by Nix Knox
After making sure he was comfortable, Ronan started fingering Noah’s ass.
“You have no idea how badly I want to slide my cock into your snug hole.”
Noah tensed up, but then realized Ronan wouldn’t do anything against his will. One breath of the safeword, and everything would stop.
“You’re a bad boy to tease me with your mouth, cream all over my cock, and still deny me.” While he continued to finger fuck him, Ronan started stroking his own cock. Held captive, all Noah could do was watch.
Ronan seemed to split his attention from Noah’s face to his hole. Each time he made the circuit, he increased his pace. Eventually, Ronan’s fist was flying over his cock. He took his hand away from Noah, stepped close, and then rubbed his cock in the split of Noah’s ass.
Feeling the power of him, the tormented heat of him, made Noah start to harden again. All his fears seemed to suddenly evaporate. “I want you inside me. Oh, Ronan, please.”
Ronan closed his eyes and came so hard he spurted all the way up Noah’s chest. To his shock, Noah had another orgasm, but one without a corresponding ejaculation. Noah didn’t even know that such a thing was possible. Still, he rode out the shivers and shakes as Ronan lowered his body over his.
Ronan was careful not to put too much weight on him, but his curling over him gave Noah a taste of what it would be like to be in Ronan’s bed. Ronan was shaking all over as his cock continued to twitch against Noah’s body. When his orgasm finally came to an end, Ronan sighed. His breath was hot against Noah’s face. Ronan opened his eyes, peering down at Noah. Unable to read his expression, Noah simply looked back at him.
With amazing tenderness, Ronan kissed Noah’s lips and then his chin, cheeks, finally coming to rest on his forehead.
“I have never, ever, come that hard in my life.”
Noah couldn’t help it. He grinned.
“You should be proud of yourself.” Ronan lifted up.
“How did you know I was smiling?”
“I could feel your lips again my throat.” Ronan rose up and staggered a bit as he stepped back. “Whoa.”
“Here, let me help you.” Since his arms weren’t restrained, Noah was able to lean up and extract one foot from the device. Ronan helped him with the other, and then Noah was on his feet. Concerned about Ronan, Noah grabbed a robe and handed it to him, but Ronan tossed it over the chair.
“I want to take a shower.”
“Okay.”
Noah helped him out of his pants, and then they went down the hall to the shower. Once inside with the water flowing over them, Noah felt renewed. Ronan was steadier on his feet, but still not quite the way he’d been before. Noah felt alive with energy. He wanted to cuddle up to Ronan’s side and tell him how amazing everything had been. But he realized this time it was Ronan who needed aftercare.
After washing up and drying off, Noah offered to go and get the robes, but Ronan shook his head.
“I’d like to get into bed.”
“Of course.” Noah led the way and flipped back the covers so Ronan could get in. Once he was there, he rolled over to his back and offered out his hand. Stunned, Noah accepted. In a matter of seconds, he was in Ronan’s bed, curled to his side, loving the way he felt utterly safe.
“Did you have any profound insights this time?” Ronan was sifting his fingers through Noah’s hair.
“I realized that I have power over you.”
Ronan chuckled. “That you do.”
“Was I really that good, or were you only playing a part?” Noah realized he was fishing for compliments, but he didn’t care. He wanted to know the truth.
“You really are that good.” Ronan lifted his head so they made eye contact. “You might not have a lot of real-world experience, but you’ve clearly been practicing in your head.”
“I have.” Noah grinned. “I wasn’t lying when I confessed to masturbating while thinking about sucking your cock.”
“The awesome power of the brain never ceases to amaze me.”
They were silent for a time.
“What happened to you at the end?” Noah asked. “You seemed—I thought you were going to fall down.”
“I thought I might, too. I’ve never had a release that powerful. It was…” Ronan sighed as he struggled to find the right word. “Epic.” He laughed. “I rarely use that particular bit of slang, but in this case, I simply can’t think of another way to express how intense that was.”
“You shot all the way up my chest.”
“Trust me, I know. I actually angled my cock downward. Otherwise, I’m afraid I would have hit you in the face.”
“I had a second orgasm.” Noah described what he’d felt to Ronan.
“I’ve heard of that, but I’ve never experienced it. Maybe the next time I go more than three weeks without a release, that will happen.”
“Three weeks?”
“Yeah.” Ronan met Noah’s eyes. “Before I met you, I wasn’t really doing anything with myself or anyone else. And then after you, I wanted to wait until I was with you again to have a release.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve had subs who wanted to live in forced chastity, and I was willing to go along with their needs, but I never thought I’d be strong enough to resist. Orgasm is a profoundly powerful motivator.”
For some reason, Noah found the idea of Ronan waiting for him almost insanely romantic. He only wished he’d been able to do the same.
“Don’t make that face.” Ronan kissed the tip of Noah’s nose. “I didn’t ask you to, nor will I.”
“I want to.”
“Noah, you don’t—”
“I don’t want to be with anyone else but you.”
Ronan nodded.
“If you’ll wait for me, I’ll wait for you.”
“Sounds like a way to make each other crazy,” Ronan said.
“Well, you could call me every few days.”
“Ah-ha. This was all a ploy to get me to engage in phone sex with you.” When Ronan laughed, his body rumbled, making Noah shiver in response.
“You got me.”
“I do.” Ronan pulled him tight. “At least I do for the moment.”
Noah curled to Ronan’s side with his head on Ronan’s chest. He wanted to nod off, but he didn’t. Tomorrow was Sunday. After skipping several Sunday visits, he was expected to be at his parents’ house for church. Even though he and his brothers had moved out of the house, they still went to church together, since they all lived within five miles of one another.
“What’s wrong?” Ronan asked.
“Nothing.”
“You went all tense.” Ronan stroked his hand lovingly over Noah’s back.
“I was just thinking that I have to go home soon.”
“You can spend the night if you want.” After a pause, Ronan added, “I’d like that.”
“I would, too. But…”
“But?”
“But I have to go to church in the morning.”
“I understand.”
“Thank you.” Pleased that Ronan didn’t mock him or try to get him to ditch his plans, Noah couldn’t help feeling like a phony. He had had the one insight about his own power while in the playroom, but now he had another. He was living a lie, and he didn’t think he could continue to do so much longer.
Chapter Thirteen
Ronan didn’t want Noah to go, but the only way to make him stay was either to manipulate him or tie him up. Neither option appealed to Ronan. Manipulating him would work, but it would make Ronan feel like a snake. And as much as he liked tying up his lovers, he only enjoyed the activity when they were into it, too. Noah might enjoy the idea of having his power taken away, but he wouldn’t actually like Ronan to start dictating to him.
Ronan felt sorry for the obvious pain Noah was in, but there was little he could do to help. Noah was going to church because he felt obligated. There was no joy in the decision. Part of Ronan’s heart broke for him. He wondered if N
oah could ever be happy with his orientation and his religion. It seemed that the two would forever be at odds.
Thinking back, Ronan did know a handful of people who’d managed to blend an alternate lifestyle with their faith, but it seemed they were few and far between. Some faiths were easier in that they were more flexible in terms of right and wrong, but most of the Judeo-Christian flavors were decidedly difficult to blend with homosexuality. Hanging on to faith was difficult when the faithful was being told he was an abomination in the eyes of their deity.
Still, the one thing Ronan could do was be supportive. That he intended to do. So as much as he wanted to keep Noah in his bed all night, he got up with him so that he wouldn’t feel like he was sneaking off.
They kissed good-bye, and then Noah was gone. When Ronan returned to the kitchen for a bottle of water, he laughed to see that satchel was still on the table and so was the stack of money. Perhaps it was for the best that they stayed behind. Then Noah would always have a reason to come back.
Still zoning from his powerful climax, Ronan tidied up the playroom and placed Noah’s pants back in his bag. When he went to put the stack of money into an envelope, he considered how thick the stack was. Thumbing through the bills, he realized Noah hadn’t gone to the bank to make a single withdrawal. If he had, he’d certainly have at least a few crisper bills. These were all pretty worn, indicating he’d amassed them from different places over the course of the three weeks.
“Ah, Noah. Someday you won’t be afraid to be who you are.”
Ronan put the money into an envelope, then put the envelope into the bag. Since he didn’t want to face it again every morning and start aching for Noah, he put the bag in the playroom and closed the door.
He wasn’t sad to end that part of the evening. He felt too good to be gloomy. Noah would certainly come again. Tonight Ronan had not only broken the bounds of his Dom role, he’d shattered them all to hell. He’d blended personal needs with playtime. He’d never done that before.
It seems Noah is changing me more than I’m changing him. Ronan thought about that as he went through his usual nightly ritual of tending to his teeth and seeing what was on the schedule for the next day. When he was done, he dimmed the lights and returned to bed. Sadly, it felt woefully empty. Noah had been there with him for only a short time, but the feel of him against Ronan was instantly addictive. His only hope was that someday they would be able to be together without Noah being uncomfortable or afraid.
One thing that kept popping into his head was Noah’s sweet confession that he wanted to feel Ronan’s cock in his ass. He’d really thought it would take a lot more teasing to get him to that point. Not that Ronan had been about to fulfill his request. Noah might want him, but he wasn’t ready. Remembering the snug feel of his ass around his fingers gave Ronan a partial stiffy, but rather than stroke himself, he simply enjoyed the feeling of arousal.
“Only with you, Noah. Only with you.” Ronan had never done anything like making a vow of chastity to another.
When the realization came, Ronan sat upright in bed. “I’ve made a commitment to him.”
As he sank back, he pondered his past. Ronan couldn’t recall a time when he’d ever made such a pledge to anyone. He’d always maintained that he enjoyed his freedom. Working as a Dom gave him the release he needed without the commitment he didn’t want. But now, with Noah, things had changed.
During the next few days, Ronan found himself humming happily and literally whistling while he worked. Joy seemed to radiate into all things. Even the most mundane activity in the world—grocery shopping—became something enjoyable. Colors seemed brighter and everything, even the softness of his sheets, seemed better. He’d taken a huge risk switching things around again with Noah, but now he was glad that he had. He couldn’t stomach the idea of putting a wall between them when there was no need. Ronan believed that eventually, Noah would come out to his family, and then they could be together.
Filled with the bliss only a man falling willingly into love can have, Ronan called Noah, hoping for a little nooky over the phone. When Noah answered, the sound of his voice conveyed that he was anxious and depressed.
“Talk to me, Noah. Maybe I can help.” For a moment, Ronan thought Noah might have come out to his parents and that was why he was in such obvious torment, but Noah quickly disabused him of that notion.
“My younger brother filed his mission application papers.”
“I don’t know what that means.” Ronan had lived in Utah for over a decade, but he didn’t know the details of how Mormons went on missions. “I thought you were called to that duty by someone in the church?”
“You are, but you have to apply first. They don’t just call you up out of the blue. You have to have medical clearance and—it’s a lengthy process. Anyway, my older brother served a mission in Argentina, and my younger brother put in his application last weekend.”
“You found out when you went to church with your family?”
“There was a celebration at my parents’ house after services.” Noah took a deep breath. “I was happy for him, because he really wants to go.”
“Good for him.” Ronan waited for Noah to clarify why he was so sad. When he didn’t say anything, Ronan knew he was going to have to dig for answers. “Were your parents happy?”
“Thrilled. I’ve never—” Noah’s breath caught, and it was suddenly clear he was struggling not to cry. Ronan wanted to do something but had no idea what. Provo wasn’t that far from Salt Lake City but right now, it felt like it was a million miles away.
“Noah?”
“I’ve never seen them so happy. And my brothers were just talking nonstop about everything he’ll need to take and what he should be prepared for. But then everyone was looking at me.”
The problem hit Ronan like a slap of cold water.
“‘When are you going to apply, Noah? Where do you hope to go, Noah? Why haven’t you applied yet, Noah?’” Noah’s voice rose as he started tossing the questions out faster and more forcefully. “Instead of celebrating my brother Henry, they twisted everything around on me.”
“I’m so sorry.” Ronan didn’t know what else to say.
“I just sat there like a dummy and said I was still preparing spiritually.”
“Is that part of the process?”
“It’s the first step. I’m supposed to prepare spiritually and then temporally. Mind and body, you know?”
“I guess that makes sense.” Ronan didn’t want to ask the obvious question, but he knew he had to. “Do you want to go on a mission?” Ronan wanted to support Noah in everything he did. A mission would take him two years, and the church could send him anywhere in the world. As selfish as he wanted to be, Ronan couldn’t add to Noah’s burden. If Noah felt he needed to go on a mission, then Ronan would have to back him in that decision.
“How can I promote a religion that hates me?”
It was a question Ronan couldn’t answer. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
There was silence on the line for so long Ronan thought they’d been disconnected. And then in a soft, hesitant voice, Noah whispered, “Hold me.”
“Where are you?” Ronan would drive for hours to be there for him.
“I’ll come to you.”
“Noah, you sound really upset. I don’t think you should be driving.”
“I’m okay. I swear I’ll be okay. I just want to be with you.”
“I’ll be here.”
Waiting was the hardest part. Ronan was hyperaware of every street sound. Eventually, he opened the garage door and waited anxiously for Noah to pull in. It was Thursday night, which meant Noah would have to work the next morning, but that was okay. Ronan would make sure he was up on time and ready to go. Hell, he’d make him breakfast. Ronan would be happy to do just about anything to have Noah in his bed for a whole night.
When Noah finally pulled up, Ronan’s relief was so profound he couldn’t wait for the garage door to close
all the way before he was hauling Noah out of the car and into his waiting arms. Noah collapsed against him. For a long time, they simply stood in the garage, entwined. Ronan wished he could make things easier for Noah, but he couldn’t. There wasn’t anything he could do except be there for him.
“I’m okay. Thank you.” Noah stepped back and offered a brave smile that only conveyed how tortured he really was. Hurt stamped dark circles under his eyes and worry lines over his brows. He looked like he’d aged five years in a handful of days.
“Come on in. I’ll make you dinner.” Ronan was just turning toward the house when he noticed the driver’s side door of Noah’s car was badly scratched. Ronan wasn’t an expert, but even to his untrained eye, it looked like Noah had been the victim of vandalism. “What’s this?”
“Oh. That.” Noah slumped. He reached out and stroked his hand over the deep gouges in his paint. “My neighbor.”
“What happened with your neighbor?”
“Let’s go in, and I’ll explain.”
Since he had a feeling Noah wasn’t all that hungry, but he wanted him to eat something, Ronan settled on making a quick and easy pizza.
“Wow.” Noah settled at the table but turned to watch Ronan in the kitchen. “Good looks, kind heart, and you can cook?”
“I’m a renaissance man.”
“If you were a woman, I could marry you.” Noah blanched. “I’m sorry. That came out horribly wrong.”
“Don’t sweat it.” Ronan kissed the top of Noah’s forehead. “I am marriage material.”
“True. But you clearly aren’t a woman.”
“No.” From the pantry, Ronan pulled out a can of tomato sauce and assembled various spices. Luckily, he had a ball of dough in the freezer from his last batch of pizza, so he put that in the microwave to defrost. It would make the dough a little funky, but it would still be good. “Tell me about your neighbor.”
“Keith Kellerman. KK the Man to his buddies.” Noah rolled his eyes, uttered a long sigh, and then slumped down in his chair. “He’s lived across the hall from me for about two months now, and he’s been nothing but a pain.”
