by Grace Draven
It had been fun to be exotic, if only for a temporary excursion.
The Tala greeted me as I passed, no longer giving me that studied indifference they took on with other foreign visitors, and I replied reasonably well in their language. They constructed their phrasing very differently, using pitch to denote meaning as much as pronunciation, making it particularly difficult to master. Fortunately I would have Zynda to practice with in the future.
“There she is, our guest of honor and possessor of my lonely heart!” Zyr swept me into an impromptu dance, taking us in dizzying circles. “I was about to fly up and carry you down over my back.”
I laughed, letting his infectious playfulness dispel my sense of foreboding. Unlike Zynda, he did not speak any of the Common Tongue of the Twelve Kingdoms and had been an enthusiastic—if overly flirtatious—tutor in helping me through my attempts at conversation in the liquid Tala language. I could never be sure how to process his wilder declarations. He delighted in teasing me, drawing me into riddles that turned out to be merely jokes.
“Don’t go, Dafne,” he crooned in my ear, stilling his mad circling. “Stay and be my lover. You can have all the scrolls you like. I’ll even make you new ones.”
Still laughing, I untangled myself from him. He’d been swimming, probably helping to catch supper, wearing only thin cotton pants, and he smelled of salt and warm skin. Like all Tala men, he wore his hair long, wildly unkempt, and he shared Zynda’s deep blue eyes, though he stood much shorter and somewhat stockier.
“That’s not how the scrolls work, Zyr!”
“Then teach me. Whatever it takes to win your heart.”
“I have to go back to Ordnung. The High Queen needs me.”
He clasped his hands over his bare chest and made a lovesick face. “I need you.”
“The moment I’m gone, you’ll find half a dozen pretty shapeshifter girls to distract you.”
“Probably.” Zyr flashed a grin. “But they won’t be my serious mossback librarian.” He used the Common Tongue word—had to, as the Tala had no parallel term—impressing me. “If you won’t stay, then you must dance with me.”
“We just did.”
“More. So I can store them up, to take out and remember later.”
“All right, then.”
Evening fell soft and gentle over the beach. Moranu’s moon, waxing toward full, rose from behind the high cliff, which glowed with candle and torch light from thousands of windows and open doorways. With no need to shield from inclement weather and practically no fear of physical attack, the Tala dwellings stood open to the night air. If the loss of the magic barrier began to affect the weather in Annfwn, the Tala would have many changes to make. For the time being, however, paradise persisted.
The fresh crab seemed to melt on my tongue and I became a little drunk as every person who embraced and kissed me farewell seemed to have a fresh goblet to press into my hand. Music flowed as freely as the ambrosial wine and I danced with Zyr until my feet were sore and only a few windows remained lit in the cliff city.
“I should go,” I told him. “We’ll be up early to ride out.”
“Ah, don’t say so.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek, one of hundreds my friends had showered upon me that evening, the Tala so easy with their affections.
“I must. Duty calls, not dancing.”
“Well, perhaps these will last you until you can dance with another.”
“I doubt there will be much of that in my future.”
“That’s a terrible thing to believe, pretty Dafne.”
“I’ll be advising Ursula in her role as High Queen, not drinking wine on the beach with handsome young shapeshifters.”
He tossed back his hair, smiling his delight. “I knew you found me handsome! Come share my bed tonight. A good-bye present.”
I was drunk enough to be amused instead of taken aback. Nothing like wine, dancing, and balmy nights to make the daunting sound possible. Vaguely tempting, but not enough to overcome long habit. “For me or for you?” I teased, putting him off.
Kissing my cheek again, lingering over it, he murmured in my ear. “For both of us. Something to share.”
It would have been nice to be able to say yes, to be that woman. But I never had been, and if the pattern held true, I never would be.
“I’m afraid dances are all we can share, Zyr. But I’ll always remember this night.”
“Is there another, waiting for you back in your cold and harsh land? He will never know. It would be our secret. A special memory, just for us.”
So very Tala with their morality as fluid as their language and record-keeping. “No, there isn’t anyone. Never has been.” More drunk than I thought, to have admitted that. Also, confiding in someone you’ll never see again is somehow easier.
He sobered, a rare expression for him. “What holds you back?”
Not an easy question to answer. Goddesses knew I’d posed it to myself enough times. But I liked the way he’d asked it and I’d apparently had wine enough to give it a try. “I think I started out waiting for the right person, the right timing. I always expected the moment would arrive and everything would come together and I’d know. Then time kept passing and suddenly it seemed I’d waited too long. Somehow I missed my moment. And now I’m sort of... suspended, eternally waiting for this thing that won’t ever happen.”
Zyr listened intently, brows drawn in concentration. I’d likely butchered the language, going too fast and slurring the pitches in my long explanation. I offered a feeble laugh. “Sorry you asked?”
“No.” He shook his head to confirm it. “Maybe you didn’t miss the moment and you’re simply waiting for it to arrive still.”
I didn’t think so, but I smiled at his relentless optimism. “Maybe so. But this isn’t it.”
“Only you can know, though I’m sorely disappointed not to be the one you’ve been waiting to find. Some people share themselves easily, like the bushes that produce clusters of berries, plenty for all to have and enjoy.” He flashed a grin at that. “A few are like the kalpa tree, which bears a single fruit after many years, and is all the more precious for that. It can’t be easy to wander the world searching for that other self.”
Something about his words stuck in my heart and I gazed back, none of the words I sought coming to my tongue.
“I might not be the one, but we can share this much.” He threaded long fingers into my hair, brushing it back from my temples and cupping my face. Rapt, I held still as he kissed me, tasting of wine and firelight, the warmth of the tranquil sea. Lovely. Poignant.
And like a song not written for me.
I sighed against his mouth, in part for the sweetness of the kiss and in part for the disappointment that it didn’t move me enough. With good humor, Zyr smiled and planted a final kiss on my forehead. “It’s not me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, pretty librarian. I’ll have my kiss with the kalpa tree to remember, the gift of the flavor of something rare.”
“And dances.” I reminded him, relieved that he didn’t press and also seemed not to mind that I refused him.
“Yes. Good fortune in your wandering and seeking.”
“There won’t be much of that. Just the journey back to Ordnung where I’ll stay.” Back to dwell over the bones of my family, for the rest of my days. The living dead.
“More waiting.”
It sounded bad, put that way, over the background of my glum thoughts. “I’m sure I’ll be far too busy to think about it much.”
“Think about it,” he advised. “Maybe you need to do less waiting and more wandering.”
“I’ll give it thought.”
“Good.” He pulled me into a few twirling steps. “Remember. No one can take away the dances you’ve already had.”
His words gave me a shiver, the sense of an omen looming, much like that intuition from earlier. Given that Salena’s blood sometimes came with the gift of prophecy, I tucked away
his words, along with Zynda’s. Knowledge is power, especially for one such as myself, whatever the source. It could come in useful someday.
CHAPTER THREE
With Stella strapped in her knitted carry on my chest, I took in my last glimpse of the tranquil sea and firmly turned my back on it. My future lay ahead, up the road into the forests that shrouded the cliff city, over Odfell’s Pass, and down into Castle Ordnung. Zynda carried Astar and their two Tala nurses accompanied us, along with four Hawks Ursula had sent into Annfwn to retrieve us.
There would be more to our escort at the bottom of the pass—probably a small army—to make sure nothing happened to the heirs to the High Throne. In truth, it would be a relief to hand the babies over. I’d been willing to stay with them in Annfwn while Ami, Andi, and Ursula went to deal with all that had befallen Ordnung, and I’d accepted the charge to serve as regent for the twins, should the unthinkable occur. Those responsibilities, however, were ones I did not covet, so hopefully it would never come to that.
I’d never wanted a throne—either the power of one or the power behind one.
Though the barrier around Annfwn had fallen, it wouldn’t pay to advertise that fact, so Ursula would have kept the bulk of our escort outside the borders. Enough people longed for the bounty this mythical place offered to come here in hordes, with plunder on their minds. Accordingly, the Tala had increased their defensive efforts, both magical and physical. Thus, our small group passed quickly and easily over the pass, where a larger one would not.
Still, Ursula would no doubt be negotiating with King Rayfe to determine the delicate balance of easing Annfwn into being a kingdom with open borders. Even with Andi mediating between those two, the conversations would not be smooth. Probably one reason Ursula wanted me there with all haste. Accordingly, I spent time in the saddle reading up on a few histories I’d marked that told of similar alliances. Usually an empire conquered a kingdom—or a general like Uorsin conquered numerous kingdoms and forged them into one under his fist—but Rayfe would never agree to that and Ursula was not her father. We would need another model.
As we ascended into the mountains, the weather grew colder and we had to stop and put on heavier garments. One of the Tala nurses took Stella from me. I missed her warm weight, but not her attempts to grab the pages of my book with her sticky baby fingers. By the time we passed the lake where we’d camped that first night inside the barrier, the trees and flowers showed how fully autumn had encroached. Leaves that had remained tropically green for hundreds of years, if not more, displayed dazzling shades of ambers, golds, crimson and flame. As with everything in Annfwn, the colors seemed more intense—breathtakingly so—but it hurt my heart to see it.
When full winter arrived, would it slide down the mountains like a monster eating everything in its way? The lush fruits and blossoms, so long distanced from freezing temperatures, would wither and die, perhaps without recourse to revive when warm weather returned. I could only hope Rayfe and Andi had already thought of this and could perhaps prepare the Tala upon their return to Annfwn. I would remind them, though how much attention they’d pay me was another issue.
The perils of being an adviser only, with no real power.
Fortunately the weather remained clear and fine, with the Wild Lands at the bottom of the pass feeling more like late summer than fall. Those glorious hot-sun, sharply crisp days that come to the mountains only after the first frost. Remembering those went a long way toward reconciling me to rejoining the seasons. The small army I’d predicted to myself turned out to be quite large—and commanded by Captain Harlan himself, which I hadn’t expected at all.
“Lady Mailloux.” He greeted me with a bow when I dismounted, his Dasnarian accent adding a foreign flavor to my name. “It’s good to see you again. How has your journey been thus far?”
“Uneventful.” I surveyed the extensive forces arrayed around the valley; Ordnung guard and Harlan’s Vervaldr mercenaries alike. “Should I expect otherwise from here out?”
“Perhaps not, but Her Majesty wants no accidents.” He grimaced and I couldn’t help but smile, imagining how much more strongly Ursula must have put it. “In light of that, if you’re not too weary, I’d like to cover more distance today.”
“We planned to ride all day, so that’s fine.” I stepped into the woods to answer the call of nature, then remounted. Harlan rode beside me, apparently being companionable, but it was clear he also personally guarded our little group, even as we were encircled by the soldiers all around. More than making sure of no accidents.
I pondered the possible significance of Harlan’s presence. A good exercise for getting my head back into the morass of political subterfuge that was Ordnung, the nexus of every devious plot and great ambition in the Twelve. No more easy sunshine and days of study. Uorsin’s demise would have solved one set of problems but, like the slain dragon’s teeth sown in the soil of legend, armies would grow in their place—all hungry to claim power of their own.
Ursula might have sent Harlan because she trusted him the most. Which would mean they’d had no trouble over the information I’d discovered and relayed to her just before she left Annfwn. I’d found in a Dasnarian text that our mercenary captain also carried royal blood, as he was one of six younger brothers of Emperor Hestar and therefore in line for that throne, though at the bottom end. She’d forbidden me to warn him, however, and she was unlikely, given her hard-headed nature, to have brought it up in a rational discussion with him. It hadn’t been difficult to predict how she’d react. Uorsin had trained her well to expect betrayal and more than one younger prince unlikely to gain his own throne had attempted to court her for a chance at hers.
Thus Harlan’s being sent to escort me and the twins could also indicate a rift between him and Ursula. Ursula’s Hawks, stubbornly closed-mouthed in their loyalty to her, had not said either way.
A delicate proposition to inquire, but I might not get another opportunity to ask him—and I absolutely needed to know which way this particular wind blew before I dealt with Her Majesty directly.
“So, all is well with you and the High Queen?” I asked, hoping the vague question would both sound politely general and entice him to confide. I liked Harlan. More, I appreciated his regard for Ursula and how well he saw through her prickly defenses and also managed to talk sense into her when no one else could. My job of advising her would be considerably easier with him keeping her balanced. I’d bitterly regretted telling her what I’d found out—especially the timing, with her riding out to a battle to reclaim Ordnung, a fight she needed Harlan and his Vervaldr to win—and had only done it because I felt sure she’d never forgive me if she found out that I’d known and hadn’t said.
Harlan, a sharp observer and with intelligence as keen as his warrior’s skills, slid me an amused glance. “You mean, after she tried to kill me for being a devious manipulator angling for the High Throne of the Twelve by seducing her?”
Oh Goddesses. As bad as I’d feared. But Ursula truly loved Harlan, I felt sure she did. I never predicted she’d go so far. “She didn’t...” I managed to say through my horror and guilt.
To my shock, Harlan grinned in great good humor. “Well, she obviously didn’t try very hard, as I’m still alive. But she drew blood before she settled into shutting me out and ordering me from the Twelve.”
Worse and worse. “Oh no. Captain Harlan—I’m so very sorry.”
“Ah.” He nodded to himself. “I should have realized you were the one to find my name in the books and tell her.”
“Yes. I shouldn’t have told her. I should have kept it to myself.”
“Eh.” He lifted one big shoulder and let it fall. “I would have told her, if it had once occurred to me. If I had, she wouldn’t have taken it as such a betrayal. The mistake was mine—a foolish oversight that caused unnecessary pain.” He sighed heavily, as if deeply despondent.
Oh no. “Then...she’s sent you away? You are no longer—”
He bur
st out in his booming laugh. “I shouldn’t tease you so, Lady Mailloux. Ursula and I are fine. She forgave me, once I cornered her and forced her to talk to me. It turned out for the good because the altercation made her face how unreasonable her reaction was—and how she must guard against falling into her father’s paranoid ways.
“No—I am here because she trusted me to see you and babies safely home. I have no loyalty to Dasnaria, my brothers, or acquiring power for them. I care not whether I see any of them ever again. Ursula is the one I love, the center of my world. She is everything.”
Extraordinary how he admitted his feelings so easily. Such a hard-looking man, muscle-bound and poised to fight, sharp eyes scanning the countryside for signs of trouble even as he laughed loudly and spoke softly of love. He and Ursula deserved each other, in the best possible sense. With her heroic courage and terrifying sense of responsibility, no one less than a man like Harlan, with his complete and utter devotion, would possibly work for her.
Tamping down a surge of unattractive envy—after all, I would not trade places with Ursula for the world, as I had never possessed the skills or calling to be queen—I catalogued my questions. Best to discover as much as I could before entering the castle.
“Has she made you her official consort then?” We’d have problems either way if she had or if she hadn’t.
He snorted. “No. It matters little to me, but apparently she can’t until after she’s officially crowned High Queen.”
Appalled, I gaped at him. “There’s been no coronation yet? Why ever not? That should have happened first thing following Uorsin’s death. I’m surprised Lady Zevondeth, at least, has not raised a fuss on the protocol of that.” I’d just assumed she was already High Queen. This was bad news, indeed.
