Shit. Now I even thought I could hear him. What was my problem? I was alone on a pirate ship in the middle of Panther—Panama Bay. I needed to stay tough. I needed to obliterate all memories of him.
A hand gripped my arm, spinning me around until I was face to face with the man himself. Oh no, this was definitely not my imagination. Not the dark hair I wanted to touch or the eyes that felt like they were scorching me. His face looked like he wasn’t shaving regularly, and a dark lock of hair fell almost in his eyes. It did nothing to detract from his presence, even added to it somehow.
“Dax.” He looked just as perfect as I remembered. I went to reach for him and wrapped my arms around myself before I grabbed him like I was drowning in the ocean and he was the only thing that could keep me afloat.
I should’ve been nervous. Maybe even scared. I’d walked out on our deal. But I wasn’t because standing there with him, the sky looked even bluer than it had, the air fresher, the breeze on my skin crisper. It was as if part of me had just woken up from a three-week coma.
Even the anger I could feel spreading out from him didn’t dampen the rush he gave me. I’d told myself over and over I wasn’t sad he was gone, but how did I convince myself I wasn’t ecstatic to see him when the feeling of elation was near bursting from me and it didn’t matter how angry he was?
Angry might’ve been an understatement. He wasn’t screaming or doing anything really, but even the guys on the deck were giving us a wide berth.
This was bad, but I’d made the right choice. I was trying to save humanity, for fuck’s sake. If his revenge had to be put on the back burner so the world could live, he’d have to get over it.
His eyes ran my length, and I suddenly wanted to fuss with my hair that had seemed to grow even wilder since I’d lived on the boat, the ocean breeze blowing it dry every day.
“Strange finding you alive like this when I’ve been searching for your dead body.”
“Why would you think I was dead?” I asked while I took a step back. This might be a little worse than I’d expected.
He grabbed my arm, stopping my retreat just as common sense started to kick in and I realized this was actually way worse than I’d thought.
Still, this crazy part of me didn’t care why he was grabbing me, and was thrilled that he was touching me, because that was all I wanted to do to him. I was so happy to see him it was hard to hide it, and I was wondering if I’d lost my mind at sea. Dax being here was a bad thing, and I needed to stop this stupid happiness that was all rainbows and unicorns.
“Because Charlie, your horse, came back to the Rock with a bloody saddle?”
Oh shit. Bookie’s body must have bled on him a bit. Hadn’t thought that one through. Or maybe it had been my blood. Burying him was a blur, but I remembered noticing cuts on my hands afterward from digging rocks out of the soil.
“What a crazy mistake,” I said, grasping for some reason. “So, you thought I…” Maybe I was better off not beating this particular dead horse.
“Along with reneging on our deal, yeah, I thought you were dead,” he said, and I was starting to have a hard time reading him. As if he were pulling back all his emotions now.
Mine, on the other hand, wouldn’t stop bubbling up. I’d walked away, hadn’t even left him a note, and he’d looked for me anyway because he’d thought I was in trouble?
“And you still tried to find me?” I took a step forward of my own volition, emotions boiling up on overload and so fast that I couldn’t even fathom most of them anymore. I knew logically who this man was, that most would’ve been leaping into the ocean at this point. But not me. I didn’t put up the smallest fight to leave his side, because the hole I’d been living with was all of a sudden full to bursting.
“You walked out on our deal. No one screws me over.” His glacier wall was firmly in place now. But instead of being protected by it, I was getting chilled to the bones this time, and all the heat I’d felt was wiped out.
I nodded. It was no less than what I’d expected of him. I’d left out my destination in Fudge’s note for a reason. But for a few minutes there, I thought he’d crossed half the world because he’d been worried about me.
I bit my lip, looking out across the sea while I fought down a strange sadness over being wrong.
As the weeks had passed being away from him, in my weaker moments, I’d had daydreams of what it might like to see him again. It was always after I’d found the cure to the Bloody Death and everyone knew my name and no one cared that I was a Plaguer.
He’d see me, see what I’d become, and he’d be proud. He’d understand why I left. I’d meet him standing tall, not this ball of nerves that I was right now that didn’t know which direction to turn.
“We’re leaving.” He pushed me in the direction of the bow, where he probably had a dinghy waiting, but I didn’t budge any farther than he’d moved me. If he was this mad now, the rest of this reunion was not going to go well.
“I won’t. I came here for a reason. And even if I wanted to, I made a deal with Jacob,” I said just as the man himself appeared on deck.
Dax stepped closer, trying to use his height and size advantage against me. “You made a deal with me and you’re honoring it,” Dax said.
I must have seemed like the ballsiest girl ever to the guys on deck because I didn’t even step back, relishing in the proximity, the smell of him, which was this unique blend of forest and clean air and made me think of being surrounded by nature.
“Dax,” Jacob said, pulling me from my Dax stupor. It was a good thing, too. I needed to get a grip. Nothing had changed. The world still needed saving.
“Jacob,” Dax replied.
It was like shards of ice pinging back and forth between the two men. This was nothing like the last time I’d seen them together. I didn’t know whether to step back so they had room to kill each other and I wouldn’t catch any blood splatter—because bloodstains were the worst—or step closer, maybe even in between the two, and possibly avert the coming fight.
I needed this particular Pirate King alive and kicking, especially now that I had an impending meeting with the Skinners. I didn’t know where this particular trader hole was or how I was going to get to it without a massive boat to sail me there.
“I think we should talk in private,” Jacob said.
“Lead the way,” Dax replied. My gaze instantly shot back to Jacob, and I wondered if he knew that talking in private just gave Dax cover if he had to turn into a beast and rip him apart.
When Jacob nodded and headed below, I had a strong suspicion he didn’t. There wasn’t a single chance to warn him off or let him know that Dax could sprout a nasty set of claws, and his fangs weren’t too small either. Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t have told him anyway.
The three of us made our way below deck and stepped inside the privacy of Jacob’s cabin like three fighters about to do battle. As long as one of the opponents, who might be me, didn’t get close enough to smell another opponent, who might be Dax, didn’t lose her train of thought, I might be able to hold my own.
It was best if I started. I was the one who’d left him high and dry. I’d just explain the situation and he’d come to see I was right. “Dax, as much—”
I was immediately cut off by Jacob, who said, “She stays. She agreed to give me one year. She gave me her word.” He slammed a hand down on his desk.
I nodded. “I did—”
“You mean this agreement or last time you met her and tried to strike a deal? Come on now, Jacob. Did you really think I’d let that fly? You knew she was mine.”
“She gave me her word,” Jacob said, both hands now on his desk.
“You made an agreement with someone who wasn’t in a place to agree to anything. It’s null and void. Obviously her word isn’t worth much, and you should vet your partners better. Either way, not my problem. She goes with me.” Dax shot me one of the nastier stares in his arsenal, one that had usually been reserved for other people.
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Well, that stung. Now I was being cut off and insulted. Yes, he might have a point. But that look? The one he gave to the dirtbag who’d gotten too close to his bike outside a hole one day? That was the look he thought I deserved?
Jacob edged forward toward Dax and me, like he might be crazy enough to step in between us. “I won’t let you take her. I wouldn’t have let you on this boat if I’d known you were going to be unreasonable.”
Jacob let him on? As in knew he was coming? What the hell was he smoking?
Dax stepped closer to me, making it impossible for Jacob to get in between us unless he wanted to bowl him over. Jacob might not have known, but there was no way he was bowling over Dax.
“Try and stop me. We both know why you haven’t come to port in so long and why you ‘let me board,’ as you put it.”
Hmmm, I had noticed we didn’t go to shore much, but I’d thought it was just their routine to stay out of port. I guess it wasn’t. Did I have more leverage than I’d realized in this situation? How badly did Jacob want to keep me?
“And that was a nasty trick, by the way. I needed that oil,” Jacob said.
“I wouldn’t have burned it all if you hadn’t knowingly taken what’s mine.”
Wait a second. I’d let all the other territory stuff go, but this was getting out of hand. “Excuse me, I’m not—”
“Dax, we’ve known each other for a long time. It would be a shame for our relationship to go badly now,” Jacob said, puffing up a bit, like he was trying to stretch another inch out of his already large frame.
Dax still remained calm. Like, scary calm, though. “I don’t give a fuck.”
Yeah, I could’ve told Jacob how that extra inch would serve him before he’d gone through the effort.
As interesting as it was to see how this was going to play out as merely a spectator, I did have a stake in this, being the one they were fighting over. I cleared my throat this time before trying to speak, just to give them warning. “I—”
“I need her. She’s already found a Dark Walker on one of my ships,” Jacob said.
What? Was I invisible and mute to them? I took a step to leave the cabin. Maybe I should just leave the two of them and make my own way. Let them figure out I was gone after they were done fighting over me like I wasn’t even there. Would serve them right.
I stepped around Dax’s back and he moved with me, stepping in front of the door as I moved in that direction.
“Oh, so you do realize I’m in the room while you talk about me.”
“I’m fully aware of where you are and when you run out on me.”
There was that look again, the one that punctured something within me even if the wound wasn’t visible. Between the words and the look, I was starting to feel like I was shriveling up inside.
He had no right to look at me like that. I’d temporarily stolen his revenge. That was it. And knowing him, he’d find another way to get it anyway. I hadn’t betrayed him, not really.
He turned his attention back to Jacob, and I was relieved. Still, I didn’t try and leave while he was in front of the door. Figured maybe I’d just hang back out of the way while they fought this out.
“Make it worth my while and we’ll stay on—for a bit, anyway,” Dax told Jacob.
Wait, now he was willing to stay on? Dax didn’t compromise. Why was he willing to give in at all?
“I’m helping her find the cure. What else do you want?”
“That’s for her. What’s in it for me?”
“Then what do you want?”
“Information, and with your ships and network, I’ll get it that much quicker.”
“Deal.”
“And I also want free crossings from now on. You pay for your oil and gas like everyone else.”
“Fine, but she finishes vetting all my crew before you leave.”
“As long as it’s in a timely fashion.” Dax grabbed the bag he’d dropped on the floor by the door and waited there. “Come on. Show me where you sleep.”
My world just spun on its axis, righted itself, and then went off orbit altogether. I was still getting the cure I wanted, but Dax was staying…and in my room? He was looking at me like I was lower than the mud on the bottom of his boots, and I still couldn’t get over the urge to wrap my arms around him. No, this cabin sharing was not a good idea.
“You’re going to stay in my cabin?” I said, like I was hard of hearing and couldn’t possibly have heard correctly.
“Yes. That’s what I said.” Bag in hand, he walked out the door, expecting me to follow him.
I didn’t follow. I turned to Jacob instead. “Don’t you have a cabin for him?” My hands flailed in the general vicinity of where Dax had just exited. I couldn’t stay with him, not in the same room. Hell no. I was having enough trouble standing next to him. And not for a second did I think he was going to go along with my plans. I wanted to save the world. He wanted revenge, possibly against me now too. They were incompatible goals at the moment.
Jacob squinted. “How big do you think this ship is?” He looked over toward the door and then back to me before leaning down and whispering, “I didn’t want him here. He’s here because of you. Your problem, not mine. If he hadn’t started causing me issues because of you, he wouldn’t be here at all.”
He walked back to his desk and sat down, looking over maps, dismissing me as clearly as if he’d screamed get the fuck out.
I watched him for a few seconds while he ignored me before I gave up.
17
Dax was waiting in the hall when I walked out of Jacob’s cabin, looking both satisfied and pissed at the same time. It was the most perfect silent expression of you started this fight but did you really think you’d win against me? I’d ever seen.
It was a mouthful of a look, but I recognized it. I’d used it myself in the past, back when I’d been someone who believed in happily ever afters and was a connoisseur of a great expression. But even then, I’d never been able to nail that one as good as he did.
Most of the emotions I felt these days I preferred not to display. Like the mixed one I was having now, something close to elation that he was back and utter terror of his closeness at the same time. I’d moved on. It had been painful, was still painful, or had been until he’d shown up, but I would’ve gotten over it if I had enough time. I was sure of it. That feeling of having a gaping hole had been an adjustment period. Now he was back and I didn’t know whether I should hug him or try and push him overboard.
He was pissed. I’d left him without so much as a note, and that was going to buy me some time. He’d keep me at arm’s length even if I couldn’t stay away from him. Because if he started kissing me the way he had back at the Rock, I might not be me soon. I’d be following him around like a puppy, weak and vulnerable, and I didn’t have time for that. I had a world to save. No, he’d keep his distance, because he didn’t like me very much right now, and that was a good thing even if it didn’t feel like it.
“Are you going to walk me to our cabin or are we going to stand outside of Jacob’s for a while longer?”
Yeah. There was no denying it. The situation between us was going to be ugly for the foreseeable future.
I started walking toward my cabin and paused outside the door. “Stay right where you are,” I told him as I opened the door to my small space.
“What—”
“Do what I do,” I said, stepping in front of him. “Step over this.” I pointed to a spot on the floor where I had a trip wire that would release a knife. It was set up so it would swing down in an average man’s groin area. “Now duck here.” I pointed to another fine filament that was nearly invisible in the daytime but impossible to see at night. “This one is lethal. I figured if they didn’t take the hint with the first warning, they deserved what they got.”
I waved my hand about the five-square-feet space left in front of the bunk. “This area’s safe.”
He tossed his bag down, not looking any happier tha
n he had a few minutes ago, maybe worse.
His eyes were as hardened as I’d ever seen them. “Nice setup you’ve got here.”
“It’s a means to an end.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“It’s working.”
He leaned a hip against the edge of the bunk as his eyes grazed over my form and stopped at my face. “Really? It’s been three weeks. What have you accomplished so far?”
“You don’t need to know what I’ve done. It’s not something you deemed worthy enough to bother with,” I said, getting my own jabs in as I got a little tired of being on the receiving end of all the blows. It wasn’t like I didn’t have cause.
He voice was dowsed in ice as he said, “I misjudged you as the loyal type. I usually read people better.”
His words stabbed at me, deeper than I thought possible. “I am loyal.” I’d known he’d be mad at me for leaving. “I had to go and I had to do this. You’re mad I left, but I had to or…” All I read from his expression was betrayal. “It doesn’t matter. Think what you want.”
“You’re fulfilling your obligations to me.”
He moved about the room, which consisted of a step and a turn in the limited space available, checking out the place, and I thought we were done speaking, but I was wrong.
“I saw Bookie’s grave,” he said, knowing me too well in spite of what his words claimed.
I faced the bunk, as my fingers twisted in the fabric of the rough cover, worn thin from too much use. My mind went back to happier days of soft coverlets and afternoons spent exploring the Wilds with Bookie.
I nodded. It was as much as I was capable of. If I spoke, or turned to look at him right now, saw my feelings of loss reflected, I might lose it altogether. I couldn’t afford to do that.
Some of Dax’s own words from when I first got to the Wilds repeated in my head. Dal, you’re in the Wilds now. If you’re soft, you’re dead. He’d been right then and the words were even truer now. I had too much in front of me to fail. There wasn’t any room for messy emotions.
The Dead_Wilds Three Page 11
