom bell rang.
"Going to let me take you for a ride today?" he asked, whispering in my ear.
I had thought about it all night. It would be the first time I had ever gone for a ride with a boy.
"Where would we go?"
&n
bsp; "I know a spot on this hill that overlooks the James River. You can see for miles and miles. It's beautiful. I've never taken anyone there," he added, "because I haven't met anyone I thought would appreciate it like I do. Up until now, that is."
I looked into his soft blue eyes. I wanted to go, but my heart felt funny, as if I were betraying someone. He saw the hesitation in my face.
"Sometimes you just sense things," he said. "I wouldn't ask any of these other girls because they're so spoiled they wouldn't be satisfied just looking at nature or scenery. They'd want me to take them to a fancy restaurant or something. Not that I don't want to take you to one," he added quickly. "It's just that 1 thought you might appreciate this the way I do."
I nodded slowly. What was I doing? I couldn't just go off with him without asking Daddy first, and I had to get back home to help Momma with Fern. And what if Jimmy was right and this was all some sort of secret prank engineered by Philip's sister and her friends?
"I've got to be home early enough to help Momma with dinner," I said.
"No problem. It's only a few minutes from here. Is it a date? I'll meet you in the lobby just after the bell rings."
"I don't know."
"We'd better start for class," he said, taking my books in his arms. "Come on, I'll walk you."
As the two of us walked side by side down the corridor, we turned a number of heads. His friends all smiled and said hello to me. At my homeroom doorway he handed me my books.
"So?" he asked.
"I don't know. I'll see," I said. He laughed and shook his head.
"I'm not asking you to marry me. Not yet anyway," he added. My heart fluttered and I felt as though Philip had been able to read my every thought. I hadn't been able to stop myself from making up stories—my own private fairy tale—before I fell asleep last night. I had imagined handsome Philip Cutler and me becoming the ideal couple, pledging undying love for each other, and becoming engaged. We would live in his hotel, and I would bring Momma and Daddy and Fern, and even Jimmy would come eventually because Philip would make him a manager or something. At the end of my fantasy Philip forced Clara Sue to be a chambermaid.
Cutler 1 - Dawn Page 6
