by A. D. Ryan
“Hi, Evan,” I managed to say through my laughter as the two huge dogs kept their feet on the ground and continued to nudge Allie. “Okay, you guys, enough. Go play.” The minute the words left my mouth, they were out the door, chasing each other up and down the barn aisle. Every once in a while, they’d pass by the office door, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“How’ve you been?” I asked as Evan pulled up a chair.
“Can’t complain. Kids are doing well in school, the wife’s great.” Smiling, he leaned forward to sneak a peek at the baby. I adjusted the wrap so he could get a better look. “She’s cute. So, did Jensen talk to you about Vlad?”
“He did, and I have to say, Evan, you’ve done an amazing job with him in such a short amount of time,” I praised.
He brushed my compliments off modestly. “It wasn’t all me. You were the ones who saved him; his visits out here to see you guys and play with another dog … it was a big part of his recovery. Which is why I was happy when Jensen suggested that you guys take him in starting today.”
Evan and I talked for a little longer before Jensen found us, the dogs right behind him. We talked to Evan about Vlad’s training and how it wasn’t much different from Bones’ before he said he had to get going. After walking him to his car, we went and found the two dogs chasing each other in the vacant outdoor arena with my dad watching them.
“I see Evan dropped Vlad off? I think you guys are making the right choice by taking him in until he finds the right owner. After everything he’s been through, it’ll be good for him,” Dad said as I leaned on the rail next to him. He looked down at Allie and frowned to find her asleep. He probably wanted to hold her, but knew we were having a rough time with her sleep habits, so he wasn’t going to risk waking her.
“Yeah, I think he’ll really flourish out here,” I agreed, looking over at Jensen as his hand fell to my lower back. “You guys ready for lunch, because I’m starving, and Allie will probably be waking soon. Might be nice to eat a hot meal for once.”
And because she couldn’t possibly let my dreams come true, Allie woke up with a tiny squeak that soon grew to a wail. I sighed heavily. “Or not …”
Chapter 28. Lullaby & Good Night
The endless crying was driving me to the edge of insanity. While I knew it was what babies did, I didn’t know they did it so much. It didn’t seem to matter what I did—feed her, change her, rock her, hold her, gently bounce her—Allison just couldn’t be soothed. My body was running on fumes from being woken several times a night for feedings and barely getting to nap. This had been going on for weeks, making it impossible for me to help much with the camps because I had to be with her all the time. The lack of sleep was starting to make me feel like I was losing grip on reality.
Sure, Jensen helped where he could, but I didn’t feel right asking him to wake up with the baby when he still had to work on the ranch every day. Not to mention, he wasn’t exactly lactating. Wouldn’t that be convenient, though—weird, but convenient …
Yes, this was where my mind went when I didn’t get a solid six hours of sleep.
“Why won’t she stop?” I asked, looking to an exhausted Jensen as he slumped against the arm of the rocking chair in the nursery. The room was shrouded in near-darkness, save for the faint glow of the lamp on the table next to the chair. I wasn’t even aware of the time anymore, but if I had to guess, I’d have said it was probably around three in the morning.
“I’ve done everything the books suggested. I’ve tried feeding her, changing her …” The dam broke and tears of frustration fell, forcing Jensen to his feet in a flash when he saw how badly this was affecting me. “I … just …” Violent sobs broke up each word as I tried to speak. “Don’t … know … what … to … do!”
Gently, Jensen took Allison’s wailing body from me and started bouncing up and down in an attempt to soothe her back to sleep. It was no use; our baby was broken.
“Allie,” Jensen whispered to her as I stood by, helpless and exhausted. He started humming to her, but even that didn’t work. “Shhhh … It’s time to go back to sleep, sweet girl. Your mama’s so tired, peanut.”
He continued to talk quietly to her, his body still moving up and down and then back and forth in hopes of calming her with the gentle and constant motions. The longer I stood there, doing nothing the more useless I felt. I didn’t get it; things were going so great in the beginning. Now she was almost eight weeks old, and we were struggling worse than before.
“It might be colic.” My dad voice from the doorway startled us both, and I was certain that Allison didn’t even hear her Grandpa over her deafening wail. Stepping into the room, he held his hands out for his granddaughter.
Jensen handed her over, probably thinking the same thing I was: that anything was worth a try at this point.
I roughly wiped the tears from my cheeks. “What are you doing here?” My voice was still shaky and slightly hoarse from my momentary breakdown. It wasn’t until the words left my mouth that I realized how rude it probably came across. “I’m sorry. I just meant, it’s so late …”
Dad laughed softly. “No worries, Mads. I had my bedroom window open because it’s hot in my house; I could hear this sweet little angel crying at the top of her lungs.”
“Sorry,” I repeated, this time for having kept him up.
Dad shook his head. “No need to be, kiddo. If it is colic, it can’t be helped. You just do what you can until it passes.” Allison was still crying in his arms as he sat in the rocking chair and started to rock it. “Why don’t you two go and catch some sleep. We’re good here.”
“Dad,” I started to argue. “You don’t have to do th—”
He cut me off with the same stern look I’d received many times as a teenager. I knew enough not to question it further. “Go. Sleep.”
Nodding my compliance, I turned for the door, taking Jensen by the hand and dragging him behind me. I was turning for our bedroom, when Jensen re-directed us to the living room.
“If we go to our room, we’ll still hear her far too clearly. You’ll stay awake, worrying, and you won’t get any sleep,” he explained, having picked up on my confusion.
Flopping down on the couch, I snuggled into Jensen’s side, resting my head on his chest and draping my legs over his as his arm fell over my shoulder held me close. “I doubt I’ll be able to sleep, regardless,” I told him honestly.
“Just try,” he whispered into the top of my head before placing a kiss where the warmth of his breath still lingered.
Apparently, it didn’t matter that I could still hear Allison crying in her room; my eyes fluttered shut, my hand falling limp on Jensen’s chest as sleep started to take hold. Soothing melodies and images started filtering in my mind, making me believe they were the beginnings of a dream, but as soon as it all reached my subconscious, my eyes snapped open, and I sat up quickly.
“Baby?” Jensen’s voice was concerned as I slowly pushed myself off the couch and headed toward the familiar tune that drifted through the house. As I reached the hall, Allie’s cries softened before stopping all together, making the deep tenor of the voice more prominent as I continued on my way toward it.
Sure, I knew whom it was coming from, what confused me was that I was certain I recognized it—but from where?
I stopped in Allie’s doorway, finding my dad back on his feet with his back to me as he swayed back and forth with his granddaughter still in his arms. The soft tune continued to pour from his mouth, the low vibrato of it bringing a tear to my eye and goose bumps to my flesh.
“Madison?” Jensen’s voice broke through the foggy images that were slowly starting to surface as the lullaby chipped away at darkness, letting light in until the images were clear. They were memories from a long, long time ago. Memories of my mom …
I held my hand up to silence him, letting it fall to his chest as I listened to my father sing his song—my song?
Times get tough, but we all make it through,
Life ain’t perfect, little one, and it’s not always pretty,
In fact, sometimes it can be downright …
Daddy paused for a very brief second, and as I looked at the slight side profile of his face, I saw his lips turn up into a smirk as he chuckled quietly …
… shitty.
Jensen placed his hand over mine, clasping it lightly, and I felt the first tear fall from my eye as I used my free hand to cover my mouth and keep my laughter from interrupting this beautiful moment. Trust my dad to curse in front of a baby and make it cute. As he sang, I remembered lying in bed with my mom. I could feel her fingers running through my hair as she sang to me, and my chin quivered uncontrollably as the walls of my composure started to crumble and more tears fell.
Slowly, he started to lower a sleeping Allison into her crib, singing the last refrain at barely a whisper. When he turned around, Dad seemed shocked to see both Jensen and I standing there watching him. He looked between Allison and us before shrugging with his right shoulder. “That song always used to calm you down when you were little,” he explained quietly, moving toward us and ushering us away from Allison’s gentle breathing. “I had to improvise and change a few of the lyrics since the song was originally for you.”
The minute her door was closed, I threw myself into my dad’s arms and hugged him tightly. “I’d forgotten all about that lullaby,” I whispered. “You and mom used to sing it to me when I woke up from a bad dream.” I felt his nod above my head. “Thank you.”
Returning my hug once more, he kissed the top of my head. “My pleasure, Mads. Now, you two should get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jensen walked Dad to the door, instructing me to go to bed and he’d be along in a minute. I was too exhausted to argue, complying and crawling beneath our light summer comforter and waiting for the return of his warm body around mine.
I had only just started to drift off when Jensen returned, the mattress dipping behind me as he positioned himself on the bed and draped his arm over me. I felt his lips sweep over the bare skin of my shoulder and up over my neck before his whispers tickled my ear.
“Do you hear that?” he asked quietly, causing my eyes to snap open in panic when I assumed he meant he’d heard Allison stirring again. He tightened his hold on me, effectively keeping me from leaping out of bed before answering his own question. “Silence.”
My body relaxed back into his arms. “Shhh. You’ll jinx it.”
Jensen’s grip around me loosened, his breathing becoming heavy and even as it rested on the pillow behind mine. “Good night, love. Sleep well.”
“You too. I love you,” I told him, my words sounding like they were all melding into one.
For the first time in weeks, Allison slept for more than forty-five minutes at a time, letting us have the rare luxury of getting a straight three hours at once before she woke up for a legitimate feeding.
I wasn’t sure if he realized it upon leaving that night, but my dad armed Jensen and I with a powerful tool that night. Allison seemed highly receptive to the sweet lyrics of the lullaby written by my parents for me when I was a young girl. It felt amazing to be able to hand something so beautiful and special down and have it affect her in the same positive way it had me.
Chapter 29. What Happens in Vegas
“Can you even believe it?” I asked as we stepped out of the Rio Suites and onto the sidewalk after just having attended the Star Trek convention Jensen received tickets for as his birthday gift.
We’d arrived in Las Vegas two days before, checking into Caesar’s Palace before walking up and down the strip. I wasn’t a huge gambler, but when in Rome …
I decided to try my hand at a few things. The slots bored me after a few minutes, roulette seemed too risky, I was a terrible liar, so poker clearly wasn’t my game. Eventually, I found myself at a blackjack table, and I was up two grand that first night. It was unreal. Of course, the key to maintaining one’s winnings is to know when to walk away. Which is what we did after I’d started to slowly lose some of those precious chips. While I knew it was technically money I could have played with, I kind of liked having something to put into our wedding fund.
Everything about Vegas was unbelievable. The lights on the strip were so bright that, had it not been for the dark night sky, you could have sworn it was daytime. The streets were bustling with activity—both tourist and the everyday citizens—and there was just this energy about it. Everything about this place was thrilling.
“Did you want to walk or catch a shuttle back to the hotel?” Jensen asked, sidestepping my question for just a second.
Deciding the half-hour walk back to our hotel wasn’t too much, I opted for a leisurely romantic stroll down the strip. With Jensen’s arm wrapped around me, I tucked myself into his side and hugged his waist as we walked.
“Did you have fun?” I asked, turning my head and looking up at him.
“Mmm,” he hummed, his lips touching down on my forehead. “Though, I could have done without you flirting with Patrick Stewart.”
Jensen was talking about how I had quite literally bumped into him in the lobby of the Rio Suites on our way into the convention. At first, I was embarrassed, apologizing profusely … until he turned around and I froze, absolutely stunned. There may or may not have been thoughts of never showering or washing the clothes I was wearing again.
“Jensen,” I said, my tone firm. “He’s captain of the USS Enterprise-D. I’m surprised you didn’t flirt a little.”
With a chuckle, he shrugged. “Well, I considered it …” he joked right back. “Yes, I did have fun. And you? Did you enjoy yourself? I mean, it was your first convention and all.”
“Uh, yeah!” I declared. “I got Picard’s autograph, Kirk’s, Riker’s … it was pretty awesome.” Suddenly my excitement fell, because the last two days had been a little rough on me emotionally. “Though, I am missing Allie … a lot.”
Jensen sighed next to me, his head leaning to rest on mine as he tightened his hold. “Me too, love. But I’m sure she’s having the time of her life at my parent’s place, and we’ll be home in two days.”
“Yeah, I know.” He was right, of course, but this was our first time leaving her for more than just a couple of hours. She was barely even two months old, but our family insisted we take this little mini vacation now that she was sleeping a little better in the last few weeks. She still had the odd night where she’d cry non-stop, but they were few and far between now that we were armed with the lullaby of all lullabies.
There was a part of me that was excited at the prospect of a full night’s sleep, though. What I didn’t count on was that my internal clock was hard-wired to hers, and I still woke up during her regular feeding times.
Before we knew it, we were back at the hotel and getting ready to head down to the restaurant for dinner. I had just pulled on a black strapless dress and was reaching for my heels when Jensen came up behind me, gripping my waist suggestively, and I knew in an instant that our dinner plans were about to be postponed.
Without a word, I abandoned the shoes and turned in his arms, standing as high on the tips of my toes as I could so I could kiss him full on the lips.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he mumbled against my mouth. “Missed this.”
It had been just over eight weeks since Allie had been born, which meant it had been almost eighteen since the last time we’d made love. I had made it a point to stop in for my postnatal appointment before we left so I would know if it was all right for Jensen and I to be intimate on our little getaway.
I could have hugged Dr. Smith when he told me that it would be fine … had I not been naked from the waist down, anyway.
Clumsy, and apparently out of practice, Jensen and I moved to the bed without watching where we were going. We stumbled over the shoes I’d abandoned, then bumped into the desk chair before falling over the bench that stood at the foot of our lavish
king-sized bed.
Neither of us could contain our laughter as we stayed awkwardly positioned on the bench, but we were both far too needy to stop what we were doing. I tugged on the single Windsor knot of his tie before slipping it from around his neck and deftly undoing the buttons on his shirt.
As soon as I had his shirt pushed down his shoulders, he ripped it from his arms and tossed it aside before running his hands up along the outside of my thighs and up under my dress to the sides of my underwear.
A tear sounded through the room, and I gasped, my eyes snapping open to meet his devilish stare as he pulled the scrap of fabric from between my legs. “I hope you weren’t particularly partial to this pair,” he said, the right side of his mouth lifting to a cocky grin. “They seemed flimsy anyway.”
Desperate for him, I pulled Jensen’s face back to mine as his hands slipped around me to unzip my dress before tugging it down my body and adding it to the heap of scattered clothes.
With our mouths locked in another passionate kiss, Jensen’s hands gripped my ass and lifted me off the tiny bench and around the side of the bed, where he dropped my naked body onto the plush comforter that threatened to swallow me whole.
Propping myself up on my elbows, I watched as Jensen undid the button on his pants and slid them, along with his boxer briefs, down his legs and stepped out of them. Eight weeks, I thought to myself as my eyes travelled up and down his fine, naked body. Eight loooooong fucking weeks …
“Indeed they have been,” Jensen replied to what I clearly said out loud, bringing a leg up onto the bed to join me.
My entire body trembled with anticipation as he settled between my thighs; all it would take was a small shift of our hips and we’d be joined. Slowly, his lips came to meet mine in a less frenzied kiss as we prepared to make love for the first time since—
“Wait,” I gasped the minute I felt him push into me.
He pulled back, eyes wide and full of alarm. “What? Did I … oh God, did I hurt you?”
