by J. P. Larson
“You seem awfully chipper, Alex,” said his mother. “Kill someone?”
“The therapist almost had a heart attack trying to keep up with me. Does that count?”
“You’re not scheduled for therapy yet, Alexander,” said Elizabeth.
“Knowing this world, I bet Pamela had to approve before anyone would come see me.”
“They said you were demanding a few exercises. I asked them to humor you, but only so much as would help you. This is a few?”
Alex smiled sweetly.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t show you all my toys. I promised. No exertions when the therapist isn’t here. In return, she’ll come twice a day for as long as I can hold out or until she’s screaming at me to stop, whichever comes first.”
“Did she have to scream at you?” Pamela asked quietly.
Alex looked at her. “No. She let me wear myself out, then set her hand on my shoulder and suggested I stop. I stopped.” Then he brightened. “But I’ll have ‘em up to three visits a day within a week. I sleep so much better with a good workout right before bed.”
“You won’t get a third visit without my approval, Alex,” Pamela told him.
“So no problem.”
She looked at him.
“You would stop me? Why? You know how much I exercise on ship. I can’t get a decent workout like this. I’m going to need three, just to burn off some energy.”
“You’ll do what the therapist says. You’ll stop when she asks you to stop. You will not burn one single calorie more than she approves. And you will be polite to the nurses.”
“Pamela, she won’t push me hard enough.”
“Alex, she’s a trained sadist. I think she’s capable of pushing you just as hard as your growing leg will allow. You want your exercise now in exchange for finding out the leg doesn’t work?”
“You won’t get in the way of a third visit?”
Pamela paused, considering. “As soon as you can talk her into it. And you’ll only do what she allows.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
Alex looked around at his visitors. Elizabeth was shaking her head. “Alexander, on this planet, when a wife tells her husband to do something, he just does it without argument.”
“Yes, Elizabeth.”
She looked a little shocked. “No smart comment? Pamela, I think the therapist let him overdo it. He’s not himself.”
“Elizabeth, I figure I’m ahead for the day. I wouldn’t possibly want to do anything to lose ground by pushing your buttons. And I’m willing to let Pamela push me around a bit. It’s temporary. She can stop me from getting something I want, for now.”
“Oh?” said Elizabeth. “Then I misunderstood something you told me yesterday.”
Alex looked at the three women. They were all grinning at him.
“As I understood it,” Elizabeth told him. “You were practically begging for your mother and I to arrange it so you would be following Pamela’s orders pretty much on a permanent basis.”
“So we worked it out,” said his mother.
“And now you’re telling us you’ve changed your mind?”
“You do follow the orders of the ship’s captain, don’t you, Alex?” asked Pamela.
“Oh, that. That doesn’t count.”
“Why not?” Elizabeth asked him.
“Because I have complete faith in Pamela’s professionalism. I’m sure any orders she might possibly give on board the ship will be strictly ship’s business, not personal. I can follow orders for ship’s business. She wouldn’t possibly think of pulling rank on personal issues, though.”
He grinned at the three of them. “Am I to assume you liked their idea, Pamela?”
“Julie and I have formed a new shipping line,” said Elizabeth. “Owned equally by both of us. Your father captured three ships in the little battle a few weeks ago and has offered them to us. Pamela will captain one of them. She will be crewed equally by several of Pamela’s cousins and some spacers from Random Walk.”
“I’ve always believe a merchant captain should own his, or her, own ship,” said Alex after a moment.
“I can’t afford one, Alex.”
“Um. I can.”
“No you can’t, Alex,” said his mother. “Do you know what a ship that size costs?”
“As much as a military cutter?”
“Of course not,” Julie replied. “But you really can’t afford one of those.”
Alex smiled. “Seems I already own one, unless Dad blew it up after I passed out.”
Pamela and Elizabeth looked puzzled, but Julie’s expression could best be described as startled. “Elizabeth, can we get the Admiral on line. You’ll notice Alex is being very quiet.”
Elizabeth pulled out a pocket comm, spoke briefly, then set it down on the bed. “No visual, but we have audio.”
“Hey, Admiral. Been taking good care of my ship?” Alex asked.
“Which ship is that, Commander?”
“My cutter. The one I captured.”
“Oh. Spoils of war. It’s in refit. Dawson’s Star is buying it.”
“That’s fine. Then I’ll just negotiate directly with the Prime Minister?” Alex leaned back and crossed his arms over his head, looking smug.
“The Prime Ministers have already settled those agreements.”
“I’m of age, Admiral. Mother doesn’t have the authority to negotiate for me anymore. Of course, maybe Pamela gifted my ship away?”
“I told you. Spoils of war, Alex. That was a military operation.”
“Sorry, Sir. I don’t see it that way. I’m sure we could go to court, if you like. But at no point, not once, did you or any other member of any military issue me any orders what-so-ever, from the last point I left Random Walk. Unless you count the occasional ‘shut up and heal’ from Mother. I was acting as a private person. I even have a Letter of Marque I weaseled out of Mother one day. She didn’t know what it was, and I convinced her I needed it as a merchantman.”
“I’ll be darned. Sneaky one, aren’t you?”
“Yes sir. The sneakiest.”
“What do you intend to do with your ship?”
“Sell it to Dawson’s Star at whatever terms Mother already agreed to.”
“God speed, son.”
The Admiral disconnected and the three women looked dumbfounded.
“Pamela, I haven’t given you a proper wedding present. You gave me this nice jewelry. Would you accept a merchant ship?”
“Wait a minute, Alex,” began his mother.
“I know, Mother. You have some concerns. Can you hang onto them for a minute? I think I want to address Prime Minister Grey’s issues, first.”
“I have issues, Commander?”
“I need to ask a question. Were we inside Dawson’s Star system?”
“No, you weren’t,” Elizabeth replied. “But DS is the closest system.”
“Prime Minister, do you feel that I needed a DS Letter of Marque to operate where we were?”
She smiled. “I believe I could make that argument.”
“I thought you might be able to. Would you be willing to honor a Random Walk Letter of Marque? Alternatively, would you issue one to me dated, say, on my wedding day?”
“If I don’t wish to do either?”
Alex looked at her for a moment. “Then you can sue me for the ship. I’m sure the lawyers will make a ton of money, but I’ll win. You admitted we weren’t inside DS system. But you could certainly tie this up in court for several years, which means I won’t have the funds available to buy your daughter a wedding present.”
“I can’t honor a foreign Letter, Commander. And I will not give you one you can use on me again.”
“So terminate it, say, today.”
“Fine. At twenty percent.” Elizabeth looked smug.
“Ten. That’s what I got from Mother.”
“Twenty.”
“Ten. At ten, I don’t care which Letter the ship was taken under, and you and Rando
m Walk can negotiate directly. Anything else, and I’ll just say the ship was taken under the cheaper Letter and we can go to court.”
“Would anyone mind telling me what this Letter of Marque is?” Pamela asked.
Julie chimed in. “It’s basically an agreement that allows Alexander to act as a privateer. He can act as a private military vessel, including the taking of prizes. In this case, the cutter he claims he captured. He is allowed to take prizes – ships and cargo – of ‘the avowed enemies of Random Walk’. If you push him, he’ll argue that anyone kidnapping the son of the Prime Minister is an avowed enemy. It’s a point I don’t care to argue against, so I won’t.”
She turned to Alex. “You didn’t think I knew what they were. It never occurred to me you would ever actually use it with the Pride, so I figured it was harmless to let you win once. You’ll be receiving official notice it’s been rescinded, Commander.”
“Mother,” Alex said quietly. “Please don’t. I wanted it in case something like this ever happened. What would happen if the owners of that cutter decided to press charges of piracy against me? I promise I will never intentionally set up situations where I need to use it, but it’s insurance.”
“I’ll think about it, Alex. I’ll talk to your father, as well.”
“Thank you, Mother.”
“Well, Prime Minister,” Alex said to Elizabeth. “Deal?”
“Deal, Commander. At ten percent. Random Walk and I can negotiate percentages. So I take it we are all agreed that the Commander owns the cutter?”
Julie spoke again. “No, I’m afraid we’re not. There’s the little issue of Random Walk military costs. I wanted that cutter to pay for them.”
“Bill me,” said Alex. “Will you agree to bill me?”
“Bill you, Commander? You can’t be serious.”
“Mother, Elizabeth still has a very interesting card up her sleeve, and I want her to pull it out before you and I negotiate.”
“Only one card, Commander?” Elizabeth said. “Which one would that be?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he said, clinking his wrists together. He looked pointedly at Pamela, then back at his mother-in-law.
“Oh, that card. Yes, there is that.”
“I think that’s by far the best card you have,” Alex told her. “Did you have any others you wanted to play first?”
“No, I think that’s a very good card,” agreed Elizabeth. “I rather like it, actually.”
“Would someone explain to me?” asked Julie. “Just so I can follow the conversation?”
Alex inclined his head to Pamela, so she spoke. “Alex and I are married. It was a DS ceremony on a DS ship. Very binding. We’re now On Dawson’s Star, and the ship is in our system.” She paused. “Men on Dawson’s Star are not allowed to hold property, and I think a military cutter definitely counts as property. The ship is mine, not Alex’s. And Mother will just commandeer it from me. She gets it for free, or practically nothing.”
“And I’m sure Alexander has figured out how to weasel out of that one, too,” said Elizabeth.
“Well, it is by far the best card on the table, although Mother is still holding a few good ones, too. If you try it, Mother will take you to court over it. I’m sure I can talk her into it. That’ll tie it up long enough for me to get off-planet.”
“I can hold you here,” Elizabeth pointed out.
“Pamela?”
“That would break my vows, Mother.”
“You specifically vowed not to hold him on Dawson’s Star? Alexander, you asked for that?”
“She just did it, Elizabeth. I got to the ceremony with zero knowledge of the vows or anything else. For instance, I thought she was getting one of these bracelets. And I nearly totally panicked when Captain Dawson read my vows to me.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” Elizabeth said. “I think I would like to see you looking panicked.”
“In any case, I’m not done. Tell me, after marrying Pamela, am I automatically granted citizenship? Or would I have to apply for it?”
“You would have to apply,” agreed Elizabeth. “Or more exactly, Pamela would have to apply for you. But I’m quite sure she did that the day you got here, and as a personal thank you for your courageous work in rescuing my daughter, I’m sure the application could be expedited.”
“Pamela?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Alex,” she said slowly. “I kind of want to see you get out of this one on your own.”
“Mother, does Random Walk recognize dual citizenship?”
“Only by special treaty. We don’t have one with Dawson’s Star. But relationships have been very friendly lately, and I’m sure, for the right considerations, we would be willing to enter into such a treaty. Considerations like getting my military expenses paid for.”
“You would actually let them shanghai me? A member of your military? A distinguished member, at that?”
Julie looked softly at her son. “Alex. I think you’re going to be getting a discharge.”
Alex blinked at her a few times. “Would you really do that to me? A discharge? There are guys still in service missing limbs. I’m going to be walking again, they tell me. You would still medical me?”
“Your father would. He won’t let you risk yourself if you’re not at peak performance.”
“I could take a desk job.”
“Sure you could. You would make a great pencil pusher. For about fifteen minutes. I’m sorry, Alex. Your military career is over.”
“Can we at least wait until we see how the leg goes?”
“Talk to your father.”
“Talk to him for me?”
“I’ll get him to wait.”
“Thank you, mother.”
Alex turned back to Elizabeth.
“You’re squirming, Alexander. I think I have my ship. I do want to thank you, though.”
“All you have, Elizabeth, is that you can dishonorably force citizenship on me, valid only under DS courts, because I’ll win in any other court. But you won’t do that. You won’t actually back-date something like that, because you have a greater sense of ethics. And Pamela won’t sign it.”
“I might, Alex,” Pamela said. Alex just looked at her. “If you asked me to,” she added, quietly.
“I could make her, Alexander. She’ll do what I tell her to.”
“Maybe, Elizabeth. But you won’t, so it’s a non-issue.” He paused. “However, I kind of like the idea of dual-citizenship.”
“You do?” Pamela asked him.
“I thought that might please you,” replied Alex. “But after the rest of this is settled and only if it’s dual for both of us. And I still want to think about it. But you never know when you could use a spare passport.”
“I still get the ship, Alexander. I have you, and I have the ship. It’s legal under DS law.”
“It’ll be fun in court, though. And the public relations. Ohh, think about the PR. Wounded war hero, unconscious, near death, unknowingly dragged to the Witch World where he is stripped of all his dignity, assets, and livelihood. All this in thanks for single-handedly rescuing the daughter of the Head Witch herself. The press will love it.”
Elizabeth stared at him, tight-lipped. “I don’t appreciate your description of us as witches, Commander. You aren’t very flattering.”
Alex looked at her. He softened. “Elizabeth, I’m very sorry. That’s not my image of you. Surely you know that. But it is how the press will play it. Except they’ll be far more cruel, in much bigger type. Please, Elizabeth, I honestly wasn’t trying to offend you. If you’re going to be mad at me, can’t you pick a time I’m being obnoxious on purpose?”
She studied him for a moment, her frown slowly melting. “All right, Alexander. Apology accepted.”
“Thank you, Elizabeth. I really am sorry.”
Elizabeth thought about the bad press, then smiled. “I don’t think you would do it. I don’t think you would hurt your wife that much, allowing it to come to that. My sh
ip, Alexander.”
“Elizabeth, I will win in court. The ship was captured by a citizen of Random Walk with the assistance of the Random Walk navy operating under a Letter of Marque issued by Random Walk, well outside Darwin’s Star territory. The fact that I was dragged here while unconscious will not help your case. I don’t need the PR to win.”
He paused. “Furthermore, if you pursued a lost cause against me, you will deny your daughter a wedding present. Worse, you will drive a huge wedge between you and me, and Pamela will be forced to choose between us. She might choose you, she might choose me. And she will hate both of us for making her choose. Furthermore, if she chooses you, I might be vindictive enough to use the PR.
“And in the end, you would get nothing, because you’ll lose in court. Whether the PR happens or not – and a case like this would be hard to keep out of the press – you will lose.”
Elizabeth thought for a moment before speaking, then began to smile. “Your ship, Alex. Until your mother gets through with you. I think she’s holding better cards than I am. I never thought I would win this, but it was fun to try.”
Alex nodded. “Thank you, Elizabeth. And I really am sorry about that comment.” Alex turned to his mother. “You want your military expenses paid for. Is that the only issue we need to resolve?”
“Yes, Commander.”
“And what you’re getting for the cutter covers them?”
“Not quite. I can consider the rest as a training exercise.”
“You can have the cutter, Mother.”
“What?” He had caught her by complete surprise.
“I just want my pick of the merchant vessels, overhauled and refitted to my specifications. They’ll be demanding. You know what I had done to the Pride.”
“If I refuse?”
“Then we fight over the cutter. I’ll win. It’s my ship. So you’ll try to stick me with the military expenses. Right?”
“Right.”
“I never asked the military to be there, Mother. Not once in any of my messages sent by any means whatsoever did I ask for the military to be there. When I asked Prime Minister Grey to inform my parents what was going on, I didn’t use your titles. Just your names. The fact that the military was there was entirely due to the actions of the Prime Minister and Admiral of Random Walk. I had nothing to do with it.”
